RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

Today, I have chosen the italics button to receive my abuse.

Stupid move of the (yester)day: In lieu of burning my tongue on too-hot oatmeal, I apparently decided to burn the back of my throat.  Now it feels swollen every time I swallow.  -.-  Excellent job, me!

Weather annoyance of the day: All the fluffy blizzardy snow is starting to melt on the streets, which means the dog is black with splashed-up mud every time we finish a walk.  Honestly, the hideous slushy time is the only reason I want winter to be over. 

Awesome fact of the day: I am wearing knee-high black socks patterned with fluorescent-colored skulls and crossbones.  I put them on for warmth, even though I usually only wear them in October, and finally realized "DUH, these don't have to be just for Halloween!"  I plan to wear them much more often, or whenever I want to channel my inner Abby Sciuto.

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon: Yesterday, I saw that muzzy_olorea had mentioned "Africa" by Toto in her Music of February post, which I had never heard of.  Today, the TWoP recap for American Idol says: He's singing "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues." Great song, right, like everybody loves that song, put it on a mixtape with "Africa" by Toto and you can have sex with literally anybody in this world if you feel like it...

American Idol: Group 3 Performs
Wow, that group really did suck, as a whole.  I'm positive it's because suddenly, TPTB apparently put a 70-percent-effective moratorium on songs I might actually recognize, or at the very least like, and just assaulted my ears with boredom for two straight hours.  The lack of attention I paid reached all-new record lows.  Last week I was reading a book; this week I was writing, which takes up way more concentration than reading, and furthermore I had the volume so low I missed half of what was said - or sometimes sung - and really didn't care.

As further proof of how boring the night was, I had to read my own "first impressions" post to remember who half these people were.

Von Smith: I'm sorry, I just cannot get over his weird little face.  It's like, perfectly round, in the manner of a wooden puppet whose head is a sphere with painted-on hair.  I don't know what he sang; I just know he makes me want to run in the opposite direction.

Taylor: She's pretty, but she sang something I've never heard of by Alicia Keys, which is a double recipe for fail right there.  Oddly, as proof of my all-consuming hatred for Kara, Kara's lone criticism was that she wanted to know "who Taylor was, what it's like to go shopping with her," which is exactly how I judge the contestants, and yet hearing her say that made me want to hit her in the face.

Alex: I LOVE THIS KID.  RIGHT HERE.  He is adorkable and charming and endearing and silly and really, really looks someone (or several someones) I went to school with, or more specifically shared band with, so I will totally forgive him his boring & never-heard-it song choice for the fact that he is adorable.  Especially the way he kept trying desperately to state up front that he accidentally knocked over the stand!  *squishes*  I want the final show in May to come down to him and Jesse, and I don't care if this is somewhere between "highly unlikely" and "impossible," I want it that way!

Arianna: She is even prettier than Taylor, and why, why, why did she have to sing such a boring song that sounded like it came from the 1930's (but was apparently Abba!  Who knew?) because it was like watching her glue herself to platform, aim a shotgun at her feet, and start shooting away.

Ju'Not: First, that abominable "spelling" will never fly with me, ever.  Second, way to take THE ONLY SONG I ACTUALLY KNOW AND LIKE and destroy it.  God!  The unspeakable snail's-pace R&B melody, it was the aural equivalent of watching someone take a stack of vintage novels and throw them in a bonfire.  If that was how the real song went, and I was hearing it for the first time, I would be pissed beyond belief that someone could take such amazing lyrics and ruin them by setting them to that music/voice.  Scuse me, I have to go listen to the original a hundred times to wash the badness away.

Kristen: Check the impressions post - all my original (and favorable) comparisons to Kelly Kapoor still stand.  I love her!  I love her to bits; she's my favorite girl of the night!  I thought her voice was low, and I hate that gutteral, back-of-the-throat sound she does - I have no idea what the proper term for it is; Kelly Clarkson does it a lot, though - but I don't care, as she is so perky and wide-eyed and cute.  Also, I am really sick of Kara telling her that they still don't know who she is.  Morons!  It's because you keep telling her change, and she keeps trying new stuff in hopes that you'll like it, but the only time she gets feedback is when she's up here giving a performance!  Shut up, Kara.  Shut up forever.

In a related note, I had no idea that "Give Me One Reason [To Stay Here]" was by Tracy Chapman, mostly because I've always believed it was by a guy.  Which, not coincidentally, is how I feel about every song I have ever belatedly discovered was by Tracy Chapman, EVER.  (including "Telling Stories," which I knew was by Tracy Chapman before I knew who that artist was)  Though to be fair, I do like most of them.

I'm spending a lot of time on her because I don't want to think about the horror that comes next. Do I have to?  Okay, fine.

Nate: *twitch*  *twitch twitch*  *twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitch twitchtwitchtwitchtwitchtwitch... EXPLOSION*
WHERE DO I START, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  You would think I wouldn't have any rage left after spending it all on Norman, or that I would still be recovering from the shocking relief that the bastard didn't get through last week, and thus in a more forgiving mood about the lesser of two evils, but no.  With that threat removed (hopefully for good), who should never have gotten as far as he did, I can just focus on who would normally earn my highest degree of wrath: this thing.

I am pretty sure that assigning him a gender is giving too much credit.  It's a little like a high school girl, a little like an 8-year-old boy, and mostly like a tattooed monstrosity brought to life from clay and decorated in bright colors by a troupe of the most flamboyantly gay men in the country.  And you know, I might be willing to back off him a tad - maybe dial it down to Von-like dismissal - if he was just innocently spastic like he is.  But no!  He adds in the twin horrors of way more face metal than any human should ever have, especially one who otherwise acts like he just came out of kindergarten, and TATTOOS ON BOTH HIS ARM AND HIS CHEST.

Like, what the hell is that script on your chest; that's nasty, and being tattooed like a carnie - surprisingly, it is not all that much better on guys than girls! - is almost as bad; I swear the other ones looks like fucking Jack Sparrow's tattoo, which is lame on like 1800 different levels, even setting aside the ugly factor of having a tattoo sprawling all over one's forearm.  And then to top it off, he's singing "I Would Do Anything For Love" and it's just gross and skin-crawling and my corrupt mind can only take it to dirty places, which just makes it even grosser and then, like, my brain throws up.

On a positive note, while I was channel-hopping in hopes of alleviating the excruciating pain for a few seconds at a time, I came back to find Ryan and Simon doing their on-screen version of cuddling, with Ryan inexplicably trying to turn a lanyard into a garland and Simon batting his hands away.  So that was something.

Felicia: It's like...I vaguely remember her...but then I don't.  My blinding hatred for Alicia Keys' "No One" sort of blocks out any specific features.  In a normal year I wouldn't hate her, but right now she's neither Kristen nor in high school, so I do.

Scott: If you and your blindness are the reason I never get to see Alex again after tomorrow, you may suddenly find that you can't hear, either.  Or sing.  Because your head will be rolling away from you.  Seriously, people, the constant fawning over all the magical things he's accomplished in spite of his tragic handicap is souring me on him really fast.  And I didn't like him that much to begin with.  I will only grant you that he was decent and/or one of the better people of the night.

Kendall Beard: I love the song choice - "This One's For the Girls," I forgot there was another song I both knew and liked tonight - but I'm sorry, I just cannot get over her last name.  Every time I see her, I immediately think of her as a beard, and wonder what it's like going out with Kris or Adam or whichever semi-straight-looking guy is actually gay this year, until I have no brainpower left for anything else.  It ruins the whole experience; I cannot judge her on her own merit.

Jorge: He's like the undead up there; ick.  I either want to go with zombie, skeleton, Frankenstein, or Marc Anthony.  Or, as Jacob offers, "The Wolfman."  Really, I have nothing except a desire to banish him immediately.  And then hit Simon for being unbelievably ridiculous and, like, complaining at him for taking their advice and ditching the accent, because THE JUDGES made a mistake in telling him to do so.  The hell, Simon.  Shut up.

Lil Rounds: *burns with quiet hatred*  Yes, she sounds exactly like a professional R&B/whatever Mary J. Blige is artist, beyond anyone else here.  But you know what else?  I PASSIONATELY HATE THAT ENTIRE GENRE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY SOUL, and even though it's looking more and more like she's the only such artist I'll have to put up with, apparently that one is going to be too many for me.  I already can't stand her.  I especially can't stand that hair.  Short & spiky: it is gross looking, always, in all situations and contexts, because I say so.

Ultimate Results: I remembered to call, I remembered to call!!  With the result that I spent 20-25 minutes voting for Alex last night.  I was going to chuck some Kristen's way too, but then I became so entranced in the on-redial-off-pause, on-redial-off-pause pattern that I figured I could ultimately do more good if I didn't stop even once to punch in a different number.  Also because I failed to write down the numbers of anyone else and I couldn't remember the order and the internet was poky and slow about putting that info up.  :(
So much for my plans not to watch the UK series every week.  It was just, it was right there, and I was itching to see more of them...)

I made a mistake last time around (which I have since corrected in the original post, so don't bother looking) - James Steel is the prosecutor; Jamie Bamber's character is Matt Devlin.  Which is excellent, as I like that name much better for the latter, while Steel aligns nicely with the fact that the man has cold, dead eyes that are as pale as his washed-out face and creep me out every time I see him.  Speaking of characters I dislike, I call for a replacement of the coroner [edit: woo!].  He reminds me of an old professor I had who didn't so much walk straight as swing from side to side like a penguin.

On the bright side, possibly because it was a closed trial, no poodle skins this time around!  Except, didn't the last trial start on April 6th, too?  How are they juggling all these cases simultaneously when they seem to spend every waking hour outside of court building up defenses? 

Alesha remains an adorable ball of sweetness and compassion molded around a very strong core.  Her overly emotional response; the tidbit that shew "grew up right around the corner from here" in the low-end neighborhood...all of it, excellent!  Also excellent is that the show heeded my demands for more bantering with Matt, in what is so far my favorite scene in the series to date - what I shall call "Pain Au Chocolat," which combines my three favorite characters with humor and is therefore PERFECTION UNEQUALED:

"Half the kids said he did, half the kids said he didn't this is a bribe, isn't it?"  Yes, Brooks.  It is.  But it's a wonderful bribe, delivered with a semi-mischevious smile and legitimate plea for extra info-gathering footwork.  Better yet, it comes with Matt whining about "how come he gets to eat breakfast with you?" and Brooks spinning her back around the chair when she turns to look.  "Leave it to me, sweetheart.  I'm your man."  Heh.  And "hee!" on Matt's subsequent calling after her about coffee as she saunters off. 
Further on my "Idol-inspired radio nostalgia, yay!" tour, this week I'm re-obsessed with Tracy Chapman's "Telling Stories."  Tracy, how so awesome on everything ever sung?  Also, I feel like either someone's made an X-Files fanvid to this song, or someone really should.
Tags: american idol, law & order: uk, life, music, my dog, tv commentary

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