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From Two Sundays Ago: Oh, the Anger

Cold Case: I hate seeing myself portrayed on TV.  It’s disturbing and unsettling and one of the many reasons that my profile picture is not of me.  I also hate it when the romantic soul attempts to find actual romance.  I hate it even more when the romantic and deluded soul falls in love and then turns into a DELUSIONAL KILLER to please her boyfriend, who is not actually in love with her but is merely a con artist.  The only thing I hate more than all of the above is when she’s shot by an even more deluded woman who totally looks like a man.  In other words, this episode of Cold Case was utterly unbearable. [RS Note: review moderately edited in lieu of deletion after starring as the first post to get me in trouble on LJ for offensiveness]

Without a Trace: Once again, the actual story – which I found confusing and so hard to follow that I barely bothered; something about a social worker and illegal baby adoptions - was completely overshadowed by the atrocity of the Jack/Anne. OH! AND THE ICKY JACK/SAM! I take back what I said. Jack/Sam is the most horribly squicky thing I have ever seen. I writhe with embarrassment and disgust every time they speak. Also, I am going to beat Jack about the head and shoulders with a 2x4 for being such a god-damn ass. Why the fuck is he having second thoughts now about the woman carrying his child? I know he’s got a bad track record, but really, I do *not* understand people who break up when the woman is pregnant, I really don’t. No, they haven’t broken up yet, but isn’t the writing on the wall? There’s no way they stay together forever.

I do love the foreshadowing DOOOOM of Anne’s pregnancy. Interestingly, pretty much every time a character gets pregnant, my brain likes to take this exact same scenario and run with it, imagining “what if” scenarios that involve doubling over in inexplicable pain. Figures that the one time it actually happens is on the one show where I don’t care. And maybe this is all just red herring stuff, but I guarantee that if she loses the baby, Jack is calling Splitsville. And he’ll probably go running right back…to…Samantha…with some horrible speech about what she means to him…oh God, I’m getting sick just thinking about it. Save the baby! SAVE THE WORLD!

Just give me one more paragraph – I can’t get over how intensely uncomfortable that scene between Jack and Sam was. I don’t have it on tape any more, but I can write the subtext from memory.  Observe, a somewhat cracktastic fictional interpretation:

Sam: You wanted to see me?
Sam’s Thoughts: We used to have sex in this office. Right there. God, he has nice lips.

Jack’s Thoughts: Damn, you’re hot. I’m an idiot for breaking up with you. Oh, whoops, Anne.
Jack: So, just wanted to tell you that Anne and I are moving in together.

Sam: That’s nice. Thank you for keeping me up to date on your relationship’s progress.
Sam’s Thoughts: Such…nice…lips… No! Bad Sam! Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts.

Jack: Yeah. Because, um, she’s pregnant. Don’t tell anyone though.
Jack’s Thoughts: Tell me I’m scum for thinking what I'm thinking; tell me to stay with her, tell me we’ll never be together again so I stop thinking about you.

Sam: I see. That’s good, I’m happy for you.

Jack: Yeah. I just felt like you should know, because we’re so close and all.

Sam’s Thoughts: I want you.

Jack’s Thoughts: I want you more.

Both: *stare broodingly, wondering if cheating on a pregnant woman is really any worse than cheating on your wife and lying to your kids*

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