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whoooooo let me go down a rabbit hole of old deluxe transcript documents until I ended up on YouTube in the emotional quicksand of Bad Wolf Bay, Redux.

WHOM.

(and where is my fanfic antidote! I know I have one! I know there is a whole pile of post-ep and future-fic somewhere that makes this bearable, somehow, in ways you can't even imagine when you're still looking at the source material, but it has to be administered each and every time you expose yourself to this because otherwise you will nearly perish of sadness)

Edit: The fic didn't work quite right -- I didn't have the patience for the longer and more potent one -- so I just gave myself a contrasting poison to distract me. P. sure John Smith/Joan Redfern hurts even more.

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