RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

And suddenly the week is half over.

1. My favorite new Brilliant Theory has been brought to you by stunt_muppet</lj>: Ms. Frizzle is a Time Lord

2. Damn it, damn it, it doesn't hurt yet but I'm swallowing more than usual, and pop doesn't taste good, which usually means I'm getting that most miserable of all ailments, the sore throat.  I CANNOT BE SICK RIGHT NOW!!  Too much to do!

3. Apropos of nothing, I'd like to publicly express my loathing for Television Without Pity's new layout, and their sudden need to have widgets and animated ads all over the place that screw up the layout and make the pages take forever to load.  (I do, however, approve of the suddenly expanded recaps on SVU and Survivor, so thumbs up for that).

4. Episode review time, because I'm getting good at fitting TV into the homework schedule that is currently eating my life.  So what if I've only finished 1 paper + a brief essay since Saturday.  

'American Idol - Broadway Andrew Lloyd Webber Week
I dislike theater, as a general rule.  Unless it is "Les Miserables, I generally hate musical theater even more.  I just do.  The concept of randomly singing is simply ludicrous, and even the good musicals always have a smattering of incredibly boring songs.  I don't understand why anyone would ever want to visit Broadway, much less perform on it.  I firmly believe that this lack of excitement is how I was able to completely ignore my alarm and continue my nap 20 minutes into Idol on Tuesday.

So I missed Syesha (YAY!), and while I unfortunately also missed Jason's video segment (sadface),  I at least got to see him sing.  Alas, it was not particularly memorable.  In fact, the show was so incredibly bland and insipid that I can't even bring myself to comment on individual songs.  Instead, I have six thoughts about the show in general:

-WAUGH, Andrew Lloyd Webber's face is like something out of a nightmare.  We're talking Smokey Robinson levels of creepy visage.  Ewwwww.  No matter how many popular musical titles they throw at me, I've never heard the man's name before, and I hope never to see or hear from him again.  And - oh my God, TWoP is appropriately hysterical for once!!

"When ALW was small, he was very cute. He was born in South Kensington and started composing at nine. By 17 he looked like a monstrous dead creature, and it stayed that way." *dies laughing*  No, seriously, I called Mom after the results show and we were talking about his weird face, and I tried to tell her about this quote, but then I started laughing to hard I couldn't get past the first sentence  I tried for like 3 minutes to put a cap on my laughter long enough to read it to her, but it proved impossible.  It's just so accurate!

-Oh God, no, please tell me I didn't actually see Brooke mess up like that?  I wasn't paying attention, but I did a double take when I thought I saw her starting over... and then Paula confirmed it.  And Paula was actually meaner than Simon, I think, which was terrifying.  I mean, Simon at least called it brave.  Paula just crushed her with the Stare of Disappointment.  Usually even when contestants do badly, Paula trips over herself to compliment SOMETHING.  This was the flattest, most unenthusiastic response the woman has given all season.  It's sad.

And I really don't understand why she's spiraling downward at such a phenomenal rate.  On the bright side?  Now that everyone's like "Oh man, she sucks" or else "Send her home, it's a kindness," I am all "TEAM SUNSHINE!  TOP TWO!" It only took me most of the season, but I am no longer even partly faking my love for Brooke.  I've been trying to keep up appearances because she seems like someone I *should* like, even though secretly she got on my nerves more often than not, but my love is whole and pure.   

Clearly she is a goner. 

-Oh my God, seriously, having a bunch of young girls come up and squish hug David?!  I am ill from schmaltz.  And I am generally a big fan of cute things!  Nothing is too cute!   Except this.  This was nauseating.

-Porky Pig: still gross and grungy

-Jason: still really cute, despite dreadlocks, with captivating eyes

-Carly was the only one who did anything close to entertaining.  I would have been happy enough just to look at her crazily patterned 60's minidress (which also had elbow length sleeves!  Yay!), but then she sang a pretty great song.  Not only have I actually heard this one - well, at least I've heard the chorus line of "Jesus Christ, Superstar," if not the whole thing - and she was just far and away the best part of the night. 
Results, stream-of-consciousness style:
DAMMIT!  I have got to stop looking away; I think I just missed Ryan kissing Simon [on the top of the head].  Frick!   I imagine it was brilliant, given the way Simon is currently staring at him in incredulous disbelief and yet still with this delightfully wondrous smile on his face.  Oh my God, I think they're...yes, I do, I have to say it...I think they might be cute.   

"You kissed me!"
"Relax ["I can't!"], it didn't mean anything."
I am not even making that dialogue up.  

HAHAHA!  And then Simon possessively throws an arm around Paula, in a desperate attempt to prove his manly straightness and propensity to flirt HETEROsexually at all times.  [Edit: I am now watching this clip over and over, and I seriously cannot stop giggling with pure joy.]

Wait, I'm sorry, did we not agree that ALW should crawl into a cave somewhere and never come out?  *scrolls up* I guess I decided not to mention that, on the theory that he's a songwriter rather than singer and decided to be nice in the hopes that he would realize on his own that nobody wanted to see him again.  WHY ARE WE TALKING TO HIM ON STAGE.

Hee, I love the death glares Brooke is currently giving Ryan for refusing to shut up about the whole start-and-stop thing.   

Video commercial: Tainted Love, the non-Rihanna-bastardized version!  Excellent!  Pity everyone scares the crap out of me in this video.  Especially Brooke's hair.  

-PRESIDENT AND FIRST LADY!  *gently tackle hugs* Oh my God, they fill my heart with so much more glee than this show.  *sighs* And the best part is that I don't have to rationalize or explain it.  I can just love them.


-Side note: I'm hanging out in the TV Squad chat tonight.  It's kind of entertaining, even though it means I pay even less attention to the results show because I'm not only typing my reactions into Notepad, I'm keeping an eye on the chat and chiming in whenever possible.  You'd think I would have learned my lesson after missing the kiss, but no! 

-TAMYRA GRAY!  Back in the first season, when this show was much shorter and ran during the summer and Simon had soft floppy hair, aw!, I wanted her to win.  Mom wanted Kelly Clarkson, and of course Mom got her way in the end - and has since converted me - but I still think Tamyra is fantastic.  What's not fantastic, though, is her super-short hair right now.  Gross.  It's not like it's a requirement for playing Mimi Valdez (AWESOME ROLE, by the way); Rosario Dawson had gorgeous locks.    

-OMIGOD *hides the hell away from Clay's hair* It's like...blonde and girly and...ick, it's just worse every time I see it.  Waaaah, I remember when (immediately post-makeover) he was cute!  I mean, his new single is fantastic and I will probably always adore him as a singer when he is not making Albums of Crappy Covers, but the man himself disturbs me.  And this is a fairly recent development, which makes it even sadder.  I imagine this is what it must have been like to watch Michael Jackson go from being a cool singer to...whatever he is now.  And I really did not need to see an actual clip of Clay in "Spamalot."

-Leona Lewis!  I have heard of this lady, but do not know why she is famous.  Chat says she is a British Idol winner.  [Edit: But Wikipedia says she is an X Factor winner.  Stupid chat.]  Chat also says she's super hot and that typing her name into a search engine will elicit drool, but I've decided that second part isn't especially relevant.  *types into search engine* Or credible.

-"You cut me open and I keep bleeding"?  That's...disturbing.  There are many disturbing images in this song, not to mention the V word, GROSS!  And -- YAY, FIRE!  *is easily distracted*

-Also, America?  Even if she's not especially drool-eliciting hot, PLEASE TO BE ELECTING MORE IDOLS WHO LOOK LIKE HER.  By which I mean, you know, not Idols who look like Taylor Hicks or - God forbid - David Cook. 

-BROOKE IS SAFE OMG YES!  Was not expecting that; I thought we were still doing bottom 3 and was sure they were both in it, and in fact was pretty much expecting her to go home.  Alas, this means either Jason or Carly is in the bottom 2, but right now I don't actually care which one because CLEARLY SYESHA IS THE ONE GOING HOME.  This is a reality I simply must believe in for the sake of my sanity.   

-By the way, even though she's still sleeveless, I have to say that the outfit Carly's wearing does a fantastic job of hugging her curves.  

-Aw, Jason's so adorably cute & goofy.  He's like "Please not me, not me, not me, YAY!  Oh...right, that means it sucks for you.  Whoops." 

-The hell, I HATE when they waste time by having the bottom people sing their songs again.  I'd actually rather have audience questions.  On the bright side, Carly's song is awesome, and now I get to see Syesha sing after all.  Not that I'm particularly excited about the latter.  And now she's sung it, and I'm still not enthused.  Good thing she's going home.  *nervously bites nails*   

*30 seconds later*

DAMMIT!!!!!11!!!1!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!!  *rages & curses*  

-%#()%*#&%*()#&*(%#!  Seriously, I actually let out a shriek of "NO!" despite the fact that not only was my roommate in the room, I was listening through headphones and poor roommate had no context whatsoever for my random outburst.  Carly cannot be voted out!  She cannot be GONE!  She was my last hope for an Idol winner this year, because there's just no way Jason or Brooke is going to take the title.  Damn it.  And she really was my favorite at this point, gross tattoo and all.  *is pissed*

-How the hell has Syesha made it into the top 5, anyway?  Wasn't she supposed to be gone at, like 10 or 11?  The Davids I can understand, despite my fiery rage of loathing, but I do not understand Syesha.  She has this vibrant and amazing personality, and that should make her great, but on stage it just feels empty.  I mean, her eyes are still bright, but it's like she's an animated puppet.

-And really, just, DAMN IT, AMERICA, I LOVED CARLY.  Mom is sure it's her tattoo that ultimately turned people off.  I don't think the tattoo has that much power, especially considering that everyone has them (albeit with about 1% as much ostentatiousness), but I think it would be really awesome if that were true.  It's the only way I can reconcile this.  

-I need to go watch my Rymon clip again.  *curls up in Happy Place*


'SVU: Closet
I actually thought it was a fairly entertaining episode, and then the recap pointed out about 1700 plot holes and it was like "...oh."  Nevertheless, the recaps are always ten times better when Daniel writes them.  Allow me to start off by quoting a passage:  

"So some football player is gay? What's the big deal?" asks Olivia, who I think may have seen enough people hurt or killed because they were gay not to ask why this would be a big deal in the hyper-masculine professional sports world. Then again, maybe she's confused about the homophobia surrounding a sport in which teams of guys wear tight pants, bend over every single play, rub up against each other, and shower together afterwards."
-HAHA, YES.  For reasons such as those, I have often wondered why this sport is the epitome of manliness.  You can imagine the kinds of things I wonder about wrestling.

Question: why were all the protestors outside the police station?  Why weren't they raging at the radio station with the gross shock jock?  You know, the one who's actually turning it into a problem and spreading the gossip? 

Another excellent point from the recap, when IAB throws a retort about Elliot not even knowing who his partner was sleeping with: "So...Olivia's discretion is a mark against her?"  Well, obviously.  If it's not causing maximum drama, it's not an appropriate relationship.  (Speaking of appropriate, I can't believe Kurt was whining about her not moving in with him.  Seriously, have you met Olivia?  Good thing he was just a 1-episode wonder.) 

Anyway.  Gay football player!  Dead lover!  Furious fake girlfriend!  Good times!  Except for the part where they were going to claim brain damage as an excuse for a not guilty plea, because that seems all kinds of stupid.  Wouldn't it have been fairly easy to just pretend to have short-term memory loss?  And even if he really didn't know what he was doing when he killed the other guy - he got the brain injuries from playing football, which he chose to play and continue playing, so, if he did it, there's no reason he should get to avoid a guilty verdict.  MY LOGIC IS NOT FAULTY AND YOU WILL NOT QUESTION IT.  

Of course, I had my suspicions about his guilt or lack thereof, because even I thought Elliot was being overly suggestive in getting that confession.  The final reveal was worth it, though, just for the spitting rage of the Hey, It's That Guy!'s reaction.  "HOW DARE HE BE GAY?  RAR, HE WAS MY CASH COW!  HULK SMASH!  GAY BASH!" 

Next week: I know I shouldn't be, and yet!  I am ridiculously excited for Robin Williams.  I've never liked him in anything but comedic roles, and yet I have a good feeling about next week.  

And finally...I meant to watch Jesse Martin's last episode of Law & Order, REALLY I did, but then my urge to call Mom and chat about the outrage of Idol was just too strong, so I ended up only seeing the first 10 minutes and then the last 15.  Here's my reaction anyway:

1. LUPO.  IS WALKING A DOG.  What is this?  Is this his dog?  Please tell me it is, because I find this INDESCRIBABLY AWESOME.  And it is an extra-adorable American Bulldog, I think, and just - eeh!  The cuteness, it is nigh unbearable!  This is even better than him with kids!  Did there used to be a female detective on this show?  I can't remember; I am too overwhelmed by my all-consuming love for Lupo and inability to remember a time on this show without him.  In a related note...Green who?

2. Oh, the Green currently choosing to break my heart with "sweetheart" and forehead kisses and teary eyes.  Yes, I don't remember that Green, but I love him a lot and don't gooooooo!  Sidebar - I didn't even realize he'd been here 9 years until the promos told me.  Damn, that's a long time.  I mean, I knew he'd been there a long time, but he's so young that somehow I've always thought of him as a fairly recent addition.  Okay, so I guess I can see WHY Martin might be ready to leave, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!  I also demand to know why he lasted exactly 199 episodes instead of nailing an even 200.  This wasn't the season finale, was it?

3. Cutter's an ass.  Can we all just agree to that, from here to eternity?  I may not ever have been especially enthused by most of the character on Law & Order, but I've never actually hated any of them either.  UNTIL NOW. 

4. But since Law & Order's breaking new ground tonight, let's talk about the other new character I hate, what's-his-face played by Anthony Anderson!  Didn't this idiot pop up on SVU?  didn't I immediately register my disgust and dislike for Anthony Anderson in all times, places, contexts and situations?  At least when he was tied up in K-Ville (was that really just this past fall?) I thought he'd be safely stowed away for a while!  Man, I know I only watched the first 7 or 8 episodes this season, but...I'm DELIBERATELY going back to not watching it now. No matter how much I love Lupo and Connie.

5.  Also, what the hell?  Apparently he's going to play a completely different character from who he was on SVU.  Because THAT makes sense.  (then again, maybe it does.  Didn't Jeremy Sisto play two different characters on this show?)

6. And so Green goes.  Not with a bang, but with a whimper.  Not completely heartbreaking, I suppose, but just quiet and a little bit sad.  It could have been worse.  I'll give them points for handling it well.  

7. No points for the compulsive-gambling past, though.  No points at all.
Tags: american idol, law & order, law & order: svu, muppet theories, tv commentary
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