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DING, DONG, THE DICK IS DEAD. I mean voted out. But dead to us viewers as a contestant, so we never have to hear from him again. Also: do you know how hard it is to be voted out of Survivor for dickishness? You have to be spectacularly awful, because people will forgive that 160 times more than "physical weakness" or, like, "being over 40," if you seem like you can wield Alliance Skillz. To get your own alliance to vote you out on the basis of your personality is just, wow. It's like a belated birthday present to me?

I cannot wait to see Michael's face when he hears this. I would like to see have seen Michael drum him out personally, and/or have spectacularly face reactions to having to live in the same campsite as him again, but I am more than happy to eliminate all risk of Michael not outlasting him.

This week's Immunuity Challenge was GREAT! And not just because Michael executed amazing, distance-eating swan dives with perfect form, over and over again. (that was only 80% why) I love the "jump off a platform, grab rings, clamber back onto platforms, swim out again, and play ring toss to victory" layout, and I loved how all three of said ring-tossers (Michael, Wendell, Donathan) were really on their game, leading to an impressively close finish.

Speaking of, ~THE MALOLO CURSE IS BROKEN~ and I can only assume that is why the producers were like "ok cool quick let's get rid of that tribe forever now and do a merge because that did not go according to our Constant Hilarious Curse-Referencing Failure plan." And speaking of curses being broken, I don't even know which advantage was better this week, the "It's A F**** Stick" idol made real, Velveteen Rabbit style, or Erik's Immunity Necklace of Dumbassery turned idol (that poor guy. it has been a decade and people still mock him for something that, I mean, honestly, I would have long forgotten if it wasn't constantly being referenced as Survivor legend).

Lastly, now that it has been six episodes, I think I am gonna make a Player Ranking List because I have yet to lay them all out officially, there are still a few whose names I am not sure of and it will be fun to see this shuffle around a fair bit by or before the end. Bradley would have been second to last on this list, so I am cautiously optimistic.

[eta: so what I have learned from this list is (a) I only have 1 or 2 absolute Champions of my Heart right now, but (b) on the bright side, this has got to be the absolute highest percentage of Non-Hateful People I have ever had this early, with only ONE sworn enemy -- though Kellyn is definitely gonna drop the longer she stays in -- and he's not even an enemy so much as just a bumbling annoyance? SCOOOOORE]

Positive Column
Michael: I mean, obviously.

Wendell: STILL SUCH A SMILEY GUY. I would order furniture from him if that were financially cost-effective. Like, a house full of furniture.

Deseree: So I've seen her label of "student," and I've been assuming she is a nontraditional student who went back to school for a career change, because obviously she is in her early to mid-30s...but according to Survivor Wiki she is only 21?!?! That's not a commentary on her looking old or anything, she just seems super mature and like she has had her whole life together for a while. Amazing. Anyway, I still think she's great.

Chelsea: I still feel like I don't really know anything about her, but I really like her face? Especially combined with her thick reddish hair. She kind of reminds me of Felicia Day, but with more feline features, like Megan Fox or Melinda Clarke. I'd like to keep her around for a while.

Jenna: Just because she seems like the most normal / everyday girl next door. Her town is listed as Venice Beach, CA, which is wild to me because if there was ever someone who looked straight out of Toledo, Ohio...oh, there we go. It also said she's only 23 so I thought she might be a transplant, and sure enough, hometown is Detroit. That sounds about right.

Laurel: I like her for being smart (which makes me baffled as to why she pals around with Donathan), and also from relatively my neck of the woods, but I don't really feel like I know her that well as a person yet.

Libby: I liked her a lot at first, and she's definitely cute, but I also kind of feel like there's nothing I haven't seen before on this show.

Chris: It's kind of fascinating how irritating he can be without actually making me hate him? This is a definition of a Golden Boy right here. I can see how you would be friends with him, even though he shows few to no markers of being a Quality High-End Person.

Kellyn: There is still this constant war of "I should definitely like her! why don't I like her more?" against "because she's my age and she's so damned enthusiastic about being divorced, going back to school and doing a 180 in her career, a.k.a. 3 huge changes when change is The Worst," and also because I am probably a little bitter that doing things like getting divorced and going back to school was rewarded by the kind of office job that sounds like it would pay a health salary with benefits and set hours.

Sea Bass: I just...like, I need him to look like he's bathed in the past two months and also maybe not sound like he found some kind of sea weed, as in an aqua-based marijuana cousin.

Neutral / Average
Ashley: She's fine, but she plays things very close to the vest so there is just not a lot there to go on. Definition of boring. Which is certainly not the worst thing a person can be on this show, but if/when she leaves, it'll be a relief to have spared someone higher up on this list. Hopefully.

Dom: he is the opposite of playing things close to the vest, but in his case, it's more like I've seen everything and there is still just not a lot to go on. He's loud and not a bad guy or anything, just not a very interesting one.

Get Out
Donathan: The fact that I have resisted calling him Dumb Jonathan this long is a real testament to my now-failed attempt to not be a bitch.


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