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I WANNA TV-COMMENTATE

*sets watch for 65 minutes* GO!

I think it is high-flippin' time I started discussing this year of Survivor, because I am already mad that I have to cram 3 episodes into one mediocre and insufficient post, so this is basically gonna be a list of my reactions to peoples' faces and I don't know if anyone ever reads my Survivor posts, but if you do, this is def. one you should skip.


Survivor "Game Changers": The Season So Far, Except For The Most Recent Episode 'Cause I Haven't Seen It, a/k/a Episodes 1-3

First things first: this season has generally been better than I expected. I thought I hated everyone, but then right off the bat, they threw Flame Tat Tony and Ciera onto the funeral pyre, the former in rather magnificent fashion by Sandra correctly gloating about being the Queen and grinding his self-proclaimed King ass into the dirt, and I began to hope these people might know what they're doing. I also immediately liked Cirie and JT again, as compared to my first impressions last December where I was like, "...again?"

Everyone I thought I was going to love again ("AUBREY, MALCOLM THE MAGNIFICENT, Ozzy, Michaela, Jeff Varner, Sierra") has indeed been a delight, all but Sierra even more so than expected. It's been kind of funny to see everyone murmur and ooh and sound concerned about Ozzy, because mortal legends do not stay that way, and he is clearly advancing toward middle age. I mean, he's still amazing, and aging a damn sight better than his closest celebrity lookalike Orlando Bloom, but he's not entirely the Young God he was 10 years ago either, and it amused me to be able to see the difference.

However, Malcolm has outstripped him a lil' bit, in terms of being my absolute fave. Ozzy still gets the "too hot, hot damn" trophy, but he does it in a more thoughtful way, whereas Malcolm has an equally fetching visage and nice hair while being a PURE DAMN DELIGHT, all cheerful smiles and sass and the funniest quips -- or even just straight recapping -- I have heard from anyone in a long time. I want to hang out with him all day. I don't know exactly what kind of summer beach town / tiki bar AU I wrote up for him in my head last time he played, but I need it back immediately or sooner. I need more because this show STABBED ME IN THE HEART AND THEN RIPPED SAID HEART OUT by voting him out; wtf Culpepper, nobody asked for you. I specifically stated that once was plenty where you were concerned. But...more on that later.

Speaking of heart betrayals in a season that went so well at first, WHY WOULD YOU TAKE CALEB FROM US ON DAY NINE AGAIN. I am gonna have to ask y'all producers to ask him back a third time, because I am not done delighting in what a mindblowing sweetheart he is. How. How did a person like this make the decision to get those tattoos?? I don't?? Understand?? Dropping a kiss on Tai's head on his way out really sent me over the edge and I have not yet come back from it.

Hey, let's go back to Malcolm for a minute and remember how he spearheaded the whole "this is Bambi with goats!" movement when Sandra was willing to be a ruthless baby goat murderer (either by killing it outright or leaving it to starve without its mother, which is somehow actually worse). I have elected to forget she was willing to do this, though, because while clearly Sandra is an animal-hating person I would never want to hang out with in real life, she is still pretty hilarious in-game.

JT has also immediately reclaimed his spot in my heart due to his unwillingness to personally kill a mama or baby goat (I am glad he has not yet been tested with a male goat), which he firmly cemented by immediately crying when Malcolm got voted out, which I would like to believe this is genuine and not another demonstration of his acting skills.

Haven't seen much of Varner yet, but he is a cheerful delight every time I have. Michaela also continues to be awesome and I hope she makes it to individual immunity challenges this time, because she's a beast.

Cirie is pretty awesome so far when not being paranoid about Ozzy. Can they work together for realisies pleasies.

I am 1000% done with Tai's waffling and nervous twitchiness, and would like him to leave. He is the opposite of Sandra, i.e. someone I would love to hang out with in real life but hate watching play the game.

The other people I disliked / was bored by going in have continued to be the worst and/or boring, no surprises there. [Sarah, Andrea, Chicken-Chokin' Hali, "Weird White Collar Debbie, FRICKIN' ZEKE, ~Troyzan~"]

I just remembered another horrible thing about Malcolm going home this early, which is NO EXTRA PONDEROSA TIMES. >:(

And I guess that brings us to last week and the stunning "2 tribes go to Tribal Council, only one person goes home!" twist, which is pretty darn awesome, and would have been made even more awesome by the Surprise Idol twist both appearing and being played exactly correctly, if not for the fact that EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL and Malcolm went home instead of Sierra. (that's...not helping me like her as a player, even though as a person, still great)

I appear to still be upset about Malcolm, so I'm going to go stew in that for a while and see if I can find all my old reviews he's in. [edit: the 2012-2013 season straight through]

Also, I really enjoyed his frustrated/pissed off departure speech, because he deserved to be frustrated and pissed off, even though I am still hoping JT did not actually betray him and Culpepper is just a rogue. I was having trouble tracking what all was going on with the whispers in real time.

[edit: OK, apparently JT initially told him about Sierra because he was trying to get Sandra out, and I think he also told him that second bit of information? But Brad only listened to the first one. So JT really wasn't trying to betray the tribe so much as dethrone Sandra, and it did indeed backfire on him spectacularly. Malcolm also mentioned in an interview that he was mad at JT for a "good long time," as he deserved to be, though he has gotten over it.

But seriously, you don't understand how mad I am that I can't watch them hang out at Ponderosa]

---------------
I also caught up a tiny bit on NCIS.


14x16, A Many Splendored Thing: Hey remember when Ellie was a cool human being and not this mad creature driven to breaking all the rules and generally being a nuisance / ruthless assassin in blind pursuit of justice* for her dorky loser boyf fiance, who still fails to rise to the esteem Jake held in my heart despite Jake having an affair??(HE SAID HE WAS SORRY)

Yeah me neither. Although I did think her proposal-acceptance card was cute. At this point I have to tell myself Qasim represented not a person, but an ideal. That she can beat the odds and have a normal marriage in this job. If McGee can do it, why can't she, with all her cleverness and the stable home in which she was raised?

*I don't care if this is an unfair standard with how I've probably supported Gibbs for similar awesome takedowns in the past, because a) wife and daughter (or occasionally, I think, to protect substitute-daughter Abby) and b) Gibbs has learned from his past and is right there telling her not to go down this road.

14x17, What Lies Above: What lies above is McGee and Delilah. What do they lie above? Oh, idk, maybe just a mummified corpse. (!!!!!!!!!)

Or: I turned this episode on to help me fall asleep, and I immediately realized that was a terrible idea because within about the first twenty seconds I was sitting bolt upright and on the edge of my seat, eyes wider in excitement than they have been this entire season, including The Abby Show 2 weeks ago. This episode was so good! I am still flabbergasted. The fact that it starred Tony's apartment was the main draw, but this is also probably the most I have loved McGee ever (poor flabbergasted fiance trying desperately to fix 946 bad things followed by worse things from his fiancee before she gets back to town). I loved the mystery of All The Bad Things happening in this cursed apartment (at least they're related bad things. Related to French Stewart, who was also on point today). I just loved all of it so much.

14x18, M.I.A.: Why couldn't Torres have just married his childhood sweetheart and stayed out of all our lives, instead of her dying from cancer by age 20? (or: despite the sweetness of the stage 4 cancer patient, Gibbs' interaction with her, and her dad/the boss from Cold Case, this episode was pure suffering to drag myself through, and I didn't even sympathize with Torres after the Sad Reveal)

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