She was very pretty, so I was wavering, but then some poor girl did a horrible job of singing "Before He Cheats," obviously not aware of how bad she was but not one of those really dumb people either. Kara goes "I see you were voted Most Humorous in high school!" and goes on and on about what a great joke that audition was. Meanwhile, the girl looks shell-shocked and perhaps on the verge of tears. Me: "Wow, Kara's kind of a bitch." Do not want.
Watching Torchwood and Lost back-to-back made my head hurt to try and align two different sets of time-traveling theories on top of each other like that. But Lost was worse, I think, as I felt like I was getting whiplash from the eighteen different time periods we kept getting jerked around between. I have to admit it was significantly better than the finale, though, even though I can't quite put my finger on why.
Maybe it was the whiplash itself. I didn't have time to get sick of anything - well, that's not entirely true; I still managed to get sick of Hurley scenes once Sayid was no longer conscious and able to be hotly loyal and protective and in charge - but for the most part, everything went by so fast and with so much action that just keeping up with all the storylines had me glued to the screen. I even missed dinner for this show.
Let's have a list of thoughts, in no particular order, and combining facts from both episodes 1 and 2!
Because You Left/The Lie
1. Like every other red-blooded heterosexual female, I highly appreciated the fact that Sawyer spent the first hour shirtless. Although I couldn't help giggling at the memory of Josh Holloway's mock-serious complaint that it wasn't fair of the producers to make him do that fresh off hiatus.
2. "I wanted to make sure she," and he bites his tongue, "--they got back to the boat." You're not fooling anyone, Sawyer. *swoons*
3. But by far the best part of the premiere: "Everybody I care about just blew up on your damn boat!" Ohhh, Sawyer. And the hardcore Sawyer/Juliet shipping starts...NOW. He's got more of that lion-in-pain lashing out from way back in season 1 when Kate confronted him about the letter, and when you factor in the way Juliet - poor, beaten-down, emotionally-wrung-out-yet-still-pushing-h
Shipping or not, the fact is that they work wildly well together, whether it's splitting strengths (she's the brains; he's got the brawn and intimidation factor - as well as the common sense to override her physician complex and drag her to safety before she gets herself killed stopping for the dead or dying) or her serving as a counterbalance. And while Juliet is definitely more equipped with specific leadership skills* and highly independent and capable of holding her own, I like to think that he feels sort of responsible for taking care of her in Jack's absence.
*How much do I love that they're sort of de-facto in charge, by the way? I mean, obviously Daniel is the only one with an inkling of what's happening, but clearly it's Juliet and Sawyer calling the shots in a very herd stallion + lead mare kind of way that simply wasn't possible as long as Jack and Kate were around.
4. This space is reserved for SQUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE at the sheer amount of Sawyer & Juliet, who are so clearly my favorite characters at this point that even Sayid is looking a relatively distant third. And Vincent the Dog is the only other living character I still love unconditionally.
4.5 This space is reserved for futher SQUUUEEEEEEEEEE at the heart-stopping danger that was Juliet nearly losing one or both hands, with her begging for mercy and Sawyer desperately yet somewhat effectively stalling them until Locke could get some knife action in. I never thought I'd actually be happy to see that guy.
5. Sawyer slapped Daniel. And at Charlotte's protest, threatened "Shut up, Ginger, or you're getting one too." Like I needed more reasons for him to be my hero.
6. Of course Rose and Bernard are OK. *is bitter* Stupid only ship that won't die.
7. Except for the other stupid ship that won't die. *is more bitter at Desmond and Penny* Charlie-killer.
8. OK, so is the island just going to bounce itself around willy-nilly, every couple of hours for the next three years? Or is it eventually going to stablize and calm down a tad? Because if it's the former, I'm going to start getting motion sickness.
9. I have to admit that Locke seeing the Nigerian plane crash was kind of awesome. As soon as I saw it coming, it was like "OMG holy s%##!"
10. Wow, Kate's hair got really long all of a sudden, didn't it? Pretty hair won't sway me, show.
11. I could have done without seeing the wretched Ana-Lucia again in any context, but her "Oh, and Libby says hi" bit was fantastic. I was, however, pleased to see the ever-eerie Fionnula Flanagan.
12. I don't know what to do with clean-shaven Jack. I like Crazy Bearded Jack! However, I do like this exchange --
Jack: They're not my friends anymore.
Ben: Well, that's the spirit. (hee! Ben's kind of funny when he's off the island and not controlling everybody with his Yoda-like powers.)
13. Hot Assassin Sayid's hair will never not be a thing of fascinating beauty for me. And I am totally willing to overlook his propensity for shooting everybody when he's doing it in the name of getting Hurley somewhere safe and/or away from Ben. I'm also willing to be totally impressed by the fact that he keeps knives point-up in the dishwasher just in case he has to kill a bad guy by flinging him down on them.
Plus, he tried to strangle Jack. Sure, not intentionally, but you can't tell me that wasn't fun to watch.
14. Man, I am so glad that Frogurt Neil got shot with a flaming arrow post-haste. I'd almost forgotten him from the mobisodes, but I remembered immediately what I couldn't stand about his buggy eyes. It was really satisfying to see him go down like a toasted marshmallow. In a related note, I've added "death by flaming arrows" to my list of "especially horrible ways I don't want to die."
15. Wait, what are nosebleeds a sign of, again? Is that the sickness, or am I confusing this with some other show? My brain is such a sieve...regardless, things don't look good for Charlotte. I'd be OK with this, except that of the three remaining freighties, she's the one I hate least. It's entirely possible she could worm her way back into my good graces if she isn't too antagonistic.
16. Going back to Ben, Hurley throwing a Hot Pocket at his face was hilarious. The only way it would have been better would be if it had actually connected instead of splattering all over the wall. Those things are blazing when they come out of the microwave. That's why you're supposed to heat them in that cardboard sleeve.
17. "You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't have to go around shooting people." OK, that was the other best quote of the night.
18. How did they get away with mispronouncing Shih-Tzu on TV? I could see the loophole if that was really how you pronounced it, but it's not. Come on, FCC, crack down.
19. Did anyone else notice the picture of Jack and Aaron displayed in Kate's living room? So unfortunately they haven't grown far enough apart that she's cutting him out of or burning photographs yet. Sigh.
20. Sawyer/Juliet! ♥ ♥ ♥
I thought I should mention that one more time. And also point out that I finally looked up you make those little heart symbols, just for them.
21. I came to a startling revelation during the premiere, while I was busy being bitter at Desmond and Penny, that I'm going to post outside the cut because it's important: You know how I always say I was predisposed to hate Doctor Who after Tennant left, because nobody could match up to his attractiveness (Matt Smith included)? If he wasn't all tied up with this show, IAN CUSICK TOTALLY COULD.
I mean, if he kept this accent and his current hair? I have never been able to come up with a dream pick for Eleven although would totally be okay with Hugh Laurie, but now I have one! I cannot appreciate him as Desmond, but as the Doctor? Hell yes. HE NEEDS TO BE ELEVEN. RIGHT NOW