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Holy HELL, Miami, what was that?!

6x21, Going Ballistic - season 6 finale

O.O

OK, so the last couple of minutes? I just sat and STARED (with eyes approximately three times their normal size, which is completely possible), mouth hanging open, possibly making faint squeaking noises in lieu of actual words. I was afraid to blink. Promo-spoiled or not, I did not believe that was actually going to happen. Three years, he hasn't even gotten a scratch, and now he's SHOT and TWITCHING. (actually, he might just have been twitching in horror at the sight of his beloved Sunglasses of Justice lying shattered) Omg omg omg! That was amazing, brilliant, and thank you to whoever's been spiking Donahue's coffee until she's tranquil enough to admit that Horatio is more or less human and not actually invincible. That was just, wow, how long have we been asking for this? They finally delivered and now I don't even know how to handle myself.

AND THEN RYAN. OMGWTF!! If possible, my eyes got even bigger. I mean, I assume this is misdirection, but I dunno. Ryan's sort of power-hungry. Plus all those times he imitated Horatio's stance or the Eyes/Voice of Compassion, I thought he was just idolizing Horatio...maybe he was actually preparing to step into his shoes permanently, at such time as his discretion required it.  What, I could totally buy Ryan arranging a hit on his boss.  No?  Stupid cliffhangers! Now I have to come back next year!  Or at least get back to reading spoilers.

[Edit: Oh, consarn it, internet!  Youtube folks just destroyed all my glee by deciding that Horatio and Ryan probably staged his "death" for...some reason useful to catching Ron, and the first couple blog reviews I hit upon backed up the same theory.  ARGH.  (*grumbles* I knew all that twitching seemed theatrical, but I didn't want to believe it). Do you people have to be logical all the time?  Can't you just sit there in shell-shock like I did, and then begin speculating like a 13-year-old on a sugar high?!] 

OK. Rewind time.

I was vastly disappointed in the teaser, and not just because the promos completely ruined it (monkeys, come on.  There was plenty of stuff going on in the finale; you didn't need to show either shooting.  For example, you could have mentioned the fact that Julia and Kyle were in it.).  I almost didn't notice the lack of a coroner in the preceding episode, and I like the respectful choice not to immediately replace Alexx.  But then you brought in this new woman, and I actually liked her!  So of course she got shot within about 30 seconds of approaching the scene.  And that's still not why I'm disappointed and cranky.  Oh no.

I'm CRANKY because, show, way to cheapen Speedle's death scene!  Back then, that whole smear of blood on Horatio's cheek was something raw and visceral, a testament to his need to be *right there* to check for any last sign of life, and/or a final acceptance that there wasn't any.  Having it here just stupid.  He could have just checked for a pulse to pronounce her.  Usually he doesn't get within a foot of dead or dying people.  He didn't even know this woman, so I don't understand the need to be up close and personal.  

I think what I'll do is convince myself that the writers were being really clever, and in order to prepare us for the unheard-of ending, they've been gradually building up to it - setting the stage with things that now seem wild and out of place for Horatio, like doing lab work or talking to Calleigh.  It's been a very Alice-in-Wonderland world lately, after all.  I guess touching people, or almost touching people, is part of that master plan.    

Speaking of things that ticked me off: MR. ORTEGA.  Dude, not only are you a detective on CSI: Original Flavor, YOU HAVE BEEN JAILED ON CSI: MIAMI BEFORE.  If you're going to recycle characters, show, you need to not make them such recognizable ones.   

Also, the new new M.E.  (Wellner?)  Because I was kinda liking him too, but then he scornfully, if indirectly, bashed Alexx and I was all "oh, hell no."  So...he's not permanently joining the cast, is he?  Because that would suck; Miami was the only place I actually enjoyed autopsy scenes.  Also, not cool to not have any female M.E.s on your franchise.  You don't have to be Women's Murder Club, but a little more equality would be great.  It's a fictional world, it doesn't have to reflect reality.  

Oh, and also, everything involving Julia & Kyle, because I so wanted that storyline to wrap up and be finished this season.  I don't know how I feel about this parallel to 10-7.  Should I be annoyed that they trampled on two classic scenes in one episode, or be amused that this is obviously the only way Horatio knows how to deal with women & children he's close to?  (Ten to one says the reason we no longer see Suzie & Madison is that he secretly whisked them off to Canada, or something) 

Plus: c'mere, Kyle, give me that gun.  *pistol-whips* You JUST got out of prison, you moron.  How can you possibly think being in possession of a weapon, which I'm guessing you're not even old enough to legally own, can end well?!

However, I do not actually mind his sulking about being sent away, because it's kind of warranted.  *is still bitter about Yelina not coming back for season 5*

Overall, I can't really say I enjoyed the episode.  I'm fairly sure I was bored to tears for the first half or two thirds, aside from the part where Calleigh made the lab explode in flames - after I finished going "WAIT WAIT WAIT, how the hell did the bullet get enough momentum to bounce all the way back up to the ceiling?  Was it encased in Flubber that I didn't see?", I got a good giggle out of it.  And a little shippy thrill, even though Eric taking her hand seemed sort of overwrought considering she didn't have a mark on her.  But the ending kind of blew everything else away and sold me on everything else. 

Notes from the Red Turns Purple Fashion Show
-HOLY BOOBAGE, NATALIA.  I thought Calleigh was a cleavage barer, but she was waaaaay beyond her.  I can barely even remember what color the shirt was.  Oh yeah, it was red, like approximately 2/3 of the people tonight were wearing.   

-You know, I think I may need to question the sexuality of these men a little more than I've been doing.  Eric's following the code of red, but he's doing so in yet another of those floral print shirts he's so fond of, while Ryan...oh, Ryan.  Honey.  I forgave you the pink shirt, even though you took that as a license to wear more of them.  But I will not forgive your lavender shirt with perfectly matching tie.  I mean, LAVENDER. 

-However, loved Calleigh's bright purple tank under the black pantsuit.  

-I think Horatio may have been wearing a white shirt again; not sure, hard to remember.  It's a scary day when that's not the most shocking thing he's done.

------------
Oh, um, also great was the HIMYM finale.  

"Miracles"
-Marshall's stories of miracles were amazing, except for the lice part.  That was just gross. However, loved the first one; I fell off my chair laughing at the look of amazement, awe, and sheer disbelieving joy on Marshall's face after the pencil fell from the ceiling, bounced off the table and perfectly lodged itself in Barney's nose. 

-Robin's parents are cruel.  If you have to put your child's dog to sleep (which: the sight of that little girl petting an old, sad retriever pretty much made me burst into tears), you tell her outright what is happening.  And then you get her a new puppy.  You don't put her dog to sleep and then a) trick her and b) replace her loving, furry pet with an emotionless REPTILE.  It's cruel to deprive a child of literal puppy love when there is no obvious reason (like allergies or apartment rules) to do so. 

-Speaking of which, GOOD GOD, SHOW, STOP TORTURING EVERYBODY AND BRING ROBIN'S DAMN DOGS BACK.  Do I have to start a 1-woman campaign?  Do I have to start soliciting signatures to an online petition?  Because I...am too lazy to do th

-I was all excited when Ted broke up with Stella, and then I realized we were still in the first act.  Damn it!  And then I was even more excited when Stella broke up with Ted, before I realized that the episode had a chunk of time left in which to fix things again.  (although on that second breakup...holy cow, overreact much?  I hate Stella. Bring back Abby!)   

-And then there was the ending.  WHAT?  I'M SORRY, WHAT?  You just asked her to marry you?!  Fine then, I'm looking forward to watching this explode in flames.  I will laugh uproariously as I dance around them.  

-Because my belief that she is the Mother is hovering around 0%.  Partly because this notion makes me recoil in horror what with all the SEETHING HATRED, and partly because...I don't know; it just doesn't feel like she is.  I feel like with all the myth-arc and mystery they've built up, they'll have a whole campaign about meeting Her and having clues fall into place.  This would be such an anti-climatic resolution...all the wind goes out of my sails just thinking about it. 

-Now back to good things!  Like Barney & Ted!  AWWWW, BROTHERS!  Tears!  Broken voice!  I rewound that about ten times.  Sweetest thing ever.  Well, second-sweetest. 

-The sweetest thing would be Barney's LOOK.  SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  OK, yeah, I'm on board with Barney/Robin.  100%.  I'm there.  I'm ready for the...yeah, no, I'm not ready for the kissing and I refuse to watch Sandcastles in the Sand again.  But the shipping, it is ON!  In fact, it is officially on the daydream roster.  I cannot erase the heart-melting, awww-inducing look of sheer, overwhelmingly beautiful love (can I say love?) on his face as he stares at completely-oblivious Robin.  And that is how you get to me.  Every time. 

-Whoops, one more thing...usually I miss the subtle things, but I saw the "Nude Cabbie" headline, and had to laugh uproariously and pretend it was a deliberate play on CSI: NY's taxi cab killer. I'm guessing not, and that there was some other joke I was supposed to be getting, but they're on the same network, so let me have my fantasies!
----------
NCIS Finale of Death and Doom is tonight, and then I think Bones & House are going to boot CSI out of the queue, because everyone is talking about them and I'm desperately afraid of being spoiled, especially for the finales.  Which one should I give priority?  I'm thinking Bones, because people seem to be having higher levels of freak-out, but then House is only four episodes, so I could get through it faster and remove one of the spoiler threats.  Decisions, decisions. 

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
eleigh
May. 21st, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
Yay! You have seen the BroTP light! It's ok. We'll bring you around to the kissing.

I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THE EPISODE THOUGH! I wanted to watch it legally but all normal channels are thwarting me so I have to wait.
proudofthefish
May. 21st, 2008 12:35 am (UTC)
Bones I need help dealing. Seriously
stunt_muppet
May. 21st, 2008 02:28 am (UTC)
...honestly? I think my overall reaction to the Miami ending was "Huh. They actually did it. Good for you, show." Followed by "OH SHIT NO. You did not just kill my pet favorite slash pairing for this show. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS?" "How did he get a hole through his glasses? That doesn't even make sense."

Also, the new new M.E. (Wellner?) Because I was kinda liking him too, but then he scornfully, if indirectly, bashed Alexx and I was all "oh, hell no."

My reaction too. He has earned my enmity for speaking ill of Alexx. I mean, I'm already sore that she left...
rainbowstevie
May. 21st, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC)
Your struck-through thoughts seem radically different from your revised version. Are you quite sure you were calm while watching? :P

As for the hole in the glasses...bah, you people and your logic. You're supposed to appreciate the big picture! The SUNGLASSES OF JUSTICE ARE DEAD. Yeah, I'd like to know how that happened too.
stunt_muppet
May. 21st, 2008 08:46 pm (UTC)
Er, I was mostly calm. I was calm for the shot, because I kind of saw it coming - still a little surprised, but managed to keep myself in lowercase. And then wtf Ryan made me freak out. :D

Invisible Headshot? I don't even know. Although I may need to make that macro now.
soulwhispers
May. 21st, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)
i enjoy reading your reviews cuz i'm always yes! yes! yes!

and then i giggle at your commentary :P
rainbowstevie
May. 21st, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, that's always nice to hear, thank you! Giggling is good!
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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