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In totally un-fandom related news, I cannot believe I am actively seeking a quote about how sexual liberation = female independence and is a good thing.  This is the most perfect opposite of my general belief system I can think of.  And yet: I really, really need one, preferably from a primary source essay, in support for a particular prong in my Scarlet Letter paper.  Anyone have ideas?  (Actually, now I'm good, thanks to eleigh, which proves that friending memes work even when they've expired) 

In case you didn't keep up with yesterday's massively multi-edited entry, you should go finish reading it (Voice: No, no, no, this completely negates my attempt to save you from embarrassment...see if I ever do anything nice for you again), and even after all that craziness I am STILL not done writing the damn paper, and so the saga continues.  Today has gone like this: 

Midnight:
As I very dilligently worked on my paper, listening to respectable music for a change, one of them was a new track I'm testing out on a recommendation - Stars, "Look Up," which I was spurred to download mostly because the recommender said it opened with oboe and English horn.  I'm still debating whether or not I like it - I think I do, if only because the girl's voice is magic - but as I listened, I couldn't shake the feeling that the opening sounded strangely familiar.

So I hit up Google, and discover that oh hey!  It's from "Symphonie Fantastique" by Hector Berlioz, which sends me spinning back to first-semester symposium and all the fun we had listening to music from the romantic period.  This song brings back good memories - this very movement, in fact, was what made me like it enough to call my beloved but tragically nameless at the time teddy bear "Bearlioz" after its composer - and all of this adds up to the fact that this is my new Song of the Moment.  Also, for some reason I cannot shake the feeling that this would make a fantastic song for an O.C. fanvid.  Probably because I just cannot stop picturing Marissa with the lyric "Your girl, she's a renegade/A hurricane that keeps you there, safe."

6 AM: Damn it.  I went into paralyzed mode where I could not accomplish any tasks more difficult than computer pinball and arranging my playlist to optimum order.  For four hours.  I needed to study for my final exams, and yet I keep thinking that it will throw me way off course if I pack up all my stuff from the computer area and go back to my room, and then have to lug it all back if I finish studying early.  Plus I don't want to give up my music (damn you, non-working MP3 player).  And then I think "Well, I might as well keep working on the paper until I'm ready to focus on science; it shouldn't take more than a couple of hours to study anyway..." except then every time I look at the paper, I immediately go "D'AHH BUT THE NUTRITION EXAM IS MUCH CLOSER, WHAT IF WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO STUDY?" and I can't concentrate at all.

So I pretty much cycle back and forth between those two areas of study, unable to do either, until I mentally dive under the sand and focus on smacking the little pinball to the best of my ability.  "Yay, high score!  Oh crap, game over, now I have to go back to that time management decision...new game!"

And otherwise ungood stuff.  So, yeah.  I'm going to go study now, though, since I'm down to less than 2 hours.  I'm going to stumble through these tests on a wing and a prayer (and cramming and a sugar high), and then possibly curl up in bed at 1 PM, and hopefully by evening I will be back in sharp focus.  I honestly cannot even comprehend the the idea of my final Lit paper right now, so I'm not going to think about it

11:50: Join me in rejoicing: contingent upon the fact that I have actually passed these classes, after devoting 100 minutes to Nutrition (150 multiple choice questions, and dammit it was hard!) and 80 minutes to Stats (that was just an example of Epic Suckitude, as I pretty much had no idea what I was doing on half of it and was essentially flinging crap at the page in an embarrassingly obvious attempt to *pretend* I knew what I was interpreting), no more concrete classes ever again!  From here on out it's all about the fuzzy thinking and paper-BSing.

...oh crap, I don't like it that way at all.  Undo!  Undo!  My GPA seems to prefer life without calucations, though, so we're about to embark upon a calendar year full of humanities.  Good for graduating on time (or as on time as I can be), not good for my slooooow writing self. 

Speaking of writing, which I'm about to embark upon very dilligently in just a few minutes or not, Voice will attest to the fact that I have not spent any time at all adding Spice Girls videos to my increasingly worrisome obsession with 90's nostalgia.  Right?  
...Voice?

V: Sh. Busy destroying YouTube from the inside out. 

9:37: I would like to know why adoring Scarlet Letter is not making it any easier to write a paper about it.  I don't hate the book yet, fortunately, but I am getting...distinctly tired of trying to relate it to much dryer and duller essays by feminist authors in order to prove theories.

10:30: Wow.  OK, I write papers single-spaced in size 10 font with screwy margins, to trick myself into writing more in an attempt to fill the same amount of space...and I just checked the length, and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw it was only 4.5 pages long.  Then I realized I'd forgotten to change the font size, and I hadn't fixed my margins back.  It's still only friggin' 7 pages, which ticks me off a lot given how many hours of work I've poured into it - no seriously, I know I've created two posts largely about my music video watching merriment, but I've devoted at least twelve hours purely to this crap - but I am SO CLOSE THAT I THINK I MIGHT BE FINISHED BY DAWN.  Which will be the third time I've made such a claim, but third time's the charm!

Also, I burned my tongue on hot chocolate last night, and it's still numb. I thought I'd throw that in just in case there's not enough complaining.       

4:05 AM: Wow, I am now 28 hours past first part of this entry.  I should make a new post, probably, but that would seem like a terrific waste of space.  It's just - so close!  All I've done for the past two hours is compile my bibliography, look up quotes and obsessively edit, but all I have left to do is finish off one short paragraph, explain two quotes (one of which I still have to work in...), and write the conclusion, and I'll be done.  It sounds so sad that I'm all triumphant about the fact that I now have EIGHT pages (exactly one more than I had six hours ago), but...that's a major triumph!  And the overall quality of those pages is better, too. 

Watch this space for edits, probably.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
eleigh
Dec. 19th, 2007 05:09 am (UTC)
Ok your best bet for a quote on sexual freedom=female independence is to look at the Free Love movement of the Victorian era. That wikipedia article can tell you where to start. If you have access I would suggest doing a JSTOR search on Free Love, Mary Gove Nichols, Emma Goldman but mostly Free Love.
rainbowstevie
Dec. 19th, 2007 05:33 am (UTC)
Ooh, thanks!! JSTOR has been a godsend this year...I'll go check those right away. Meanwhile the origins of that movement sound really interesting, and it fits perfectly with what I'm talking about. Almost scarily perfect, in fact. Amazing.
eleigh
Dec. 19th, 2007 04:09 pm (UTC)
JSTOR is fabulous. And I hope you found the quote you were looking for. I checked to see if I put any thing in my thesis but all I had was stuff about how birth control led to autonomy because I didn't really focus on Free Love as much.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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