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So, Tuesday/Wednesday TV...

Secret Life of the American Teenager: IT IS SUCH A GLORIOUS AND FIERY TRAINWRECK, I CANNOT LOOK AWAY. Yes, I watched it again - even pitched a little fit along with my roommates when the cable cut out and died 3/4 of the way through, despite the perfectly beautiful weather outside - although I can't even form words when I watch this show. I just laugh, scream, and/or choke on my exasperation and sputter nonsense. Case in point - Amy's rationale for having sex that one time was apparently that she was afraid no one else would ever want to do it with her. FLIBBERTEE ASLDKFJASL;KDFJASDF*()$@&*(FIFTEEN YEARS OLD)$&@(*$@!!!!!

 -I don't know how Molly Ringwald (I'm calling her that forever.  Screw character names) keeps from just slapping Ashley. As a viewer, I appreciate the kid's snark, but the way she treats her mother is simultaneously heartbreaking and infuriating.

-Also in need of slapping: Amy's really stupid friends. Especially the redhead.

-Meanwhile, Ashley and Amy's dad is so unpleasant that I really, really want him to, I don't know, go die in a plane crash? And not even in a way where I think it would be interesting to see the fallout and grief of his family. I just want him gone RIGHT NOW, in the most permanent fashion possible.

-While we're on the subject of smug assholes, Rickey! (Wikipedia wants me to feel sorry for him because he was sexually abused, or something. NOT HAPPENING, WIKIPEDIA) Band kids tend to be about 90% awesome, so when I heard how they met, I thought maybe I could understand why Amy let herself fall for him, but you know what? Band is still capable of retaining pure jerks. Rickey falls into this category. Doesn't he make your skin crawl just looking at him? WHY, AMY, WHY.

Sorry, I still can't wrap my head around what she said. How can you posssssssibly be so stupid as to think that your sex appeal is maxed out at age 15? 15 should be, like, the very first year you even consider it, and the likelihood of finding Ben someone decent in high school is...well, not totally laughable, but really far from a sure thing. You have a lifetime of meeting people ahead of you. If you're still a virgin at age 35, then you can start talking to me about the fear of being unwanted.

-Being as the show is run by Brenda Hampton, I always knew there was a 0% probability that Amy would go through with an abortion, but DAMMIT, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN INTERESTING. And I really don't understand why every single character thinks this is the most horrible plan possible. The way that "abortion" is apparently SUCH A SWEAR WORD that it can only be mouthed and/or mentioned in barely-audible tones, with accompanying looks of utmost horror, is also really getting on my nerves. Abortion! Pretty sure most high schoolers aren't afraid to mention that word.

-But in the end, right before my cable cut out, I did finally get to see the scene I've been waiting for - Ben wrapping her up in a hug in nondescript exam room, and it turns out Amy's crying real tears this time, which is so much more pleasant to watch, and guh. Even when I know his devotion is misguided and his proposal is the biggest plan of Fail in the history of the universe, I love them a lot.

-Speaking of which, the part where he started crying in the counselor's office? Yeah. That was good, in a "thanks for the unexpected sucker-punch, show!" kind of way. Poor overwhelmed kid; he's dealing with way more than anyone his age should have to. Which just makes him all the more noble and endearing, and I reiterate my statement that he will someday be the world's best boyfriend.
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On the bright side, while the cable was cutting out and I was just barely salvaging the network channels, I got to see the cast of The Office kick butt on Celebrity Family Feud. Kate, Oscar, Creed and Phyllis FTW! (and someone else who shall not be named because his character is so loathsome that it bleeds straight over into actor hate too, and yes, there is someone besides Steve Carell who shares this honor)
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So You Think You Can Dance, final performance show: Was worth its weight in gold, as I concentrated hard on being Zen and making Katee invisible, which proved surprisingly easy to do with the help of mute buttons and channel flipping and in the process, helped me let go of a lot of my by-proxy Joshua animosity.  Which made the night 75% sheer enjoyment.  How much of that was just relief about the season being over, I cannot say.

 I'm on a category curve this week, so instead of running commentary I'm going 

The Fashion
-Cat learns from when people referred to her dress last week as a sparkly garbage bag, and swaps it up for a shimmery, skintight curve-hugger instead.

-Mary's looking fantastic in a gauzy silver elbow-length top draped loosely over a black sleeveless number, I think.  Why does Mary always look so dang fantastic these days?  I still think she's a horrible woman I would never go near in real life, with that hee-haw laugh and the shrieking and the generally overbearing personality, and it's probably not stuff I'd actually wear, but on her it looks really, really good.

Dances of WIN
-The first number!  Oh, MAN that was fun, and kick-started my good mood immediately.  Music was one of those songs whose title and artist mean nothing (something with church?  as in "i'm gonna have to take you right to ~"), but it turns out you know the song.  Probably courtesy of my cell-phone-music-blasting coworker, but still.   OH, and it doesn't hurt that this is the one pair out of the final 4 that I want to watch.  Twitch is just sheer brilliance in everything, and Courtney was a little firecracker, and I couldn't stop smiling when it was over.

-RUSSIAN TREPAK.  Holy good g'damn, that was amazing.  BEST DANCE BATTLE EVER.  Even more so than the...no, not quite as awesome as last year's royal prince battle between Danny and Neil...no, man, TOTALLY EQUAL.  I'm glad they keep rigidly to guy/girl pairs prior to the finale, even though some people want the partner mix-n-match to be gender blind, because that makes it an extra-special finale treat.  

Seriously, Twitch bobbing along the floor, and Josh to having such, to quote Mandy, insane elevation on like 3 split leaps in a row, and all the showboating in between...my dance-loving heart just started to beat again.  And then they started doing impromptu tricks during Cat's post-dance follow up!  LOL.  (oh, and the whole rehearsal video?  Plus the Nutcracker music?  So much Awesome it cannot be contained)

-FINAL DANCE.  Oh, Mia, after this?  We're so back on.  The beautiful contemporary to a thrilling orchestral piece (arguably "Hallelujah," but not in a way that's particularly recognizable) was sheer joy to watch, and for one of the few times this season - possibly only? - I actually got a little teary-eyed watching it.  "Magical, a celebration," says Mandy, and that is it EXACTLY.  The lack of words, the sharp strings, the crisp movements - that took my breath away (except for the weird part where they went down the line 1 by 1 and looked like zombies lurching in place WTF stupid). 

I even loved the costumes, which it seems like a lot of people hated, but I loved the long-sleeved dresses on the girls - like last century's schoolhouse outfit - and even though the kilts + shirtlessness on these guys caused some visual dissonance (it was like...like it should have been African tribal outfits, but somehow took a wrong turn into Scotland), I think I liked it.  

I can't imagine missing season 4 in any way, other than with my customary clinging to the past and dislike of change, but I bet I can work up nostalgia for this dance.  I've watched it a whole lotta times on YouTube.  Let me share the magic with you now. 


The Sucktastic Dances
-WADE ROBSON.  What up, you traitorous show-ditching dude?  Aside from an amusing conversation in my head about how the producers probably offered him all kinds of money and finally resorted to "but you can choreograph the only two dancers who've NEVER MADE A MISTAKE!", I was bored to tears by this routine.  The Joshua/Katee reunion didn't help - because seriously, people, this is not Benjelle!  Really not! - but the John Mayer and general boring slowness didn't help.  It was mostly the John Mayer that made me walk away.  Stupid Wade not meeting my expectations.

-The Trolley Song.  Oh my God what a boring and irritating waste of time, in a way where I think I'm just getting fed up with Broadway's Shiny Happy Crayola Color World vibe in general.  I mean, there was a clearly divisive line of love/hate with Sabra and Laceys' mama/baby fox routine last year, but I thought that was fantastic.  This not so much.  Way to wreck my lone girls' number!  I LOOK FORWARD TO THIS, YOU KNOW.

-Katee dancing the foxtrot to Michael Buble?  Not even for Twitch would I set foot near that territory, and that was one of the few times last night I rapid-fire changed the channel before my good mood could evaporate into boiling rage.  I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to recover if I lost my cool.

-Joshua & Courtney's jive was really blah for me.  Normally I love the jive like whoa, but my excitement meter registered at 0, not budging an inch.

-Dang, I don't remember so many dances sucking. The good ones were just THAT GOOD.

Other Stuff
-Loved all the background videos...or at least loved the guys'.  Did not like being reminded of Courtney's huge and annoyingly close extended family, which is part of the reason I didn't like her in the first place, and had to skip Katee's before it could take me an enraged place.  But I loved hearing about Twitch, and I like Joshua a little better after hearing he quit football to go after dance.  

-The solos were hit and miss for me.  None really stood out, but as always I loved watching the guys, kinda liked Courtney's (mainly because she chose Missy Higgins for music again), and ignored Katee's entirely except for grumbling that she chose the best music of all, "Hide and Seek," which will always and forever be a Season 2 Final Four song for me.
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Okey-doke!  And I'm off to go see who wins!  A hundred bucks says it's Katee, but I'll give you two hundred in gratitude if it isn't.  
Voice: Just so you know, I plan to collect on that.

 

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