RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

That WAS a magic carpet ride.

I am almost sorry to report that the latter half of Magic Carpet Ride is not nearly as openly mockable, as I scanned through most of it with increasing boredom. I also regret to inform you of my miscalculation regarding the expected contrivances - I clearly overestimated the plot standards to which a romance novel is held. Who ever thought I would be complaining about a completely happy story with no conflict whatsoever??

But you see, I was sort of counting on conflict to stop the endless onslaught of love letters that involve waaaay too much detail about how he would like to bed her and how exquisitely torturous it is for his poor unloved member (which he is also way too fond of talking about, with that previously-alluded-to-word I find less than savory). Things almost get worse once they're physically together again. I found it tough to skip everything, and from what I saw, my poor little mind is terribly scarred and I think it's set me back at least two years on the ability to read, watch, or even indirectly think about sex scenes. Back to hugs and handholds it is!

I would, however, just like to say that this?

Do you want children, ma blonde? Will you let me fill you with beauty, let me swell your belly with seed?

Neither sexy nor romantic way to talk about having kids. No, really. It's not.

In sum, I would like to lay out the details here: Relatively inexperienced, fantasy/daydream-rich 29-year-old woman meets wealthy 31-year-old French/Scottish writer, with a close-knit but still warm and accepting family, who happily moves from Canada to a Minneapolis suburb, plays the bouzouki, has a cat and loves animals, has marriage and kids on his mind and can't wait to surprise his fiancee with the huge house he bought. Oh, and also he has that protective alpha male streak without being overly aggressive in general, plus an apparent guiding principle to put his wife's happiness above everything else.

So basically, it's like a story tailored to every perfect quality I can objectively think of without an attractive face to sway me (oh, yeah, and since she was previously abused, you've even got that whole ashamed/self-deprecating aspect from her & the smoldering how-could-anyone-hurt-her thing from him), and I still hated it.

Just in case I ever wondered why I usually avoid romance novels like the plague.

Editorial Note: Please do not send recommendations for better romance novels. I am begging you not to open that can of worms.

On a separate and completely unrelated note, THIS IS INCREDIBLY GREAT. Watch it. Just watch it. To quote Office Tally, "It's not just a season 2 ditty anymore."

Tags: books, the office

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