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I have gone totally dark on NCIS this year -- I am stuck a year ago STILL, still not done whirling those beautiful episodes I mentioned but did not review around in the TV processor of my mind -- and I had SUCH HOPES that I would be able to stay in the dark about Abby's last episode(s) / how she exits. It's no easy feat considering I am spending like 5 hours a day on YouTube, watchng infinite clips from similar CBS procedurals, but I've been good. I've been so good. Not even a whisper of a hint of context has gotten past my lockdown.

But my dumb ass went channel surfing today looking for pleasant background reruns while I work, and I left it on CBS during commercials to see what came on next. Next thing I know, my ears are hearing the tail end of a significant promo, Gibbs' voice saying,


"...promised to keep you safe, Abbs."

Head whips around of its own accord -- I don't see Abby, but ARE THEY IN A HOSPITAL? Is she -- oh christ, you wouldn't kill her?? No. You wouldn't. Pauley loves her character and this show and you love and appreciate her and no one would do Abby this way, I am sure of it......but oh, would you send her away in witness protection to "keep her safe"? Don't do that to me. Don't make Abby leave Gibbs for anything less than a farm full of puppies and other rescue animals.

And I'm making this really long post because I am trying to decide whether I want to just try and bury / suppress the memory, or if I need to go look up that promo and risk being spoiled worse, but honestly...I am a weak, weak sucker for Gibbs keeping Abby safe. And I need to at least know how the promo is framing it.

Show me the tape.

*******DRUMROLL*********

The promo: is exactly what it sounded like, or maybe worse.

Me now: OH NO I CAN'T EVEN TELL IF THIS PROMO IS TRYING TO FAKE ME OUT OR PREPARE ME. Normal rules say fakeout, take me to the emotional brink and then let her leave under her own agency, this final peril being the straw that breaks the camel's back. And yet. Character-departure, season's-end, NCIS-the-fridgejoy rules.... *nervous Marge Simpson noises* I feel concerned.

If nothing else, I want not to believe that they would Abby to the list of Gibbs' personal failings. Her leaving should be pain enough.

But damned if it does not feel like the TV tides are turning against me after my 20 months of everything being absolutely genius, the reaper demanding interest due on my deferred pain payments, where this would fit right in.

SOMEBODY-SEDATE-ME.GIF

P.S. Hahahaaa how long has McGee been sporting that Darkest Timeline Abed facial hair? He looks like his own evil doppelganger. Is no one else seeing this. Does he not have a mirror. ....I do feel better now, at least.

Or I'm gonna spend the next 8 hours tracking down Gibbs/Abby clips. Who can say. Oooh, and the library is still open for another thirty minutes?? I don't usually get DVD cravings until it's too late! OFF I GO.

...though it is a pity that the Seinfeld reruns I was craving at 2:00 and which ultimately set off this mess in the first place are finally on.

Voice: One library can provide many hours of Seinfeld reruns.
RS: Explain how.
Voice: *patiently* Library cards can be exchanged for DVD goods and services.
RS: Woohoo!
Voice: She totally tripped ironically on her wallet containing the library card and fell on her ass in her haste to get out the door, too.
RS: Untrue. All lies. Part of the malevolence.
Voice: Are you...quoting yourself...from your Malevolent Sentient Plushie Poogle Neopet's bio? I have explained to you that you cannot reference material no one but you has ever viewed.
RS: But Future Me will laugh at a joke Past Me created, so technically that is not just "me" who has viewed it, but two different entities.
Voice: ......I GUESS.
Voice: But also I feel like someone should punch you because you're in Walter O'Brien "purchasing two items = two purchases on a loyalty card" territory.
RS: Well, the medallion says that's dumb, so you're not gonna do that.
Voice: You now have 19 minutes before the library closes. Was it worth it?

5:15 pm
Hey Voice? Did you maybe neglect to mention that this branch has zero copies of NCIS to its name?
Voice: IDK. It sure did make it funnier to watch you rush out in 83-degree weather without remembering that NCIS is like the one current CBS series available from the comfort of your home on Netflix.
Voice: Also you were so flummoxed by that, you forgot to get Seinfeld. That's even better.

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