RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

American Idol: Top 24 Performances

Dear Idol: FAIL ON EXCLUSIVE PARTNERSHIP WITH ITUNES.  FAIL.  I hate iTunes.  You can't play iTunes music on any other medium, meaning I can't put it on my MP3 player (even though said player is broken so I can't put any music on it...), and that inflexibility makes me angry.  Plus it forces me to use iTunes to play it on the computer, and I don't like using iTunes. I like using Windows Media Player.  In other words, forget about me buying any tracks this year like I did last year.

This is one of many changes that I'm not sure how to feel about this year, because change is...not my friend, even when it might be for the better (like no stupid group work in Hollywood).  Like the idea of starting with theme weeks right off the bat.  I feel like that's maybe okay, at least as long as we're starting with 60's week.  Off we go then:

Dave H, "Midnight Train to Georgia": He sings well enough, but he's incredibly bland.  Like Simon said, "better than I thought it was going to be," but no reason at all to keep him around.

Chickezie, "More Today than Yesterday": He was way cooler when I thought his last name was properly pronounced like "Easy."  Still, he's super personable.  He reminds me of Carlton from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  As for the song, I think he started out crazily out of tune, but he's cool enough that we should give him another chance.  Except then he could not shut up with talking back to the judges, and I hate people who do that even more than people who nod earnestly and keep saying "Uh-huh" and "thank you" in the face of criticism. 

David Cook, "Happy Together": Porcine!  Porcine!  I am officially calling him Porky Pig, because it's not that he's fat, it's just that his face looks completely and utterly like he's a pig that's been turned into a man.  Also, his attempt to smile for the camera creeps me out a lot.  I love this song because they used it to great effect on the musical episode of That 70's Show (...wait a minute...), but watching him sing it was not that great.  

Jason, "Moon River": Okay, well, on the plus side he's got a cute kid, and seems like a great dad despite seeming too young to have a kid who looks that old.  But the song sucked, and I was bored to tears.  Also, he's not attractive, so that's going to be a problem.  (hey, I thought the "dependable old dog" moniker was pretty accurate.  Man, Simon and I are on the same wavelength tonight!)

Robbie, "One": What do you mean, you toured with Britney Spears?  Isn't there anyone undiscovered over the age of 18 anymore?  He made the song pretty entertaining, though, despite his gross hair and grunge bandanna, so I could handle seeing more of him, at least for a little while.

David Archuleta, and this is where I stop looking up the songs because it's tiring and I barely know any of them anyway:
I've been browsing around the internet, and apparently he's everyone's darling - including my mother's - so...naturally I am now firmly grounded in the dislike camp.  Where is this massive love coming from?!  Are you all nuts? He's not THAT deserving of praise and accolades.  He's just another average-to-pretty-good high school kid, and he's not even that cute, and I just do not understand the allure at all.  Not to mention that he seemed to be struggling to reach the notes that were way too low for him, which was like, half the song, and nobody cared?

Danny: You know what irks me more than anything else in the world, including baldness and soul singers?  Gay showboating.  This...child could not possibly be more flamboyant if he tried, and it makes my skin crawl.  His "attitude" and attempts at being "coy" just come across slathered in ooze, and I really cannot put into words how horrifically repulsive this is.  Except maybe with use of the phrase "Extreme Ick Factor."

Luke: *tackle hugs Luke* There's no way he'll be the Idol; he just doesn't have that flair,  but I don't care.  I want him to show up week after week and make it to top 6, minimum.  The man has me under his spell.  And his wife is adorable and sweet too.  I love them.  WHY IS HE THE FIRST ONE THE JUDGES ARE BASHING?  STOP IT!  SHUT UP!  YOU CANNOT GIVE HIM TO ME ONE WEEK AND TAKE HIM AWAY THE NEXT!  And anyway, "forgettable" is Dave #1.  Luke pulled out this falsetto at the end of his song, and I was swooning.  Also, what part of "looks like the rugged cowboy version of Orlando Bloom" says "forgettable" to you??

Colton:Rolling on with the awesome segment, Colton!  He has, overnight, become this adorable little thing.  He's charming and flirty and precocious, all in the way that Danny so clearly tries and yet UTTERLY FAILS to do.  Colton is just begging to be cuddled.  And oh, his voice is soothing and lovely.  He's a bit like Clay Aiken in that respect, only with a deeper tone, and I swear that's a compliment from me.  Also, kid's a born performer.  Not a showboater, mind, just the kind of singer who connects with his audience in a way that nobody thus far in the night has done - I thought Chickezie managed it pretty well, but nothing compared to Colton.  Shut up, Simon, "I'm not looking at a recording artist"?  That's interesting, because I felt I was looking at a kid who could sell out an arena...probably to young teens and tweens...but still, a major crowd.

Garrett: Oh my God, he doesn't just have Farah Fawcett hair, he IS Farrah Fawcett, all girly and delicately boned!  But seriously, the quality of his voice doesn't matter, I cannot get past that freaking HAIR.  And it's a problem because if I concentrate really hard, I think there might be a really attractive boy under there, albeit in an effeminate pretty-boy way, with a decent face.  On the other hand, I'm feeling a sudden need to protect him from Simon's attack.  Leave Garrett alone!

Jason: One word: WOW!  Despite his horrid, horrid dreadlocks, he's super personable, and his voice was...much  better than I ever expected.  I was not aware they were allowed to play instruments during performance weeks, but Jason/guitar is a pairing that needs to happen more often.  Like, possibly every week.  I call dark horse, at least in my affections. 

Michael Johns: I promised to re-evaluate him after performance, and so here it is: I feel as though he might be much more attractive if he...I don't know, grew his hair out a bit?  Does it curl?  I think he'd look good with overgrown curls.  I just can't get over how scraggly his hair is.  He does have a pretty charming voice, easy in the top half of the guys, and Mom loves him best, not conforming to my definitions of eye candy.  And I find this frustrating. 

I don't make predictions about who goes home, for fear of jinxing my favorites, but if I could make the eliminations go my way, I'd cut David Hernandez and Jason Yeager.  Would be happily surprised if we ditched David Cook, though.

Here's the thing around the internet that's ticking me off, that I knew would tick me off as soon as I fell in love with the season, which is that everyone is complaining about how all the blonde girls look the same.  Shut up!  You don't go around saying that all Asian people look the same, or all black people look the same, so stop acting like you can't tell the difference between - oh my gosh - four different blonde girls.  FOUR.  THERE ARE ONLY FOUR OF THEM.  IS NOT HARD TO DIFFERENTIATE. 

I guess this irks me a lot because remember last year, when I had to keep voting for Haley just because she was the only one who fit my demographic in the top 12, and I wished that the show would cast a whole slew of people like her so I'd actually be interested?  They finally did it, and I threw a party, but predictably, the public is now complaining about it and acting like more than one long-haired girl is superfluous.  I cannot even explain how badly this drives me up the wall.       

Kristy Lee: Kristy Lee and I have a problem right off the bat, because even though I loved her on sight and in her very first statement she makes me fall head over heels for the fact that she's a horse trainer...then she ruins it in the same breath by saying that she sold her best horse to audition for Idol.  Dude, your best horse > A.I.  I don't care if she said she wants to buy him back, or even if Mom tried to convince me that she probably sold him to someone she knows so as to make that option easier, the fact that she was willing to part with him in the first place - not out of necessity, even, but just because she wanted to CHASE A DREAM - is disgusting. 
I really don't think I can forgive her for that, which sucks, because she's bubbly and sweet and I really love her as a person and want to be her friend.  On the other hand, I really dislike the perpetual country twang to her voice.  I mean, she is beautiful - puts Carrie Underwood to shame even without the doll eyes - but hearing her sing, not so much.  It wasn't robotic, Simon, it was just kind of bland. (and of course, in retrospect, as soon as the internet  got to bashing her I rushed to her defense.  Her rendition of "Rescue Me" was nice and laid back.  I just  found it bland because it 

Joanne: I want to be her friend too.  She's awesome and so personable, she seems like she'd be the sweetest person ever.  And maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I'm not hearing a major soul voice out of her, which makes me LOVE HER.  Plus, "Say a Little Prayer" is one of my favorite songs ever, so that rocked.  Not the greatest choice on the outfit, though; that belt around the middle did not do flattering things above or below.

Alaina: This is what I love about this season's girls - I want to be everyone's friend!  Plus this Alaina is way more vibrant and personable than last year's, and she just lights up the screen whenever she appears.  Her voice, incidentally, is wonderful to listen to.

Amanda: Mom loves her, and was convinced I would hate her...but she is wrong!  I still think Amanda both looks and sounds 40, but her performance blew me away tonight.  The song choice, her stage presence, her VOICE!  I have no idea why I love her voice so much, but it has this fantastic edge.  Plus her patchwork jeans were awesome. 

Amy Davis: Y'all, you KNOW I hate to say that I don't like a pop-style brunette.  Unfortunately, her face reminds me very much of Jeanne from NCIS, particularly in those cat-like eyes, which just..bother me.  I certainly won't complain if y'all want to keep her in, because unlike the rest of the world I liked her voice, but I'm not all that enthused by her.

Brooke: Wait, since when were they allowed to sing the same song as someone else?  Even if that someone else was on Guys Night?  Eh, I will forgive, because this version of "happy Together" was like 6000 times better.  I love her innocent happy nanny self!  Mom likes her too.  However...I'm still worried that she's going to end up being flighty and spastic and nervous, and all the time I am on edge, waiting for her to have a meltdown.  I can't just relax and enjoy her, so she is definitely 4th among my 4 Blondes.

Alexandrea: I'm not jumping up and down for joy, but I agree with Paula about sounding like a contemporary song on the radio.  It definitely didn't sound 60's to me.

Kady Malloy: (doesn't her whole name just roll off your tongue?)  God, I love all the Texas starlets this year.  I love her even more than Kristy Lee - seriously, forget everything I bellyached about; Kristy Lee is too beautiful for me not to love - because while not quite as strikingly pretty, she's got a much better sound to her voice.  Loving her.

Asia: Okay, this performance was AMAZING.  Way better than the original song.  But while I'm not feeling any particular dislike for any of the women yet, even Amy [edit: oh, but how that will change in a minute!], I am feeling definite indifference towards her. 

Ramiele: The mall rat/Asian stereotype image continues to linger, despite her voice.  And guess what?  Her voice makes it all worse.  Mom fawned over her and called her the best (*hisses*), but I was feeling indifferent to less-than-enthused.  And then the internet exploded with love for her, which makes me DESPISE HER WITH FIERY CONTEMPT.  She has the big voice!  The horrible Melinda/Lakisha Big Voice!  She's going to be a thorn in my side all goddamn season, isn't she?  FUCK.

Syesha: Okay, I cannot get over how AWESOME she is.  Like, out of all the people I want to befriend tonight, she is the coolest chick of all.  It is insane how personable she is!  I want to start giggling every time she comes on the screen.  And then she sang Tobacco Road!  Which socrches up the stage, always! Even though it's totally Phil Stacey's song, she managed to deliver a pretty scorching performance.  In an unrelated note: Paula, even Syesha thinks the "what's in your name?" joke is stupid and old, so stop doing it before you become Mary "Hot Tamale Train" Murphy.

Carly: Yeah, you know what?  I'm officially annoyed by the fact that she has a professional singing past.  I didn't want to be, but the hype has officially become too much.  And it's a pity, because she's different without being stereotypically different (like, the rockers always think they're original, but they couldn't cast a season without one), but...her accent sort of goes in and out, where her accent was one of the things I liked best, and SERIOUSLY, TATTOOS ARE DISGUSTING.  Mom and I both have problems watching her because that mess all over her arm is so gross.  (Mom did point out the refreshing lack of piercings, but...)  However, if y'all plan to keep her around for a while, let's just say that I'll feel cheated if I don't get to see her break out "My Immortal" before she goes.

Who do I want to go?  After careful perusal...I would dearly love to dump Ramiele, and Alexandrea's probably my other pick.  But I would not be averse to cutting Asia or Amy.

The eliminations tonight are totally going to break my heart, aren't they.
Tags: american idol, tv commentary

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