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You chose...poorly.

So, I just remembered that Revolution supposedly wrapped itself up in a comic book that was released earlier this year, and even though I'm normally really anti-comic-book, I wanted more about this action movie's plot badly enough that I read it.

...and it is the most awful, ludicrous, self-indulgent/whiny-fan-temper-tantrum thing I've ever seen.

Forgive me if I get some stuff wrong, because there is no way I'm going to look at it again to make sure I remembered right. I plan to fade this trainwreck out of my brain as quickly as possible.

What it did right: show us how they would have defeated the nanotech in Happy Electric Lobotomy City, via Grace Beaumont's awesomely manufactured virus that she died getting into Rachel's hands. And also killing off all the bad guys who never got satisfying on-screen deaths.

What it did weird: make good on that threat of Charlie's illegitimate parentage by having Rachel dramatically declare ~take care of OUR daughter~ right before flinging herself into the sun (basically).

What it did wrong: everything else.

First of all, apparently what TPTB meant by having Charlie say "I think you and my mom should give it a shot, a real one," was actually "Miles and Rachel will very shortly revert to their post-season-1 selves and split up for realsies, so Rachel can get her isolated crazy on full blast" (where is Gene? no one knows) "and Miles & Bass & Charlie can have their little road warrior clan back, hitting the trail for nonstop fighting because remember, that's the only life Miles REALLY knows!"

I mean, I liked the idea of Neville finding peace in Happy Electric Lobotomy City, but then the rest of the comic was like BAM, TIME TO IMMEDIATELY KILL EVERYONE EXCEPT THE AFOREMENTIONED TRIO OF ROAD WARRIORS.

The plot basically boils down to "Rachel was THE WORST; obviously the only way for her to redeem herself was to sacrifice herself for the greater good," and also "btw Miles finally escaped her bitch clutches and found true love with some rando who nursed his broken heart and ~finally made him happy~ and then they had their own kid and lived happily ever after until he died, the end."

Which, I'm sorry, pret-ty clearly flies in the face of the entire torch-carrying backstory they've built around how Miles and Rachel are soulmates, the worst kind because they hurt everyone around them and they're really kind of bad for each other too, and yet they belong together because theiir broken bits all fit together just so*. Don't even try to tell me the entire purpose of that entire 2-year story was just to build a REAL SOLID parentage reveal.

*listen I let Lost unravel this fantasy once, convincing me Juliet was ultimately a better partner for Sawyer than Kate. I'm not giving it up again. The connecting theme here is that Elizabeth Mitchell always wins.

Some other super ludicrous lines:
-"I'm sorry for being a truly horrible mother at every turn." like what kind of disgruntled fanfic author bias

-"Like you needed me to take down the Patriots? Your own personal boogeymen." oh I'm sorry I thought Miles noticed them very successfully trying to take over the country and figured out you couldn't run/hide from them forever, but my bad, all of season 2 was clearly Rachel's fault

-"You crack up either way. You always do." I know you'd never mistake that line as coming from Bass, because it's clearly Miles, AMIRIGHT?? The voice is just DEAD ON.

-"In the end not even Miles could keep Bass around." Yeah I don't see this being true, even though it makes a poignant image I might have believed if the rest made sense. The show made a pretty big point out of how every Bass tries to walk away from Miles, he ends up saying "damn it" and following him anywhere.

Luckily there is so much ridiculous swearing in this comic, of the variety you can't say on TV and thus was never in the show, that it was really hard for me to take it seriously anwyay.

In conclusion: I don't care what you say -- even when your exact words are "We can give you the next best thing, which is end the story. On our terms. Exactly the way we would have." -- there is no way this is what season 3 would have looked like. Even Under the Dome turned it around at the end.

But this, this is just like the bleakast, most dismal, most hopeless post-apocalytpic ending in the world. "Everyone you ever cared about is dead except Charlie, and the power never turned back on and no one knows why, but it's okay, because our hero procreated and the faceless group of nobodies referred to as 'people' finally got tired of all the fighting and spontaneously decided to instigate peace across the nation so his offspring can grow up in peace, the end."

Like, mayyyyybe that works coming full-circle with Rachel's speech about how she's fighting so Charlie won't become her, and at least she did eventually make that come to pass...but also, no. I am hot off the Sleepy Hollow presses and always kind of bitter about Harry Potter book 7 and long story short I have HAD IT with mothers making ~the ultimate sacrifice~ to save their kids.

P.S. For the record, I was so confused by what happened in the last installment that I spent like 15 solid minutes thinking it said Miles and Charlie had a kid, because seriously WHERE ELSE DID THIS RANDOM WOMAN COME FROM.

P.P.S. The comic pages start here if for some ungodly reason you choose to see it yourself despite this whole post full of warnings. I also made disgruntled Tumblr posts here and here before I finished processing this long version.

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