Me: oh god what did you do *clicks before the anxiety can ramp up*
Me noticing the pertinent part of the URL before the page loads: /jane-the-virgin-recap-michael-dies-dead
So that happened. And I can't even deal with it yet because
the series then dropped another bombshell, skipping three years forward in time to reveal Jane
I DON'T EVEN CARE HOW THAT SENTENCE ENDS BECAUSE SCREW YOU.
I mean, I have made a lot of claims on Tumblr about how this show can't hurt me if I don't actually watch it -- I did actually watch two episodes early on this season, but I hated p. much everything this show chose to be in practice and confirmed I need to limit my exposure to happy Jane/Michael scenes, for sanity reasons -- but haha pysch I guess it can. .
I'm still mostly in shock rather than rage or hurt at the moment, and I'm hoping if I resist giving in to the latter long enough, all the hurt will get stuck into the magic-shell-like coating around me that is keeping it at bay for the time being, then crack and fall off over time so that I come out relatively unscathed and able to brush off the canon. (that is a weird and complicated metaphor. If you didn't follow it, it's okay)
I did end up reading the rest of the article, and I don't know if I'm[spoilers about it]glad they will flash back to Jane's grief and recovery process so we have that material if we need it, or mad that the show won't let Michal fans just sever their emotional attachment to the show right here and now, without a backward glance.
My primary feeling right now is pretty much, "This is a shining example of one of the things I hate that this show chooses to be." (a soap opera) Of course it was going to have to do something bold and rash and ridiculous -- like appease its rabid weirdo Jane/Rafael shipping fanbase in the only acceptable way possible. This show is the television equivalent of the trainwreck relationship between J.D. and the drama-hungry Tasty Coma Wife on Scrubs.
In a rare turn of events, I am actually doing pretty well on the TV ship front right now -- I've got at least 4 established relationships, plus at least a couple in the UST stage, some pretty strong Friend Ships, and 2 Hollywood marriages to feed me -- so this is not as devastating an OTP loss as it would have been a year ago, when "I've been spending the last 6 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end" was a spot-on description of the state of my current TV ships. But it is still not great.
Also I am mad about a Tumblr post I didn't tag properly and now can't find, that I reblogged back before the premiere aired, where there was a BTS pic of Michael walking around with a wedding ring, and the poster (or someone) had captioned it LOOK AT MY BEAUTIFUL ALIVE SON, which had allowed me to exhale for the first time all summer. This is definitely preferable to him dying on their wedding night, but even so, the Old Post Irony burns so hard.
P.S. I thought it might be too spoilery, but my current music should totally be "why you gotta be so ru-u-ude" by Magic!, because that is all I am singing in response to this news.
P.P.S. dollsome has made the most glorious post about it so imma do the LJ equivalent of a reblog here:
"so i haven’t watched tonight’s jane the virgin, and i’m thinking maybe i will just never watch jane the virgin again in order to preserve my own heart????
although i will say (SPOILERS!)
it pleases the petty shipper that dwells in the darkest corner of my heart that michael had to literally be dead in order for it to be feasible that jane would get back with rafael again"
I wanted to do a much better TV post with multiple topics, and I still hope to do that one day soon, but this just demanded to be let out and it will not keep for even 24 hours.
P.S. I am really annoyed that I kept all my Jane the Virgin thoughts on Tumblr (poorly organized, of course) and never got around to posting what I thought about the s.2 finale, the premiere, or anything else. I would like to have a proper record.