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Brain-rotting TV

Further proof that ABC Family is the greatest addition to our school’s cable package since EVER (well…tied with FX), this Sunday I shall be pulling up a chair to watch the delightfully cheesy made-for-TV movie fun that is “Holiday in Handcuffs.”  Because Mario Lopez suddenly became hot.  And I will never not love Melissa Joan Hart in any context.  But mostly because for some reason, I find the premise of this story irresistible, and every time I see a preview it fills me with delight and glee and not a little sense of heartwarming.  Cheesy though it may be. 

I think America’s Most Smartest Model has rotted my brain.  Speaking of that…

AMSM: Episode 9, The Penultimate
I remain in denial that it’s nearly over.  Just like I will remain in denial about who’s in the finale until the end of this post.

I like the fact that the models apparently aren’t sequestered in the house the way most reality show contestants are, and they’re able to make phone calls home and such, but…when VJ uses this to his advantage to call a friend in order to get info on the new Jaguar model prior to the competition, how is this not BLATANT CHEATING?  I don’t see how even Mary Alice can make an allowance for something that negates the entire purpose of the Edge challenge, which is one of the major structures in the GAME that is this reality show. 

Who am I kidding; Mary Alice can make allowances for anything he does.

Anyway, the build-a-car challenge looked appropriately horrifying; I can’t even imagine trying to do something like that.  I would fail abysmally.  To my dismay, that’s exactly what Brett did.  To my glee, however, Angela brought the expertise to her partnership – I kind of love the fact that even though she doesn’t particularly want to team up with VJ, when she does it seems to help her out, and like she said last week (paraphrased), it’s probably good to have the snaky bastard on your side.  Sucked that they didn’t win, though; for all the mockery directed at her for crying, I completely understood Angela’s tears of sheer frustration.  They had this huge advantage going in, they were ahead throughout the whole of phase 1, and then at the last minute they crashed and burned.  Meaning they didn’t win the edge, which has more often than not dictated who won the challenge, and Angela knew darn well that if it came down to her, VJ and Brett on the chopping block, she was probably the one going home due to the fact that she had breasts. 

So, off to the Callback challenge.  I’m pretty sure it was no coincidence that the ones who did best went last; they not only had everyone else coming in telling them what to expect, but they got a confidence boost from knowing that it wouldn’t take much to be better than the people who totally bombed it.  Anyway, Rachel, VJ and Brett were so horrible that it was actually physically painful to watch.  It was like watching a video of myself giving a presentation – with all the pausing, stammering, and freezing up, I just buried my head in my arms and whimpered for it to stop.  Brett was especially disappointing, though, because he freaked out way too much over what was really a relatively minor twist.  There was no excuse for him to panic and start cursing, especially given that Ben Stein was in an unusually forgiving mood, and kept calmly reassuring him that he was doing fine.  If he’d just LISTENED to the man, collected himself, and maybe made a joke out of the fact that he had no idea what he was doing, I bet they would have awarded him brownie points like they did for Rachel in last week’s runway challenge.

 After those three disasters, I have to admit that VJ was really enjoyable to watch.  Despite his alien features, his stepping off the circle was very smooth (one wonders why more people didn’t try that, actually; it’s not like they had to cross half the stage to get off it), and he definitely sold the idea of the car.  I thought there was no way Angela could top that, and all I could hope was that she wouldn’t go down in flames like everyone else.

I was wrong!  She was amazing; completely confident in her presentation and using the movement to her advantage as she’d take a sexy stroll back to her original position every few seconds.  She managed to bring the runway to her spokesmodeling.  For the first time in a while, I agreed with the winner(s!) of the Callback.  Even though one of them was VJ.

But you know what I’m very much not in agreement with?  The double elimination.  I mean, I understood when they cut Rachael; this is about where I expected her to end up – I thought there was a chance she’d reach the finale, but I wasn’t too surprised when she fell just short of it.  But then unceremoniously cutting Brett?  BRETT?  HOLY HELL, WTF DID YOU JUST DO AND NO AND WHY??  Why is Andre in the finale?  How the eff did this happen?  THIS IS RIDICULOUS NONSENSE.  Andre has an ugly personality.  He has ugly hair.  He has a blocky, homely face not unlike a bulldog.  Brett vs. Andre, golly, I just can’t imagine who would entice me to buy things more.  No, not at all.  ARGH!  Once they cut Daniel, Andre was supposed to go next and then Brett was supposed to win this thing.  I had it all planned out.  I hate Mary Alice.  “Spiraling downhill” since Pickel left?  As established, he made one wrong choice in deciding to work by himself, and then okay, he effed up the following time, but no worse than Andre.  And he hasn’t gotten into screaming matches with half the house.  Also, he’s fifty times cuter than anyone else in the competition, even Daniel.      

So now, in an unexpected turn of events, I suddenly went from being 60/40 in favor of the remaining contestants to having all my hopes riding on Angela.  Which…wow.  I really did not expect to see her make it this far!  I’m pleased as punch that she managed to pull a Survivor Terry-style winning streak out at the last second, but I have no hope whatsoever of her winning.  I’m laying all my money down on VJ, really, because it’s kind of hard not to notice the way Mary Alice has been drooling at his feet. 

But I may only be thinking that because if Andre wins, I’ll have to go smash my head into a brick.  As previously mentioned, the only real word for him is “repulsive."

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Off to go make some hot cocoa, enjoy the snow piling up everywhere - coming down so heavily that most evening activities got canceled due to the snow, including night classes (to the great delight of my roommate) - and deny that I have about 2 weeks to write a good 20 pages' worth of papers and study for two cumulative finals. 

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