RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

TV That Broke My Brain Less:

Stupid lying and unclear previews, all "crossover event that starts at 8."  That is a lie!  The crossover didn't start until Private Practice, and then only in the tail end of it.

Grey's Anatomy, "Beat Your Heart Out"
I'm sorry, I only had one predominant thought in my head during this episode, particularly during the Chief's ramble and the pregnant lady's suggestions: "Derek's planning to propose to Meredith this week, and everyone there has just been so excited for him.  And involved.  And intrusive.  And weird."  /Jim voice. 

*shakes head*  I realize their relationship has been shoved in everyone's face for the last few years, but come on, that was ridiculous. 
Let's just break the rest down by characters/ships.

Mark/Lexie: Yeah, still hate you.  With fiery burning loathing.  Which sucks, because I used to adore Lexie, but now McSleazy invades every aspect of her personality and just wrecks it.

Arizona/Callie: See above.  Times twenty.  In a way where I bite my tongue on a lengthy diatribe before it gets misconstrued as hate speech, which it very well might be.  There would be no way of knowing.  I am really big on Office quotes tonight, wow.

Owen/Cristina: Either you loved the slo-mo and piano montages surrounding them, or you didn't.  As it happens, I didn't; it came across as very forced and somewhat pretentious-art-film.  However, I did appreciate, as usual, the general idea behind their romance, and the parallel to "chaste like a Victorian romance novel" did not escape me.  It's a pity he kills pigs in his spare time, because otherwise I might have been all over Cristina forcibly calming him with pressure hugs, and most especially him sleeping in the on-call bed, fully clothed, with his arms around her equally-clothed waist while she casually reads Ellis Gray's diary. 

Bailey: I don't want her to go into pediatrics.  Why?  The short answer is that she gets incredibly boring when she's doing kids' surgeries.  I did not think such a thing was possible.  Yet there it is.  In the epic, long-standing battle between Bailey and Cristina as my favorite character, the former's lack of nudity was always just enough to give her the edge...but I think she just lost the title.

Cristina: Never change.  Or change as necessary, there, being who you are, all the time.  I think my favorite part of the night was her sauntering around reading the diary and throwing out flippant remarks/semi-juicy tidbits as she saw fit.  Plus she was able to give some succinctly condensed advice on proposing to Meredith before she shooed Derek away.

Owen's Mysterious Lady: Girlfriend, maybe?  I know we already went down the surprise!-secret-love-interest road with Addison, but I am totally on board with anything that delays O/C.  Slow as it is, it's never going to be slow enough for me.  

Dr. Dixon: Go away.  Just go away.  Forever.

Male Interns: Jackasses.  Oooooh, I said "asses," should I give you a few minutes to work the giggles out of your system?  *rolls eyes*  Do I have to take back my recent defense of your existence?  I guess I do.  That was pathetic.  And it wasn't even funny.  Like, at all. 

George: OMG PLEASE DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE.  Your snark is hilarious!  And wonderful!  And sorely needed!  And among the top 5 things about this episode, which otherwise felt a lot like filler!

Izzie: "What is wrong with you people; didn't you practice on each other?"  Izzie snark is good this week, too.  Despite a sad lack of Denny.

Derek: You were on the right track at the beginning, remembering that Meredith spooks easily and you have to be very slow and careful with her.  Now, on what planet do you think that that a room full of rose petals and a giant stuffed bear is the way to go?  Seriously?  I'm pretty sure that for Meredith, you need a very quiet night and a very quiet place (outside, I think), and you need to slip it into the end of the conversation.  On second thought, I don't think you can plan it at all.  You need to wait for the Universe to tell you when to do it.  One more emotional upheaval should do it; conditions will be just right at some point in the aftermath. 

Meredith: Actually rather insightful of you, worrying that Derek doesn't want your babies prone to Alzheimer's and suicidal tendencies.  (split ends are not a concern.  I'm sure McDreamy hair is a dominant trait).  Aside from the fact that he's mentioned or implied several times already that he would like to raise your babies, that is.

Private Practice: 2x15, "Acceptance"

Well, that was crap.

Charlotte/Cooper continues to be the most nauseating and ridiculous and effing stupid thing on the planet.  I also continue to wish Archer dead.   

I'm...sort of glad that Violet admitted she was pregnant, mostly because Dell was wonderful and caring and sweet and almost made me forget the grudge I've got against his former drug-pushing ass.  I'm still vaguely grossed out by Sheldon, even if he does kind of want kids in the hopes that his own will like him, and am newly full of squee at Hot Angry Pete really having wanting kids, and still wanting kids, and clearly if this baby manages to be born it needs to be Pete's to raise.

I always forget how fantastic Cooper is on his own, all intense and super caring about patients and just wonderful with children in general.  But I couldn't not get over the maddening storyline with the parents who just "gave up" on their daughter.  What the fuck.  There is nothing wrong with her to explain why they might have given up.  She's adorable!  And smart!  And sweet like spun sugar - essentially, as far as I saw, a perfect child!  And it's not even like she has a fatal illness or utterly debilitating injury that will require lifelong special care here that they don't want to bother with - she's limping a little and has to use a pair of crutches because she needs knee surgery.  That's it.  SUCK IT UP AND PAY THE BILLS, ASSHOLES.  God, what terrible people.  I'm not even sure they felt bad about it.

Next Week: I still can't tell which show the crossover is actually on, or if it's somehow both, because I'm too lazy to look it up and the promos are still confusing, but...*is faintly dead from squee at what sure looks like a Derek/Addison kiss*  

*drops Mer/Der like a hot potato*  

I don't care if he's got a ring in his pocket for another woman and this is meaningless and she's just lost and lonely.  I never thought, ever again... PRETTY PRETTY KISSING YES.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!  This like...this makes up for every time I've had to watch Callie kiss someone.  It totally does.  It even makes up for the squicktastic McSleazy/Lexie.  GOD, LOOK HOW PRETTY THEY ARE, WHY DID THEY EVER BREAK UP.  *hates McSleazy so much*

Numb3rs: 5x14, "Sneakerhead"
Summary: The team finds themselves in the world of sneaker collecting after a foreign ambassador's vault is broken into and a limited edition pair of sneakers is found missing.

Yes, it's exactly as stupid as it sounds.  It's also lacking any trace of Amita or Colby, so you can imagine what a never-ending thrill ride this was.  In fact, I'm pretty sure the only thought I came out of it with was "So wait, if Megan had just worn a scuffed-up pair of boots on her flight out, we might have kept her on this coast?  Damn!"  I mean, I'm glad Liz is staying here and all, but I didn't really believe she was quitting, and the way they drew it out was excruciating.

That, and I kept listening to everyone ramble on about how kids feel great if they just have this special brand of cool shoes, and all I thought was "...really?"  Because I am pretty sure I barely even knew that shoes had brands, and I most certainly did not care about the brand at any age.  I know that at various points in my elementary school career, it was imperative that I have first jelly shoes, and later light-up sneakers.  I don't even remember if I got either one.  I do, however, know that the specific brand was extremely unimportant.

The Office: Lecture Circuit, part 1
That was nice.  Nothing to get excited about it, but nothing to despise, either except everything involving Andy, because that's just how it is!  (no, but really.  Michael was in one of his tolerable moods, where he was mildly cringeworthy but in a way where I could still watch 90% of it and think "If he was like this all the all the time, I would have no reason to hate him."  Andy, on the other hand, was so excruciating that halfway through, I just gave up entirely.  There was no way in hell I was sitting through that.)

The Karen meeting went off with a surprising lack of bang, and I am...totally placated.  I've apparently let go of my resentment towards her? Not my resentment towards season 3 Karen; oh no, I still hate her, and it's not like we've reached a place of Roy acceptance where I decide she's not that bad after all,'s over.  It's a relief, a quiet exhale.  And if I feel moderately irked that Karen still got married and had a baby faster than Pam did, well...

(by the way, that is a really fast relationship.  When did they have time for all this?  Because Karen still seemed suitably bitter, in a way where I'd assume she wasn't seeing anyone seriously if at all, in "Branch Wars."  And now she's married and 8 months pregnant.)

I'm sorry, I'm still just so thrilled that there was no animosity at all, and all the annoyance and awkwardness were directed solely towards Michael, from both of them equally.  And that Pam's merely shining and happy about the fact that now she never has to wonder if she did something wrong.  (you heard her, fic writers!  Let's restart the wave of early-dating fic and work that insecurity in!) 

Pam's quip about needing to bring home the bucks because "I have a mortgage now" also brought an inexplicable thrill.  (Shared long-term debt, woo!  Hey, look, it has the word long-term in it, all right?) 

Dwight + Jim = entertainment off the charts (not to mention about the only way Dwight is still fun to watch anymore, as opposed to creepily power-mad and more unpredictably insane than usual).  As bad as I feel that poor Angela's party-planning committee was taken away from her, it's kind of hard to remember or care about that when the two of them are just making a ridiculous, beautiful mess out of it.  Not to mention that it is sheer joy to watch (or at least hear) Jim's blood pressure rise.  "Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation?!"  I love how his voice goes up a couple of octaves when he's frustrated like that.

I can't even calculate all the ways this delights my brain.  Just picture me gazing at the screen in rapture every time the two of them are on it,  bickering at each other. 

In fact, I really only have one complaint with this subplot: JIM.  Are you antagonizing Kelly again?  Stop that!  God, it's like this show just mocks everything I try to love about it.  Well, FINE.  I don't have to like anything that's not Jim/Pam!  At least this time Jim's honestly trying to make it up to Kelly, which is nice.  Although frankly, I think she should be suspicious about how these two just willfully ignore her parties and Pam is conveniently never around to remind them.  People need to start appreciating her, for real.

Although, at least Kelly had a storyline again.  Mindy Kaling apparently had to write her own episode to make sure she was featured, but by God, it happened! 

Last things --
Ahhh, Jim, always there to stop the madness when it ticks him off enough.  This time with scissors to cut Michael's phone line.  Scissors he conveniently tucks into his back pocket as he wanders into the office, giving me no choice but keep my eyes trained on it at all times.  Heh.

I'm going to pretend Pam's not being completely unprofessional and/or stooping to Michael's level when she agrees to the road trip extension, and instead assume that Nashua was in fact a scheduled stop on the lecture circuit.  Otherwise I'd have something non-Andy-related to be annoyed about in this episode. 

The only good part of Andy's storyline was seeing Stanley's newfound quest for patience take a generous veer towards the edge.  I love it when Stanley yells at people, I really do.  That, and I cannot lie that the thought of Andy losing a battle with "loneliness, depression, and crippling despair" is nearly as good a happy place as Karen crying by a fountain.

As for ER - William H. Macy was fun for a couple of minutes.  Sam's sister is much prettier than she is.  I had no patience for anything else.  "Every episode is an event," my ass.

Tags: er, grey's anatomy, numb3rs, private practice, the office, tv commentary
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