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Double Whammy II

These are also ridiculously long, so it's all behind a cut, just for fun.

Original Air Date: 7/25

"We're getting so few now!" Cat says sadly as she dances through the little crew of 8.  In a periwinkle blue, satin-looking short-dress that I thought was pretty, until I noticed how disgustingly far the neckline plunged. Damn it, Redneck Woman is back on the panel.  At least she brought Dan Karaty with her.

TEAM ONE, ROUTINE ONE:
Coffee and Cream version 2.0 is AWESOME!  Donyelle and Travis WOOOOOO!

Hip-hop with Sparky is not awesome.

As of this moment, I hate Shane Sparks ("Act like a monkey!  Act like a kangaroo!").  I also want a 2-hour show if you're still going to make them do two dances.  There was not nearly enough personal video camera time righ there.  I also want to shoot however has them wearing masks.  And I hate Fergie, who is singing this song "London Bridge," which I recently learned was dirty.  How I am hating so much 5 minutes into this episode, especially with a duo like this?  This dance is really, really stoopid.  If I didn't love these kids, based on this performance alone I would NOT vote for them.  And I keep thinking about monkeys and kangaroos. 

Speaking of the kiddos, not only must they be dying of heat (total head coverings, hoodies, jeans and gloves??) they didn't look too happy about that performance even BEFORE Nigel started talking.  He was not pleased.  I'm glad he called Stoopid on the masks, though, and pointed out that it's important to see a dancer's facial expressions, as the eyes light up the face.  "Especially you, Donyelle."     

"Well, I couldn't really tell if you  were comin' or goin', but I have to say I just LOVED the concept!" Mary Murphy hee-haws. Has Mary been digging in Paula's medicine cabinet, perchance?

TEAM TWO:
Next up, Allison and Ivan dance (the Argentine tango).   
Me: *outraged* NO, don't waste her on the freak again!!  If any old partners should be reunited, it's the Benjelle!  BOOOO!!  Since that's not possible, Benji will now be partnered with either the slut-ho, Natalie, or his real-life dancing partner, Heidi, an idea I find I dislike almost as much. Geeze, do I have to pick Ivan off with a sniper rifle to get rid of him?

The music is boring, but Allison's costume, although too skimpy for my tastes, has lots of shiny blue sequins, or so it appears.  She glitters on stage.  And she has a couple of nice lifts.  There is too much wrapping of the legs around one another.  That is all.

TEAM THREE: Ryan & Natalie
Oh, it's disco for the kiddies.  Natalie likes disco, doesn't she?  I hated her least when she was a disco queen.  However, that does not mean I like her.  For example, I notice she's got a bandage around her knee joint.  See?  She's injured.  It would be a kindness to send her home.

Music: The classic disco bopper, "Turn the Beat Around."  Most excellent dancing song.  It even makes this dance fun!  70's Bright costumes help that, though. ...oh WOW!  When he lifts her up and spins her with her legs split like that, that was NEAT!  They kind of came apart on that last spin, though, I think. 

*frowns* Dmitry, don't support the Natalie ho.  (re: "Vote 4 Natalie" sign) The Dmitry love is now dead.

Mary's just being a bitch tonight: "WOW!  DISCO INFERNO...that was NOT." 
Dan: "That was painful.  No chemistry."  Hey, it's one thing when *I* say it, but the judges are just mean.  Almost   Also, shut up, because Natalie is starting to cry again.  She cries more than I do.
Ryan's going home tomorrow doo-dah...doo-dah...and Heidi will prolly follow him, unless America listens to me. 

TEAM FOUR: Kissing Cousins.  I mean, "Dancing Cousins."  Benji & Heidi.

By the way, I'm a firm believer in not partner-dancing with close relatives.  Even if you're both awesome dancers, when you're selling sex on the floor, just...not a good idea.  You know, I like my imaginary Benjelle quotes, but see, I couldn't do that with these two.  Is Been High a good moniker for this pair?  You know, BenHei?  Oh, sorry, they're dancing now.

Music: "Fake your way to the top," from some musical I've never heard of.

Damn, but they're good!  No romantic chemistry required for Broadway.  Heidi-Ho's got a pretty silver sequin top with floofy feathery pink skirt.  On second viewing, I decide that this dance is boring and I don't like it, although Broadway is probably the most fun style for the contestants to dance.  I wouldn't want to do it, though.  Showboating is not my thing.
Cat: "Nigel?"

Nigel folds his hands very solemnly.  He waits for a minute.  And then jumps up with wild eyes, yelling "HALLELUJAH!"  Sometimes I think Nigel is just a ridiculous old man.  I love how Benji never forgets his manners; even in all the excitement and joking around, when he gets a true compliment, he always accepts it very seriously, a sincerely mouthed "thank you."

TEAM ONE, TAKE TWO:
Quick-step for Coffee 'n Cream 2.0.
Donyelle has a pretty dress, and Travis looks nice, as he usually does when stuffed into a sportcoat with tails for ballroom, and I like the quickstep a lot of the time, but this is a poor choice of music.  It's "Dancin' Fool", by a man I despise, Barry Manilow.

Nigel says poor Donyelle made a serious mistake thinking of it like hopscotch (shouldn't the choreographer have told her that early on?  Jerk), and adds that Travis is stiff-legged like the gingerbread man from Shrek.  Ouch. 

Mary: Let me start by saying I love the two of you to pieces...
Audience/Judges: *laughter*
Nigel: Here come the pieces.

And so on.  Donyelle hasn't been criticized this much since EVER.  I'm sure she's quietly steaming and certain she can blame this either on a lingering Dmitry curse or on Martha (the other black girl)'s sudden fizzling last week. 

TEAM TWO, TAKE TWO:
AI, "hip hop" (more like contemporary), to "Sexy Love" by Ne-Yo. 

Wait, Ne-Yo?  Like...Neo?  Like that guy that was on the show a few weeks back??  Was this the song he was singing?  Whatever.  I didn't realize any of this until later, because when the show aired my thoughts went like this:

"HOLY SHIZ ALLISON LOOKS HOT TONIGHT."  Damn, I love her curls, but her hair is so long that when it's straight and down like that, she looks INCREDIBLE.  In these clothes (sporty black crop top, jeans, wide belt), like Avril LaVigne, but much prettier.  She is way too hot for Ivan.  This whole routine is neat, laid back yet captivating.  I wouldn't listen to this song alone, but it makes a good dance.  (ewww, please keep your bodies apart from each other)  Allison is just such a perfect sweetie...this was NICE.

I still can't believe Shane choreographed this.  He lies. He cheated somehow, I swear. 

TEAM THREE, TAKE TWO:
Natalie: Ryan, Ryan, Ryan...he's so funny, he's like a little puppy.  Everything I do, everywhere I go, he's like, "But I wanna go with NATALIE!" 

Oh, that is cute.  Ryan is a little bit cute.  But would someone make Natalie quit speaking with affected accents?  Please?
Music: I Will Get There, by Boys Eleven Men.  (kidding.  Animorphs joke.  I know it's Boys II Men)

This dance is contemporary.  It is not bad, but not special.  More like...classically boring.  And at first glance, Natalie looks like she's wearing a nightie.

TEAM FOUR: Been High
Dancing the fastest mambo you've ever seen, to "Black Mambo."  Heidi is wearing rags again.  Fast, fancy footwork, as promised...complicated arm wraps...twisty waist spins!  Which Benji does not do so hotly as Dmitry, but whatever.  And...ewwwwww.  *shudders like Homer Simpson picturing one of Marge's sisters*

Oh, gross.  See?  May I remind you why cousins should not do ballroom dance like this? Face-to-face and hands traveling up body and UGH.  Neat when Benji slid across the floor on toes/heels like that, but ewwwww, they just did it again; he's all but feeling her up.  Gross.  The ending is gross.  The underhand spinning, however, even if Heidi did not do it as fast as the choreographer, was neato.  And at the end, customary chanting for Benji.  Not Heidi.  Not Been High.  Just Benji!

Nigel: First of all...I'm so pleased they found something to do with Dmitry's old shirts.

HAH!  Benji pretends to look embarrassed by the shirt he's wearing, which is split down the middle in a V to rival Cat's.  (Ooh, take note!  The twisty-waist spins may be called "toe heel steps."  I'm not sure.  Maybe it was just a similar move.)   

Nigel takes the rest of the time to compliment them while rambling on, not for the first time, about the ratings.  Okay. Your show rocks.  I know it, I'm glad, and I'm glad you're glad.  But could you refrain from wasting time during the show chatting about it?  That kind of talk belongs in board rooms and post-production parties.

Benji is now doing a thing where, as Heidi beams, he has his eyes closed and his face pressed against the side of hers in such a way that would make me squeal and melt if the girl in question were Donyelle.  As it is now, I just find it unsettling.  It's a fairly innocent sort of thing, brothers and sister (and cousins) who are close do it all the time, but on this show it bugs me.  Well, at least he's super cute. 

After making yet another bait-and-switch about being "a little disappointed"...because there were only 99 turns instead of 100!  *rolls eyes* I feel Mary has definitely been in Paula's medicine cabinet.  My guess is that she didn't find enough drugs to satisfy her, though, so she wants to make all the contestants feel the same bi-polar mess that goes on in her head. 

Teehee!  And one more funny moment, as Benji is getting in one last hug for Heidi, squeezing her tight, when he realizes Cat is announcing her voting number, and lickety-split he's out of the picture so that the camera focuses on her alone - though his fingers are visible, pointing at her.  Heidi does the favor when it's his turn.  He even decides that it can't hurt to open his shirt a little more and show off his chest.  He only does it for a second, as a joke.  That, or he suddenly remembered what Dmitry was doing right before he got sent home.  End show!

----------------------
Part Four

...um.  I don't want to alarm you, but it appears I *may* not have taped the results show.  Or taken any notes.  Which means part 4 of the Quadruple Whammy, which I am SO down to the wire finishing right now (next show starts in 45 minutes), just might be the shortest review ever as it will focus solely on the results instead of what leads up to them.

Oh, the opening song - Cell Block Tango, from the Chicago musical.  I like that song because the senior class before me at my dance studio did their dance to that song.  And it was awesomeness.  Except that was one of the few years there were no boys in the class, so it was kinda different.  Anyway!  The dance here was great.  Not as good as Ramalama, but, you know.

So, the bottom four were:  Ryan (yes!), Natalia (Yes!  Yes!), Travis (NO...), and Allison (WTF?). 

All was not well in TV land.  The night would get worse.

I probably fast-forwarded through whichever professional singer-dancer performed, or at least I don't remember it, quite impatient to get to the results.  I was about to give myself an ulcer, curled up in a ball fearing that Travis would be sent home.  First Martha, now Travis?  I couldn't take it.  Not as long as Mr. Smiley and the Scrawny Runty One were still in the competition.  And Allison!  No way!  She's supposed to take 3rd among the girls, easily!  SHOOT THE CRIPPLED ONE ALREADY, DAMN IT.

And the results were thisly:

Girls - say goodbye to Allison.

Steam shot out my ears.  I shrieked, howled, wailed, and cursed the blankity-blanking idiot jerks who voted for other girls over her.  For the past week, she was even better than Donyelle, and do you people not remember her beautiful flowing hair?  I really thought she had a chance at winning.  A small one, but a chance to get waaay up there.  She doesn't deserve to go yet.  This is not right.  I cried.  I wanted to smack Natalie for crying (ever notice that the one who stays always looks way more distraught?).  I'm pretty sure Travis was crying, or at any rate he looked really sad.  As usual, he has my full pardon to go right ahead and let it out. 

I'm so torn up over Allison going that I barely even hear Cat say Ryan is the boy going home.  Oh, thank god.  Not Travis.  And yet, he's been a foregone conclusion in my mind for so long (actually, not unlike Natalie, and see how that's been backfiring), that it was more like I expected it to happen, and if it *didn't*, I would have keeled over and died. 

For the last couple of weeks, though, I'm thinking it's been pretty apparent that when you get down to it, the final head-to-head showdown (it does go down to 2, right?), it's going to be Benji dancing for the guys side and a tough, tough battle between Donyelle and Heidi for top girl.  If Allison's gone, Nat doesn't have a chance in hell unless Heidi does a massively bad job tonight.  I should really play a betting game...people keep talking up Heidi, but of all the blogs I've read and people I've talked to, there is a seriously strong current of love for Donyelle.  Everyone seems to like her for the same reasons I do, while Heidi's just another same-old same-old, energetic little blonde - Benji's cousin, dance partner and national champion or not.  So I'm calling a final two of Benj vs. Elle. 

P.S. I've already been watching and writing about So You Think You Can Dance for a total time of 4 hours today.  Can I really handle yet another two hours of it here at my TV/computer...??

 

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