There's No Place Like Home: parts 2 & 3
So...yeah, that was a decent finale, and I'm glad they sneaked in that extra hour just in case it included some good stuff we wouldn't have seen otherwise, but I'm not that enthused. In fact, I'm currently writing this all from notes and memory, with no desire to expend the effort even to skim through it again. That's not like me at all.
1. KEAMY IS DEAD, YAY! This is one of the only things that thrilled me, both because he died and because we got it in three parts - first Sayid got to kick him around for a while (admittedly getting as good as he gave, but even that was pretty exciting to watch, because who thought Sayid would ever have an equal match in hand-to-hand combat?), then Richard "Guyliner" Alpert blasted a couple holes in him, and finally we got to watch Ben go all "STABBITY STAB INFERNO OF RAGE." That last part was my favorite, because WOOHOO, DIRECT REVENGE FOR ALEX'S MURDER!! I have to agree with Ben; avenging Alex takes precedence over everyone on that boat. Even Jin.
2. This is how I currently feel about Hurley: "DIE IN A MOTHERFUCKING FIRE." I have never liked him, klutzy and stupid; my dislike measuredly increased once he started palling around with Charlie and/or hanging out with Claire and monopolizing the baby (there are plenty of hot men whose hotness could have been exponentially increased by holding that baby, dammit), decreasing my enjoyment of both characters' scene. His flashbacks were some of the most miserably boring/irritating to watch (hate his family so much, even more than Christian Shepherd, and his insanity ticks me off just as much), and he's been on my hit list for a while because all these excellent season 1 characters kept getting killed off while he kept right on trucking.
But the hate really exploded when Frank declared his distress with the weight of the helicopter's load, which was clearly entirely Hurley's fault because he weighs as much as two people, and if he weren't so freaking ginormous, maybe Frank would have been OK with the weight, and then Sawyer wouldn't have been inspired to go leap out, and then he and Kate would both have gotten off the island. I had made my peace with the fact that Sawyer wasn't one of the Six while Kate was, but now that I know they were *so close,* minutes away from a good outcome before fat Hurley indirectly caused their separation, I have turned into a STABBITY STAB INFERNO OF RAGE.
Disclaimer: Yes, I realize we could play a whole host of blame games, but Hurley is convenient, not entirely innocent, and already on my hit list. So here we are.
3. Speaking of Sawyer: we're setting up for a nice long drought of Skate, aren't we? Like, at least a whole season's worth, assuming they do get back to the island in the season 5 finale and Sawyer hasn't been unexpectedly killed off in the meantime (Also, I'm calling it right now: one person in that love triangle of a ship war is not surviving the series finale. J.K. Rowling might have chickened out, but Darlton will totally do it.
And that last bit we got? Totally not going to tide me over. Possibly I will enjoy it more when I watch it again without being blinded by all-consuming rage at Hurley, but while that kiss was beautiful (did it lack tongue, or was I imagining that? I think I hallucinated him saying "I love you," as no one else has mentioned that, so there's no telling where canon stops and my imagination begins), it was also kind of dampened by the fact that they've just been on sad, shaky, rocky ground for ages.
4. Actually, we're setting up for an equally long drought of Jacket, too. God damn it! See, I couldn't even process that before now, because this means in season 5, I will have exactly zero ships left. None. Zip. Nada. No Cute Scenes for depressingly long ages. Uggghhhh, season 5, you are going to suck so hard, is it any wonder I'm not very excited? (SHUT UP. THIS SHOW IS COMPLETELY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. JUST LIKE ALL OTHER TV.)
5. I did very much appreciate the slow devastation on Sawyer's face (sidebar: I also appreciated the fact that Sawyer mysteriously lost his shirt while swimming back to the island) when he saw the cloud of smoke on the horizon, along with the dulled response of rum-swilling Juliet.
6. But then it just makes me angry that the awesome halves of the Power Couples are stuck languishing in island life for a few more years, while the moron halves get to go floating back to civilization.
7. Getting back to Skate, my notes remind me that I very much appreciated the sassy, smirky banter when they first met up again. There was even a "Freckles"! ...oh that's right, it was promptly ruined by Kate cooing over Jack's bleeding wound, and Sawyer's :( at the reminder that she persists in keeping her options open.
8. I hated Desmond & Penny's reunion. I am just incapable of liking them, because a) Penny is still the irritating coroner on CSI: NY and/or Charlie Eppes' irritating ex-girlfriend to my eyes, and b) I just cannot ever, ever, ever be happy for Desmond after he got Charlie killed. I am completely incapable of forgiving him for this. His visions were clearly the product of insanity, and if Charlie had died anyway I don't think I'd blame him, but the convincing Charlie to do something that directly led to his death IS A PROBLEM FOR ME WHICH I CANNOT GET PAST.
When he wasn't breathing after the helicopter crash, I jumped out of my chair and started dancing. I had a whole little spontaneous diddy going to the tune of Jingle Bells, all "Desmond's dead, Desmond's dead, Desmond's really dead!" Except he really wasn't. You should have seen my mood just CRASH after Jack revived him. And then I was bitter and sulky throughout their whole reunion, which met like five different points on the Checklist of Cute and still didn't move me at all. I was bitter that I couldn't appreciate Teh Cute, but I have a serious mental block.
Dear Ben: Please kill Penny at some point, kthnxbai. (I'm warming up to him with remarkable speed now that he's hell-bent on killing people I hate. ...of course, he also killed Jin, so now we're back at a crossroads.)
9. How many times can you ask the "are you talking about what I think you're talking about?" question and have the answer seriously be "If you mean time-traveling bunnies, then yes"? That was great, even though I can't remember the actual quote.
10. The only cool thing Hurley did in this episode was play chess with dead Mr. Eko. Well, that and give us a reason to see Assassin Sayid's really hot hair again. (the assassination itself was not nice. Reminded me of another finale. *cries*)
11. Dan's a twitchy little ferret, with a dash of bastard. I hope he dies at sea with all the redshirt extras. Miles is exactly the same, and I hope he dies in some other painful way on the island. I don't care about Charlotte, but let's say I wouldn't exactly shed tears over her death.
12. OK, so, Jin running up the stairs, dashing onto the deck just a couple of minutes too late, and frantically shouting and waving his arms at the helicopter? Possibly the saddest scene in the whole finale. Sun letting out bloodcurdling screams? Made me want to shoot her in the face (more than usual). I realize that was an appropriate reaction, but my eardrums didn't need to hear it. The solution would have been to write that scene differently so they stayed together. My way would have been for Sun to stay on the boat, both because I'd welcome her death and because I was so ticked off at Jack and Kate for practically pushing her into the helicopter.
I think my exact reaction when the ship blew up was "WHAAAAAT the FUCK was THAT. WTF WTF WTF! JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" A) I'd kind of convinced myself that the whole thing where Jin was due to die at some point was just a little misunderstanding, and b) Why do people always insist that saving your own life is more important than staying with your significant other? LIFE: IT IS NOT THAT EXCELLENT. And it is considerably less excellent when you're suddenly forced into it alone.
I am clinging to my happy place of hope where Jin is not actually dead. I mean, wasn't he at the end of the ship that didn't explode in flames? He could have climbed onto a piece of wreckage and maybe bumped into the island again, or even some distant place of civilization now that the island and its weird force field has relocated. Also, one cast member is supposed to disappear for season 5 and return in season 6, so my money's on him. See? Happy place.
13. Michael's death was great, though. Incredibly well done, incredibly chilling that he hears the whispers that immediately precede death, then up pops Christian/Jacob (?) all "You can go now" and a split-second later KABOOM. Best. Death. Ever. Just kinda sucks for WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALT (who is all tall and lanky and teenager-y now! weird!) that he still believes his dad is alive somewhere. I mean, I guess hope is good, but I also think it would make things even more painful when he finds out the truth.
In a related note, I will not miss Michael at all. Especially not after Harold Perrineau got all whiny about how because they brought his character back only to kill him off, this show is "sooooo mean and unfair to its black actors! RACISTS."
14. AHAHAHA, "FROZEN DONKEY WHEEL," I get it now! I had been picturing like, a giant stone donkey statue (I've been playing Worms World Party a lot. Shut up) with a wheel attached to it. But now I see that "donkey wheel" refers to the type of animal-powered device used in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I probably could have made that connection sooner, except that I don't think "donkey wheel" is what it's actually called. I'm drawing a blank on what it is though.
Anyway, I don't understand why fans are supposedly all ticked off that that's the thing that moves the island. I thought it was pretty cool, myself. Especially since it actually made me feel bad for Ben when he was practically crying while turning it, sealing his own exile from his beloved Island. "He wants me to suffer the consequences." SHOW! Stop making me like Ben!
15. So, uh, now Locke's the leader of the Wilderness Adventure Others. Because that's a good idea. Give Locke even more power! *rolls eyes* In an unrelated note, there's an Other who looks like Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais all grown up. Is hilarious.
16. So in the future, or our present, Locke's calling himself Jeremy Bentham. Well, that's just stupid. Jeremy Bentham is way cooler than John Locke could ever hope to be. Don't go stealing & tarnishing his name like that. On the bright side, barring a miraculous Island reanimation (*crosses fingers*), LOCKE FINALLY EVENTUALLY DIES! YES!! I've only been begging for this for like three years. He's the first person since Ana-Lucia on my Hit List to actually die. I'm excited.
And I confess, despite having spoilers, I forgot about those and from the scene setup, I totally believed - even after the latter appeared behind Jack - that either Jack or Ben was going to be in the coffin. Lost is all freaky like that, after all. It would have been fitting.
17. Oh! I almost forgot. Claire appearing in Kate's dream/whatever was the most chilling part of the whole episode. As much as I hate them for killing her off, I still maintain that the way they did it was the most brilliantly orchestrated thing they've ever done, and having her pop up to glare and be fiercely protective of her son even now was just awesome. Then again, anyone who can make Kate practically wet her pants is awesome in my book.
I am curious about why she doesn't want him to go back, though (aside from the obvious fact that the place is as much a death trap as a miracle worker), given "Jeremy Bentham" and Ben's and, by proxy, Jack's manic insistence that bad stuff's going down on the island and has to be corrected. I admit to being a tiny bit intrigued by the multiple sides to this story. I don't think there really is a clear division of good and evil interests; I think it's all relative depending whose perspective you're seeing it from. Still not enough to intrigue me for season 5, what with its idiotic scheduling ("Hey, you know what sounds like a brilliant idea? Let's make people wait for eight months, and then blast them with 2/3 of a season before disappearing for another eight months!" *hates*), but a smallish point in its favor.
18. Another season's come and gone, so let's take stock of the characters still around that I like:
a) Sayid (except for now that he's officially on the path to Evil Assassin Mode, that might fade)
d) Vincent the Dog
Well, yeah, season 5 should really be a joy ride. *rolls eyes*
P.S. AFTER THREE SOLID WEEKS, I HAVE FINISHED MY CRAZY TELEVISION BENDER (EXACTLY ON MY GOAL DATE!). OMG OMG OMG I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. *runs around in circles, then keels over in shock*