CSI: Miami, 7.13, "And They're Offed"
Horses horses horses! For as little as racing actually focuses on the horses, it does in fact revolve around real, live, gorgeous animals, and they were everywhere in this episode. I was giddy with joy. Look at their pretty, gleaming coats, and their expressive eyes, and their lovely long noses and quiet snorts! Not to mention that this is the first time in months that I haven't hated what I generally consider the time-wasting setup that is showing life for three minutes before the murder actually happens.
You know what's not fun to watch? The guy getting shot and spitting blood onto the window as he died: FOUR TIMES. I'm pretty sure once would have sufficed.
This episode also left me with many a question, and the fact that I'm not actually 100% sure of the answers to all these I consider sad testament to how many years I've been out of sim clubs, and thus gradually robbed of my formerly boundless horsey knowledge. Nevertheless!
1. Wow, way to spill valuable feed all over the place without even a search warrant, Eric. And making a mess of the hay bales, too. Oh, he found the bloody murder weapon...wrapped in a cloth and hidden in the horse's feed bucket. My questions are three:
a) Don't horses get a little leery about the smell of blood? Would he really be calmly eating around it?
b) Would said horse take kindly to Eric moseying over and digging around in his food while he's eating?
c) Why was the bucket hanging on the outside of the stall door instead of being inside the stall?
2. The jigger use seemed somewhat blatant. If she had won, wouldn't someone have noticed it? Why was she using a jigger instead of a good old-fashioned whip, anyway, if she was so worried about both winning and her career? But most of all, how did Eric and Calleigh plan to construe her use of it as proof to keep Banyon's eyes on the race so a hit man could sneak up and kill him? I'm struggling to connect those two things, and I just cannot do it. Besides, I'm pretty sure he would have been watching the race anyway. It's only like a minute long.
3. So apparently all the horse owners have bolt guns in their possession, just because? I...thought you had track vets. For reasons that would include euthanasia via needle when animals were beyond saving. Why are the horse owners running around with bolt guns? Are they really so easy to use that people just operate them willy-nilly as soon as they see a horse start limping? I'm sorry, I still can't figure out why bolt guns exist outside slaughterhouses or possibly cattle ranches.
4. After seeing the ending, I'm not sure what the groom's original offer was, but at first it sounded like he was offering Calleigh a ride on the horse he was grooming. The...3-year-old racing colt. That made my head hurt in all kinds of ways.
5. OK, so when Ryan's friend was supposed to dose the colt with cocaine...he had the opportunity to do so because the horse is just standing around in the aisle, tied on a lead rope, totally unsupervised? That seems unwise for a lot of reasons. Also unrealistic - there was nobody else around at all?
6. Um, murderous ex-jockey dude? You fail hardcore at horse ownership if your judgment can be swayed by one bigshot's opinion. You scraped all your money to buy this horse, put time and effort into training him, and then one guy - before you enter him in one race, even - says he looks worthless and will take him off your hands for $5k, and you believe him? Even after he says he needs a trotter pony? Nobody would use a 3-year-old colt as a lead pony. Are you sure you used to be a jockey?
In conclusion, this plot had more holes than Swiss cheese. And yet I didn't really care, because the ride was so much fun. And the case was only part of it!
Well, it's nice to know who that kid Ryan was with is, at last. Seems like a sort of unnecessarily complicated setup - he could just as easily have been introduced in this episode right here - and I still think it should have been his nephew, but OK. "Son of his friend/sponsor" kind of works.
Said friend might have been more enjoyable if I hadn't spent the whole episode sure he had previously played a criminal, and finally discovered on IMDB that I know him as
I'm curious as to how Ryan got off with nothing more than slightly bloody nose while his friend's face was a mass of cuts and bruises, though, and how he managed to send the muscle man through a glass patio door. Maybe he's back on those steroids I always used to accuse him of bulking up on.
Incidentally, bored with Russian mob now - I like how this show has graduated from "gangs" to "mobs" - mostly because I can't stand the main guy, who will always be Lost's "Patchy" to me. He's irritating there, too. I think it's the voice. But it could be the pock marks.
*clears throat* CALLEIGH GREW UP AROUND HORSES YAY!! \o/ \o/ \o/
It's one of those things I like to suspect about her character, but was never quite certain of. So it was nice to see her interact with both groom and horse, especially when she didn't immediately move to show off her horse-whispering skills by petting Backdraft or otherwise reaching out to him. I feel it would have been much more in Miami character to have the annoyed horse relax and become placid as soon Eric left, but luckily they went for realism instead.
Plus, by about halfway through the episode I had decided that, despite all of Eric's swoonworthy pining and longing over the past months, which I have willingly succumbed to, I had already overthrown him in favor of Calleigh dating the groom. He's tall! He's blonde and rugged-looking with an easy smile! And he works with horses!
Of course, whenever you mention a character having grown up around horses, I am never satisfied unless I see that character get to ride horses in the nearish future, so...ENDING SCENE OF WIN. Track ponies, with the Western saddle and everything! *dances about* Such a pretty brown horse she's on...cantering and smiling and yay! Happy Cal FTW.
As for Eric...*shrugs* Yeah, nice gesture with the special rare truffles; normally I'd be all over that gift, but. Horse ride > chocolate. Sorry dude. You've been bested.
Notes from the Lemon Meringe Fashion Show
All the white and yellow hurt my eyes, but nothing so much as Tara's yellow pants (where do you even buy things like that?), and Natalia? Yellow shirt underneath or not, the last woman I saw wearing a white suit was Carrie Bradshaw. To get married in. I feel like there are more ideal clothes to wear to work.
-The jockey in the cow-pattern silks cracked me up. Seriously, they were white with black splotches.
-Calleigh. WTF was that? For starters I am a firm believer in women not wearing ties, ever, for any reason, but the rest of that was like...all that comes to mind is "stuffed shirt"; I do not actually know how to define that gray half-vest...thing.
House, 5.12, "Painless"
OK, I've been biding my time, but at this point I'm officially tired of Janice. I'm even more tired of her than I am of Thirteen, which as anyone around here knows, is quite a feat.
I also feel like I'm going to run hot and cold on Foreteen, and this week I'm so very, very cold, although the placebo thing has the potential to be interesting. And I got a giggle out of Foreman claiming that he neither makes the schedule nor would alter it for nefarious purposes (you mean, exactly like you did before?).
I got another giggle out of House asking for the lawyer the hospital used when Kutner set the patient on fire (the fact that he gives up this information willingly, off the top of his head, and without pause as if setting patients on fire is an ordinary set of circumstances to hire a lawyer, is the best part), especially when said lawyer came storming in. But the rest, not so much.
Luckily, to take away from the relatively boring case (how you make blinding full-body pain that turns out to be result of epilepsy in one's balls boring, I don't know, but they managed!), we had the far more intriguing tale of Cuddy trying desperately to pass the DYFS home inspection test. Bucking the trend of every social worker ever seen on television, he saw past her cluttered home and into her heart full of good intentions, and didn't immediately confiscate her child.
He also claims that she's head and shoulders above most foster parents in the state, which I find sort of worrisome, given that he saw bloody ANTS in her living room. What are regular foster homes like? Mold on the dishes and cockroaches in the kitchen? Is it OK as long as you have the money to hire a housekeeper later? It's not that I really want to contest Cuddy's right to motherhood, and I think most houses are closer to the cluttered look of hers than the immaculate living spaces usually portrayed, but the ants were a glaring problem for me.
She was very cute while taking care of the
Finally, there was a lot of naked Hugh Laurie flesh. A lot. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Probably this was not the greatest of weeks to watch it with my parents.
P.S. Did you hear the good news about Chase & Cameron coming out of the woodwork and into more prominent roles at the end of the season & next year? I would be excited, except I'm afraid it will cause me to go right back to hating them. Cameron especially. They're like very rich chocolate; I love them in small doses but it doesn't take much to make me sick, so it's best if they're strictly rationed and always leave me wanting more.
How I Met Your Mother: 4.13, "Three Days of Snow"
If there was one bad thing about this one, it was the first bit with Marshall and Robin. I have a list of things I never need to see on TV, and "sweaty people" is a big one (you can imagine how I feel about "The Biggest Loser"). And maybe I'm not all that fond of Ranjit. But other than that? Perfection. Embodied in such things as:
1) "We should buy a bar!" And never has "Kokomo" been used to such beautiful effect, whether it was the montage of lemon/lime juggling and bottle twirling (with the inevitable smashes), or Barney's blissfully dreamy end of the telepathic conversation, in which he may or may not have been flirting with Ted. (come on, that's what it looked like!).
2) Marshall and Robin getting buried by a snowplow
3) Marshall and Lily's list of silly traditions. Telling each other what they ate does seem a tad weird to me, but as for the rest of it...aw! Lunchtime phone calls - love Marshall's business end - and New Year's Eve kisses, and most certainly the airport ritual*, AW! (and Robin IS a robot, and Marshall won that fight hands down with his eyes closed).
3.5.) * They take a lot of separate flights, don't they? That seems odd.
4) Souvenir six-packs with punny names! I like Minne-Cider, myself.
5) The entire conversation outside the bar with the Arizona girls, particularly Ted's casual request to see an Arizona driver's license and Barney smoothly telling him he already cleared that they're 21. Heh.
6) MARCHING BAND.
7) Party School Bingo! Which Barney finally triumphed at. Naturally.
8) Did not see the crazy timeline coming at all. I love how they gave you a subtle clue with the 3-day storm (it's even in the title!) but I am so wonderfully clueless that I never pick up on these things, ever.
9) I have to admit I thought the solo clarinet player and even the pair of trumpets were just being weird creepy band geeks (as they often are portrayed on TV), until everyone else joined in and it all fell into place a split second before Marshall appeared with his "Lilypad" sign. At which point I was helpless to stop from getting all teary-eyed with happiness as they kissed. I love them! And Marshall looks so dapper in his little chauffeur's hat! It was like getting a bonus holiday episode.
10) Anything not mentioned above-