I really...really expected better of you, Seal Team. I flailed. I pre-emptively flailed! But that was before The Brave showed up in my life and set the bar so high that all the Cute Doggy in the world could not help this show meet it. To be fair, I might have been unfairly compromised by this fact, so I'm gonna give this series at least two more chances to turn it around after a slow start.
NO, OKAY, SERIOUS THOUGHTS.
The three best things this show has going for it are David Boreanaz, who is absolutely the heart and soul of everything this show should be, followed in short order by Cute Doggy and that scale model of the house or compound or whatever it was they kept looking at to determine their plan of action for the mission. I forget what the mission was. I kept zoning out a lot.
The point is, I was thoroughly impressed by everything our main hero did, and I loved all of the flashbacks and his thigh-rubbing tic and his insufficient but attempted Dad role and I absolutely understand why Boreanaz signed on for this.
Bearded Husband/Dad should be a bonus, but he looks a lot like Zachary Levi. And he's not. And my heart flares with stupid hope every time I think I catch a glimpse of Chuck Bartowski 2.0, only to realize it is his imposter doppelganger, and the disappointment is just too much to bear. In the absence of a love interest who registers on my ship sonar (meaning simply: I am completely neutral about her face), I need more time.
The rest of the team and the "straps" (whatever those are) were just really boring. Like I said, I couldn't even begin to follow the plot. I thought the show was over at least four times. When I finally saw credits, I half expected to see the sun rising also, because it felt like I had been waiting all night.
Also, who asked you for divorced parents, show; who asked u.
Survivor also premiered.
I am so tired I don't even have the energy to hunt up a cast list to do my traditional impressions, and I was more interested in scanning a Rizzoli & Isles novel to reread the passages with Agent Dean while it was airing, so I am just gonna say that this year's cast pulled off a real Cheerleader Effect, wowing me in the wide shot with how largely normal and clean-cut everyone looked at first glance, and the narrowing the focus to show me a whole bunch of hideously tattooed male blowhards, some other guys who would fit right in with Barney's Not A Father's Day Club members, and plenty of paranoid weirdos and unpleasant personalities. Like, I caught glimpses of people I might care about next week, but the show sure did not give them a chance to shine.
Also, great job on the OLYMPIAN (!!!!) only getting to make us aware of this fact after being voted out. Show, I'm pretty sure that is more relevant than Lil' Gremlin giggling about how someone finally wants in his pants. [edit: ALSO SHE IS FROM MINNESOTA; SON OF A BITCH.]