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American Idol: Results

RPS Writers, your mission: take Simon's "gestures" and write a detailed explanation of what they're REALLY code for.  (I maintain that this is all LJ's fault!  This is not at all my cup of tea, and I certainly never saw anything worth mentioning.  But then because of certain LJ people, suddenly I could see nothing but their fabulous secret affair!)

Nine Things I Learned and/or Pondered from the Group Medly:
1. Porky Pig does not know that tuxedo-print T-shirts are the lamest thing ever.  (alternately, he was worried about alienating his glaze-minded rock fans with all them fancy words, and was trying to lure them back.  Your call.)

2. Miss Danny is the most frightening thing I have ever seen on the Idol stage, and I am including Daughtry and Taylor Hicks in that statement.  And Big Bird Lady. 

3. Every time David A. sings, I see this little "American Idol 2008" crown on his head.  This is not a good thing at all. 

4. I like to believe that Miss Danny scares David A. too.  Wouldn't you be scared if the guy closest to you in age was him

5. Wardrobe desperately needs to convince Carly to wear long sleeves at all times. 

6. Alexandrea looks like a different person every time I see her.  She's so nondescript that I'm always all "Wait, who is that!  Oh, right."

7. I also keep thinking Asia is Syesha.  (YOU MOCK THE BLONDES.  I MOCK THE REST.)

8. The baby doll dress on Brooke looks like a potato sack.  So shapeless!

9. Kristy Lee's hooded green shirt is the one item of clothing I want to own so far tonight.
---
Crazy Stuff I Learned from TV Squad: You know, I said David H. was a creep, and apparently he worked as a gay stripper!  Can I call them or what?  Not that this would automatically make him creepy, but in this case, I can just see him getting his leer on in darkened corners. 
---
Is it just me, or are all the contestants like deer in headlights when Ryan talks to them?  They all seem terrified to be put on the spot in a way that last year's had mostly poise.

Also, I have discovered that I pay about as much attention to Idol as Simon does, which is to say I listen to the songs and then tune almost everything else out, and am occasionally like "Wait, what?  What did you just say?"  I tend to ignore Ryan's pre-show blather, and the judges comments, and any of the chatting that happens between songs unless it's part of a video package...but then again, isn't that the way one should watch Idol?

Elimination 1: Jason Yeager, a fact about which I could not possibly be more ecstatic.  I think I stood up and clapped.  1 for 1 so far.  3 to go.

Elimination 2: After freaking me out a good deal, worrying about Amanda (I liked her performance last night so much that I'd buy it!  If it wasn't on iTunes.  See why this exclusive partnership is fail?), the eliminee was Alexandrea, and I once again did a little victory dance head-bob.  2 for 2!  I like her well enough, but not as much as everyone else.  It was her turn to go.  "Please keep this up?" I begged.  So of course they didn't.

Elimination 3: She'll be here next week and it will be worth it. 
You know, I think I knew I was jinxing her as I wrote it, and still!  Still I foolishly thought that the rest of America understood how amazing she was.  And then this!  I howled in disbelief when it got down to the last two and no matter what, my blonde quartet was about to be shattered, but I was fully prepared to lose Kady.  And then it was Alaina and my eyes bugged out of my head.  SERIOUSLY?  

I think that's exactly why she burst into tears - it wasn't just elimination, it was being eliminated so early, and unexpectedly.  It's not like she'd been getting slammed across the board by the judges - they had no praise for the song, but they still seemed to have faith in her potential.  And she really is by no means the worst of the bunch - even if she was the worst of the night, which I'm not entirely sure she was, her personality & presence simply do not say "batch elimination."  

And it just hurt watching her cry and say she couldn't sing, and bury her face in Ryan's shoulder.  I really was terrified they were going to force her, so I was relieved to hear Ryan give her a choice - and so proud of her awesome classiness when, after getting a couple minutes' worth of filler to compose herself, she sang anyway, beautifully, and didn't break on even one note.

You know what the really sick thing is?  THIS IS THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW AMERICA HAS BOOTED MY BELOVED BLONDE ALAINA AT TOP 16.  The dark irony, it burns.

Elimination Four: I was positive it was going to be Luke, because America would take horrid pleasure in eliminating both my favorites at once, and I was already whimpering when suddenly it was Robbie!  I passed out in relief.  When I came to, I still sulked a little because despite his gross grunge appearance, I liked the fact that he actually sang songs I'd heard before.  And unlike 'the other rocker,' he doesn't make me think of a pig stuffed into clothing every time I see him. 

America, GET YOUR FOOL ACTS TOGETHER AND VOTE OUT PROPER PEOPLE NEXT WEEK.  For future reference, "proper people" include any combination of the following: David H., Danny, David C., Chikezie, Carly, Asia, Ramiele.
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'Lost: 4.5, "The Constant"

Lookie here, words cannot express my contempt for Desmond* and/or Desmond's flash-whatever-the-hells, and I so wish I had waited long enough to watch the episode later, so that I could have skipped them all.  In lieu of that, let's just pretend I skipped them.  Along with any scenes involving him.   

If he weren't so damned annoying, and I weren't so bitter about my two capsized ships + the one on the rocks, I might be able to find it in me to be all squeeish for the phone conversation between Desmond & Penny.  It has been a really long time in coming, but...no.  My heart is a hard and bitter shell where Desmond is concerned.

Overall, this is one of those episodes I like to call "boring plot advancement filler," by which I mean it wasn't entirely useless, but it WAS something I barely paid attention to and will never need to watch even a minute of again.  

Also, I learned that Daniel bugs the hell out of me, and even Charlotte is getting a little bitchface for my liking.  Sigh.  Maybe next week will be better.  I can't believe we're nearly out of pre-strike episodes already.  (yes, more are coming, but it still means a hiatus of doom first)

Next Week: JACKET!  And Charlotte cracks Kate on the head.  That would be so much greater if Sawyer were around to hear about it.

* = In response to a comment on my now-deleted post (and I swear I am done writing such posts for a while)...yes, there was a time where I liked Desmond.  At the very beginning, I believe, when he showed up with his long hair and hot Scottish accent, I was quite fond of the new character.  Then he started wigging out about psychic flashes.  I got annoyed.  And then he started his "Charlie Pace Must Die" campaign, which put him at the top of my hit list.
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In other media-related news, 
a) I finally got to see "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?", something I've been trying to get my hands on for years, and it was every bit as wonderful as I was hoping.  Johnny Depp's a very attractive man in all situations, but in this movie?  *swoons*  Completely unparalleled by anything else he's done, with the possible exception of "Benny and Joon," and I still think I like this one better (just...let me scrub my brain to forget Mary Steenburgen's role exists).  

b) Oh my word!  The "Movies in Fifteen Minutes" book just came in from my library request.

It is SO EXCELLENT, I NEVER WANT TO GIVE IT BACK. 

I was expecting sort of a floppy softcover, but instead it's bound as one of those jacketless, linen-covered hardbacks that makes it look considerably older than its 2005 copyright date, not to mention classier, and it’s this beautifully plump, solid, 400-page beauty.  And I knew it had good stuff, but I'd completely forgotten that it included the first Harry Potter movie, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Titanic!  (I think Titanic is my favorite one of all.  If I may quote just a teeny snippet, Lovejoy gets up, punches Jack in the gut, pockets the key to the handcuffs, and leaves.  Jack: Man, are you just the most ironically named guy in the history of ever, or what?  Also, I bet you didn't know that evil dolphins were involved in this story.)

WHY HAS THIS BOOK NOT BEEN PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES YET, WHY WHY WHY. 

Anyway, I cannot get over how excellent it is to have internet-type parodies conveniently packaged in portable book form, in a manner I did not have to print and sew together myself.  I've never read more than one of these parodies at a time, either, so to suddenly have thirteen of them is...way too glorious to fathom.

Now, dilemma/question time: do I add this book to my reading list?  It's a proper published book, but it consists of a bunch of parody scripts.  I add plays to my reading list if I read them all the way through (clearly, I have been skimming Shakespeare thus far), but this is kind of like fanfic, and fanfic does not go on the reading list even if it's epic and novel-length.  It defies definition!  I know, I'll make an easy little poll:

This poll is closed.

Does "Movies in Fifteen Minutes" belong on my reading list?

Yes
3(100.0%)
No
0(0.0%)

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
rainbowstevie
Feb. 29th, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC)
Syesha was doing what? I was so focused on how much I loved the group support that I didn't notice. Yeesh.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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