Anyway, on to the parts that aren't about Harry Potter. My beloved "Pirate Master" got canceled without warning, even though there were five episodes to go. I raged and stormed for a while, shrieking about how I needed to know who won, and finally found out that they're going to show the remaining episodes as planned, but only online. Which sucks. Because the CBS video player routinely craps out on this computer, dissolving into stop-motion action and robot-speak, making it impossible to watch. So...I guess commentary on that show's over for the summer.
So You Think You Can Dance, fortunately, is still going strong. Which is good, since it's the only thing I'm watching from now until mid-September.
-Mia's on the judging panel! As much as I love her routines, I love her on the panel even more. She is second only to Nigel in terms of being my favorite critiquer. My love for her is just off the charts.
-This show has the best theme song ever. And I mean both the actual theme song + credits, and the opening of the show where each dancer gets five seconds in the spotlight for introduction.
-What is not the best thing ever is the way Cat always lets the crowd shout "judges!" for her when she introduces them. It's becoming very irritating.
-Every time I hear a commercial for "No Reservations," I come racing into the room and glue myself to the screen. I'm starting to think I need to make that my fourth movie, rather than "Enchanted," because...one, I love Catherine Zeta-Jones. Two, I am a sucker for "woman gets stuck raising child that's not hers, simultaneously falls in love with guy who loves them both" stories. And three, Abigail Breslin is such an adorable little girl that she single-handedly makes me rethink not wanting children - and I haven't even seen her in a movie yet.
Jaimie Solo: Lots of the cute, lithe little fairy leaps that she's so good at it. Although there is a moment in the middle where she makes a very weird face and for one horrified minute, I think she's seriously injured herself, perhaps with a broken ankle. Later I realize she was supposed to be emoting, perhaps looking anguished about the idea of war. Word to the wise: don't do that anymore. Still, I'd have voted for her...if I'd watched this show when it aired. But I was too wrapped up in Harry Potter fanfic to take time out for TV, so I just taped to watch later and didn't even try to vote. I really, really hope I dont regret this after I watch the results show.
Also? Now is as good a time as any to point out that I hate the song "Waiting on the World to Change." Even though John Mayer is a damnably attractive man, I cannot stand his music. Something about it gets under my skin, and not in a good way. As such, I will be muting the sound for all future solos.
Dominic Solo: Looks...a lot like Jaimie's. Like, almost identical to Jaimie's. In fact, I think it is identical to Jaimie's - I see what they're doing. Everyone does the same routine, dressed in pretty much the same costume, to the same song, so as to objectively see who really is the best
Sabra/Kameron/Contemporary: Excellent, my two most hated dancers paired together! I can skip this one, right? No? Sigh...okay, Sabra is kinda cute when he comes down the backstage stairs carrying her, and she proclaims "We just got married! And our wedding dance is gonna be...contemporary!" What's not cute is the song "Amazing Grace," which is so agonizingly slow that I...I just have to fast-forward. It's all boring except for whoa! When Sabra does a really cool spinning leap into the air and into his arms. She looks exactly like one of those toy fairies that you wind up and launch into the air - Sky Dancers, that's it!
Also? JUDGES, HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BASH A DANCER ACROSS THE BOARD? Don't tell Kameron he sucks, just say he's boring! Be as non-comittal as possible, and people will realize he isn't that great rather than having a knee-jerk reaction to cast sympathy votes! Sympathy votes were the reason I helped keep Sanjaya in American Idol.
Sara Solo: Holy cow, was Sara always that skinny? I was under the impression that she was somewhat round and stocky, but she's actually pretty taut. As far as emoting, she looks like she's on the verge of tears the whole time. I thought John Mayer's song was supposed to be sort of optimistic?
Pasha Solo: I'm getting really sick of the yelling in the silent part. I hate when people yell. Also, I'm getting REALLY sick of the peace sign at the end. Neither of these things actually matter because Pasha is Love.
Lacey/Danny/Samba: ACK FLAIL DMITRY CHOREOGRAPHER. Even though the looks really weird with his hair all floppy and bangs over his eyes, in a way which mostly accentuates his big nose, he is still nearly as hot as Pasha, and so this is the only time in my life you'll hear me say I'm glad Mary has given up choreography for a permanent spot on the judging panel. Also, "Dancey" is the most adorable nickname ever. What's not adorable is Lacey, who continues her weekly tradition of acting like a bubble-headed slut. It's really, really hard for me to believe I'm saying that, given how she looks about 14 and completely inexperienced, but seriously - every week, I get the impression that she's barely restraining from giving her partner a lap dance. AH-HAH! Even Danny said it, "I think I'm falling in love with a stripper."
The dance itself is pretty good, I suppose, especially since it's far less sexy than the rehearsals made it out to be. In her own element, I have to admit that Lacey is good at ballroom styles, and even Danny proves that he is not a one-trick pony - turns out he can impress me even without high leaps. I just don't love ballroom. And please tell me it's not weird that I completely understand Mia when she describes him as "the stallion of dance"?
Lauren Solo: Oy! SO NOT A GOOD PLACE FOR MY TAPE TO HIT ONE OF ITS CRUMPLED SECTIONS, AND TOTALLY OBLITERATE THIS ENTIRE PERFORMANCE! All I could see or hear was the tail end of it, but Lauren finished with such a smile that I didn't even care about the peace sign. Cutie. 1,000 votes! I wish.
Neil Solo: *purrs* His leaps seem more graceful than even Jaimie's. Has clearly reclaimed his position as my #1 SYTYCD boyfriend. Votes to infinity. Also, adorable is his attempt to make himself taller than Cat, at which he very nearly succeeds, until she smacks him down.
Sabra Solo: Everyone, please take your emoting-while-dancing cues from Sabra. Well, not the screaming part; that was far too loud. But she got everything else exactly right.
Kameron Solo: Ew. Just ew. Make him go away. Now. Please. I cannot believe he's in the top 10 and Hok isn't. Also, is it just me, or does he look bored with this routine, like "Yeah, I know, none of you care because you've seen it half a dozen times already"?
Jaimie/Dominic/Viennese-Spanish Hybrid Waltz: My one request is to never see this pairing again. You know how Charlotte York freaked out when her perfect, purebred spaniel Elizabeth Taylor was accosted by random mongrels in the park? It's kinda like that. Although I am completely in love with Jaimie's rehearsal outfit, a black vest and flowy, ankle-length pink skirt. It's prettier than her actual costume (except for the part where she's wearing a French braid woven with yellow ribbon to match her skirt, which is beautiful!). The dance moves me to tears...because it's so dull. Mia, however, is my hero for giving one of the few well-rounded critiques of the night. She is able to tell them why it didn't work, without tearing either of them down individually, and picking out good things as well.
Lacey Solo: Been a while since I've seen Lacey solo. This might be the first time ever, come to think of it. Her scream is so over the top that she makes Sabra look frickin' reasonable (I swear, now everyone is just trying to outdo the person before them), but for the most part, Lacey becomes abruptly and shockingly more likable when she's by herself.
Danny Solo: Oh yes, definitely trying to outdo the last person's scream. Comes out more like a broken shriek, but whatever. Danny is still the only person who can give Jaimie and Neil a run for their money in terms of breathtaking jumps. GOD, why does he have to be so damn GOOD?
Neil/Sara/Disco: "Wookie Love!" I'm slightly ashamed of myself this week for thinking that sound is adorable. It's almost like a purr. However: Neil? Please to stop having such friendly and instantly visible chemistry with girls who are not Lauren; it's screwing with my OTP. As for the dance - does anyone ever stop to take screenshots of some of the amazing moves on this show? Because my TV is currently paused on a frame of Neil's impressive backflip, in which he is in a perfect vertical Y shape several feet off the ground, upside down with arms stiff at sides and legs spread apart. It is ridiculously cool. This is the best dance of the night...or tied with the opening number, at least.
Final Notes: Okay, the recappers both predict that Jaimie and Kameron (or possibly Dominic) are going home. NO, NO, NO, Jaimie cannot go home. Send Sabra! Wait, people love her. Send Lacey! Oh wait, people love her more. Send Sara!! Wait, she has a weird following too. Lauren, however, does not. Crap, one of my girls is screwed. I might get my way on the guy, though. Here's hoping.
-Voting's up to 6.5 million this week, I see. Getting better.
-Cat's got a cute pink rose in her hair
-IMOGEN HEAP SONG FTW! This show introduced me to her music last year, and I'm delighted to get another rec: "The Moment I Said It." Even through the wobbly, distorted sound that comes from recording music on Crap TV, I can tell it's pretty and am going to try and hunt it down. The dance itself is weird-but-oh so cool, because it's from Mia Michaels, and with everyone in various types of skin-baring black clothing and/or masks, it reminds me very much of some sort of ancient pagan ceremonial ritual. Danny in particular, wearing little more than a heavy necklace, wrist wraps, random black X on his chest and what amounts to an ankle-length loincloth, reminds me of a high priest. This is accentuated at the end, when he stands tall while all the other guys crouch low around him in a circle. Just in case you didn't fully appreciate the part last night about Danny being the stallion of dance.
-Oh, Cat's actually got a whole lace-and-flowers wrap around her hair, and she looks just like a fairy princess.
-WTF, why does Mia have to make a public apology for accidentally wearing a jacket with the Marines' stupid emblem upside down? I suddenly think the Marines are not so much "the few and the proud" as "the many whiny bitches."
-On the other hand, I have no problem at all with the public apology for making an "anti-war" dance, because said dance irked me a bit too, being as it was a physical embodiment of the attitude I have to put up with from 95% of my idealistic young classmates. Did I forget to mention the part where I frequently want to take war protestors and slap their naive heads together? Apology accepted, Nigel. Especially the part where you apologize for the boredom. :) Can we assume this concept won't be repeated next week?
-Um. As with most of the performers on this show, I have no idea who Mika is. His song isn't half bad, say for a dance club track, but I think I'll be fine if I never hear it again.
-Sabra's safe. Crap. And Jaimie is not, double crap. Lacey is safe, triple crap. And then Lauren is left fighting Jaimie for a position next week, meaning I'M A-GONNA EFFING MURDER A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE.
-Neil and his shiny smile are safe, as are Danny and his amazing leaps and Pasha of the Sparkly Magic Dust. I'm too miserable about Lauren & Jaimie to even care that I'm now getting my way. Even though I laughed really hard when Dominic wanted to skip the recap and automatically walk himself over to the Bottom 4's Perches of Doom.
-Jaimie is wearing a gorgeous, glittery black-and-red bustier/skirt. Though her hair's a bit of a wild mess, she is dancing to the most beautiful song I've heard all week, Stars' "Your Ex-Lover's Dead" which I must obtain IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. As often happens, I kind of want to cry when I watch her dance, because she and her movement and her entire aura are so achingly beautiful. How could you people ever get tired of watching this week after week?
-Dominic imitates Hok's style of rubber-ball-bouncing off the stage, spins on his head for a while in a way I'm sure will be incorporated into the theme song next year, and is generally pretty entertaining. I don't hate him so much when he's in his own style, and doesn't attempt to show emotion.
-Lauren's skimpy outfit, little more than a tube top and flimsy bit of skirt material over bikini briefs (which looks as though she stitched it herself after a decade of living in the wilderness), does at least have the effect of highlighting her amazing body. She gets in a nice Russian jump, but I'm otherwise not terribly impressed with what might be her final effort. I do, however, get a sense that she's living the thrill of a lifetime by dancing on this stage, and her smile of pure joy is infectious.
-Kameron sucks, as he is wont to do, and not for the first time I demand to know what insanity gripped the nation to keep voting for him just because he was dancing with Lacey.
-I'm torn on what I actually want the results to be. I prefer Jaimie's dancing, but I prefer Lauren's personality and live in hope that I'll get to see her paired with Pasha, or even Neil again. And as much as I loathe Kameron's scuzzy appearance, he annoys me far less than Dominic during the actual dancing. Okay, *winces*, the results are...
Girls: JAIMIE. Judging from the feeling of relief in my stomach, I guess that was the lesser of two evils. There is clingy hugging and an adorable cheek kiss until Cat just about literally throws Lauren off the stage. Jaimie, much like Shauna weeks beforehand, is gracious and smiling. Only moreso, because she gets to come back for the tour. And now they are playing her farewell montage, and oh my God except for this time with Dominic, she really was amazing every damn week.
Guys: KAMERON. Farewell, Scuzzy. Thank you, America, for finally turning your brains back on. Now, if we could just get the women to stop being bitchy and punishing the pretty girls, all would be well. Also, this montage of memories with Lacey is kind of making me vomit.
Ooh, it only took me 3 hours to watch and write this post. That's not too bad.