RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Yes, I am a spoiled child.

RS's oh so considerate parents notified her this morning that as of tomorrow, they are whisking her off on a family vacation until Saturday.  RS is not particularly pleased by this news, as she hates packing, hates traveling, has lost all interest in reading novels since finishing Harry Potter and is therefore ill-prepared for long car trips, does not deal well with her family in close living quarters, and most of all does not appreciate being ripped away from her computer during her last month of guilt-free internet time.  I mean, even in June, I could probably have used a distraction.  But not NOW. 

Clearly, the only solution is to spend copious amounts of black printer ink on fanfic.  Having that in hand will keep me entertained for hours.  And with no internet to distract me, perhaps it will actually force me to finish writing reviews for the stories, so that when I come back I'll be ready to post my next list of fic recs.  I am still not all that interested in a week (okay, half a week) full of hiking and sightseeing, though.   Especially since my poor dog has to go to jail a boarding kennel.

Now, since I'm feeling all annoyed anyway, what better time to tackle the issue of those horrible CSI: Miami spoilers?  Just the ones for the premiere episode; I can't handle anything past that yet. 

It feels like ages since the news broke, doesn't it?  And yet I still can't get over the idea that they're going to have a random kid appear, who turns out to be...Horatio's son.  WTF?  Good Lord, I can just picture how that might go.

Kid: Hey, Lt. Caine.  You're my father.
H: *humors him* All right, let me just take a DNA sample to confirm that.
H: (waiting, mutters to himself) Why is that every time Raymond dies, another kid pops out of the woodwork?  Talk about a deadbeat dad.
Results: Match to Horatio Caine.
H: Uh, clearly there has been some sort of mistake with the database in which the label on my DNA profile got confused with Ray's. I'll have to have a word with the techs.  Let's try this again.
*triple checks it*
Results: Match to Horatio Caine.
                Match to Horatio Caine.
                Match to Horatio Caine.
H: There's a great measure of irony in here.
H: Hey Yelina, you see that kid, the one who looks like me?
Y: *sigh* I suppose now you're going to tell me that Ray was already secretly married when he met me, and this is his first son?
H: Er - no, actually.  This one's mine.
Y: How odd.  You know, this isn't like Madison.  I'm too tired to be angry at Ray anymore, what's past is past.  It's okay. 
Y: Great, Horatio.  Great.  I thought you were over this whole "lie to Yelina to spare her feelings" crusade, but apparently that lesson just doesn't sink in, so...maybe it's best if we don't see each other for a while.  I'll send you a Christmas card.  Maybe.

Now in all seriousness, I don't like this.  One, a major connection to Yelina is his relationship with Ray Jr.  I expect this will detract from that a bit.  Two, we already HAD a random kid pop up out of nowhere in connection to him.  Okay, the audience and Stetler knew the truth, but still - what it looked like to most people was that he'd unknowingly fathered a daughter somewhere along the line, and now we'll be seeing a repeat performance, which has got to raise a few eyebrows in the lab.  Three, just this past year, Mac Taylor was confronted with a random teenage son.  Okay, so technically he was Claire's son and not in any way related to Mac, but they have about the same relationship as I expect Horatio will with his son, so it might as well be the same thing.  Only worse, because Reed was a thoroughly well adjusted young man, while H Jr. is shaping up to be a juvenile delinquent. 

But my fourth and most pressing issue is this: part of what is so remarkable about Horatio is that he *isn't* a father.  He has this connection with kids; he clearly enjoys being around them, serves as a mentor/father figure for Ray Jr. whether the latter wants it or not, and is probably there for Madison as well (or so I assume, since WE NEVER GET TO SEE IT), but part of his tragic-hero complex is that he is not and never will be a father in his own right.  And while being confronted with a random teenager isn't exactly the same as raising a child, it will still give him a different perspective.

Besides, the kid's...what, 16?  Assuming Horatio's somewhere around 50, I can't figure out how he could have a kid without knowing about it.  The woman would either have to have been afraid to tell him or deliberately chosen not to, neither of which I find particularly reasonable, since I would expect that by his 30's he would certainly have been able to shoulder responsibility, if he was even half as assuring as he is now, and otherwise...what could Horatio possibly have done to piss off a woman that much?  I mean, a woman who's not Yelina?

Someone on Talk CSI introduced the theory that maybe the kid...whose name is Kyle, I think; suppose I should get used to using it...was the product of a mother choosing to use a sperm bank.  Sphinx's exact words were "Although I can't see fathering children he would never see, I could see him wanting to help women get pregnant."  Which made me laugh hysterically, because if it were true, of COURSE that would be Horatio's noble and high-minded rationale.  Not for the money, but because he could help people.   XD

The only other thought process I have going for me is that the mother didn't actually know who the father of her child was, and even that pretty much reduces you to two options; it was a 1-night stand or he was involved with someone extreme trampy, neither of which sounds much better than the above choices.  Basically, there is no way they can impress me with this storyline.  Mark my words.  Just in case I have to eat them later.

Not to mention I feel bad for Horatio, since this newfound son of his appears to be headed straight for the slammer.  Poor H,  the lone white sheep in a family flock of black ones.  Sigh.  At this rate, "Call a Therapist" is going to need a sequel after all.  Or at the very least, a couple of additional chapters.    
Tags: csi: miami, life, loltastic, speculation, spoilers

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