RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Reality Shows, part 1

I've got a big checklist of things to do before Harry Potter Day.  Reviewing this week's TV shows is one of them, so I thought it might be prudent to finish the ones from last week.  Maybe posting it in sections will make it seem less daunting.  Alternatively, I could talk less about SYTYCD.  Nah, that wouldn't be any fun at all.

Pirate Master

Oh, I see...Azmyth and his boyz are The Triad now.  You know what?  I still totally love them.  I do not love Joe Don, whose first name even I am beginning to pronounce with a French accent out of habit (it totally befits his pirate personality), and Nessa making out, even if he DOES look like he was ripped off the cover of a romance novel.  I really just dislike Nessa in general, as she is mean-eyed and kind of bitter.  Laurel, Queen of Snark, continues to be my favorite non-Triad member, but I quite like Louie.  Speaking of Louie, how adorable was his "I trust my ladies" talk last night?  He's like Papa Bear, and I'm really glad that the women picked the plucky father figure over the strong guy who might actually help them win a challenge.  Better entertainment for me.   

In other character-related news, since none of the actual treasure finding is that exciting anymore, I love Jay for keeping Kendra safe.  She's the nice little office worker of the bunch, and I love her on principle because I figure that means she was probably a humanities major and probably wasn't at the top of her class, but loved school and studying and such.  You know those people.  So, yay for Kendra. 

In an ideal world, either Nessa or that blond single mom would go home next week tonight, but who knows.  Meanwhile, I'm just sad that TWoP discontinued its recaps after only four episodes.  And they were only Wee Caps!  I still think with a little more dedication, this recaps could have been almost as good as Survivor's.  Ah well, at leat there's still Annie at Recapist.  


So You Think You Can Dance

I was in denial for days about the results show.  And then when I finally sat down to rewind the tape and start my review on Sunday, I discovered that Dagwood the Evil Daewoo TV had twisted and stretched the film of my tape so badly during my futile attempts to record Standoff that even a functioning VCR could not physically rewind past that segment of tape.  So, no video for me, and I have to rely on my notes + recaps.  GOD DAMN IT I AM SICK OF THIS.

*cheerfully* But that's just the background info.  I will now write my review in as-it-happens format, present tense, as if I have no idea what's coming next while I watch.  This will make certain sections of my Wednesday review especially ironic. 



Pre-Dance Blather

-Cat's dress!  Is crazy and bright-colored!  Cat's wardrobe is even more fun to look forward to than Carrie Bradshaw's.

-Hairspray!  That could be such a great movie, except for John Travolta being in drag.  Why is the part for the mother written for a guy in drag, anyway?  Am I the only person in the world who doesn't think it's funny when a guy pretends to be a woman?  Anyway.  I will probably rent it when it comes in to the library, because it looks fun and one song is stuck in my head thanks to a game on Neopets, and the main character looks cute, and everything comedic Amanda Bynes touches turns to gold.

-The choreographer from Hairspray!  Um...yeah, my excitement just died. He doesn't strike me as all that cool, right off the bat, especially given that he has that nasally quality to his voice, and between that and calling Cat "cat-tastic" I'm getting some Jack vibes.  If there's one TV character I hate, it's Jack from Will and Grace.

-Oh good, explanation from Nigel about Jessi's elimination.  I respect what they said about having to put her in the bottom group because otherwise it would be too easy for people to save themselves by claiming injury, and I totally agree, but it also sounded to me like I was right - that they were aiming to cut her unless she blew them away.  And in retrospect, I guess I can't really blame them, but it still makes me sad because Pasha + Jessi = OTP.

-Ooh, yay, there are going to be more getting-to-know-you clips this week!  I'm not being sarcastic, I really love this part almost as much as the dancing.

Kameron & Lacey: Wow, our first example of Something America Doesn't Know About Me is that Kameron is a bit of a daredevil.  I would never have guessed.  Ever.  I'm so shocked.  Why yes, now I AM being sarcastic.  And Lacey is a...modeler of NASTY-ASS hair.  You know, when someone says "hair model," it conjures up images of women with long, glossy hair on shampoo and hair dye commercials.  Not peroxide blonde spikes.  Also, I didn't need to know that her hair is "really short right now."  I dislike short-haired people on principle.  I am beginning to think there is just no possible way for Lacey to redeem herself in my eyes.  At this point she could probably talk about how she volunteers at the animal shelter and owns two horses rescued from slaughter, and I'd still find things to gripe about.

Hustle: Despite how distracted I am by Kameron's carnie hair, and whether or not those flimsy straps acorss Lacey's back will break and cost her the top half of her costume, I am paying just enough attention to notice that his jumps and leaps are really quite jaw-dropping, and HOLY CRAP, LACEY, THAT WAS AN AMAZING ENDING.  Like...a backflip without ever letting go of his hands, as if she were hanging upside down on rings, and down into a splits.  Okay.  That deserves applause.  But not votes.  Also, I refuse to hear that Lacey is a better dancer than her brother.  Refuuuuuse!


Cedric & Shauna: I think people are voting for these two just to keep Shauna safe.  Guys, it's not necessary - she can save herself. Have faith in her, don't vote, and let the judges kick out Cedric this week so she can get a good partner for once.  Their interview clips are boring, however, as I don't care about him being a school mascot and care even less about snowboarding.

Mambo: Ooh, I love her costume, all gold and white, although I think a bikini top alone would have been preferable to a bikini top with a random diamond of material stapled to the front like an oversized dinner napkin.  Still.  See, when they perform, I see Shauna giving 100% and dancing her heart out (but not literally, like Jessi!), while Cedric kind of stumbles along behind, energy flagging.  It's awful.  But I am amused by Mary's very backhanded comment, "I honestly did not think you could do it!" Especially after recounting his previous sucky performances and how badly they sucked.  Hee.

Anya & Danny: These two do not suit one another at all.  I really get the sense that Anya is not thrilled with her choice of partner and is often wishing she were elsewhere.  But as for background info...WHOA!  She's *beautiful* with long blonde hair and should go back to that immediately; she looks kind of plain now.  Danny continues to be a cocky, arrogant ass by proudly telling us he spends more on sunglasses than on food.  I will not make a single crack about how skinny he is because I'm too busy being disgusted by the idea of people wasiting money on multiple pairs of expensive sunglasses.\

 Contemporary: "There's sweat and sexuality," says the choreographer, at which point I have to go throw up. Is that supposed to make people want to watch it?  I think maybe he's exaggerating, but then the dance starts and oh my God, the simulated sex on stage is SUCH a no-no.  This is family show, people.  I don't care if all your dances are about partners in love or falling out of love, but at no point should legs be entangled with the guy crouching over the woman flat on her back.  For that reason alone, not even the amazing lift or Danny's gorgeous, make-my-stomach-drop-out leaps can make me like this dance.  Also,  I have to quote Lauren from TWoP: "He disconnects from his partner, which Adam theorizes is maybe because of the jumps. I think maybe it's because he'd rather be dancing with a mirror image of himself than another person."  HEE.  SO TRUE.

 Pasha & Sara: Soooo not a suitable match-up.  Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be watching a sixth grader dance with her teacher?  She figure skates and I don't care or think it's terribly girly-girly, but HOLY COW HE'S A COMPUTER NERD.  Or likes pretending he is.  Yeah, so my Pasha love just broke through a second ceiling and he needs to like, make it to the final four at least.

 West Coast Swing: ZOMG BENJI IS CHOREOGRAPHER!  I appear to have fallen down in a faint from shock and joy.  Please allow me ten minutes of unconscousness while my mind dances with this information.  Okay, I'm good to go. 

 *watches rehearsal* God, I love Benji.  SO MUCH.  I am also ridiculously jealous of Sara right now for getting to dance with Pasha and be taught by Benji.  And I hope Jessi didn't love Benji as much as I did last year, or I fear she's currently bashing her head against a wall somewhere.

 *watches dance* WOW.  *faints again from shock and glee*  THAT WAS AMAZING.  I CANNOT REMOVE THE CAPSLOCK.  EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!  I swear I couldn't even move while they were dancing.  I forgot all about my fears of a 6th grade/teacher the minute they started; that was just, just, WOW!!  There was not one second that was not amazing.  It was fun, it was flashy, it was high energy.  Snappy movements, fantastic expressions (especially Pasha, hee), and they were dancing to "Rockafeller Skank" which I have to confess I kind of love because it makes me nostalgic for the Digimon the Movie soundtrack (first fandom, remember).  There was just, there was nothing not to love!  Especially the part where their voting number was announced and he slyly wrapped his fingers around her waist.  I couldn't figure out why until I realized he was matching them to the four strips of material on her costume there.  Hee.  There will be voting off the hook for these two from my phone.

Sabra & Dominic: She was in "High School Musical," just in case I didn't have enough reasons to hate her.  I know Allison was too, but somehow that didn't bother me.  I really, really hate everything about HMS, however, because I cannot fathom how a stupid made-for-TV-movie makes people practically wet their pants as they rhapsodize about how amazing it is.  Hiss.  Meanwhile Dominic, whose flat and upturned nose reminds me of a small rodent, or some kind of animal anyway, and increases my rage more every week, rambles on in a way that makes me HORRIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE as he talks about having a secret crush on somebody on the show.  And then he says it's Cat, since she has a "French" accent, and it "can't get no better than that."  So that's two reasons to want to bludgeon him with a heavy object. Three if you count his face.

Hip-Hop, Ne-Yo style: Yes, I've decided Ne-Yo is its own style.  It means "hip-hop by name, contemporary and storytelling by style."  It's very dull, and as much as I hated Allison and Ivan last year (by which I mean "Ivan"), this dance is even more boring.  However, I have to give her some serious commendation for that amazing handstand with legs crossed.

Jaimie & Hok: You know what makes me more uncomfortable than Dom rambling on about a secret crush?  Cameramen trying to goad a hidden love story out of these two.  It's intensely disturbing, mostly because while the topic makes Jaimie red and flustered and Hok politely, in his refined British way, sound like he's two steps from punching the camera in, I suspect there is nothing there.  Why?  Because I've never seen, or at least they've never shown, any of that kind of vibe.  Ever.  Not even when they're dancing.  They make fine partners & appear to have fun kidding around together as pals, but chemistry?  Much less secret crushes?  Um, no.  

My mom asked me if Jaimie was putting on an act or if she really was dumb and vapid, and if so, was that her real voice?  My heart shattered.  I don't think it's either; I just think that Jaimie is a kid, both in age and at heart, and she giggles and is sweetly optimistic, and isn't concerned with taking life super seriously.  Don't you know people like that?

 Also, after discovering Hok plays the violin in addition to being an artist and a dancer and British, I'm getting closer to totally falling in love with him.  Neil, just FYI, between him and Pasha you need to step up your game right quick if you want to remain my SYTYCD boyfriend.

The Waltz: To Sarah McLachlan's "Angel."  *digs nails into coffee table* I love Sarah, she's my favorite artist, but this song is so overplayed, and it wasn't even that great of a song to begin with.  It's so slow and draggy that I must confess, I really don't like it all.  This dance wasn't great, but I loved Jaimie's fluffy skirt.  I am confused by Adam's comments about it being great, despite not having any "practical use."  WTF, since when do *any* of the dances on this show have any practical use outside the dance world, other than maybe the street performing breakdancers?  When was the last time you did a tango with your significant other?  And way to slap him down, Mary, by talking about how the dance "hid the fact that he couldn't really waltz."  Just for that, bitch, I'm giving them more votes than Sara and Pasha.  Oh, damn it, I'm falling into the Stupid American "Spite the Judges" mentality...but I'm gonna do it anyway.

Lauren & Neil: First, it should be noted that this is my new OTP, after I had a dream about them last week in which they were an actual couple and had a little dog named Penny and everything.  It was quite delightful.  I'm tempted to start writing stories about them.  So it is with some disappointment that all I learned in the fun video interviewws about them this week is that she has a WEIRD obsession with being Asian, and he can do a wookie growl, which was admittedly good but also may or may not mean he's a Star Wars nerd.  I sincerely hope not.

The Jazz: Okay.  Here's the thing - it was Lauren plus Neil plus jazz plus Wade Robson plus Roisin Murphy.  Theoretically, I do not think there is a more perfect set of ingredients.  I was all hopeful that their chemistry would finally shine through this week.  And then it...didn't.  Weird routines take a while to grow on me (for example, now I even like Dmitry and Ashley's weird magician and doll dance to Fall Out Boy from last year), but I didn't even flat-out hate this one.  I was just bored.  I differ from the majority opinion in that I am not impressed by dances that create characters and tell stories; I would prefer to see just plain dancing.  Dance should not be an outlet for rejected theater majors.  So no, I wasn't impressed.  I will continue voting for them in hopes that they get a good dance in before cruel fate (*cough* producers) rips them apart, but not based on tonight's performance.  This was blahcakes.

 And now I gotta go vote for 4, 6 and 7 while I watch Don't Forget the Lyrics.  Opinion on that next post.

Tags: pirate master, sytycd, tv commentary

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