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CSI Miami, Backstabbers

Stupid episode.  I hate this show season.   With a fiery passion.  Everything is stupid.  EveryONE is stupid.
 
Oh, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, WHY must you be such a screw-up?  This is your third year as a CSI, and I swear you're worse now than when you were a newbie.   Natalia's gonna pass you up any day now.  Maybe she already has.  And the whole terrorist angle...THIS is what they're going with as the season long plot arc?  Lame.  So lame.

I think I will write the rest of this review as a series of letters.

Dear Sonya: Stop giving H that seductive, sultry smile.  It makes you look like you had plastic surgery that went wrong, and your face is permanently stuck in the position.  Also, are you a terrorist?  Are you a traitor to the terrorists?  Are you just a self-serving opportunist?  Can you give me one reason I should care?  Also, die.

Dear Mr. Kinkella: Get out of Horatio's face.  The LAWYERS decide who goes on the stand and testifies, not the damn police. 

Dear Alexx: You were not in this episode enough.  Fight for screen time!  [on a related note, Khandi Alexander is truly an amazing actress and needs to be highlighted more often]

Dear Calleigh: You know, you are super awesome when you talk to little girls like Emma.  You have the cutest and most non-threatening air about you.  You would make an awesome mom.  All of this would be a lot better if you had presented yourself as a kid empathizer from the beginning, instead of suddenly taking over Horatio's job this season.  It's just not the Calleigh I know.  What's more, it just reminds me that of all the stupid jobs Horatio is running around doing, kid-empathizing was the thing he was best at, and he's not doing it.

Dear Eric: What exactly did you do all episode?   Not that I'm complaining, as you rank just above Natalia on my list of favorites.

Dear Natalia: Thanks for not being in this episode much!  And for wearing a pretty lavender top.  You have a nice wardrobe; that is your one redeeming quality.  Tell Calleigh that cleavage doesn't belong in the workplace.

Dear Ryan: Please stop being an asshat. Thank you.

Dear Horatio: I see you finally read your job description and spent time in the lab!  Now, you should do that more often so you don't look so out of place and AWKWARD while doing so.  Seriously, were you standing up at the computer as you pecked in the license plate number?  Are you too good to sit down?  Afraid that by giving up your height, you'll lose all your intimidation power?  Seriously.

On a more personal note, are you ever going to tell me what the hell happened back in New York?  What was the nature of the stabbing?  How exactly did your mother die?  What happened to your father?  SERIOUSLY, WHO DID YOU KILL IN NEW YORK?  Was it your father?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Stop chasing ties to Iraq and head back to the past already.

Other Notes:
I didn't think much of while watching the episode, but after seeing it written out, it occurred to me that Kinkella would be an awesome stripper's name.  Or maybe a porn star's name. Either way.

Was I the only one who couldn't follow the plot?  There were sort of two plots, at first, Sonya and the Hispanic gang stabbing...but then they were all kind of related...but not totally...but...IT WAS CONFUSING.  In the end, all I really learned was that everybody seems to be a terrorist these days.  And also, that none of these stupid Al-[whatever] people are nearly as interesting or as much fun to hate as the white supremecists of "Pirated."

Have I mentioned that I *hate* the international terrorist storyline?   It's so boring and generic.  If I wanted to follow real-life crap about terrorism, I would read the front page of the newspaper.  I don't read the newspaper.  Because it is boring.

Sometimes I hate when H whines about how alone he is and he knows just what it's like to lose people; sometimes I like it.  Tonight I liked it, after I put the sentences together to read "I know what it's like to have your family taken from you."  The verb "take" is slightly more powerful than "lose," as it implies anger and blame directed at others instead of himself, and this mostly reminds me of Marisol.   Because, you know, Ray the Asshat (I like to repeat words in posts) kind of ran off, and H kind of sent Yelina and Ray Jr. away, but Marisol was the only one really *taken.*  (unless you'd also like to count his mother.  I kind of would.)

And yes, I know Mr. Kinkella was the one who asked "Do you know what it's like to have your family taken from you?" and H merely said "I do," but my creative reconstruction sounds better.

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