RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

"I write what I feel, and I feel that you suck."

I accidentally stayed up all night on Thanksgiving, so I set up camp in the Gilmore Girls tag on Tumblr to spoil myself as much and as soon as possible, and promptly angried up my blood.

First let's check out this old post irony: So far all of the revivals of good TV shows that have been announced this decade have wound up terrible and/or ruinous in practice, but GUESS WHAT, in terms of where Gilmore Girls left things I am very confident there is ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP.

Turns out there's always room to go ways other than up.

  • Apparently Netflix doesn't play by the no-swearing rules and this show decided not to stick to its FCC respecting roots, so that is my first disappointment.

  • On the positive side, it sounds like the Luke/Lorelai storyline was pretty much perfect. That is what I held in top priority, being that dollsome is my mentor/dealer/general point of reference in terms of this show, so that's good.

  • That said, their faces kind of make me grimace. The best I can say for Luke is that is very believably playing a middle aged man [edit: holy cow, the actor's 58? OK], which I might actually find to be a sweet commentary on the power of long-lasting love, except that Lauren Graham's face just looks...wrong. Like plastic surgery wrong. There's something wonky going on around her eyes that does not strike me as natural aging, and it's just really hard to look at, especially when you are constantly seeing Gilmore Girls .gifs.

  • Doge Paul Anka is alive and well and probably the actual fax best part of this revival.

  • April, whom I have only seen in gifsets but always sort of theoretically admired, apparently went to college and came home as Tumblr, so I'm ready to get on board fandom's hate train

  • Paris is divorcing??  RUDE. What kind of self-respecting uptight would admit for a second that she has not orchestrated her life to perfection. She made this choice, she makes good choices, it is impossible that she could not have foreseen and pre-accounted for such change and even if she DID regret it, certainly she would keep up appearances.

  • (update: then I looked up what Doyle actually looks like and ahaha, gross. I guess I gotta co-sign that divorce on the grounds of me sometimes finding love to be very conditional, specifically the condition that you match your partner's level of attractiveness.)

  • It's weird, but despite knowing what Jared Pada...cki and...what's his face...look now, and not really giving any bothers about them, there's something about seeing them in the context of suddenly older!Dean and Jess that made me say, "Damn. That is a fine specimen of a man," and instantly and deeply regret that Rory did not end up going back to one of them.

  •     [Side note: my heart seems to have finally picked a side of the ship triangle after years of meh, and rolled itself into a Rory/Jess place. Not enough for me to really be sad things didn't end there, but maybe a little disappointed. I was operating under the assumption that Rory wouldn't end up (*cough* or be) with anyone OR would end up genuinely happy with a brand new guy, but since that was not ASP's game, Jess would have been my pick.]

  • SPEAKING OF RORY...girlfriend sucks. Making the worst, grossest and most punchable choices with Logan, who is making equally if not grosser and more punchable choices, which is an extra bad idea for him because his face was already kinda that way. Like, I have pretty much known that Rory is not a character I can stand -- starting with her awful manner of losing her virginity, and snowballing with that temper tantrum of dropping out of school and later refusing marriage because...independence reasons? (which apparently worked out SUPER AWESOMELY for her. And in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. /Homer Simpson voice), but I was hoping I could enjoy her free of past context in this revival. Certainly didn't expect her to quadruple down on the disagreeableness.

  • And then the last 4 words are just like...somehow even worse than that, because apparently the lesson Gilmore Girls wants me to learn is that if you're the illegitimate offspring of a teen mom, then no matter how far you run or how hard you work to make something of your life, you'll inevitably end up in the same predicament. No escaping the family curse. Just like the stereotype!

  • I still don't know what Paul-the-boyfriend looks like, and I'm kind of afraid to find out because I'm afraid I'll find him to be the most attractive of all and subsequently want to punch things harder, but...*looks him up* Played by Jack Carpenter. OK, phew. He's not bad looking, but he doesn't win out over Jess, so good choice.

  • Honestly, at this point canon Paris/Rory doesn't even sound like a bad choice.

Long story short, I was hoping this might be the first revival to not feel like a punch in the face since Girl Meets World (which is only half a revival), but disappointment strikes yet again. I am officially out of hope or patience for "revival" announcements and hope they all die in a fire from now on. What you THINK is gonna happen with a revival is that you'll get to see all your beloved characters have interesting new storylines again, maybe see your ships be cute and domestic and happy with each other, but actually it's just inevitably going to be one last rally to fuck up your faves' lives and make you suffer through regrettable decisions.

I have a tag on Tumblr where I might have a few extra things to say: the aptly named gg revival rage

Tags: gilmore girls, old post ironies, tv commentary

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