RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Is it Valentine's Day already?

1. *coughs up a lung*  You know, I never really paid that much attention to the various silly ways people with symptoms are portrayed in all the OTC medication ads - the (medicine name that starts with M removed due to spam) monsters, the ghost-like man, the woman with the head swollen up like a balloon - but SUDDENLY I FEEL EXACTLY LIKE ALL OF THEM, AND I TOTALLY GET IT.  Clearly it has been a long time since I was legitimately sick for more than a couple of days at a time.

2. Oh, internet.  You're so full of flaily love for "Dollhouse," and I don't feel it.  True, I didn't really watch it - I was bored and impatient and kept bouncing back and forth between that and "Flashpoint" before the nasty scene with the woman stuck full of needles drove me to the latter for good.  I mean, I was already turned off by the promo pics where Echo always looks grimy and/or scantily-clad - after I saw needles, even the Eliza Dushku love that's been bouncing around in lonely cyberspace since "Tru Calling" got canceled isn't enough for me right now.  I'll probably give it another go next week (I do not have the patience to sit through it on my computer), just so I can definitely call it one way or the other, but I don't think it's my kind of show, even though I want it to be.

[EDIT: On second thought, perhaps not.  Pretty much every interview I read just annoys me more.  "A new show every week!  I get to be super different and do crazy stuff!   We're edgy and controversial!"  No, no, no, and no.  (The last no is for things I haven't learned yet, but probably still disapprove of.)  Also, am experiencing a renewed surge of "I hate Joss Whedon" after every interview I read has like eight dozen "OMG HE IS A GENIUS" comments.]  

One belief that I've held true since learning of the show's premise, though -- if not for the apparent pain involved, I'd totally volunteer to have my memory wiped/identity erased/etc.  Seems like a simple life.  Clear.  Calm.  You'd be unable to remember anything embarrassing and your heart would never be broken (by real or fictional *coughDoctorWho*things).  Also, you would be free of responsibility, sort of like a pet.  (like you've never envied the life of your dog?)  It sounds frankly perfect.  Where can I sign up?

[EDIT: *reads reviews* OK, if we're going to call it subtle commentary on slavery, then I'm going to roll my eyes and be done with it entirely.  I have no patience for TV that Makes Statements, do you hear me?  None!  And what little I do is used up on Private Practice!]

3. I really enjoyed Flashpoint, though.  I mean, not the show itself, as I was bored to tears for most of it (way too much of an action-type show, just as I thought) and I don't care about anyone who's not Amy Jo Johnson, but by virtue of being played by her, Jules is the most wonderful, plucky little ball of adorable I've seen on a crime drama in years.  True, I only watched this episode because the preview showed her being hospitalized and I was keenly interested in seeing that, but that tiny bit was so worth it.  I don't think you properly understand the extent of my AJJ love here...

4. Survivor: Brazil premiere
Question: do I still love this show?  Answer: Resounding YES!

I'm going to do my traditional character contestant impressions at the end this time - you know, if more people did what I do, I guarantee you wouldn't be struggling to remember half their names five episodes in.  It takes maybe 20 minutes, it's fun, and the names + faces will lodge themselves in your head like magic - because I want to say up front that I was just as pissed on Sandy's behalf as she was when they voted her out immediately. 

I am so tired of the belief that any woman over 40 automatically = WEAKSAUCE LOSER.  It is the dumbest rationale I have ever seen.  Once in a while people take out the scrawny young women for a change of pace, but never do they shed themselves of, say, a person carrying extra weight, even though fat =/= muscle and it will slow you down during challenges that involve climbing and running, which is most of them.  Which is why I was super-relieved when they weren't voted out permanently, even though I then promptly wanted to kick Jeff in the teeth for yelling at her when she had the audacity to look relieved. 

Yes, how dare she smile and be thankful!  So what if you get a second chance instead of being sent home immediately - they HATE YOU, do you understand?  Hate you!  You, personally!  They want to stab you in the back again as soon as possible and will never change their minds, never, this is an impossible task, START CRYING ABOUT BEING AN OUTCAST ALREADY!  Was the basic gist of his speech.

Plus, she endeared herself to me for sure after she called her tribe "Jalapeno" because she didn't know how to pronounce their fancy quasi-cultural tribe name and she didn't care.  Take that, pompous show!  She did kind of start to get on my nerves when she couldn't find the idol and continued to split herself off to look for it, but she kicked such ass in the challenge that it was worth it.

And that's really about all I have to say for specifics (because I don't want to get into Shallow/Naked Mormon, who apparently wants for nothing since he's here to win a million bucks he can blow on stupid-ass frivolities like tiaras and FURS); the premiere is just about getting our footing.

Benjamin Coach: I'm sorry, you must be at least as awesome as Kyle Chandler to earn that title.  Scanning...scanning...REJECTED.  This guy is Ace + hair - accent.  Commence rolling of the eyes in 3, 2, 1...

Brendan: ...damn, I honestly don't remember anything about him, and the bio is giving me nothing.  Um, I guess this is our traditional bland blonde everyman?  Will have to reevaluate later; no qualms for now.

Candace: Former Miss Ohio!  That's fun.  Erm...I guess I don't know how to feel about her yet, either.  Drat it all!  My strategy isn't working this season!

Carolina: Oops...irrelevant!  And I'm glad, because while she was pretty I bet I'd have gotten sick of her mouth before long.

Debra: Again!  I'm not even sure I saw her!  Also, she looks way younger than 46 and for as much as I think school administration is overstaffed and overpaid, being a principal and mother of 5 is pretty impressive.

Erinn: *throws up hands* All right, this is just ridiculous.  I do vaguely remember from one interview, but...on the bright side, she's from Wisconsin and she's really cute.  It remains to be seen if she a) fulfills the hairstylist stereotype and b) if so, whether I find that "cute and likable" or "annoyingly stupid."

Jerry: The sergeant's pretty cool!  I love him so far; he seems to have a great temperament and I look forward to seeing him bring out those army skillsHere we go again!  Who the heck is he?  I don't know, but he looks like Joel McHale, and that's just a bad sign all around.

JT: Hoo boy, curls and cattle-ranching cowboy!  You'd think I would be totally opposed to people who raise animals for slaughter, but I somehow make exceptions for cute men involved with beef cattle raised on grass instead of feedlots.  I just sort of block out their ultimate purpose and the mean things with branding, and focus on the fact that they get to hang around cows, and possibly horses, all day in a really beautiful setting.  Did I mention he has curls?

Sandy: As decided from the moment she declared "I'm PISSED," I totally love her.  She's hilarious!  What an awesome lady; she reminds me of some of the funniest supervisors at my summer job.  I bet she tells great stories.  She's so plainspoken and brash - what a hoot!  Sure she won't last, but an early contender for the most likable person in the season so far nonetheless.

Sierra: I'm pretty sure I disliked her even before she started half-fainting all over the place with her strep throat, but now I can't stand her at all and I really wanted her to be voted out first.  I realize she put the shelter together all by herself, and clearly she's not utterly useless, but I...don't like her.

Spencer: Oooh, youngest contestant ever!  Yeah, bored of you now.  This is not a game for children.

Stephen: Now him, I like.  Not only did he apparently go to Yale, he looks like Noah Wyle in his publicity shot and Josh Groban when he's wearing glasses and scruff.  This is excellent.  More!  Must have more!

Sydney: Meh.  Sometimes, even I get all the blonde women confused.  I never did completely figure out the difference between Kelly and Jackie last time around...

Taj: I love her!  She's easily my favorite non-doomed gal.  Never heard of SWV, but she's quite pretty and has a great attitude, and I love when she cracked that part of her motivation for being on Survivor was to lose the rest of her baby weight.

Tyson: The word I'm looking for is..."freak."  With a dash of "not at all funny."

5. 30 Rock was, dare I say it, tolerably amusing and/or the best it's ever been with its Valentine's Day episode, even though I defend my statement when my brother asked how I could possibly not like this show: "Well, I hate Alec Baldwin, I hate Tina Fey, I hate Tracy Morgan, I hate that guy [who plays Kenneth]..."

6. Then again, maybe my perception of its quality was affected by the FIERY SEARING HATRED I developed for "Parks and Recreation" after seeing the preview approximately twice.  Let me put it this way:  Tina Fey >>>>>>>>>>>>> Amy Poehler.  I can't calculate how much I want this show to crash and burn and get the hell off my screen.  And it isn't even on my screen yet.

7. The Office: "Lecture Circuit," part 2
This installment was 2 parts incredible and 1 part utterly excruciating, and as far as the latter goes I mean I spent the entirety of the Nashua presentation scenes with my head shoved under a pillow, moaning "MAKE IT STOP." Honestly, why would you even write that, much less film it, much less fail to leave it on the cutting room floor as a last-ditch effort?  The setup was good.  The aftermath was good.  The part in the middle didn't need to exist - just show us Pam sitting in uncomfortable silence, stalling for time while Michael wandered about stealing confidential information and destroying personal property.  Don't make her do a Forrest Gump impression, for the love of God, don't

(So help me, if even one person talks about how that kind of excruciating embarrassment is the mark of a good episode, I will hunt them down.  The results will not be pleasant for anyone involved.)

Damn it, Mindy.  I always think we'll get along so well because you ship Jim/Pam, but then you go and write things like Angela LICKING HER CATS.  Look, just because your character's crazy doesn't mean you have to spread the madness to everyone you can find. 

On the other hand, you wrote me 20 completely Andy-free minutes.  So now I'm at a crossroads again.

No, but really.  I had no problem with Angela up to that point.  $7000 on a cat?  Fine!  Selling Andy's engagement ring on eBay?  FRICKIN' AWESOME.  A nanny cam for your kitties?  Completely excellent.  Claiming you love that cat more than any person?  We're like kindred spirits.  Wanting cat maternity leave and mewing to communicate with her pets?  Eh, I can still work with that.  Bonding with the cat by licking its fur: now we've crossed a line.    

Which is why I am stubbornly going to dismiss that as bad writing, ignore the heartbreaking backlash my beloved Angela is inevitably going to get from people who already inexplicably hate her for screwing over Andy, and just go back to cooing "Ohhhh, Angela is so adorable; every time I think I can't love her any more, she breaks that glass ceiling!"  I have to concentrate on this because otherwise my blood pressure rises due to an overwhelming desire to punch Kevin and Oscar in their smug, smirky little faces.  Oscar, you're gay; boom, roasted.  Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke; boom, roasted.

OK, let's move on to things I liked.  For example, the very beginning.  I actually felt legitimately bad for Michael when he was moping about Holly and gutted that she had a boyfriend.  I really don't like Michael/Pam scenes, on account of Michael being in them, but I liked that first one.  And of course, I got my necessary FLAAAAAAAAAAAIL SQUEEDANCE out of hearing Pam say "When Jim was dating Karen, I didn´t want come to work.  It was awful.  I hated it, I wanted to quit."  (post-ep fic with a not-for-kiddies rating: I'm afraid I need it right now)  

Sure, objectively speaking, Michael had a point in shushing her.  To paraphrase Calie Torres, a thing which I have never done before and probably shall never do again, "The single people don't want to hear about the together people."  Not even if you're telling a story about the time you were a single person.  I thought the same thing when Jim was talking to Dwight, but subjectively speaking I don't care in either case because it's so completely worth it to hear them voice those thoughts out loud.

Speaking of...Jim.  Dwight.  "Working together" i.e. "constantly at each other's throats." I'm telling you, for as much as I need Jim/Pam interaction, I almost need Jim/Dwight interaction more.  It's strange and wrong and blasphemous, and right now I don't even care.  I am completely and helplessly unable to put my love for this storyline into words, but rest assured it was BY FAR the best part.  ("God, is this how you are with Pam?  Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.")

And with Kelly!  You guys, her hysterical demands + Jim's multitude of "OMG shoot me now" faces were priceless.  So priceless.  Not least because all I could think was "Cheer up, Jim!  You'll have your own demanding and unreasonable preteen daughter before you know it.  This is a good practice run."

Plus, awwww, how adorable was his story about going to the natural history museum with his dad?  I can just picture Wee Jim toting around that triceratops and babbling nonstop about everything they saw.  For three seconds, and then I asplode from the cute overload.

Plus, after taking a sledgehammer to my already broken heart when Jim couldn't even remember how to spell Kelly's name, all was redeemed for that adorable moment where he draped the sheet around her shoulders with a pat and called her "Kel."  Squee!  What can I say, I'm even more easily placated than Kelly herself.  ;) 

Did I mention the many appearances of hot!angry!Jim, who is my second-favorite of all Jims?  (Why yes, I have them arranged by category in paper-doll form for convenience.  Collect the complete set of 24!*  *not available in any areas)  The fact that he comes bursting onto the scene of Dwight's unnecessary harassment with "what the hell's going on?!", aside from feeding my 'Yay, coming to Kelly's defense!' delight should tell you something about his stress levels, as he tends not to say anything even remotely resembling a curse.  Do I notice these things too much?

"Continuity?  Eff That!" Moment: Meredith has a second kid??  Who wants to bet that is either retconned or never mentioned again?  [legitimate strikethrough: never mind, I fail at show canon!  What do you expect, it wasn't a Jim/Pam related moment.]
Alternate "Continuity?  Eff That!" Moment: I thought Angela introduced Dwight to presents on his birthday.  Or has he blocked all the good memories out after her Scandalous Betrayal?

"Wait, Let Us Prove Our Continuity To You!" Moment: Mentioning both Roy and the Tony incident, good for you.  Except not, because that scene went on way too long.  I prayed for it to end, and then it lasted another 20 seconds.  20 seconds that felt like a hundred.   

I Need To Mention This Again: Twenty Andy-free minutes!  God, it was like my birthday and Christmas and Easter all rolled into one magical superholiday featuring the greatest gift anyone has ever given mankind, including fire and the baby Jesus.  Please don't smite me.

Deleted Scene #2:  OMG THE FINER THINGS CLUB!!!  With Oscar sniping at Toby!  And Toby being all "take a chill pill, drama queen."  Except in finer, Toby-esque language.  WIN.  It's almost enough for me to forgive the facts that a) this was cut and the presentation wasn't and b) that they're having a meeting without Pam; WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.  I'd say they banished her along with Jim after that Angela's Ashes debacle, except I know Toby would never stand for that.  Actually, on second thought, Pam's absence probably explains a lot about his apathy...

Now I'm going to go sulk about the fact that "Blood Drive" was abruptly bumped back to March.  -.-

8. Numb3rs: 5x15, "Guilt Trip"
Dude, show.  I have to simultaneously put up with James Marsters, no Liz, no Larry, and the second completely Amita-free episode in a row?!   Why do you hate me and not want me to have nice things?

Luckily the episode was saved by a really intense case, which you would not expect a simple mystery to figure out who rigged the jury vote and how to be.  I can't explain was just really super captivating in a way I didn't think crime shows could still be.  And it was almost worth the JM to see Don saunter up and take him down with a very personal "I told you so" (in not so many words).

I really didn't like the B-plot, though.  The idea of Alan getting a Facebook was hilarious for about five seconds, but then there was the scene where Charlie started rationalizing how social networking sites market themselves, and it was just the most hideously bad acting I have seen on this show in months.  If not bad acting, then it must have been terrible writing, because the lines were just ridiculous.  It was like "My son, let me ponder in a philosophical manner about things that will spark your mathelogical mind to create elaborate mathy explanations."  "O Wise Father, thank you so much for making such convenient observations!  For you see, the sum of the social network's linkitivity transpires to be rationalized from the factor of zen Y..." 

And I can't really explain why it rubbed me the wrong way, because I know Charlie often speaks at levels above my intellectual capacity, but this wasn't even really about explaining a technique.  They were basically starting to have a normal conversation about Facebook and then it spiraled into weird, ridiculous tones that not even a math genius would use for the purposes of everyday conversation with his dad.  It was not only ludicrous to my ears, but it more or less set the tone for the rest of the Facebook discussion in the episode, which only made me miss Amita more.

For example, I felt like Amita should have been there in the final scene to carefully step between Charlie and his math boards and gently point out that he seemed to be in the early stages of an obsessive bend on something without a solution, and perhaps he should just come away with her to bed before he got too deeply entrenched in the madness.  But that's just me.

Wise Papa Eppes was much better during the wine-and-consolation scene with his future daughter in law Robin, though.  Not that he exactly said much, and kind of left it hanging on a depressing note, but I felt sort of comforted just watching them.  I was even happier when they finally remembered that Don and Robin were dating at the very end, though.  Cute kiss.  :)

There was also a lot of great Colby/David bonding/snarking in there, which was fun.  Along with Alan's snarky defense of his cooking/use of bland meals as punishment.  And the fact that Charlie's hair is officially back to acceptable standards so Amita, you can stop hiding from it now.

Lastly, I sort of felt it was a less-than-subtle flag that the defense lawyer might be a significant Bad Guy when they cast the devil Geeze.  Not even waiting until the show's canceled.  Not to mention he put the unpleasant picture of a future Senator Betancourt in my head.  Considering that I still barely tolerate her, and then only because actively hating her every week requires too much effort, I don't care to hear about her special fancy law degree and future ambitions.

P.S. I totally missed the fact that Eve was on last week's episode.  It's like, the woman lookd familiar, and I know who Eve is, and yet at no point while watching the episode did I make a connection.  Must have been too distracted by the dumbass sneaker plot.

9. Dear CBS monkeys who made the generalized CSI: Miami promo: FAIL.  Eric's first name is spelled with a C, not a K.  If you're going to go through the trouble of showing their names in text, check your facts first.

10. One last thing!  I've become very enchanted with this icon I found saved on my computer, but I don't know when or where I picked it up.  I think it's from The Office?  It's a shot of Pam going to get in the van in "Women's Appreciation," right?  (something I did not realize until I rewatched that episode)  It's just so artistic-looking that it always reminds me of a Victorian oil painting where the figure simply happens to resemble Pam.
Tags: 30 rock, bad shows, csi: miami, dollhouse, flashpoint, numb3rs, parks and recreation, survivor, the office, tv commentary

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