Now: I'm bored out of my skull so I'm watching "Criminal Minds" for the first time ever, figuring if this high-stakes episode can't hook me, I can officially write it off without a second thought.
And mostly what I'm feeling is rage and frustration at the incompetence that can't get anyone to help the woman LYING ON THE GROUND AND BLEEDING TO DEATH. Like, can't they just swipe a gurney and get her on that to bring her back to the safe zone? Why is the Marine guy or whatever practically threatening to shoot, um...Morgan, is it*?...for crossing that barrier zone to go help the woman LYING ON THE GROUND AND BLEEDING TO DEATH.
* I have all these names in my head from various peoples' posts, but I never knew which faces to match them up with. I made educated guesses to satisfy myself (apparently, looking it up was too much work. Well, there were like 8 people! Possibly more!), and I made most of them wrong. Like, I always want to call the brunette woman JJ, I thought the heavyset blonde was Emily (and when I found out that was wrong, I assumed she was JJ, and in fact up until this very second I thought she was the pregnant one), and the black guy has been 'Garcia' in my head for way too long.
Anyway. It's kind of hard to feel invested in the British blonde's fate (I think her name is Kate?) when I've never seen her before and really didn't even know she existed.
I'm also learning just how far I've fallen from my crime-show roots, because I keep trying to substitute in other characters in this scenario to increase my emotional investment, but none of them work because none of my 'ships would ever be in this situation. This is strictly limited to law enforcement partnerships, and I CAN'T THINK OF ANY I WANT TO SEE. *pause* Maybe Danny/Elena would work.
All right, still largely bored 2/3 of the way through, so let's talk about my character impressions. I've decided that I like
*MASSIVE FIERY EXPLOSION* What. You...did not just do that. You did NOT just kill Morgan right after I decided I liked him -- I'm being very calm and detached here because it seems unlikely to be true, but I don't know how this show operates and for all I know they'd use the season finale explosion as a cover for killing off a main character in the premiere - oh, phew. That's good. In a way where I --
WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, YOU ACTUALLY KILLED KATE? I LIED BEFORE. I AM INVESTED IN THE FACT THAT A SEEMINGLY IMPORTANT CHARACTER JUST DIED, AND ALSO I WAS STILL WORKING DANNY/ELENA IN MY HEAD. I'M UPSET. I totally forgot about her life being at stake! I figured once they finally cut through eight tons of red BS tape to get her to a hospital and in surgery, she'd be fine! BOO, SHOW. BOO.
In conclusion, I feel no particular need to ever watch this show again. Luckily I won't have to, as Private Practice returns to rescue the 8:00 hour next week.