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...to ensure I do not finish watching Pitch Perfect 3, and I can’t help but think they are just trying to save me from my own destructive tendencies, because I have been stewing in sourness and grumpitude basically since it opened and I already have a long list of grievances. In no particular order:

(Disclaimer 1: I loved the sequel even more than the original, so I am hardly your typical “they need to stop” complainer.)

(Disclaimer 2: I knew going into this movie that Jesse and Beca, a.k.a. this franchise’s heart and soul and my reason for being in its fandom, were gonna be broken up for some nonsensical reason, and after much soul-searching I decided that I could handwave that lying falsehood* for the pleasure of more awesome musical performances I could declare to be AU. But that is not helping my attitude.)


  • Why were Jesse and Beca still trying to be in a long distance relationship though. And why would you give him a new girlfriend “with a cat” so that now my headcanon has to choose between him getting back with Beca, and being a person who would either leave a cat or take a cat away from its other owner.

  • Beca and Fat Amy’s ~ super awesome best friendship ~ still sucks (yes I am still mad about Beca cuddling with her instead of Jesse in the last film).

  • *turns out I cannot handwave it as easily as I thought

  • Amy’s lines are as gross and awful as ever

  • I love the very charming brunette soldier from Chicago**; he is one of about two non-awful things in this movie, but if this movie is blowing everything else to hell, why not at least finally feed the rabid fandom by giving Chloe a girlfriend*? (preferably not Beca due to my own shipping priorities, but then again, what did you have to lose besides the dollars of homophobic countries? …yep just answered my own question there)

  • *Random boob groping does not count. The hell was that.

  • **oh wait. he’s the part of Timeless I don’t like (based on people’s wrong shipping notions for Lucy, even though I have only ever seen gifsets and not the actual show). Well, fine, now he’s canceled too.

  • WHY THE HELL is Beca making eyes back at some new loser. If this isn’t at least about Beca flying single and fabulous, what even was the point of breaking her relationship up?

  • I cried at the non-reunion at the aquarium and it was legitimate sadness crossed with recognizing that exact feeling of longing for when being a part of something made you special (#clumsy Glee reference #self five). Why would you reduce them to such sad and unfulfilled young adults. No plot reason justifies this.

  • I only caught a glimpse of Young Amy’s My Little Pony shirt but I am pretty sure it’s anachronistic, and that personally offends me.

  • John Lithgow’s “Australian” accent is a nightmare.

  • So is Amy’s bizarre attempt to imitate Sean Paul’s Jamaican accent for some reason on part of Cheap Thrills. Why??? Cynthia Rose was handling it fine, thanks.

  • “Evermoist” (why would u take the very most enjoyable thing about this movie so far and give them that name)

  • Why did this movie start with a dumb action sequence. I hate when movies do this; now I’m just wondering how the hell they get to that point and can’t concentrate on anything else.

  • I can’t tell if I like the music yet or not. The music has always been near perfect to me, whether I liked the originals or not, but I’ve experienced a nonzero amount of “I hate this song so much no version is acceptable” as well as “this is Not As Good as the original and I do not like its mangling” with a side of “why would you squander this awesome cover on a few seconds in a riff-off.”

  • At least frickin’ Bumper isn’t in this movie (I hope?).

  • Another rare positive: my delight upon recognizing Background Bella Jessica this time around as Janice from Scorpion knew no bounds.

  • Now, off I go to view my “otp: singing dorks” tag on Tumblr and either cry a lot, or find some comfort in the obvious canonness of the AU gifsets.

THAT SAID: I do really love the riff-off, musically and visually. I was excited to see it as a sneak peek and I am glad that is what they released, because it is by far the best scene in the movie so far -- as well as the best riff-off across the 3 movies -- and I have watched it at least 6-8 times. Both because I am curious to try and tally everything they used and because I want an excuse to talk about music, Imma dissect it in detail:

Get This Party Started: EXCELLENT OPENER. Beautiful. One might even say...pitch perfect.
Shut Up and Dance With Me: Same. I am probably gonna sing those harmonies every time this comes on the radio now and I am okay with that.
Ignition: I don't know this song, and ew @ using anything from R. Kelley, but the girls work it well.
(I can't figure out what the next song is. Amy is awful per usual, but Emily saves it. And I like the lyric change-up to "all my Bellas")
Fly Away: awesome; so great as a girl group sound!, especially with the little speaker-spinning move
One More Night: idk how the hell you added country yokel to this and still made it sound awesome, but you go, dudes!
Call Me: first of all, I forgot to mention Young Sparrow on my list of "positives," because his face, hair and general charisma and stage presence are amazing??  Anyway, they really changed up the style of this song but it is still great.
Love Me Harder: I don't know this one either; it's boring when Chloe solos but as soon as the other girls back her up, it's their trademark gorgeous a capella sound. (side note: look at Kelly's adorable moves!! That is Glee-level background acting right there. 4 for you, Kelly!)
If I Were A Boy: I don't get the humor in having guys (very manly, straight-appearing guys) lead vocals on this, but the women's harmonies are chillingly gorgeous. Gonna be singing those when I sing along next time, too.
Zombie: AMAZING. It took me a bit to recognize this -- I only know it as a song on the radio covered by a dude band that I have been running away from because of its awful title (my zombie hate game is 10+ years old and going strong), but until it took me by surprise I had no idea it was a) not actually about a zombie apocalypse or b) originally by The Cranberries! I immediately looked up the original because they're great, but I do not like the guttural way the lead singer grinds out the title word at all, especially now that I have been exposed to this incredible, haunting, acoustic and gorgeous girl-group rendition and its amazing harmonies. FULL COVER PLEASE. PLEASE. I WILL PAY MONEY. Or at least hunt for similar covers on YouTube.
Stronger: not my fave song or cover, but decent
Grenade: WHAT MAGIC, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE NOT ONLY NOT LOATHED THIS SONG, but actively enjoyed it?? It is a combo of this specific dude and the AutoTune, I think. (also, Evermoist's backup vocals)
I'm Only Human: here, though -- I legit break out into chills every time Beca's high, pure, crystalline voice bursts onto the scene, cutting through all the synthetic noise with her simple melody and heartwrenching lyrics to match her scrappy little nobody's bravely offensive stance. I'm only human / and I bleed when I fall down... I am Upset that she gets cut off as swiftly as she does.
Wake Me Up / Zombie / Stronger / Grenade mashup: Even though this sound is pretty awesome to close us out. (check that snappy fiddling!)

P.S. I cannot BELIEVE my library does not have this soundtrack, what the hell. ...although I guess if I bought the soundtrack at Wal-Mart with the little booklet for the last movie, I could do that again.

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