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Saturday afternoon? Already?

I'm rather upset that I missed the premiere of "Greatest American Dog" due to my regular end-of-week-exhaustion. PEOPLE.  I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS SHOW FOR *MONTHS*.  Because, it involves dogs!  DOGS!  How has it taken reality TV this long to figure out that a show including animals would be an awesome idea?  But I missed it and now I can't find it *anywhere* online, and I'm very upset by this fact.  I feel it would have been much greater than the dance show this week, for example.   

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 12 Perform

Things I learned from the introductions:
-Mark, seriously, again with the pink? 
-I see Comfort lost her indignance about dancing in a bra. 
-I hate Gev more than words can express. 
-I still miss Twitch's hair. -I've figured out part of what I don't like about Courtney: she scrunches up her face in the manner of Heidi, that cabbage-patch doll look
-Starting right now I officially like Jessica. 
-AND I REALLY MISS MATT. 

Pre-show blather:
-Oh good, Cat's hair last week WAS just a horrible bit of illusion.  In retrospect, now that her gorgeous long locks are back, I can say it was cute.  And she's actually wearing a pretty dress for once; despite its straplessness, and the fact that it's a bit washed-out on stage, I think it's pastel stripes?  It looks good, very springtime/summer.  Plus giant dreamcatcher earrings, even though they're hidden by her hair.
-MIA MICHAELS ON JUDGING PANEL YES.  I love her dances, but I generally love her to pieces, in part because she reminds me of one of my old dance teachers, so there is just no format in which I don't like her.  However, Mia on the panel means that more annoying judges (*coughAdam* *coughNapolitha*) AREN'T on the panel. 
-Alas, I have an uncontrollable urge to straighten Mia's top.  I don't actually think it's supposed to hang off-center like she has it.

Chelsie/Mark, Salsa: STOP TRYING TO MAKE THEM BE SEXY.  IT FAILS ON SO MANY LEVELS.  I do kinda like her dress, though, with crazy spangly material, and carrying over last week's feathers with a sort of peacock bustle.  Also, question: why are you only allowed to wear half a dress in all these sexy ballroom dances?  Is that an official rule now? 

As for the dance, it seemed kinda Dancing-With-the-Stars, and I don't know if I mean that it looked cheesy-fake, or that Chelsie really looked like a professional adult dancer.  I think I might mean the latter, because despite how much I dislike this pair, she shone.  I did like the tricks and the sliding through the legs, and LOVED the post-dance dismount; nice work.  Mostly I continue to be amazed by how you dance in heels.

Comfort/Thayne, Hip-Hop (Ne-Yo style): Good God, I really, really love her hair.  The tight jeans are awesome too, although the ragged mess of material scraps covering her boobs, not so much.  And after watching this, despite my inherent dislike of this style, I like them together. I like them, all Odd Couple!  And they'll totally get booted if they do wind up in the bottom 3.  That being said, I have to agree with Mia's comments. I really liked her comments, actually, that she mentioned how much she liked both of them, but then rationally explained what wasn't working.

Will/Jessica: *notes that Will is wearing even less clothing than last week, and the dance again involves a lot of wrapping-around of limbs, close facial contact, and skin-stroking*  I feel as though this show wants Will to bed Jessica.  I'm not sure where I'm getting that idea from, as the message is so subtle.

OK, that was slightly facetious.  In actuality, this dance fascinates because it is very organic and sensual, and they look like they're making love all over the stage - not in a grinding hip-hop way, nor the way that makes me write angry letters about family shows, but in a vague, silhouetted, mysterious kind of way.  It's really, really hot, or it would be if I actually believe in their chemistry and didn't feel like they were just acting out parts (this doesn't detract from my enjoyment at all, as they are soooo pretty, but it's like watching actors on stage vs. in a movie).  Anyway, I am placated by the haunting vocals, which will get me every time.  In short, this is indeed one of the more memorable pieces of the year.

Courtney/Gev, Cha-Cha: PASHA PASHA PASHA!!!!!!!!!  *ignores Anya and fawns*  OK, yes, this is better than Benji.  I always say I liked season 2 best, but when I remember individual stuff, it's always from season 3.  Interesting.  Anyway, all the Russian talk actually amuses me, and sometimes when she says things like "So we went from grabbing my butt...to a crotch-bump" and/or squealing "EW!", I wonder why I ever hated her.
As for the dance...oh, God, not more of this Rihanna crap.  *mutes in hatred* And then they danced, and I was...so much more interested in making my mix CD, so I didn't really pay attention until it was over?

Things I noticed in the aftermath are that Anya always seems a bit like a doll - wide-eyed and sort of blank.  Not dumb, just...well, like a life-sized doll brought to life.  Like that Dmitry/Ashlee dance from season 2 (HAHA, SEE, GOOD STUFF HAPPENED THAT YEAR TOO) 
Mia: "Fabulosity?" Madam, I love you, but stop trying to make words happen.  Other than that, I once again adore her comments, because they're so true - clearly not the best dancers, but the energy of their performance makes it enjoyable to watch.  I paraphrase, but that's the idea.
Cat: THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT GEV'S CHEST.  THANK YOU.  EW.

Twitchington, Krumping: WHOA, Lil' C looks a lot like Twitch.  That's freaky.  Anyway.  I thought they were gangsta enough.  I don't have much to say because I am trying to scrub Mia's comments out of my brain. 

Josh/Katee, Viennese Waltz: GOO GOO DOLLS, "IRIS," REALLY?  In fact, let me quote TWoP's Daniel to express my feelings about this: "They dance to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Really? I never thought I'd have to hear that song again until such time as I go to hell."  In other words,   HATE HATE HATE.  Aaaaand, we're hitting the mute button.  Ooh, I did like the assisted jumps - that was definitely like an ice skater.  And there's one where she look like water flowing down his side (edit: maybe that was the snake movement?  whatever).  Plus Katee definitely has the best dress this week, all pretty blue v-neck, gloves to elbow...
And I think Mia and I may have officially parted company for the night, because she thought Josh was clumsy, and Mom and I have both been saying that what impresses us most about Joshua is that for being a big guy, he's amazingly light and graceful on his feet.  That being said, I am really effing sick of these two being the goddamn power couple that everyone fawns over, as THEY ARE NOT THAT MAGICAL.  ESPECIALLY NOT KATEE, WHO IS AN EVIL, SULKY BITCHFACE.  *will never stop being crushed that there was a last-minute chance to boot her, which still ultimately failed to succeed*
-----------
Mark/Chelsie, Broadway: Now he's in purple for the rehearsal?  Purple, REALLY?  Dude, I lost my belief in the existence of your male genitalia a long time ago; you don't have to keep trying so hard.  And HAHAHA, I swear I thought he said "gay love" instead of "game of" before he finished the phrase "cat and mouse".  So clearly, I laughed myself right out of my chair at the lyric "I could make a man out of you." Optimistic thinking, but no.  This song choice is full of unintentional hilarity, it is.

Thayne/Comfort: OKAY, so after officially liking them in the last dance, now I believe them as a couple (SHUT UP MARY), yes I do.  Have to say I loved her baby-blue nightgown of a dress, but I thought their whole routine was pretty, honestly, in a slow-motion way.  And I LIKED the lift.  In an unrelated note, I'm thinking Comfort might want to get her shoulder checked out in the hospital at some point, since it's been my experience that you can click-click a shoulder back into place, but it won't do a damn thing for the potentially torn cartilage beneath, a/k/a the stuff that keeps your shoulder from continuing to fall out of place in the future. 

Will/Jessica, Quickstep:  Kiss o' Death, whatever.  I ALWAYS LOVE IT.  This was no exception because "BANDSTAND BOOGIE!"  (I thoguht it was 'American bandstand," but OK) OMG I LOVE THIS SONG FOREVER because once upon a time I danced an awesome tap dance routine to it, and even more-or-less learned to throw myself into a handstand for it.  That was quite an accomplishment.  Um, anyway, this dance!  Cute.  Bouncy!  Excellent!  Old-fashioned!  Loved the cheek kiss!  THIS IS MY POWER COUPLE, AMERICA.
I don't know why judges are so hellbent on not thinknig she's good enough, because...you know, SHE IS. 

So now they're bashing thechoreography, costume...oh, there's some dancing critique.  And - OK.  SERIOUSLY.HE IS NOT CARRYING HER.  SHUT UP ALREADY, and Mia, you can just go sit in a corner for the rest of the evening.  Because, you know, I'm watching the number whoring, and this is actually the first time I've wanted to vote all season.  For anyone.  I can't vote, but I haven't really wanted to either.  Right now, I WANT JESS/WILL.

Courtney/Gev #2: I have just officially stoppped paying attention.  Though I saw a sweet jump from him, and I like their explorer clothes.

Twitchington, Tango: I saw Crazy Little French Man, and I just changed the channel.  Not even for Twitch am I sticking around for this.  I tuned in to see the dance's end, but I was just so bored with the show by this point that I couldn't find it in me to care.

Joshua/Katee, Bollywood: Wait, what?  Are we expanding our genre horizons?  How many times do I have to tell you, if you're going to do that, you make it tap?  TAP, DAMN IT, TAP!  I flat-out refuse to believe that it's harder to choreograph/learn tap than the quickstep or any other ballroom dance that involves complicated lifts, spins, and GIANT HIGH HEELS.

That being said, I grudginly admit that the dance was awesome, and I don't think it was entirely because of the fantastic music that made you want to get up and dance yourself, or even just the phenomenal ending jump into a pose in his arms.  That's all I can say because I hate how everyone who watches this show thinks that everything Katee does is the best thing that's ever happened to dance.  You know who Katee is to me? Katee is like the evil spawn of Danny and Sabra, with the worst qualities of both: unlikability and inexplicable, widespread popularity.  *seethes with hatred*
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RESULTS SHOW:
Welcome to another edition of "RS is destined to never see a full and complete results show, EVER!"  This week, it's because I spent 4-7 PM asleep, and then had to go on a swift grocery run so I wouldn't starve the next day.  And then because it was about 90 degrees and humid and I had to walk (barely 10 minutes each way, but still torture in that weather), it was a desperate leap into the shower, with the result that I was 10 minutes late to the show.  I'm guessing I didn't miss much for the group dance.

The first thing I hear is that THIS %o(#&%*(#)&% IDIOTIC IDEA OF A "DANCE BATTLE" IS ACTUALLY GOING TO COME TO FRUITION, and dear sweet Jesus I cannot actually tell you which I loathe more, Philip Chbeeb or Robert Moraine, so the idea of having to watch both of them during the finale makes my head explode with rage.

After that, I proceed to not really pay attention at all, because that's how sick I am of the Season of Boredom.

Except for the part where my head EXPLODES WITH RAGE again when I hear that KATY FUCKING PERRY is going to be singing the most offensive, disgusting song I have ever heard in my life, and that channel changes with the highest speed you've ever seen. 

I didn't even pay attention to the solos, really.  I noticed that Will was brilliant, Twitch was equally brilliant in a thoroughly different way (LOVEd the conducting movement), Kherington was annoyingly good, and Jessica's boobs looked like they were going to fall out of her top - no, really, I was actually worried.  But I got so bored with the judges' useless comments in between that I switched the station to watch "The Parent Trap" for a while.   

So, it was fairly obvious that, with the other options being Will and Twitch, no matter what Thayne did he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of staying.  The same sucky position as the Neil-Danny-Jesus trio last year, where it's completely unfair because there are other hideous people, like Gev, who deserve to go more.  And this came to pass, and I was more upset than I thought I would be because I really go up and down with my feelings for Thayne, but ultimately he was one of my better-liked guys.  And I feel peevish and cranky, even though I wanted Will and Twitch to stay more.  And I kind of admit that I agree with Nigel wishing they could have kept him and cut 2 girls instead.  (on the bright side, I am back to adoring Mia for saying she couldn't wait to work with him in the future)

As for the girls, I knew they wouldn't kick out Kherington her first week in the bottom 3, which is a shame because I'd have liked to see her go.  But I honestly had no idea whether they'd cut Jessica or Comfort: the one the judges hate, or the one America hates?  Decisions, decisions, oh that's right, ticket sales!  America clearly does not want to see Comfort, so out she goes.  I again feel moderately peevish and cranky, even though I can't argue with this decision either. 

And finally: I once again have zero desire to see them on tour, even if I could, because look at who's in it:
The Exciting: Will, Twitch
The Fairly Good: Joshua, Jessica
The Annoying: Gev, Courtney, Kherington, Mark, Chelsie, Katee

60% suckiness does not make for a compelling desire to shell out the amount of money this tour demands for its tickets.

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