I have tried and failed three times to turn this into a full-length review, and I can't. Bones is just not capturing my interest this season. I have no idea why. So for now, all I'll say is that Booth is utterly adorable while nudging his head against Brennan's shoulder like a Labrador, and that I am consistently amazed by how green-screen all the shots of Washington D.C. landmarks look.
This episode not only reaffirmed hy I love Lily and Marshall, but also surprised me when I realized that they may actually be among my favorite TV couples right now. I normally exclude sitcom pairings from my list of OTPs, but...lately I am having daydreams about them because they're pretty much a puddle of cute. Especially Marshall's tendency to be overly emotional - I was torn between "HEE" and "awww" when he broke down in tears just *imagining* outliving Lily. No, I'm definitely going to have to go with "awww. :'("
I really don't understand Ted's rant about how horrible New Jersey is, or why it should matter that the girls weren't "real" New Yorkers. But then, I don't understand what's so great about New York either. Other than that, really loved Ted & Barney's shameless attempt to nail their dates by pretending to be tourists. Especially when they kept losing their accents.
In other news, I never need to see Robin kiss a woman again. Regardless of whether or not that woman is herself and/or in a dream. *is squicked*
My first thought when this episode opened, was “oh great, we’re starting with a hot girl in a bikini by a pool. That's never good." The fact that we followed this girl around for 3 full minutes before getting to the actual crime was an even worse sign, and I began to grit my teeth...and then the rest of the episode happened.
I don't know if it's just my desperate determination to call this show good again or what, but for the second week in a row I was pretty impressed with the final product, even if I didn't really understand the concept of "cyberlebrity." How does one random picture of someone activate mass stalker syndrome? There are random pictures all over the internet, many of them connected to blogs. Why don't those people get stalked? The funny thing is, I kind of understand the mentality, because I have a tendency to pick out role models at school - I am oftentimes more in awe of my classmates than of Hollywood celebrities - but there's a significant difference in that I would never start FOLLOWING THEM AROUND AND TAKING PICTURES.
Anyway. Candice was a refreshingly normal victim, neither stupid nor petty nor especially wealthy, and thus it was actually possible to feel some measure of sympathy for her, and for the first time in a long time, I thought Horatio actually sounded like he'd made a connection, instead of distant and robotic while promising "I'm going to find out who did this." More importantly, though, she spent the episode in the protective shadow of her bodyguard, who turned out to be none other than Ryan - that is, New and Super Improved Ryan.
Apparently he took offense to my calling him a knave last week, because he not only rid himself of the scruff and the dead-end job, he showed up in exceedingly fine form with all his season 3 empathy, amazing hair, reassuring manner, and Eyes of Compassion to more than rival his boss's. Guess I won't be bestowing him with a season-long nickname after all. I mean, I loved absolutely everything he did this week, including his utter disdain at the mother using her daughter like a cash cow and the tackling of Candice's would-be assailant, but I think my favorite bit of the whole episode is where she turns wide and worried eyes on him, "Ryan, am I okay?" and he is immediately nonchalant in assuring her it's no big deal. I want Ryan to be my personal bodyguard! Not that I need one, but...I'm feeling safe from the other side of the screen.
And I loved the bit when he stopped in by the lab to have trace collected and got to see Eric and Calleigh - "Wow, so it takes 2 CSIs to process someone these days! You guys must be more desperate to get me back than I thought." And you notice Natalia wasn't in sight for this little reunion? Oh, I miss this trio; I even almost miss when they were all sniping at each other at the beginning of season 4. I never thought they gelled as well as the original trio of subordinates, but you know, they have some pretty fantastic group chemistry.
And Ryan was not the only thing to love, oh no. STETLER! I actually shrieked with excitement when he unexpectedly strolled onto the screen. I was too busy having fits of excitement over what I perceived as backstory to realize that said backstory was only 5 years ago, a/k/a "during show history", a/k/a "not that exciting or revealing." Nevertheless, there was excitement to be had over the fact that Horatio actually displayed a sense of humor, wryly commenting "Rick, that sounds like a note of personal concern," and when Stetler disabuses him of that notion (not that he's fooling anyone), a rather bemused "So we're back to reality." Um, people. Horatio is joking. Horatio has REMEMBERED HOW TO CRACK JOKES. Call 9-1-1, as I am experiencing a heart attack brought on by abject SHOCK. Of course, there's an additional level of irony in the fact that Stetler is probably more grounded in reality than Horatio is right now. There are times when the latter is slightly too convinced of his own godhood, and this "I have no need to fear, for none can possibly outsmart me, silly mortals!" moment is one of them.
I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty excited by the fact that somebody was slashing H's tires and stealing his badge. See, this is how you get to him. You don't do silly things like threaten him with being green-lit. You take ACTION. And frankly, I was a lot more on the side of the new lab tech who was like, "Um, sir? You have just recieved a DEATH THREAT. This means a person is actively planning to MURDER YOU. A person who more than likely has access to lethal weaponry. PERHAPS YOU COULD BE SLIGHTLY MORE CONCERNED." (speaking of said new tech, Sam? She is sharp and vibrant, and I am instantly in love with her. Could we possibly fire Natalia and hire HER as a full time tech-turned-CSI?)
Admittedly, Horatio still ends up at the height of idiocy. Let me see if I understand the plan: he decides to bait his would-be killer by leaving a gun loaded with blanks where said would-be killer (and anyone else, actually) can steal it. He will then lure the suspect to a deserted location, without backup. Once suspect arrives, he will draw attention to himself and stand there, without his own weapon drawn, and wait for the kid to SHOOT HIM. Well, with a plan like that, what could possibly go wrong? /sarcasm.
That was a completely stupid and unnecessary bunch of risks to take. How did he know the kid would take the gun in the first place? And even after it was gone, maybe some *other* hoodlum nabbed it first. Plus, how did he know the kid wouldn't a) swap the gun out for another, or b) check it beforehand and switch the blanks for real bullets? Because I'm pretty sure that kid's aim was good, and Horatio would not have survived multiple bullets to the torso. By this point, Horatio is just laughing in the face of death, and it annoys me. Does he think that his stab wound in New York was so serious that he actually died, and is now immortal? Hm. On second thought, maybe Ann Donahue DOES think that. It would explain a lot.
Okay, so after having written this review, it may not have been the best episode ever. But it was an entertaining hour, and significantly better than the dreck that was at least 80% of season 5, so I can't judge it too harshly. Now, I need to close with some Fashion Notes:
1. *narrows eyes* I notice that Horatio is wearing the all-black ensemble for the second week in a row, so apparently he still believes in the necessity of a Superhero Outfit. Perhaps he just feared that color sucked away his crime-fighting abilities.
2. Natalia had on a fairly nice blouse, and by fairly nice I mean it looked like white silk, and would have been nice for a cocktail party, but maybe not so much work as a CSI.
3. Calleigh had one hot black blouse, w/ the pretty filmy-fabric sleeves...I want it RIGHT NOW. I think Calleigh might be outstripping Natalia in the Wardrobe of Envy department this year.
4. I'm pretty sure that Stetler's shirt was a lovely striped combination of white and NEON DAY-GLO GREEN. Did anyone else notice how bright it looked?
5. Frank, "completely bald" is REALLY not a good look on you.
I'm torn over how to classify this episode, because for the first half...or maybe even the first 2/3 of it...I thought it was great. It was considerably more intriguing than the premiere had been, packed with character tidbits, and had me on the edge of my seat. The minute it turned into a bomb/terrorism plot, however, everything went "thud." I cannot even begin to tell you how bored I am of ticking time bombs, especially in connection with foreign adversaries. This is the kind of thing I'm supposed to leave behind on Mondays/Miami; I don't need to see Mac emulating the Horatio pose on a Coast Guard boat.
FYI, I still hate the new theme song. And Lindsay's sad, limp hair. Other than that, there is a long list of things I enjoyed about this episode:
-Flack needs to be without the sportcoat more often. Love that look.
-Mac: Legend has it the winner got Staten Island.
Flack: Is it too late to give it back?
-Fun Fact: starfish are carnivorous. I actually did not know that. The things I'm learning today!
-Sunken subway cars! It's like there's a whole separate city under the water. This setting is so much better than the Statue of Liberty...you may or may not know this about me, but I am obsessed with underwater wrecks, so I loved all the scenes of Danny & Hawkes diving under. Especially when they came face to face with the second diver's body...hah, I knew he was going to turn up dead. I still jumped when the face floated into view, though, because for whatever reason, dead bodies underwater are EXTREMELY FREAKY.
-The string music that was playing throughout all the diving scenes was really pretty and added to the surreal effect of following them underwater. It was also a welcome change from the usual hip-hop dreck that permeates evidence-processing montages...or the grammatically-challenged Pussycat Doll's music from the teaser. -.-
-Sid hasn't been creepy in at least three episodes now! I enjoy being able to watch autopsy scenes on this show again.
-With Lindsay running all the lab work, there was no need for Adam or even Kendall to appear. I heartily approve of this arrangement.
-Character background tidbit! My mind is now filled with bemused images of little Louie and Danny diving for random bits of "treasure"
-LOVED the panic!moment when Hawkes got trapped under debris while deep below the surface. I wasn't expecting it at all, even though it took me a while to figure out how serious it was. I mean, for the longest time, nobody really seemed all that panicked - it was like "Oh no. I am stuck. Help." The reactions from those watching from the lab were similarly subdued, although I did appreciate Lindsay's look of fear.
-Aww, poor banged up and bandaged Hawkes. Yay for Flack running up in "what the hell's going on?!" mode.
-Points for the return of rage!Mac when he flipped out and half choked a very deserving suspect. When Jack Malone does it, I cry foul, but I seem to have no problem with Mac doing the same thing. It's just so raw and visceral that I can't help a little shiver of pleasure.
-I'm liking the exploration of Danny & Hawkes friendship. These two have great working chemistry, and should be paired up more often.
One of the few things I didn't like was the Danny/Lindsay scene - the attempted banter was embarrassingly stilted and awkward; Lindsay's dialogue in particular was very uncomfortable to watch, and I kind of want to say I thought it was bad acting. No! I will not jump on the Anna hate train, I will not jump on the Anna hate train...I will chalk it up to Danny closing off due to an inability to discuss things like Feelings. Even so, I winced and felt like we were experiencing another "clingy Lindsay" moment, where I suspect what she was really dying to say was "OMG Danny it could have been you, I was so scared, hold me and tell me you're all right." (also: $10 says this idea crops up in a sugar-sap story on fanfiction.net)
I've mentally blocked the sideplot about Stella's potential new love interest. Not worth thinking about.
Otherwise, that's about it for my quibbles with this one. I just wish there had been a better explanation for the shipwreck setting...like actual buried treasure. I would have completely forgiven them ripping off Miami's "Pirated" if they'd gone that direction. Or at the very least, a standard murder over jealousy or something like that. Blase beats ludicrous every time.