Funny thing happened, I was all set to cue up 4x00, and then I thought, "Hey, you know what I could do instead? Read all of Spy's Torchwood recaps."
Because it bugs me that there's Doctor Who-related material I don't know about (except in passing, having occasionally read your posts or skimmed TV Squad out of boredom). I hate the idea of watching a show and knowing there's companion material out there that's not part of my consciousness in some form. You shouldn't watch X-Files without Lone Gunmen and you shouldn't watch Grey's Anatomy without Private Practice, so watching Doctor Who without Torchwood feels wrong. However, I flatly despise just about everything I know or have seen about the show, and have less than zero (far, far less than zero) desire to view even a second of it.
But then I realized, hey, the gloriously captioned recaps are just sitting there, waiting to be read! I can go at a quicker pace, and absorb all proper knowledge of this show's events, but not actually have to watch the sexin' or cursin' or slash or Jack! BEST OF BOTH WORLDS. I'm only a few episodes in, but I already feel better about the amount of knowledge I've sucked up. Doctor Who actually did a pretty good job of succinctly explaining the situation with Jack/Torchwood at the end of season 3, but I prefer knowing first-hand.
-Owen looks weird, and I've always gotten the feeling that he's kind of an ass, or at least overly smug. The recaps confirmed this, and suddenly I feel all full of warm fuzzies about what happens to him later.
-Tosh strikes me as fantastic and my favorite - possibly only likable - character. I think it was the caption where Tosh would rather watch Antiques Roadshow than porn that did it. Suddenly I feel all full of MISERABLE DESPAIR about what happens to her later.
-Jack = haaaaaaaaaaate. This is the natural state of things; always has been my base reaction and always will be. Also, I am unsettled by the idea of Jack being the leader of a team. It is so very wrong to think of him being the one that everyone follows, the one charged with all the responsibility. I'm breaking out in hives here.
-Ianto has always bugged me nearly as much as Jack. He's unattractive, or at best incredibly plain, his character sounds incredibly boring, and he has this look of, I don't know, cringing - he annoys me merely by existing. Let me put it this way: when it comes to other dogs, my dog insists upon dominance, but whenever a dog she's gotten close enough to sniff tentatively at starts to relax its ears and lower its head in submission, she lunges and snaps. Basically, she gets aggressive if the other creature is too submissive, and that's how I feel about Ianto. I have no idea why, but I want to kick his ass for being a wimp.
-Gwen is the only character I didn't really have a pre-existing opinion about. Pretty, but I wasn't very impressed with her in the early recaps. I do think she might be starting to grow on me. The part that keeps her from growing on me too fast is knowing how she gets all ~*dazzled*~ by various Torchwood men and/or kisses them DESPITE HAVING A BOYFRIEND. (There are two things wrong with this: one, I am generally opposed to cheating unless the existing boyfriend/girlfriend is an undeserving ass - unless she breaks up with for a while him at some point? I don't know everything here - and two, the Torchwood men are in no way attractive, much less attractive enough to warrant the cheating business)
-I have no opinion on Rhys other than the fact that dollsome
loves him and Gwen, and thus I love them on principle because they are apparently cuddly and domestic. Really, I am not very impressed with his looks (did David Tennant just absorb all the pretty in the Whoniverse, or what?), and his character doesn't seem particularly interesting yet, but he's Gwen's boyfriend so that's enough for me to be on his side.
Anyway, I've been having a good time reading the recaps, without feeling a need to mention anything in particular, except for these three things about 1x04:
-Wait, wait, waaaaaaaaaait. Ianto has a girlfriend?! Like hell he does. If I've gotten one impression about Torchwood, it's that Ianto is EXTREMELY GAY and Jack is
bi completely 100% pansexual, but also laughable in any serious relationship except possibly with Ianto. I don't *ship* them, as they both repulse me (Ianto possibly more so than Jack, because he's not even plastic-handsome), but I feel like they belong them together. IANTO HAVING 'GIRLFRIEND' = LOLCAKES. Sweet tie-in to Doomsday with her being half-cyberized, though. See, this is the kind of thing I miss out on by not watching spin-off shows.
-*grump* Gwen cheating on Rhys 4 episodes in pisses me off. That's another reason why I'm not actually watching this show.
-Though must admit, the pterodactyl brings me great joy.
Then I got to 1x05, "Small Worlds," and it was immediately like "...aw, hell. That looks really cool, and I may have to see it for myself." I fought a losing battle until about halfway through the recap, and then I gave in because you can always win me over with a) immortal men talking to Clearly Significant old women, b) spooky little girls and/or fairy-things, c) quoting a Yeats poem, specifically "The Stolen Child," or d) all of the above. So I'm watching it. BUT JUST THE ONE. I will justify it by the fact that seeing the characters in action will help me form clearer, better opinions about them.
I still flatly refuse to join your Cult of Torchwood. *glowers at fandom, holding pitchfork defensively*
(I also love how this is the second post I've started tonight for the express purpose of reviewing Voyage of the Damned, and once again, still haven't gotten to it. *sighs; moves partial text into storage yet again*