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Wrapping Without a Trace, Season 6

6x15, Deja Vu: Oh my God, I am so sick of this Jen Long debacle, I want to SCREAM. I've never really had a problem with season-long plot arcs before, even when everybody else hated them. This one makes me suddenly realize what other people must have gone through during the Tritter arc on House, or the 333 Killer on CSI: NY. I'm also sick of watching Jack stumble around looking dead.

Sitting through this excruciating torture of an episode, all I could think was that damn, grudge match to cancellation or not, I am pretty sure I'm going to drop the show next year. There was absolutely nothing interesting or worthwhile about this hour at all - and I think that once I finish out this whole pregnancy arc and maybe check the season premiere, I might just read recaps.

Why couldn't that guy have killed Jen, WHY?!
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6x16, Dollar and a Dream: Hey, can we say "most irritating victim/killers EVER"? I think I perfected the art of repetitive headdesking in this one. "Oh noez! I acquired a winning lottery ticket among the belongings of my deceased friend, BELONGINGS WHICH I WAS AUTHORIZED TO DEAL WITH, and then I accepted the money instead of giving it straight to his estranged son! I AM LIKE THE SPAWN OF SATAN." Arrrrrrgh, that was just, so stupid! Who cares why the son was estranged - he was. And you just got $32 million dollars (or whatever the lump sum was; it's still multiple millions). This is called a "windfall" and why the hell would you question that for any reason?

Furthermore, why couldn't she just give part of the money to the son? Even if she did a 75/25 split in his favor, if she learned how to budget instead of blowing through 30 grand a week (?!) buying ridiculously expensive lamps and such, she and her friends would have plenty to live comfortably, and I should think he'd be pretty happy since he'd have no legal proof that the money was his to claim.

Don't mind me, I'm still digging my nails into the wood of my head-imprinted desk over the idea that anyone would feel they didn't deserve free money. Hi. FREE MONEY. It kind of trumps all.

But as stupid and annoying as that was, I don't think it warrants smashing in your best friend's skull because you're going to lose said free money. THAT was stupidity beyond the point of belief. I mean, yeesh. And then her brother just agreeing to go along with it and hide the body!! Dude, I don't care how much you love your sister, I think once she kills your girlfriend, that love should cool pretty quickly.

I will give props to the writers for throwing in a good twist, though, with the killer impersonating her dead friend and throwing the agents off track on the timeline. That was cool.

In other news, Barely Recovered Jack is my new least favorite of all the Jacks. I can't even friggin' hear what he says half the time, it's so low and quiet and mumbled. By the way, here's my favorite line from Annie's recap: "And speaking of out of line, Jack asks Gail, some FBI flunky, to run a secret background check on Brian Donovan. DUDE. I'm finding it increasingly hard to believe that Jack is the hero of this show because he is such an epic asshole." Annie = my hero, now and for always.

On the bright side, Samantha and Brian are sort of cute together, or at least Brian's cute in his eagerness to provide for the baby, and the shy, slightly awkward request to touch her stomach just made me grin stupidly. Which is why I threw a temper tantrum when I saw them attempting to make him, DUN DUN DUNNNN, a bad guy with a criminal record! Luckily, Annie's recap saved me once more. I'm going to quote a giant section here, but I just could not pick my favorite snippet (bolding mine):

"It turns out that Brian Donovan was arrested for sex with a minor, but the charges were dropped. I'm assuming we're supposed to think Brian's a skeeze and Jack was right for doing this, but it says right on the file that the girl was 17 and Brian was 23, so we're not exactly talking pedophilia here. I still maintain that Jack is an asshole and I hope when he presents this information to Sam, probably with a smarmy "I did it for your own good" speech, she kicks him hard in the balls about a hundred times.

Anyway, Gail is curious as to why Jack's interested in this guy and instead of answering, Jack asks her about her career goals. She admits she likes Legal but does have aspirations to work in Violent Crimes. Jack tells her he'll give her a recommendation when she applies for a transfer, and it's clearly understood that he's promising career advancement in exchange for her silence.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE. I'm really glad I only have two episodes left to recap because I think my hatred for Jack would give me a stroke if I had to endure his assholery any longer than that. DIE IN A MOTHERFUCKING FIRE, JACK MALONE."

*cracks up & rolls over laughing* I'm telling you, this woman makes my life complete (even more hilariously, she actually didn't recap any more after that..."Driven" seems to have been skipped entirely, while Jane St. Clair came back to do the finale).

Oh, and I'm still a little skeptical about Sam's plans to work until 3 days before the birth (because, you know, babies always come like clockwork) and then take all of two weeks off afterwards. That seems just the tiniest bit impractical.  The less said about the remainder of the Jack/Sam scenes, the better.

The saddest part is that, just because it actually incited a lengthy emotional & written reaction from me, I might have to consider this one of the better episodes of the season.

[Edit: Oh, and I almost forgot - thanks to YTDAW's whiny Jack lovers for reminding me - Vivian & Danny?  It's not like I didn't already think you were awesome, but when you're both on an Anti-Jack/Snubbing campaign, my love kinda goes through the roof.]
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6x17, Driven: Missing tow truck driver haunted by past demons of not being able to save girlfriend/her son from housefire - boring as hell.

Episode saved by the highlight of a hilarious little old psychologist (can we hire her for Grey's Anatomy, please?), who is would be great in her own right, but then she went and actually CALLED HIM OUT ON HIS CRAP about his own daughters, and making Jen Long a substitute for fixing the problems with them.  Which is so true.  Jen, in the only scene I will ever give her credit for, called him out on this crap too.  Could this increased mention of them lately possibly mean we might see the daughters again next season, or is that just beyond wishful thinking?

Episode driven further to the side of "crap" by what went down with Brian, which I hate so much I can't even put it into words.  I hated Samantha's whole interrogation room setup; hated her self-righteous as she demanded to know why he didn't tell her - like, as he put it, why the hell WOULD he tell her about something he didn't do?  Because "I need to know what kind of person you are"?  First of all, you've seen him as the kind of person who chooses to accept responsibility rather than sign away rights at first opportunity, and who stays late setting up your baby's room.  I should think that would go a long way.

Second of all, hey Sam, you want to tell him about that time you killed a guy, because that's the kind of person you are?  You might have been doing it to protect your sister, but that seems a lot more reprehensible than a false charge.  Is his worse because it's on record?  See, I don't really think so.

*headdesk* The utter stupidity, it knows no bounds.  I can't blame him for walking out, nor for subsequently sending the waiver papers.  YTDAW, of course, is frothing at the mouth to run him out of town for being flaky and a Class A Loser for doing so, because apparently if he really cared about the child he would just grin cheerfully and pretend Samantha didn't do anything wrong.  No.  I could forgive her the background check, even, if she'd given him a chance to explain, but not the hostility of her quick-to-judge, holier-than-thou attitude.  I'd walk away from someone like that too.

I really hope this isn't the end of Brian Donovan, though.  I want him back!  Surely they'll bring him back, right?  That was much too abrupt a send-off.  Damn you, Jack.  Like most things, this is all your fault.  Not even Samantha ripping him to shreds could cheer me up, after her earlier idiocy.  *sighs*

6x18, Satellites (season finale): Part of my frustration with this episode may have been the fact that it took for freaking EVER to load online - seriously, like three hours - and there was no place on the internet I could find to d/l it.   The other part may have been that it was just a really boring plot, which again made very little sense.  What if there had been other people in the coffee shop that morning?  What was he planning to do if there was a crowd of like a dozen?  Why did his twisty, delusional mind need a fake "trial" in the first place? If he was that pissed off, he should have just taken the pervert to a remote location and shot him. 

For a minute there, I did a "Hallelujah" when, after an entire season, someone finally remembered that Danny & Elena have a personal connection...but then they only used it to make them fight.  *glowers* I've been very good about not pointing out how annoyed I am that Elena always supports Jack, but I really don't like my only ship being at loggerheads. 

On the bright side, JACK'S LEADERSHIP HAS BEEN STRIPPED!  I don't know how long it'll last, but right now I not only don't think Jack is the best man for the job, I think anyone would make a better team leader, even if Samantha's really not up to the task right now and I'm thinking Elena doesn't have enough experience to qualify.  Vivian is the obvious choice, but Martin "Golden Boy" Fitzgerald would be a safe one too.  Also, I think it would be awesomely ironic if they put Danny in charge just for being the only one to stand up and take issue with Agent Malone's tactics.  (I'm assuming he did, I mean.  We didn't actually see it, but I hope he didn't chicken out at the last second)

And finally, Samantha had her baby, who was neither in the presence of a hot male nor a couple I adore, and was thus ugly and off-putting.  He didn't even get a name, which kind of ticked me off, although THANK GOD at least we didn't have to suffer through one of those horrible birthing scenes.  Then Jack's final words are "You don't have to do it alone anymore," and Sam glows, all atwitter, while I hit my head against my desk and point out that she wasn't going to have do it alone before Jack spooked her into scaring off Brian, either.

My brain flatly refuses to comprehend the possibility of any romantic sentiment in his words.

Conclusion: Yeah, pretty sure I'm going to stick to recaps next year.  If they sound really good, I might consider watching an episode or two, but as of right now I'm planning to kick it off the watchlist.  And this is hard for me to do, because it's a very rare show that I quit watching before it's canceled.  I did it multiple times to Grey's Anatomy and The O.C., but that's because they were trash shows and hardly things I was proud of watching in the first place.  But I've been with "Trace" six years now.  Along with CSI: Miami, it was the second crime drama I ever started watching, and once which I watched more consistently than Miami in its early years.  It's a hard habit to break, especially since its crime is boredom rather than incessant sex scenes and so I feel bad about it, but really - there's nothing worth staying for in the world of flat cases, cardboard agents, and FREAKING JACK.

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