*eyes pop open*
Owen's post-traumatic stress disorder will take a turn for the worse when he ends up physically hurting Cristina, albeit unintentionally.
OMG OMG OMG BEST THING EVER, Y/Y? Angst! Most delicious angst of a most delicious kind! And here I thought we'd completely used up our quota of hurting Cristina, what with the icicle to the torso - apparently not!
AND we (presumably) get to have angsty angsty guilt and remorse, without actually making him abusive? If I wasn't already shipping them at this point, I would be shipping them now. Know what else it looks like? A way to slow this molasses ship down even more. ALSO WIN.
*dances and skips around* Excited excited excited, YAY!
To find out what happens next, pick up the Spring TV Preview-themed issue of EW (on sale Friday) and turn to page 35.
AWESOMELY, I GET THAT MAGAZINE NOW. Of course, if I recall correctly, I don't usually get it in the mailbox until Monday. So probably I will have found out already by the time it comes. Still! *is giddy*
Otherwise, let's open with a poll! The results of which will probably not influence me in any way, but about which I was vaguely curious. Then I threw in a second question just for kicks and giggles, considering it was 4:34 AM when I put it together. Also, have you voted in the 2009 Fandom Steel Cage Match yet? Tick-tock.
When I ramble about TV, which format do you prefer reading?
Have you pulled an all-nighter before?
Me posting spoiler-free preview snippets of reviews before the cut =
My random nostalgic playlist! Which song's tops?
Lost, 5x08, "LaFleur"
And my flawless "A" show has become a hot mess. *looks sad*
I don't even know where to begin. Originally I was really upset at the thought of 3 years passing for Kate while Sawyer saw her pop back up probably within the month, but apparently there's a worse scenario available, and it's happening right here, right now.
I don't want my little Losties to be trapped in the 70's forever, and even if they eventually get out and back to the present day, which I need to believe they will, I can't erase the memory of the fact that those three years HAPPENED, and it's just...they shouldn't have had to spend three years with ugly Horace Goodspeed & the rest of the creepy intrusive science folk. *snort* "Hostile indigenous people," honestly. Gee, I wonder why they don't love you to bits? It's a complete puzzle to me.
(also, what, WHAT, I do not understand how this timeline works. Who's Horace? Why does he strike me as such a loser whose position of apparent power amazes me? That's not Ben's dad, is it? Who is Ben's dad? How old is Ben right now? If Dharma's still kicking and not all gassed to death, does that mean young Ben and his crazy posse are going to launch their attack while my Losties are in the thick of it? I DON'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO PLOTTY-TYPE THINGS TO RECALL THIS KIND OF COMPLEX TIMELINE.)
Ahem. It makes me really sad, and I guess we could get around to pointing out the main plotline now - SAWYER/JULIET WHAT WHAT and also oh, HELLS NO.
It's not just that I'm sick of seeing Elizabeth Mitchell's bare back, or that I'm completely traumatized by the sight of a super-straight-haired and semi-clean-shaven Sawyer (although both of these are true, especially Sawyer's appearance - it just makes him look so, I don't know, practically deflated all of a sudden) - it's that they took the thing I wanted most, and they made not want it.
Like, OK, I'm glad they do eventually wind up together, rather than being miserable and alone forever, or settling for lesser people. I *did* love the beaming look of Intense Adoration he gave her when she saved the mother & baby, and he appeared to be battling mightily with himself not to grab and/or kiss her on the spot. I liked when he hugged her back at home, and technically, I suppose I even liked the kissing, at least until it devolved into making out, which I was not as down with as I assumed I'd be. Ditto for the half-naked spooning. (I am rejecting spooning. Something is CLEARLY VERY WRONG.)
The problem is that I feel cheated. What I was most looking forward to was the moment that *sparked* it. I want to see whatever clearly intense and emotional vulnerabilities one or both went through to get to this point of relative domestic bliss and Sawyer finally finding out how long he can play house.
And I know we got that kinda-sparky moment at the dock, with the significant looks after Juliet planned to leave and he talked her back with "What about me?" Despite the jokes about simply not having anyone to talk to or watch his back if she left, there's an awesome moment where they realize how much they actually do care about each other - just care - that will clearly form part of the foundation for what comes later.
But that's only foreshadowing, not a significant Moment. And I can't do what you want, what my brain thought I wanted, and just jump into Happy Sawyer and Juliet, fully entrenched in an established relationship. BELIEVE ME, I WOULD LIKE TO. And if we get more interim flashbacks exploring this, then someday in the future, I might treasure Teh Pretty in this episode.
But right now, the abrupt transition is too much. And I'm too busy feeling sucker-punched by Sawyer talking about how he can barely even remember Kate's face (unless he was alluding to someone else, or perhaps lying through his teeth to make Horace feel better), and then the HORRIBLE MOMENT OF ACHING when Kate gets her
Actually, that's not quite true. I'm positive he really does love Juliet at this point, and has no intention of dropping her like a hot potato, even if she and Jack go running into each other's arms, which I sort of doubt will happen anyway. (but can it? That'd be awesome!) But I remain equally positive that Kate's the love of his life, and I can't imagine that he won't be torn by a what-if desire if she shows even the slightest hint of interest, and maybe even if she doesn't. And if he doesn't, I'll probably be disappointed. It's about to get all Sophie's Choice* up in here, and I don't like it.
(*yes. That drastic.)
I think I'm dangerously close to advocating polygamy here, now that I think about it. Not an actual OT3, just good ole-fashioned polygamy. *nods*
Damn it, show. Just damn it. I hate you.
On bright side, watching James "Sawyer" "Jim" "LaFleur" Ford square things with Richard Alpert? AWESOME. Almost as awesome as the miserable hangdog expression when the details of his trade are relayed to the widow. (whose familiar face drove me nuts all hour until I finally got to IMDB and pegged her as Chaplain Julia from ER)
Speaking of, that name is really bugging me. Why hasn't the internet explained it to me yet? You don't just pull a name like "James 'Jim' LaFleur" out of your ass, whether you're Sawyer or the writers on this show. I assumed there was literary significance, but the internet won't tell me who he is. EXPLAIN, I SAY.
Also: GIANT STATUE SIGHTING. Let's explore that next, mmkay?
Other stuff might have happened too, but I don't remember or care.
CSI: Miami, 7x16, "Sink or Swim"
First: Without looking, I bet you $100 that Kristine Huntley trashes Danny/Lindsay in her review.
Second: *picks up jaw from floor* Damn it, show. Stop doing thaaaaaat. *whines* I think I liked this even more than "DeLuca Motel," which pains me to say, because that would also force me to declare this the best episode of the season, and I...don't want to do that for an episode with P.Diddy in it. But it was! Really good! Even though it also made me dizzy due to my head spinning. Spinning right round.
Reasons it wins this title: Yelina, Marisol reference, Diddy not being horrible (i.e. case being less excruciating than usual), Horatio & Calleigh working together, and also ERIC/CALLEIGH x1000*.
* If you're looking for that, it's at the very end of the review. Way down there. This got long.
Certain Musical Stylings
Come on, show. I was so happy never having heard "Right Round," because I wanted to keep my helplessly falling for all Flo Rida songs at 2/2, thanks. Now it's going to be stuck in my head! I can already guarantee it'll be on the Music of 2009 list.
Also, if you're going down that route, why not start with Diddy music? Does Diddy even have music? It's hard to tell; I've always assumed his original role was a rapper, but then again, I couldn't actually give you a title or any inkling of what it sounds like besides the default "terrible."
The only question in that teaser, really, was which hot woman was going to get shot first - the ex or the fiancee. Oh, of course it was the fiancee! Diddy needs his drama! (I don't know if he actually goes by Diddy anymore, or even if he ever did - I seem to remember him throwing at least one fit about his moniker - but the name AMUSES ME, and thus I refuse to call him by his character name. Derek is on reserve for dreamy-haired brain surgeons in Seattle)
Speaking of the drama --
Acting: you're doing it...surprisingly well, actually. *looks miffed* I think, I think I felt actual emotion! He pulled off ostentatious grief with the body-cradling on the boat; people don't do that very often. And as much as I wanted to feel otherwise, throughout the rest of his scenes, I never thought he was guilty. He had sincere grief and anger coming through, and the swipes he took at Horatio from time to time were more out of habit than legitimate lack of cooperation or self-satisfied smirking.
He did not pull off that lame-ass, cheesy speech about being "unable to touch Delko's character" at the end, because that was some super bad writing. But I thought he worked valiantly with what he had, in much the same way I feel Adam Rodriguez does, or Khandi Alexander did before she got too fed up to continue wasting her time & talents here.
Also, proof that this show's cases slip right over my head without making so much as a dent on my memory, I had absolutely no clue who the guilty-party raging father was, even when they included flashbacks. I'm not entirely sure they didn't just make him and his backstory up on the spot. Maybe they did; I still wouldn't have any idea.
Bullets by an underwater gun, by the way...that was pretty neat. So was Eric getting tangled & stuck in the underwater net. For a minute I thought the mob was being really, super clever & sneaky in their assassination methods. If only!
Question! Does she actually own anything that isn't white? Is this symbolic of some kind of born-again virginity? It's not that she doesn't look lovely in it at all times, because Sofia Milos is a beautiful goddess, but it's kind of weird. Unless she's just decided to adopt Horatio's limited wardrobe as proof of how compatible they would be, HINT HINT, please notice me again sir! I would not be adverse to this.
I'm also confused as to how quickly she ingratiated herself with the mobster as a reliable assassin, who can apparently be trusted to take out a former colleague without so much as a tail. I'd say she had a fake ID cooked up, yet he knew she was a former PI...seriously, does no one do their homework anymore? Yelina Salas! She used to be sort of important in Horatio's daily life. A good mobster wouldn't be fooled by a fake ID anyhow. Did Horatio just completely wipe all visual, DNA and paper-trail record of her from the country after she disappeared to Brazil?
(By the way, dear mobster: I can't help but notice that she decides to casually go share information with Horatio in broad daylight, in public, within sight of the crime scene Eric is busy processing. You should probably kick yourself for not ordering somebody to keep an eye on her until the hit went through. And/or apparently not having a tail who is awesome enough to tail in secret without being noticed.)
But in all honesty, none of this matters because she is Yelina and she exists in a state of untouchable Awesomeness. And props for the acting - even though I knew she hadn't really turned, she was making an extremely convincing show of it. Besides, I mean, we haven't seen her in a while, and who knows if Horatio still remembers her enough to dole out regular support payments? This probably pays lots better than being a PI. The previews really should have played up the angle of her possibly-dark-side new self being confronted with an unexpected assignment, not the part where she tells Horatio about it. *rolls eyes*
I also wanted to make a macro along the lines of "This will teach you to let your sister marry my UST love interest while I'm out of the country!", but then I disappointingly couldn't find any shots where you could see her face and her holding the gun at the same time. It's probably for the best.
My stream-of-consciousness thought process during that scene, let me show you them.
"Seriously, if one more person gets shot on the steps of the police station...good, they decided not to go that route. OK, wait, so he's going to give up being a defense lawyer, just because he all of a sudden realized it was his job to aid criminals? Come on, Diddy, someone has to represent the low lif -- MARISOL REFERENCE FOR THE WIN. FOR THE EFFING WIN!!!"
And then I just squealed and flailed for a while, because the words "your wife" will never get old for me, nev-er! I also salvaged his response of "You don't get over it" and ran with it back to my season 4 happy place. It was nice to have something new to treasure from Human Horatio. I thought those days were long over, but I guess the robotics couldn't do much damage to such a short sentence. Hah!
P.S. So a defense lawyer can dig up information about a wife he was married to for a week and knew less than six months, but the Russian mob can't figure out who Yelina was? For real, that is the worst mob ever.
Die, Horatio, Die
Wow, you and Jack Bauer just have more in common with each other every day. Hanging out in the back seat of a guy's car, waiting for him to get in so you can give threatening orders to "drive"? Way to not seem like a creepy mobster yourself there, H.
Also, excellent, having him drive himself to a remote location so your quasi-brother Eric can beat him up and make himself feel better. You're beginning to make a right habit of that, aren't you? Delko & Caine: Bullies With Badges, Inc.
Lastly, nice job not worrying about evidence contamination or anything, picking that tooth up off the ground with your bare hands. I thought you were wearing lab coats this year, and presumably aware of how evidence handling worked.
Holy Frakkin' Heck
Horatio and Calleigh. Working together. Talking. Amicably. Processing evidence. Head: *explodes*
Natalia Is Lame
Natalia/gun is a pairing that will never not make me laugh hysterically (I always think of lieueitak remarking on the chance that she might shoot herself in the face with it), so that first scene with her and Ryan surrounding the boat was worth it just for that.
Also, how horrible was her melodramatic response to Eric being pulled out of the lab by Immigration? I don't even have words. It was just bad all around.
WTF Technology Moment
Wait, "it should have sent an e-mail" to the home computer - automatically? Already? Before they'd even started looking for it? How the hell does the computer know it's been stolen?
WTF Convenient Much?
Delko knocks out one of his dad's teeth, the guy leaves it there, and they can magically use that tooth to determine the geographic location in which he was raised (not, mind you, necessarily where he was born, which is like Eric's whole problem), and conveniently, it happens to be a U.S. state? BULL.
In further coincidence, the guy who swears "I owe you nothing" and whose identity apparently cannot be traced just decides to come forward and defend his illegitimate son based on the threat that they can prove he was raised in New Mexico? And the government that was so hot to deport Eric is suddenly all "Oh, you say so? Thy will be done!"? I think I tuned out some of the missing gaps in logic here, but even so.
WTF U.S. Law
I'm just confused by, like, everything involving Eric's sudden deportation. Politics & government make my head hurt even at the most basic levels, but surely that cannot have been right. I sort of get the problems with him not coming forward when he found out the truth, and with him being an officer of the law, but...mostly I don't!
It's not like he set out to actively deceive the government by infiltrating its secret police ranks and wreaking havoc & special favors from the inside. He's lived here basically his entire life, and isn't there some rule about the children of legal immigrants or naturalized citizens automatically gaining similar status? Maybe? Something my social studies teacher said once; can't quite remember...I'm over my head; someone explain it to me please.
Shippity ship ship! (Eric/Calleigh)
Um. Wait. What? They're supposed to handle things "together now"? They're kissing in public and she's cooking him dinner? When did this relationship all of a sudden jump forward in time, what. Have they been dating behind the scenes? Calleigh just decide to throw caution to the wind and catch up to where Eric's fantasies have been for months, springing them from "mutual crush" to "established relationship" overnight? I AM SO CONFUSED AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON. I know I've been sleepwalking through this show for months, but...you'd think I'd have noticed a development like that.
*long pause to go read old reviews*
So it might have helped if I'd remembered that Diddy showed up only last episode, and Calleigh was only in the hospital the episode before that. Um. Yes. My sieve-like brain is working overtime to forget stuff as quickly as possible, apparently.
And that's okay, because none of my confusion prevented me from accepting the flail and squee with all possible enthusiasm. I've got 3 friends who loathe E/C beyond measure, and one who adores it, and it's still easier to side with the one. Because that whole entire ending is sheer damn love.
The running hug, the teasing, the "I was gonna marry you..." (I admit, I thought about that possibility, and now I'm not ashamed), the kiss - which, screw you for spoiling when it was legitimate and without a surprise twist, promo monkeys; you get an F this week - and the most of all the EXCELLENT, pathetic attempt to push her away for her own protection with "Calleigh, I'm serious, I don't want anything to happen--" and her shutting him up with another kiss.
Aw, they're such pretty and shiny and happy people; they cannot be resisted! All must conform! Love them and despair! Except not that last part, because they're too bright and smiley right now. I really want to unleash a mini picspam, but this computer is stupid and won't let me open the screenshot files in Paint for quick resizing/cropping purposes, and so I don't feel like expending the effort to take them.
But someday, I might.
OH CRAP I JUST REALIZED - so for the price of not having him deported, we did have to give up Eric's half-Russian heritage. Effing hell, that was the one thing I was most worried about in this whole mess, and then you alleviated my fears only to spring ugly truth on me after all, once my defenses were down. I mean, maybe what's-his-name is at least partly Russian, but...but...it's not the same! I hate everybody again.
P.S. You're still on my hit list for introducing me to another insta-crack-addiction Flo Rida song, show. -.-