RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Handsome Men's Club: Cinema Edition

Last week at the library, I went past the movie section and saw Hallmark movie "A Heavenly Christmas," and all my brain needed was to see Eric McCormack and Kristin Davis on the cover + confirm they would probably fall in love in order to go "GIVE IT HERE," despite being two months post-holiday season.

I've been not-so-secretly shipping the title characters of Will and Grace since 2005, and quietly languishing about his charming visage going to waste by not kissing pretty women. (the precursor to Blaine Anderson, except he never made it up to me by making sufficient heart eyes at anyone handsome enough to override my default het settings)

To be fair, I had also never looked for any such options, but I've always kept him in mind. And of course, I have been adoring Kristin Davis for exactly as long as I have been Sighing that the darling Charlotte York was stuck in a terrible show like Sex and the City (with a perfectly awful endgame pairing to boot). And now -- the dream.

Granted, the plot looked straight up ridiculous (so she's dead and an angel...but she's going to fall in love with a guy who's...alive? WHUT), but I decided to give it a whirl and just go with it until I could figure out how that worked.
[genuine spoiler alert if u want the answer as bad as I and my mom did]
spoiler alert: she did in fact go to heaven and become an angel, but only in spirit; she was actually in a coma. Her guardian angel let her try on being an angel in order to evaluate her priorites in life. The catch is that once her week back on earth is up and she wakes up from the coma, she won't remember that week and no one she met during that week will remember her either; it will be like she never existed. Except for the positive changes she effected, including her own outlook on life. But of course, because it's Hallmark, it's all going to end up happily ever after by coincidence anyway.)

Yeah, it's pretty cheesy in spots, but these two + Shirley MacLaine are Professional Actors and they absolutely sell their lines so well that for the most part it doesn't even really strike you as cheesy until you reflect on it afterwards. And the real reason it's great is that it features THE SHIPPIEST SHIP OF ALL THE MUSHILY ROMANTIC SHIPS. This is romance-novel-grade schmoop and it is everything I have ever dreamed of. I kept asking for more and more, and it kept giving it to me.

A brief summary of the major indulgences:

  • ‘OMG U REALLY CAME TO MY NIECE’S CHRISTMAS PLAY!!! I mean…that’s cool…pay no attention to how my face is lit up like a Christmas tree that can’t be turned off.’

  • ‘IDK why but I feel compelled at the slightest encouragement to share with you how I lost my sister and get all choked about it. in an attractively manly way.’

  • 'awww you are ADORABLE when you get all dazzled by snowflakes. wanna come sit by my fireplace radiator?’

  • ‘let me just GAZE AT YOU FONDLY from the doorway while you read a bedstory to my beloved niece, whom I am raising’

  • ‘oh dear is that mistletoe? Like I don’t wanna be presumptuous but I definitely need to kiss you. to be clear, no amount of snow being randomly dumped on us will stop me. this is happening.’

  • ‘ok it didn’t end up happening [then], but that is in no way gonna stop me from slow dancing with you and nuzzling up all over your face while I hold your hand against my heart (FOR SYMBOLISM)’

Never mind that we get not one but two rounds of epic kissing, one to close us out but also a bonus round earlier. But Hallmark style, so: somehow conveying great passion while also being very lovely and relatively chaste.

AND I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE STUPID AMOUNT OF LOVE AND AFFECTION AND HUGGING HE SHOWERS THAT KID WITH. Or how upset he gets at the prospect of relinquishing custody to her grandparents and having her move out of state – hi there, beloved season 13 of ER all over again! Oh my god, it's even a dark-haired-guy/blond girl situation. That's like the third one in my arsenal. I love it.

Or how she not only adores him, she glomps onto Eve from the moment she meets her and is like, constantly lurking on the sidelines and beaming at the (suuuuuper-rapidly-developing) romance in a way absolutely no 9-year-old child has ever done before but I DON’T CARE, BRING ME ALL OF THE TACIT ROMANCE APPROVAL!

Also he sings and plays guitar, because his charater is a struggling musician who lost heart after his singing partner/sister died. How am I meant 2 handle this.

Meanwhile, please rest assured that everything Kristin Davis says, does or has a facial expression about is adorable, but especially the part where she basically adopts the niece on sight.

The only way this movie could possibly have been better would have been if someone had handed Debra Messing a giant sack of money to convince her to play the deceased sister. But on the bright side, guess who now has a new theoretical way to make Will and Grace more bearable despite its lack of co-star kissing.

P.S. All of a sudden I am kind of sad that I didn't encounter this before reading Holly and Ivy, because even though I was real invested and happy with having Elizabeth Mitchell and Billy Burke star in my head, the truth is that this trio would fit those roles very well, Except for the part where the father is a terrible jerk instead of affectionate for most of it, and it's the girl who wants to pursue music. But still!

Also while at the library, because those ten seconds of Mer/Der flashbacks in the Grey's Anatomy clip I watched last night have jogged my latent but ever-present love of Patrick Dempsey's face, I picked up Made of Honor for a rewatch. Here is what I said about it last time:

Language and raunch, augh, AUGH.  But McDreamy cuddles, babytalks and bestows kisses on all sorts of cute dogs, and Major McBadass (shown here as a ruggedly perfect Scotsman) isn't too bad either, so there are reasons to watch it.

But to elaborate on the new thoughts:

1. A bunch of supporting players I did not know or did not care about in 2010 include: SARAH OLSEN as one of McDreamy/Tom's bed bimbos (that is a dream acting gig right there), Busy Phillips, Chris Messina, and the dude who plays Weird/Socially Awkward Stuart on Big Bang Theory being similar but somehow weirder and more awkward, as this is apparently his wheelhouse.

2. My boredom with Michelle Monaghan's face has not lessened in the slightest. The crude language and jokes would still keep this from being 5 stars, but with a better actress, this movie would have been a straight up dream, and been awarded the "Five Stars With Handicap" medal next to its 4 stars.

3. McDreamy is absolutely the right choice between the two men here. It was more of an even match to me the first time around, but it's apparent that while still handsome, McKidd has not quite yet toned up into the lean, extra rugged, Beardly McBadass machine he will shortly be.

4. I felt very strongly this time around that in real life, Tom would ABSOLUTELY have only decided he wanted her because he was afraid of losing her and the largely unreciprocated emotional labor she provides, and their relationship would have fallen apart in a year, possibly a month, wrecked their friendship, and just been absolutely everything feminism warns about in entitled men. I just find it hard to believe he'd be able to readjust from sleeping with everything that moves to "lifelong monogamy" that easily.

But on the other hand: I was so willing to believe in the fairytale of a guy realizing he is basically already in a relationship, if he'd just reconnect sex and love in his head. "Best friends to lovers" is the best trope, and I particularly appreciate that this moviesgives us their wedding and then shows them in bed. Like. I don't care about the actual order, but portrayal in that order is just a special delight for my brain.

5, Patrick Dempsey's face is just really good at being lovelorn. Really good. Although I also definitely would have bought him as the Gay Best Friend.

6. He's also terribly good at comedy. He doesn't seem like he would be, but I was constantly cracking up at various lines and/or expressions.

7. I only remembered it happening once, but I lost track of how many times Tom got in dogs' faces, ruffled their fur, kissed their noses, baby-talked them and told them he loved them. There were at least three different dogs he said hello to, and at least four scenes with dogs, I know that much. ALSO, THERE'S A SCENE WHERE HE GALLANTLY GALLOPS ON HORSEBACK; I forgot about that.

Tags: movie reviews

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