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Quick and Super Angry

...is a title I would normally reserve for a post about work, but in this case it is my way of telling you that I may or may not be on a sudden and immediate quest to watch the entire Fast and The Furious series as quickly as possible; idk, someone stop/help/explain this madness to me.

or, SADDLE UP, CHILDREN, IT IS STORY TIME.


Side note: all numerical estimates in this post should be taken as "extremely inaccurate."

The Way Way Backstory
1) I have never had any interest in these movies in my entire life. Action movies strike me as pretty dumb at least 50% of the time, and this is one of them. It could not scream "BORING TESTOSTERONE-LADEN DUDE MOVIE" louder if it tried.

2) When I heard about Paul Walker's death, I did not have any particular feelings about it, beyond the fact that it sounded really tragic.

Recent Backstory
I was working on The Music List draft, and I was going to verbally punch out Wiz Khalifa's "See You Again" as an example of songs that lure me in with a pretty hook, only to BETRAY ME by turning me over to a burst of obnoxious rapping 2 bars later. It's tricked me 4893 times on the radio, and every time I have furiously stabbed the "change station" button within a second of hearing The Wiz, so I looked it up to make sure I was remembering the right song, and...oh hello. I did not know it was specifically written as a tribute to Walker. That changes things.

The first hit was the official music video, so I let it play, and was immediately arrested by all the beautiful footage that appeared to be from the Furious movies. And then I watched it 5 times in a row, all dislike of the music forgotten and thoroughly enamored with all the pretty lady/cute kid stuff I never knew about, on top of the intriguing Bro In Arms impression I got from Vin Diesel, a strangely heavy presence of hip-hop stars who are better at acting than music (WHAT ARE THESE FILMS EVEN ABOUT, I cried in bewilderment) + “Paul Walker is a much more attractive man than I remember giving him credit for,” and promptly decided I needed to watch all 700 of the 2 Fast 2 Furious films immediately (this is my favorite ridiculous sequel name ever, so I have taken to referring to the series as such).

Did it occur to me to just look up clips on YouTube? Naw, I like to assign myself difficult tasks. It makes me feel accomplished. (well, and I kind of felt like the Bros In Arms might be something you need complete context for.)

The First Movie Experience
And so, I have watched the first movie. OH MAN, IT IS RIDICULOUS AND KIND OF A SLOG YET WEIRDLY SATISFYING. I need to talk about it.

Is this the role Vin Diesel was born to play, or what? Such a good job of simultaneously being scary-as-hell violent and yet also loyal, fiercely protective of family (blood and otherwise), somehow managing to come across, overall, as a pretty quality guy. I see why Brian throws his lot in with him.

This also seems to be the role Michelle Rodriguez was born to play. So awful on Lost, so uninteresting to me in everything she's ever done since, but so perfect here.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT BRIAN O'CONNOR FOR AN HOUR, with the fabulous blue eyes and blonde hair sporting a magnificent 2001 boy band style of curl?  (I am not looking forward to the one(s?) where he's sporting a short buzz cut)

He fits a very specific archetype that comes up in books where I cannot for the life of me understand why girls/women talk to them -- sometimes the text claims that they're nice or they hold genuine conversations, and I just handwave that with "but stereotypical dude. Casually dismiss without investigation" -- but this one's a real ruggedly good-looking charmer. You go, Mia. (who, incidentally, is darling)

And even though I mostly came for the promise of romance, I actually really liked watching him prove himself (over and over) and fit in as a member of that team. His comments about how that...one squirrelly kid, whatever his name is...should be at MIT were very endearing. Is this whole movie designed to overthrow my ingrained opinions about poorly educated people who flaunt the law to make their living??

Seriously, it is one of the most ridiculous movies I have ever seen (HOW ARE THERE SIX MORE AND COUNTING. How many plots can there be??), but you know, I'm kind of into this ride now. I like this quasi-family, entrenched in crime and all. I am watching all the way to the end, or at least until the one with the kid, and not even out of spite.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
pianogurl330
Mar. 22nd, 2016 01:25 am (UTC)
I have had no desire to see these movies and how they have made 6 movies and counting.
rainbowstevie
Mar. 23rd, 2016 07:40 am (UTC)
Surprise romance infusion, clearly!

Actual answer to a probably-rhetorical question: I'm assuming a similar reason to why there are so many superhero movies. In summer, people seem to like their movies to come with lots of loud noises, bright colors and scenes of smashy-smash destruction.
pianogurl330
Mar. 28th, 2016 01:29 am (UTC)
Very true!!
dollsome
Mar. 22nd, 2016 03:27 am (UTC)
Hahaha, I have never had interest in seeing these movies and yet I am delighted at this surprise turn of events in your life! ROCK ON (DRIVE ON? IDK??), MY FRIEND.
rainbowstevie
Mar. 23rd, 2016 07:49 am (UTC)
Hee! If nothing else, I'm pleased to bring secondhand entertainment. I'm really gunning to be the worst at fandom anyone has ever been, so the lack of interest is a good feeling and you should hold onto it.

Though I did feel a strange new sense of power and potential the first time I got behind the wheel of my car again after watching. Look at that big empty freeway in front of me...WHAT IF I DEFIED GRAVITY AND WENT SEVENTY MILES AN HOUR. (is that not racing speed?)
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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