July 20th, 2019


A True Story

When I was a little kid, I started to watch Dumbo at my grandparent's house, but I started crying so hard when they separate him from his mother that I wore myself out and fell asleep. No amount of my parents telling me it had a happy ending when I woke up could convince me to finish watching it, so I never did.

I'm bringing this up because I am 12 minutes from the end of Unicorn Store, and I don't actually know if this one has a happy ending but I HAVE BEEN SOBBING OFF AND ON FOR ROUGHLY THE PAST THIRTY MINUTES OF THIS FILM and I was just starting to dry up but now I am like, seizing and struggling to breathe through my blocked nose, so IDK how I am going to get there.

This film, for all its fantastical whimsy and legit magic, is just such a SHOT TO THE HEART of what it feels like to stumble out of college and back to your parents' house with no idea what to do next. How to be a grown-up. What to make of boys. (or are they men now? are you old enough to interact with Men on a personal level?) Especially when you still cling to your childhood loves that the world has told you to put away. HI I'M CRYING AGAIN because I just remembered the part where she angrily bags up all her old things. I did that with my Breyers and My Little Ponies and (some of) my stuffed animals in a similar fit of anger and heartbreak. (of course the My Little Ponies eventually made it back out, which I really hope is paralleled by her getting her unicorn at the end)

Anyway, go watch it. Being in the Pushing Daisies state I am, I am almost as perfectly primed to be receptive to it as I would have been when I was closer to these acute feelings, say, 9-11 years ago.

UPDATE: I made it to the end.[spoilers!]WHAT IS THIS ONE UNICORN STYLE NONSENSE. HOW DARE YOU. God, this is horrible! Now I'm crying HARDER THAN EVER because this is horribly remniscient of something else in my life and I don't even know what. My memory is blocking it. But there is something where I cried my heart out and consigned it to the past even though I still wanted it and that's why even though this is a stupid-ass decision, i cannot elect to ignore it because I understand for some reason that she has to, even though I'm pretty sure that reason is just SELF SABOTAGE AND UNCONSCIOUS SELF-HARM.

(WHAT DUDE WOULD NOT INSIST YOU KEEP A UNICORN. Throw that whole man away. The other lady can wait her turn. There are obviously more unicorns.)

So following that fit of hysteria...

ANOTHER FIT OF HYSTERIA, because credits rolled on Unicorn Store and then my jaw hit the floor as A MIKE VOGEL MOVIE I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS FILMING FELL OUT OF THE SKY, FULLY FORMED, INTO MY LAP AS THE AUTO-PLAYING NEXT REC. A Mike Vogel thriller, even. NICE.
Ryan's List

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W O W I just looked at the spoilers for the new Veronica Mars season, and that's...

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Every year I am more grateful that no one ever tapped Pushing Daisies back to life. A few years ago it seemed a cruel twist of fate, for it to have just missed the burgeoning era of alternate-network and streaming service saves; they were still talking about it in 2012 and it still seemed plausible then, but now I think (I HOPE) it's too late for a season revival, thank heavens. I can think of nothing that would strike more terror into my heart than such an announcement.

Can you even imagine?? No thanks at the inevitable Ned/Chuck breakup and possible death of a main character! Even if they didn't break up on screen, it would probably start off like "Chuck's been traveling the world solo for the past 8 years" and/or be about a weird open relationship they'd introduced to cope with the lack of touching until one of them started to catch feelings for another.