Relive the joy for yourself!
1. Cold Case, 6x15, "Witness Protection"
Let it be known that I recreate this review under protest and am grumpy that it is not as good as the original. Which I will probably never get back.
I almost forgot I watched it this week. And considering I managed to read half the real-life Allison DuBois' first book whilst doing so, there is some debate as to whether I actually watched it or not, especially after missing the teaser along with what I'm sure was hilarious Jeffries/Vera snark from their new living situation.
Nevertheless, I paid enough attention to decide that it was a pretty decent episode, which you would not think something about relocated witnesses would be. And, well, maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was just captivated by the really pretty teenage girl from the other family - I spent half the episode trying to figure out why I knew her, and then finally it hit me, DUH! She was last seen playing Young Rousseau on Lost. Which made for a very weird sort of disconnect with Tania Raymonde making an appearance this week too.
*throws up hands* Scotty/Frankie has got to be the weirdest dynamic I have ever seen. One minute it's "You're married?! You shameless hussy!" "Don't worry, my husband and I are totally separated. Pretty much hate each other. Come here and let me seduce you with my slinky curves." And now it's "Hey Frankie, want to grab dinner?" "Lol no, gettin' back together with my husband, kthnxbai." "OMG how dare you! I shall fix you with my stern look of Disapproval so you can think about what you're missing."
But at least the case more-or-less kept me interested. Mostly I loved the fact that it was set in 2008, as the more recent a case the better the music tends to be, and this was no exception. For example, during one particularly emotional flashback, I was instantly captivated by something gorgeous - it sounded like I should know it, or at least know the singer, and then I heard "day one" and "step one" and something clicked. Didn't Alanis Morissette come out with a song fairly recently that I meant to listen to more than that one time? And sure enough, I've pinpointed my instant song love - "Not As We."
In other news, I still hate the LaPaglia DA and cannot understand why he exists.
That's all I can remember from my awesome review. :(
2. Medium, 5x03, "A Person of Interst"
As previously mentioned, read Allison DuBois' first book this week. Conclusion reached: the TV show is far more exciting. Not that this stopped me from loving any mention of her family, and especially the chapter written by Joe, but I know it's only because I am so very fond of their fictional counterparts. Let's talk about them now!
And let's not talk about how this episode decided to use "Viva La Vida" as the theme music of the episode, which was ever so many levels of WTF WHY.
First, a rundown of Domestic Scenes O' Win;
Teaser Domesticity:Joe sneaking in bake-sale cupcakes. Heh.
Morning scene #1: Excellent use of all the girls in the scene at once - which happens more rarely than you might think - with Bridgett getting Marie to fold socks, Ariel already smirking about the trouble she's going to be in, and then yelling for Mom. Cue Joe shuffling into the kitchen in the requisite T-shirt-and-shorts uniform, hilariously groggy and nonplussed. "Sorry, not Mom. Feel free to continue fighting until she gets here."
Garage Scenes: "All right, fine. I've been kicked out of bed nicer than that." And a little skip for when he goes out to find her at 3 AM, and takes her by the hand back into the house. (it takes so little to please me, honestly)
Morning scene #2: Hah! I love Joe's world-weary expression as he walks in and immediately has to take the syrup out of Bridgette's hands while she's busy pouring approximately half the bottle on Marie's waffle.
Post-fertilizer-freakout: Awww, I love watching the tension melt out of fights in tearful apologies and reluctant forgiveness. And make-up cuddling!
Being Rational: Joe's vey good at it, attempting to talk her off her crazy ledge of wanting to send David in for questioning, complete with back rubs. And angry stalking off his logic makes no headway.
Case-wise: Excellent, that's what I love to see! Stories about literal right-wing nut jobs whose way of complaining about the government is to go around murdering people who are vaguely connected to it in some way. And if it comes with a side order or abused/brainwashed teenage boy, so much the better! /sarcasm.
I honeslty do love when Allison gets manic and obsessive about something without realizing (or having anyone else realize) what she's doing, though. That gift of hers has a real tendency to get her in trouble sometimes if left unchecked. And wouldn't someone have noticed her buying nothing more or less than all the components of a nice bomb, or at least wondered what she was doing with all that fertilizer? Ah well. I shouldn't complain. Not when it gets me to Joe freaking out at her and railing about "the house where my children live" and looking wrongfully attractive whilst heaving bags of fertilizer back into the car.
As for the Joe's-employee tie-in, I loved the ruined dinner party, and even though I never quite got over seeing him as "Eddie" from "Grounded For Life," he was a pretty sympathetic character, and I agreed with his rationale that "the boy who built that bomb is dead." I mean, not only did he not physically set it off, he was just a screwed up teenage boy desperately seekng approval from a guy who PRESSED HIS HAND TO HOT ELECTRIC BURNERS when disagreed. I think he's got enough punishment from carrying around in his head the 17 people who died as a result of the bumb.
Incidentally, week #3 of Allison solving crimes that people don't actually go to jail for. I guess her new role is just to go around being peoples' consciences for them?
3. Um. Stuff happened on House. I just can't remember or bring myself to care. *thinks hard* Hallucinating priest, House tries to do the viewing audience a favor and break up Foreteen, and Cuddy is inexplicably holding Jewish naming ceremonies for her baby, even though I don't know how we were supposed to guess said baby was Jewish seeing as it never struck me that Cuddy was and the baby's parents went to Catholic school. BUT WHATEVER. I DON'T PAY A LOT OF ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS; IT'S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE I JUST MISSED THAT. And I know House and Wilson were in fine form together, but the details escape me.
*looks stuff up* So apparently people think Cuddy is Jewish, which, all right, just go ahead and GIVE me more fodder for the wayward side of me that likes to ship Wilson/Cuddy on Pretty Factor. Or temper it with Huddy flavoring, since I really quite liked the lonely piano-playing at the end, which is apparently called "Cuddy's Serenade" and is twenty types of awesome.
4. I don't have anything to say about Without a Trace, either. I continue to be in a forgiving mood about this fact, since it wasn't a bad story of a missing mother/baby, but my patience for the mundane will only last so long. FYI.
5. Law & Order: SVU
Okay, that was just an hour of straight-uip disturbing. I could say a lot of things, but instead I'm going to admirably rein myself in and just ask...
1) Their child tried to cut off his penis when he was four years old, screaming that God made a mistake? Reeally? At FOUR YEARS old; that doesn't seem a little young to be psychotically obsessed with one's sexuality? Stretching the limits of credibility, you're doing it.
2) The guidance counselor - born a man, now a woman, and she chooses to shave her head? Being a woman: you're doing it kinda weird. (You'd think this would be the least of my worries, since she thinks that murder is an appropriate way to deal with parents who refuse to let their sons turn into girls, but it really bugged me.)
3) Why the hell wasn't Haley's ass bounced out of that school, exactly? Being transgendered: it is not a free pass to get in fights and throw books at teachers for accidentally calling you the wrong name.
4) WTF was with prescription-hormone-stealing ring? That...I...I can't wrap my head around how they turned that into moral outrage. I really can't.
P.S. SQUEE, ALEX KINGSTON! It didn't seem quite right to me that I was cheering for the defense lawyer, but she was not only fantastic at every turn, she was up against the wooden Grayleck. It really wasn't a contest.
6. American Idol - Group 1 Results
Did I want to kill someone when the group song turned out to be "I'm Yours"? I don't know. It's very possible I did. Or maybe I just started humming loudly and trying to visualize my happy place, because between that and "Viva La Vida" splashed all over Medium, I feared I might give myself a coronary if I thought directly about all the hideous music I was being exposed to this week.
I did like the Michael Johns/Carly Smithson duet, though. That was excellent! Not so much for the music but because they're very pretty people, and for a few blessed minutes, I got to pretend that we did season 7 over and ended up with a proper Final Two. I'm a very skilled pretender. As for the actual results...
Top Girl: Alexis. To which I say !$(*&#@$@#$! and God, my hatred can no longer be contained. I hated her song choice and I never want to hear about her daughter again but I really, really, REALLY hate the fact that her hair is asymmetrical, normal & flat on one side and flipped out on the other. IT DRIVES ME INSANE LOOKING AT IT, INSANE I TELL YOU, IN CASE YOU COULD NOT TELL FROM MY RAGING RANT OF CAPSLOCK FOR NO APPARENT REASON. Also, well, I pretty much liked every other girl last night better, if not in voice than just in personality. So I'm maybe a little bitter.
Top Guy: Michael. *stares* My jaw hit the FLOOR when I heard that. I was actually shocked speechless for a couple of minutes. I mean - he - not Anoop - guy I actually liked best - WHAT IS THIS CRAZY WAVELENGTH AMERICA AND I ARE SHARING ALL OF A SUDDEN?? I, um, think he is growing on me. Really really really fast. He's nice-looking and he's a proper hardworking family man; does it get better than this? Perhaps not.
Third Place: Danny.So I figured out why he looks so familiar, which has been bugging me - he totally looks like Robert Downey Jr.! Doesn't he? His eyes? Also, hell. I think his dead-wife story is starting to suck me in, and I might start to like him in future weeks. No! I hate agreeing with popular opinion! I refuse to do eeeeeeeeeeet!
In other news, UM, TATIANA IS TOTALLY GOING TO PULL THROUGH ON A WILD CARD, RIGHT? RIGHT???? Even if she has to fight Anoop tooth and nail? I refuse to give up hope until it is actually shot dead and buried in the ground!
7. Lost: 5x06, "316" (don't let the numbers scare and confuse you too much)
An episode of pure Oceanic Six. I am not amused. Especially when that episode doesn't give Sayid any lines (spotting him with Zuleikah Robinson does not suffice!) and forces me to witness some of the ugliest Jate kissing I have ever seen in my life. (WHY WON'T IT STOP GOD WHY)
[edit: there is actually a really good theory going around that if they're trying to recreate the original flight as much as possible, a pregnancy would probably help matters. It sounds really stupid, because if you stop and think for two seconds you'd realize 'wait, being pregnant/having a baby on the Island SUCKS,' but then I remembered that Kate really is that impulsive and reckless.)
Mystery #1: What did Kate do with Aaron?? Dude, regardless of the probability that he's with his grandmother or in an orphanage or something, until I have a better reason to think otherwise...I totally declare that Kate poisoned, strangled, suffocated, or otherwise did away with Aaron so that nobody could ever take/hurt/make him unsafe again. Yes. That is where my opinion of her stands at the moment.
Mystery #2: What was Ben's mysterious errand, and what did he do to get himself beaten up iin the process?? My first thought was that he'd popped off to shoot Penny (which I found oddly alarming, just like I was oddly alarmed that Desmond might be magically sucked back to the island against his will; WHY DO I SUDDENLY CARE ABOUT THAT STUPID FAMILY, I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M SCARED FOR THEM), but then I figured he wouldn't come away from that with scratches - he'd be in a body cast after Desmond got through with him. Or a rolled-up carpet.
(Can we go back to my sudden feelings of caring about Desmond and Penny? I really no longer think I'll be able to handle her inevitable death. It will actually destroy me, not just emotionally beat me up in the good way. God, why are they cute against my will. Think I am starting to ship them free of prejudice. Or at any rate, my brain seems suddenly determined to daydream about cuddly bedtimes and adorable Baby Charlie moments and frick, everything else in the shippy daydream playground.).
It really wasn't a bad episode as far as plot advancement goes, it just doesn't stand out on individual merit. And what does it say about me that the whole time they were with Mrs. Hawking, I was just waiting for Desmond to get nailed by the big swinging pendulum while he was stalking back and forth across the room?
It makes me happy that Locke committed suicide. Hah, hah, hah. I laugh at his pain. Even if he did it on purpose for the greater good.
Lol @ Frank's "We're not going to Guam, are we." And Ben's straight-faced sarcasm, at all times. ("How can you read?" "My mother taught me.")
But the best part of the episode? I mean, the very best part? I will be howling with laughter all week at Jack's superhero dive to rescue Hurley. There simply are no words.
8. CSI: NY: 5x15, "The Party's Over"First, way too much Adam. Second, not nearly enough Flack. That pretty much sums up how I felt about the OCD-boy-kills-his-daddy plotline. As for the Blue Flu, let's explore my feelings:
On the one hand: Wait, a pay lag? Is that really what I think it means? How is that even allowed? That is like the dumbest effing thing I have ever heard. "Lol, you don't need to pay any particular bills on time, do you? Surely your paycheck is just a symbolic gesture of compensation for your work, and it doesn't matter WHEN you get it?"
On the other hand: Feelings of wanting to give Danny a swift kick in the pants and then perhaps smack Lindsay, I has them! Hawkes spelled it out better than I ever could; Lindsay's sputtering seemed righteous and immature. But maybe that's just because the walkout sounded an awful lot like a UNION, and my dislike of UNIONS is finely honed. For reasons kind of like this.
I also don't understand what stopped Stella from laying into Danny by the time she got there. The only explanation she offered was that on the way over, traffic was chaotic due to lack of traffic cops - so how did that not make her MORE pissed off? Sitting in traffic would have nursed my grudge, not helped it cool off.
Honestly, that was the most disappointing part. And I'd already reconciled myself to the disappointment that she probably wasn't going to throw hot soup in his face, which I would have paid to see. Or do. God, it's so easy to hate Danny it scares me sometimes.
On a final note, maybe we should tie up some of the EXISTING plot arcs before you introduce new ones involving Mysteriously "Altruistic" Donations From Craig T. Nelson, mm-kay?
Not thinking about the probably-dead computer. Definitely not thinking about how brother came in with the ridiculously nonchalant question "You don't mind if everything on that computer's erased, do you?" Have thus turned down possible quick-fix-yesterday in favor of waiting until tomorrow when he might have discovered a way to rescue the contents of the hard drive in addition to getting it up and running. Yes-yes. Still hope. Stiiiiiiill chance. *rocks back and forth in semi-catatonic state*