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I have decided...TV Sucks.

Recently, I've been thinking about which shows I really looks forward to every week, and I have come up with the following: CSI, CSI: NY, Standoff, and Survivor.  That's it.  Four out of twenty-four on my plate.  Maybe Law & Order: SVU and Lost too, they've been good in recent weeks.  But the rest are take-it-or-leave it.   And here are some illustrations as to why.

CSI Miami:
Rapidly approaching a point where I don't give a flying flip about CSI Miami anymore.  Can we just kill Horatio?  Kill him in a poignant, dramatic, heroic rescue effort, and I'll have no more reasons to watch this show, and then I'll be able to walk away without feeling guilty and/or like I'm missing anything.

Good god, is this what it was like for you people last year, you Marisol haters?  I can't imagine how you suffered.   I hate Natalia.  Every single second of her on screen makes me want to rip off my skin.  When she's running around committing PSV's and flirting with Eric, that's totally fine.  That's hot.  Just, for the love of God, make her stop talking like a criminalist and collecting evidence.  It embarrases me. 

Was watching "Urban Hellraisers" earlier tonight - yet another place Natalia didn't die.  Oh, think how beautiful it could have been if she'd been gunned down in her own lab.  Maybe she could have died with Eric at her side, and it would have been beautiful and tragic and I actually would have been sad.  Yeah. Not so much now.

And next week!  Ugh!  With the sister!  Boa Vista is rapidly encroaching on Caine territory for Amount of Issues and Tragic Backstory, and Caine territory is not a place you want to go.

The episode itself was ridiculously dull.  I couldn't wait for it to be over.  Plus between Ryan being alienated, AGAIN...you know what, I can no longer stand watching this show.  I literally cannot stand it.  It is painful.  It hurts. 
Every season has like, three or four bottom-feeder episodes that really suck, but they're usually dispersed throughout a whole season.  This year has been nothing BUT bottom-feeders.  Rio stands out above the rest, just because it was all Horatio & Yelina, but even that episode was plagued with a plotline full of holes and some truly bad acting.   And it was just all downhill from there.  Even moments that seemed like they might be redeeming, such as Going Under's terms of endearment (Sweetheart for DuCaine, Babe for CaRWash) or Death Pool 100's scene of Caine's Kid Empathy, or Death Eminent's "I've lost everything," in retrospect barely made a dent and are completely incomparable to golden moments of years past. 

WHY IS THIS SHOW BROKEN AND WHY CAN'T ANYONE FIX IT??  I'm telling you, all its problems would be solved if they would just dump Nat and bring Horatio back front and center.

*stomps off to watch...anything and everything she can find from seasons 1-4*
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Without a Trace:
It's AMAZING how quickly it flies by when you skip all the fricking Jack-and-Anne scenes.  Even the ones that pertain to the case, because they inevitably slip annoying personal comments in at the end of their case-talk, as I found out.   Last week's ep, with the "exorcism"...

So...Anne is pregnant, yes?  They're moving in together, I got that much.  In a place of their own.  Ew.  Oh my God, this thing is permanent.  Ewww.  CAN WE KILL HER IN CHILDBIRTH PLEASE.  I'm all about the death this year. Remember last year's season finales, when people were getting whacked left and right?  That was a good trend.  We should do it again.  This whole relationship makes me twitch.  If we're going to have all this personal relationship stuff clogging episodes, can we at least ship it over to a member of the CSI franchise where I might appreciate it?  Okay 'vinita, close your eyes...switch out the characters...alter scenarios...we can make this about Horatio somehow...  ;)

Oh.  Wait.  THE MISSING PERSON.  (remember? That's what this show is actually about?) THAT part of it was interesting.  It was all Martin-centric and cute!  For the record, I'm on Martin's side of the exorcism thing.   Shut up Danny.  Anyway, I felt really bad for the poor missing girl with all the mental disorders.  I actually started wondering if she was the murderer from about...5 minutes in.  As soon as she started talking about there being a "dark thing" inside her, I was just sitting there going, "Um...that would be YOUR dark side, I think."  Because I remember the Amber Tamblyn episode.   Anyway, the actress is very pretty and I hope to see her again.  I almost cried at the end when they found she'd committed suicide.  Sometimes I like when they don't find the missing person in time.  Heartbreak is good, remember. 

Oi!  Elena wasn't even in this episode, was she?  No wonder it was so much fun!
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House:
I actually did watch it last week, with the guy from...oh, WHERE from?  It drove me crazycrazycrazy until I finally found the character name of the cop (Tritter) which led to the actor's IMDB page (David Morse), where I immediately recognized him from the previews that saturated airwaves years ago for a show called "Hack" (not that I ever watched it).  Much more dimly and vaguely, I remember he was also the kidnapped guy in Proof of Life (a/k/a "the only halfway bearable David Caruso movie in existence").

It was mildly amusing.  This show is not all that entertaining anymore, actually.  I would much rather it go back to being at 7 PM, so that I can tape both Standoff and NCIS.  Double recaps are more than enough to let me visualize the episode, really.  And this way I don't have to see any of the gross stuff.  Although it was delightfully amusing to see Tritter kick the cane out from under House and see him go stumbling into the door.  The look on House's face...hahaha, total disbelief.  Amazing.  And the ending, wow.  It's nice to see him put in his place every so often. 

Wilson in the motel room was much sadder.  And - really, he's had three failed marriages?  (plus the affair-with-the-dying-cancer-patient)  WHY?  He's like, the cutest doctor EVER, he cooks, he's funny and charming and generally rather personable...who are these stupid women who keep leaving him?  Yeesh, send him over this way. 
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Umm...trying to remember other shows I've watched but haven't talked about...oh!
Cold Case:
No cut here, because I haven't gotten to last night's  yet.  Every time I watch this show, I ask myself, "Why do I not make an effort to watch this more often?!" and then by the time next week rolls around, I'm back to being, "Eh, I don't feel like finding tape space.  I'll just skip it."  I ahve no idea why, really.  I like the characters...I think it's Lily's non-pretty hair.  That shag cut is really beginning to bother me.  On the other hand, I have really been enjoying this whole brothers-backstory with Danny Scotty.  (I know their names!  I do!  I swear!) I know I've said things in the past about law enforcement agents with whiny brothers, but this brother doesn't bother me.  He's far more sympathetic, all sad and depressed like that.  And Scotty's all lovey-dovey and protective, even though he's the younger one (right?).. *sigh* I wish I was more interested in this show.

NCIS spoiler speculation/2 lines about Witch Hunt
NCIS is, um, apparently heading down the dream path of many fanfic writers, in which it will not be happy until every single character  is paired up in a relationship.  The only difference is that instead of inter-team, they generally prefer to go original-character.  In addition to the unholiness of Jimmy-and-Michelle, they're predicting romance on the horizon for Gibbs, Tony, AND Abby.   YEESH.

Incidentally, this show is also semi-broken.  I want to be interested, I do, but the plots are just...falling flat as of late.  I swear the only good things in last week's episode were Abby's Halloween costume and the very very last frame, with the Kelly flashback. 

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