RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Sometimes I think Shonda's mission in life is to kill me through high blood pressure.

First, awesome realization on Wikipedia about CSI's Miniature Killer that a friend just alerted me to:

In her most recent appearance, she made a miniature of herself being hung. If she does commit suicide this way, all her murders spell the word BLEACH: Blunt force trauma, liquid nicotine, electrocution, asphyxiation, crushing, and hanging.

Not sure if this was common knowledge already, but I was really thrilled and nobody mentioned it on here, so I thought I'd share just in case.

Second, I thought I could get at least halfway through Grey's Anatomy before I needed to vent, but I cannot.  *sighs*  Come on, saddle up, let's go. 

-5x05, "There's No I In Team"
Good Ships:
Oh, Lexie.  *pets*  Her angry, teary outburst at George about how he didn't even ask for her and he doesn't see anything was just about the saddest thing I have ever seen.  In the wake of all the unholy and/or apathetic relationships that are currently brewing in this hospital, George/Lexie is one little patch of beauty I can't help clinging to.  I want them to be together.  I particularly want George to realize that she has feelings for him and at least acknowledge this fact, even if he doesn't reciprocate them ALTHOUGH HE SHOULD.  Perhaps give one of those infamous "I'm sorry if I hurt you" speeches that you use to let people down gently.  I don't know!  I just want Lexie to have her friend back! 

The other relationship that doesn't currently irk me to pieces is Mer/Der - a shocking and probably ephemeral state - because everything involving The Shepherd Method was fun.  Especially the part where, knowing that the entire world would be disagreeing with me, I went right ahead and cheerfully sided with Derek the whole time.  He's arrogant and unthinking and I'm totally OK with that, just like I'm OK with him getting all the credit (he could have maybe mentioned her at some point, because it's good form to thank your assistants, but yeah.  He has the reknown, he has the responsibility, he gets the credit).  I think it was the part where he called her a baby and simply said she didn't deserve it that did it.  I stood up and cheered him on in his 100% utter correctness.

Even better, though, is the part where he redeems himself so that the entire world gets on board with my opinion.  Kidney in a jar!  That's AWESOME, and Cristina's shock and jealousy were hilarious too.  As for their final scene, my thoughts went like so: "Hum, naked flesh.  My shippy meter does not w...oh my damn, McDreamy saw fit to just kiss her shoulder and then snuggle up for sleep!  THIS is the kind of naked bedroom scene I can handle, yeah!  Meredith, please pull the sheet up higher, I keep worrying you're going to flash me if it slips half an inch.

Bad Ships:
On the sucktastic side of things, we have the Hahn/Callie/Mark triangle, which is just EW on every level and involved much scene-skipping.  I'd like it if they would all just die in a fire, although in retrospect, knowing that Hahn leaves...I would be OK with just the other two dying in a fire.  I've generally run extremely cold on Hahn, but that was mostly a result of her snubbing Cristina + my resentment over Burke's departure.  We bonded with Sloan hatred, even if hers was for all the wrong reasons, and I genuinely believe that if she were kept out of any future relationships/sexual partnerships, we could have a fresh, clean start.

And Izzie/Alex.  What?  What?  I will have more to say on this later, but for God's sake, what is with the pretending that Alex has periods of oscillating between being a nice guy and being an ass?  He's always an ass!  Unless he's directly tending Ava, he is always an ass!  If there are other moments where he's not being assy, his general demeanor is so unpleasant that it's overridden any other perception I might have of him.  Episode notes: "Izzie, please stop acting as if you wish Alex would change so you could screw him without guilt.  Is it time for you to hook up with ghostly!Denny again yet, however that works?  Because I gotta say I'm suddenly looking forward to that."

And also,  why are you so obsessed with seeing the good in him?  I'm beginning to realize that you have a pathological need to be loved/in love at all times, and that's why you meet a new love of your life every year, and the attendings are all either taken, disgusting or women, but...try finding an intern, or something.  It would be better for all involved, a word which here means "me."  Or adopt another dog!  One without behavioral problems.  I hear as long as you feed them regularly, they give you real, true, everlasting and unconditional love.  They'll even warm your bed without requiring you to get naked.  But if you prefer that, then sometimes you can use them to meet hot vets!  The animal-treating kind, not the psychotic fresh-from-Iraq animal-killing kind, I mean.  But that's next episode.

Just know that I would have liked it so much more if Alex had chosen to shut her up at episode's end with a slap instead of a kiss.  That's certainly what I was hoping for, and I wouldn't even have called him out for abusive tendencies.

Also, from the glimpse at episode's end - prior to watching 5x06 - I decided that as far as Owen Hunt goes, he's sadly not that attractive, ergo I am disappointed and not looking forward to him after all.  

General Plot:
-As for the domino surgery, that was exciting!  I was sure at least two people were going to die under the knife; I'm shocked that they all walked away, albeit with one clinging tenuously to life at the end.  This is clearly because Bailey has magical powers that extend even farther than sweetly and not at all coercively talking spurned wives into donating their kidneys after all.  (Incidentally, I love when she brings God into things, as in "the organs that God gave you."  It's so matter-of-fact true for her that at times she almost turns me into a believer)

-Pity about the foolish young blonde woman, though.  Why do people continue to delude themselves into believing married men will leave their wives if they just wait long enough?  You make them leave their wife first, duh. 

-"I think I'll keep Lexipedia.  She remembers many things.  And she bathes, unlike Stinky 2 over there."  OK, I didn't need her harshing on Steve, but I otherwise love Cristina's drawling delivery.  I bet "Lexipedia" could be turned from a semi-insult into a pet name without too much difficulty, because I think it's terribly cute.  Did not love Izzie's snotty attitude, however, and thus found the intern-picking scene in the cafeteria fairly disgusting.  There's no need for ALL of you to act like Alex, come on now.

-"You should read my article.  It will enrich your life.  Make you a better man."  Hah!  I bet it would.

-5x06, "Life During Wartime"
You probably all guessed exactly how I was going to react to this episode and/or Major Owen Hunt, didn't you?

"The following drama portrays the use of animals for medical study and research"?  THIS IS AN EXCEPTIONALLY BAD SIGN.  SO BAD.  I don't want to go into this arena!  I don't, I don't, I don't!  Things do not need to be tested on animals!  I am fine/reasonably impressed with the cures and medicine we currently have in existence; we can either test them synthetically or stop now.

And I was only picturing, like, a lab full of sad rabbits in cages.  Was not expecting the manifestation of this warning to come out as "GOOD SWEET LORD, I DID NOT KNOW THERE WAS A CHARACTER I COULD DESPISE MORE THAN MARK SLOAN."

But there is!  And to make things even better, he's planned as Cristina's love interest!  *headdesk*  I suddenly regret my relief that Cristina managed over a year of abstinence.  Random dudes and/or interns would have been better than her falling for this freak, which admittedly she hasn't done yet (a fact which verily impresses me, though I somehow doubt their ability to bring me around when they bring her), but the writing's on the wall.  And, seriously.  He's very unattractive, and whatever his accent is supposed to be annoys me.  I freely admit that both of these things probably bother me more now that I know he gets his kicks by STABBING DEFENSELESS PIGS WITH KNIVES.

And yes, I know they were anesthetized and unconscious and probably really were pain-free, but that doesn't make his cold lack of feeling any less nauseating.  Putting them under was probably just a matter of convenience to keep them still during the surgery.  I kind of feel that if there had been a way to simply completely paralyze them for the surgery practice, he would have done that instead.  Owen Hunt strikes me as that type of guy.  Classy character introduction, Shonda!

(Sure, there are issues that the pigs were probably always planned for medical use, and fewer than 1% of pigs are bred for anything other than premature death, but if we go down that path it's a never-ending spiral of depression until we reach the point where I want to kill myself to stop the cycle of cruelty.)

Which is why, unexpectedly, Izzie became my hero for the episode!  I love that girl.  I'm almost ready to forgive her transgressions with Alex, so proud was I of her unflinchingly standing up to Major Asshole with nary a misstep, starting by calling him a monster and storming out of the room immediately.  By the time she spat "flipper baby" statistics at him in answer to his polio vaccine question, I was ready to kiss her myself. 

(sidebar: in answer to his quips about tetanus shots and polio vaccines, I refer you to what I stated earlier:  yes, it's fantastic that we have all those things now.  However, if we didn't, I would not be that fussed!  And besides, it happened in the past, just like slavery, which as I understand it made lots of people quite rich and happy as a result.  However, we don't have any *new* slaves today, just as we don't need any *new* animal experiements.)

Izzie said it a lot better when she turned around and hissed the most beautiful speech I've ever heard in my life, about how we have the advancement of technology and we don't have to do things like practice on live animals anymore.  (there's another whole side issue with vets, which I don't want to get into, but vets at least have a good reason)  I forget her exact words, I just know I was going 'Yes!" and "EXACTLY!" after every sentence while I declared her my hero.  The fact that she didn't back down once, and even went so far as to complain to Derek, was simply incredible.  (and McDreamy, as of now you're back on my shit list for not caring)

Anyway, just as I thought - even though there was a moment near the end where I wildly hoped Cristina would be proactive and find them a place at a rescue farm - all the pigs have to die anyway, now that they've finished being useful.  Oh, I'm sorry, because otherwise they'll be "in pain," as Owen rationalizes.  Which, dude, fuck off.  They're in PAIN because YOU put them in pain, ass!   You don't get to pretend it's a humane decision to euthanize them as if you just found them suffering from horrible abuse!  And now if you don't mind, I'll just be bawling my eyes out at the pigs who were put to sleep for absolutely no reason at all.

And he should have at least put them down himself, not left his interns to clean up his gruesome mess.

I don't really know what Shonda was going for in writing up such a thoroughly unpleasant freak, but I hope it's understood that while I'm sure they're going to make their best effort in the coming months into going "Oh, but wait, he's just misunderstood!  You'll learn all the complexities of his character as the season unfolds!", I will be actively despising him on principle.  I'm not even going to pretend to give him a chance at character redemption - like, the part where he sincerely asked what Mark and Derek would have done differently and said he wanted to learn?  NOT BUYING IT.  STILL AN ASS.  And I couldn't care less if he has OMG Wartime Trauma from having everyone in his unit die.  I really couldn't. 

There is absolutely no way he can redeem himself by even a tiny fraction in my eyes.  Not even if he grows McDreamy-like hair, breaks down weeping in Cristina's arms about his Poor Dead Comrades, and/or hovers by her bedside with whispers and hair stroking as she battles terminal illness.  And those seem unlikely, so you can imagine how anything less is REALLY not going to cut it.

"Accidentally" stabbing Mark with a scalpel in the heart or eye might cut it (hah, punny!), but even so, I doubt it.

One thousand words later, we're ready to talk about other things!  Kind of.

Non-Pig-Related Things Which Still Made Me Rageful:
-Is Meredith reading her mom's diaries really going to become a big Thing?  Because it really doesn't seem like it should.  And yet, I fear.

-Alex/Izzie, please stop existing; it's creepy and makes me feel unclean.  It's almost worse when Alex makes weird overtures that sound like he wants to be a boyfriend.  It's like watching House try to be nice; you're sure he's only doing it for his own secret and nefarious purposes. 

-Mark Sloan.  I don't even have words to hate him with anymore.

-Hahn.  Your relationship with Callie is still the grossest thing I've ever seen, crying after sex is really super creepily needy considering that Callie has given no indications of even actually being in love with you, much less at the point of marriage prosposal that you seem to be at, and also, really good sex doesn't prove you're gay.  It just proves that you haven't been to bed with very capable men.  

Also, don't ever get in a grudge match and/or power struggle with Bailey, because she will handily kick your ass.

A Short List Of Actual Good Things:
-Although, that being said, I was much less ticked off at her Bailey confrontation than I would be under normal circumstances, and I actually saw both sides of the argument.  It's amazing what bringing in pig-killing surgeons will do for bumping ice queen heart surgeons up on the Totem Pole of Favorite Characters.  Don't leave meeeeee!  I've decided I like you as long as you're not screwing Callie anyone!

-George/Lexie FTW!!  Bonding over macaroni and cheese!  (and, what is frozen mac and cheese?  I didn't know that the boxed kind was gourmet, or in fact that there was any kind other than boxed.  Kraft > all other brands, sure, but that's the extent of my macaroni discrimination) 

They are so ridiculously cute and sweet, and she's so hopeful even though he's so clueless...could we please involve Lexie in a dramatic near-death situation, maybe involving hostages or whatever February sweeps arc you have planned this year, that will flip the switch and suddenly - or perhaps slowly, a few weeks afterwards - cause him to realize how important she is to him?  


-Anatomy Jane is the greatest doll ever.  I want one.  I did run across a blog post about Pregnant Barbie recently, which is also on my wishlist of impossible things, but I think Anatomy Jane might be even cooler.

Funnily enough, prior to kicking it off the watchlist, I remember remarking on  what a good start Grey's was off to this season.  Hahaha!  Well, that streak broke pretty fast.
Tags: csi, grey's anatomy, tv commentary

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