RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,


*is on lockdown*  I have a list of like 8,000 things I want to talk about, but my brain is trapped in last week, so just put up with the delayed reviewing system until such time as I feel like watching TV live again.  The only things I've managed since the two on Monday have been Lost and The Office.  Neither of which are making an appearance in this post, mostly because I'm afraid I'll get a "post too large" error if I try to cram anything else in with these things.

CSI: NY, 5x17, "Green Piece"
Ahahaha, I get it now.  "Green Piece."  Eco-terrorism.  Clever.  I might be more invested in this case if I hadn't already seen those photos of children on rubbish heaps in my miserable Capstone class, which means that I obviously don't -- oh no wait!  It was in British Lit, that's right.  Cindy was comparing the modern day electronic waste in third-world countries to people who made their living from dust heaps in "Our Mutual Friend."  Never mind; that is pretty poignant.  Not in a way where I get all worked up and angry about it like Stella, though.  Profit is a shiny, shiny thing.

Hee on Flack grumbling about Mac and Stella speaking "Chinese" (scientific babble).  Also, screw your recently-established canon, I thought you said he didn't swear!  Or does "douchebag" not technically count as cursing yet?

So, while I'm ignoring the case in an attempt to control my feelings of wanting to punch Adam in his stupid cut-up face; GOD, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE FRONT AND CENTER IN EVERY FRICKIN' THING THAT HAPPENS (seriously, the opening song alone was already like taking a jackhammer to my brain, and then he showed up playing street hockey)...let's move on to the real plot: the wedding.  Which essentially comes in two parts:

1. Mac: Danny, God brought you and Lindsay together...
Me: *hits the pause button and howls with laughter*  HAHAHAHAHA!  Oh, oh my, can't -- can't' breathe, can't take hilarity -- GOD BROUGHT THEM TOGETHER!  *rapidly slaps palm against desk*  Stop-stop-stop, I can't take any more!  "God"!  With a straight face, he says this!  God!  Yes, I TOTALLY saw the hand of God in all this (maybe Pam Veasy's calling herself God now?).  Without a doubt.  And I bet God was especially pleased with the conceived-out-of-wedlock baby that happened (amidst the cheating!) when THEY WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER - yes.  My sides actually ache from laughing so hard.  Swear to the God who brought Danny and Lindsay together, that is the funniest thing I have heard all week.

*wipes tears from eyes*  Like, no, okay.  I'm not knocking Mac's sentiment here; I love his spiritual side and I have no doubt he feels this way.  I think he even has a legitimate point about higher powers and people being meant for each other/things happening for a reason.  I love people who feel this way.  It's very sweet that Danny confides him and Mac gives him a sage heart-to-heart, and I may or may not have flailed and squealed a lot at the luxurious mention of Claire and the children they never had (*sniffle*).  Honestly, I like the scene.

Some of the words just come out sounding really stupid.  Especially to a gal rank with cynicism and vitriol towards an ex-ship.

2. The Final Scene
Let me explain something to you, show -- sometimes I am okay with men taking charge in a relationship and surprising their paramours with pre-laid plans.  Quite often, actually.  I'm all for epic, sweeping romance.  Like, I was great with Jim showing Pam their house, and when Luka brought Abby to the wedding he'd planned in secret by himself.  But Danny dragging Lindsay to the courthouse and basically declaring that they're going to get married right now?  JACKASS!  I don't care if he does it with slightly teary puppy-dog eyes and raw, heartfelt expressions of love and commitment until her heart melts and she can't wait to follow him in.  It's still a jackass move. 

Now, the thing is, Luka and Danny have a lot in common.  They both got their girlfriends pregnant unexpectedly, proposed marriage, and were initially turned down.  But!  Here is why ER worked and CSI: NY failed -- in Luka's case, their son was already born, they'd been living together for a while, and one night Abby, all brimming over with emotion, said "Ask me again...ask me to marry you."  And it was delightful!  She was a little freaked out by the elaborate ceremony, but she was at least positive about getting married.  Danny and Lindsay - not really there yet. 

Not to mention it strikes me as being All About Danny, and what will make him feel best.  I want to explore this thought in more detail, but I can't spit words out right now.  

So yeah.  I'm sorry.  It pisses me off in a feminist bone I didn't even know I had to watch Danny show up with her under false pretenses - despite her protesting that she's going to be late for her flight - give her one sweeping speech, and expect that to convince her to bind herself to him for life.  Parents?  Who needs friends/family members/parents there when you can just have Surrogate Mom and Dad stand in for everybody?

(Here I would like to take a break from my heavy sarcasm to admit that City Hall (click it!) is exactly how I would have expected them to get married, and actually, Mac and Stella are the perfect witnesses, and it was sweet and perfect and wonderful and exactly what I wanted prior to Rikkigate.  Especially Stella with the flowers, what a detail - I couldn't have directed it better myself)

I know this is fine for Lindsay - I don't feel like she is being taken advantage of; I think she's honestly blown away by his gesture and she's both relieved and happy as can be; that's nice for her, and you fic writers champing at the bit to wax rhapsodic about the romanticism should feel free to go right ahead - but as a viewer, imagining myself in the same situation, I cannot stand for it.  I actually had to hit the pause button before Lindsay said yes and roleplay her part for a few minutes, explaining to Danny exactly why I had to say no again right now.

Then suddenly there was this brief series of sweet kisses and a protective little embrace, and I realized FUCK IT, I'M DONE.  *throws notebook & pen across the room in frustration*  They have tried everything possible to get back in my good graces, and I still hate them.   I hate them with fiery burning passion on a level rivaling my contempt for Sid the Creepy Coroner.  There is no going back to this ship.  This ship is done, dead, crashed, wrecked, sunken, buried.

Then there was a lovely musical flashback montage of "D/L's Greatest Hits," and I was instantly placated as I saw all these adorable things from season 2 and 3. Their first introduction.  Cute little teasing moments and looks.  "Make tracks, cowboy" (hey there, moment I first became amenable to shipping them)!  I was all "awwwwww" and "I miss those days."  My other stream of consciousness thoughts, let me show you them:

HANDHOLDING!  Shared meal I don't even remember!  Blech, don't remind me of Snow D -- EEEEH, THE NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE HUG!  (hey there, moment I exploded in love for this ship + fandom love for the show)  Aww, the good part of Snow Day - no, damn it, stop reminding me of the bad parts!  And now we're back to the season 5 of suck - awwww, the secret unaired season 2 finale kiss, which I saw recently but which still makes me happy!  Whoa, wait it's over?  Crap, did they say "I Do" while I wasn't paying attention?  *rewinds* They did. Ugh.

Despite my temporary distraction, the end result is still the same: I'm sorry, but it's over.  Like a past relationship, we had some good times - some very good times that I will always remember fondly - but we broke up for a reason, and we're staying broken up forever.  I'm in the anti-D/L camp.  I have officially turned traitor and am sleeping with the enemy.  Because this is everything I ever wanted...two years too late.  I'VE MOVED ON.
Bones, 4x16, "The Bones That Foam"
In contrast to the above, I love this show.  I don't know if I've made that abundantly clear, but lately it is just on fire.  One hour of sheer joy and delight and fun - I'm always surprised when it's over, because it feels like it just got started. 

And this week was no exception, despite my annoyance with Random Facts Boy, whom I somehow loathe even more now that I know it's a physical compulsion he uses to keep from freaking out (which he apparently does a lot), and not just him being stubbornly annoying and too thick to get a clue.  WHERE HAS CLARK BEEN LATELY?  BRING BACK CLARK.  I've had most of a year to get to know everybody, and now that Daisy's out of the running I've made my pick.  I want Wendell - Clark Edison is the only acceptable substitute. 

But, you know, whatever.  There was an adorable little Capuchin monkey (which I unfortunately cannot pronounce to save my life, as I grew up believing it was "CAP-a-chin," which is what happens when you spend your childhood learning all about animals that no one else talks about from books).  There were soft bones oozing delightful green foam.  The multiple warning alarms going off in the lab were hilarious too.  It was like being back in high school/living on campus during college.  Fire alarms going off 20 times a year, never for legitimate reasons!

And there was Booth enduring a blonde stripper gyrating in his lap, apparently unable to extricate himself, which was gloriously comedic on at least three different levels, between his distinctly uncomfortable look, the fact that we not actually as uncomfortable as he'd like to believe himself to be, and the desperate need for Brennan to vacate the area ASAP.  Hee! 

Honestly, I think it's Brennan's completely unperturbed reaction to all this that makes or breaks this scene.  Despite my self-proclaimed hatred of other people's embarrassment, I never seem to tire of watching Booth in awkward situations.  One of the many things I love about this partnership/pending relationship is that for as much as Booth embraces and embodies traditional gender roles, they so often swap roles when it comes to attitudes about sex and romance and such. 

What else, what else...wasn't so much a fan of Booth driving like a crazy person to make the witness talk - that ws uncomfortable in a bad way - or of Brennan' terrible interrogation (which I couldn't even watch) and trying to learn human emotions, which was just weird and like, fish or cut bait with the Asperger's syndrome you've got bubbling beneath the surface there, writers.

Otherwise, it was a really enjoyable storyline - nothing too complex or twisted even despite the foaming bones; really almost goofy, which is a nice change of pace.  Sometimes it's nice to see legitimately dumb criminals, instead of the Miami variety of criminals who are dumb but hide it beneath veneers of wealth and sneering.  Felt really bad for the poor salesman, though.  He's already sick and then he loses his brother to his wife's murderous and reluctantly adulterous hand.  There are no winners in that siutation. 

And I'm pretty sure this episode was worth it just for the last five minutes, between Booth's warm reassurance that she has empathy, she's just awkward about it...followed by devilish delight at her admitting he can do something better than her, and then abruptly turning into a 7-year-old boy to show off his shiny new borrowed toy, and immediate squabbling about who gets to drive it. (Squabbling that results in my sudden inability to stop picturing their compatibility in bed, which I'm not proud of, but I'm just letting Future Self watch my progression into a moral degenerate) 

Booth: OK, OK, driving a machine like this is like making love, you have to go gently.
Brennan: I go more for passionate and uninhibited rather than "gentle."
Booth: Bones!  Gently.

Followed by her immediately disobeying these orders, and resulting in a squabble, complete with throwing up of hands and stalking off (to bouncy music, so you know none of this serious, in case you were having difficulties).  HEE.

Grey's Anatomy, 5x17, "I Will Follow You Into the Dark"
Once I start picking this episode apart, I realize I wasn't very fond of it.  But fortunately, the two good aspects pretty much made up for the rest.

-The Good
1. Owen/Cristina.  *has a glee fit*  BEAUTIFUL ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Level 1: the physical injuring, which I have been excited about for ages and which was delivered as promised, with bonus goodies.  First we had him looking all unguarded and vulnerable, asleep on a gurney in the hallway (on-call rooms too busy being used for sex?), and Cristina's softened expression as she went to gently shake him awake.  Followed by him jerking upright all WAUGH ENEMY MUST DIE and flinging her into a rack of supplies, on which she slices open her arm as she tumbles to the floor.

Cristina, less shocked or hurt than hilariously indignant: MORNING!

Level 2: Making amends by stitching her up, quiet and avoiding her eyes, whilst Cristina is impressively not phased at all and trying to make jokes about it.  (I, for one, am highly amused by the mental picture of her pulling Meredith's hair thanks to a dream that involves climbing drapes)

Level 3:
Cristina: You know, I'm a big girl.  I can handle my share of trauma.  And *I* get to decide when I've had enough.  It's going to take a lot more than a bad dream to scare me off.
Owen: It's more than a bad dream.
Cristina:  I know.

Eeeeeehhh!  He's all sad and damaged, and that has *always* been one of my shippy weaknesses.  I'm finding it very hard to believe he ever stabbed any pigs at all.  I think that was probably just his crazy twin brother who showed up ranting and raving one day, then was found by Owen who promptly choked him to death and quietly disposed of the body in ways that will never be heard from again.

I, um, I honestly am starting to think I ship them harder than even Burke/Cristina, which up until now was my strongest in addition to longest-running ship on this show.  I don't think I ever wanted to skip around the room or let out as many high-pitched squeals with Burke as I have with Owen in just the last few weeks. 

EDIT: Oh, never mind, Ausiello just informed me that this was not the physical harm we were promised - it was merely an appetizer; the real stuff is coming next week.  It sounds like it's going to be even more incredible, thouugh.

2. I'm so fond of O/C that I almost don't have any room left for MerDer - except I do, because they were in fine and fantastic form tonight. 

Level 1: Depressed!slobby!Derek moping around on the sofa all day, still all cut up from the fight and generally looking like hell, while Meredith sits patiently by, hinting at doing things like showering, which is good, and thinking about work, which is also good.  (sidebar: YES.  He so got slapped with a lawsuit!  This is awesome!  Look, the bitter part of my soul still wants retribution for Poor Dead Jen, and is taking pleasure in watching the man turn into a hollow shell and viciously label himself a killer in abject self-loathing).

I could have done without the stupid loser interns (past and present) gawking at him from the doorway like he's a zoo animal - this is one of those times I just feel sorry for him, being what amounts to a grown man living with children - but it was almost worth it just for the way he violently shoves the box of cereal back into Alex's hands as he stalks past them. 

Level 2: Hollow shell staring dully at "patients saved" vs. "patients killed."  Poor man.  Bonus, Meredith not making me hate her at all as she handles him with perfect grace and exactly the right things to say, whether or not he wants to hear them.

Level 3: It's exquisitely painful in so many ways to see Derek, after all those years of struggling to prop up, convince, try not to spook, and otherwise woo Meredith, give up on himself.  (though not without awesomely bringing up the time she gave up and drowned!)  To abruptly decide he's not able to be with her, to distance himself, and to be angry and surly downright cruel and verbally/emotionally abusive in ways he has never been before.  Oh, McDreamy.  Whacking engagement-ring boxes like baseballs.  All  broken and bitter...this is how you bring me back into the fold, ship.  *follows like obedient lamb*

(sidebar: you know, this whole arc would be so much more compelling if some idiot hadn't called Meredith "his fiancee" before we even knew there was a ring.  And then someone else decided to go ahead and specify exactly when we could expect know, I didn't warn for future spoilers, so never mind.  Ask Ausiello.

3. Oh, George!  Why are you so amazing and sweet and patient and concerned?  And why aren't you still dating Izzie and/or getting screen time? 

4. The younger sister in the Stomach Cancer family, she's really pretty!  Really, really pretty!  I've seen that actress somewhere before - I want to say CSI: Miami*? - and I'd like to see her again.  Preferably not on this show, because I don't want to think of someone so young and beautiful no longer having a stomach.  There's a joke to be made about models in here, but damned if I can find it.

* = According to IMDB, technically yes, but more likely Cold Case, Without a Trace, and most significantly as Ted Mosby's little sister on HIMYM, DUH

5. Izzie confiding in Cristina because she's a "robot" - oh, Izzie.  You've been so busy with your own problems that I guess you forgot to pay attention to her emotional awakening.  I look forward to seeing how this backfires, though, whilst making my Cristina look more wonderful than ever before.

The Bad
1. I skipped 95% of any scenes involving McSleazy and/or Callie - I've decided they no longer have the privilege of being acknowledged as part of the cast - so I have no idea what's going on in either their twisted little love lives or whatever semblance of professional ones they have.  Arizona is still allowed to speak on case-related issues, but I've got my hand hovering over a muzzle for her too. 

2. Izzie/Alex falls under the "things that are irrelevant" header as well.  I skipped by them so fast that I was confused when I read about them sharing scenes in the recap.

3. I also skipped most of Izzie's stupid Patient X rant after they solved it (I don't want to hear from Lexie anymore either, apparently).  Which, how is she allowed to waste time and resources like that?  The interns might be learning something - I guess, at least in theory, despite the fact that they're not doing any procedures with a patient themselves - but I am pretty sure the hospital doesn't pay them to run around solving textbook mysteries that may or may not be real.  Interns should exist to help with active, legitimate cases.  

4. I know we always joke about how there are no other surgeons in the whole giant hospital, but it wasn't funny to take that to meta places and introduce Poor Ignored Jim, the unattractive and therefore unworthy-of-being-recognized surgeon.  It just grosses me out that this man is dutifully doing his job while McSleazy looks down his arrogant nose and can't be bothered to remember having met him at least four times.  Jim should quit and work someplace that doesn't suck.  Oh!  You know where he should go?  The hospital where Doug and Carol work.  I bet that place is awesome.

5. He may have quasi-bonded with the sick girl, but he still used the phrase "band nerds" way too often for my liking. and so my feelings of wanting to punch Alex in the mouth at all times are alive and well.  Welcome to the 21st century, dude, in which all the smart/cool/popular kids are in band (though admittedly I have no experience with the goofy uniforms apparently involved in marching band).  You know who's not cool?  Wrestlers.  Because somehow, people like me find it a little weird that largely heterosexual guys want to put on leotards and sweatily roll around, grabbing at and pressing against each other. 

In a related note, the heavyset band-nerd girl was last seen playing a stupid teenage mom on "House," and I would like that actress to retire until such time as she can get some charisma.  Maybe it's the petulant, unpleasant nature of her characters, but I'm more inclined to believe it's just that she has no natural acting ability.  She looks like a personality-free lump and that's what comes across every time.

6. I've made a lot of allowances for the Chief in the past.  I haven't been as willing to rag on him as everyone else; I've been willing to suspend disbelief re: his personal involvement when he's supposed to be at the top of the administration food chain and delegating, make allowances for creative license, and generally liked him as a character because it's such a relief after years of hating his face as A.D. Kersh on The X-Files.

But tonight it crossed a line.  Tonight they actually wrote him a part for a temper-tantrum prone 5-year-old boy, and that is exactly the performance he delivered.  It was petty, it was short-sighted, it was ridiculous vindictive.  Forget plain old "unprofessional"; we left that label at the door weeks ago.  This was behavior you'd be ashamed to see in elementary school, never mind a full-grown man in a position of authority. 

All of it was gross and abhorrent and at this point, not even having Adele come in, say all of the above to his face and yell at him accordingly was enough to salvage it.  Maybe a few weeks ago  that would have worked, but here it's just too late.

7. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL MEREDITH ABOUT THE PLANNED PROPOSAL?  Do you really think Derek's in the frame of mind to be proposing right about now?  Obviously, her mentioning it to him can't go anywhere good.  In what world do you think this will help Meredith?  Ass.

The Ugly
The elder sister was really unpleasant and bossy.  "CUT YOUR STOMACHS OUT RIGHT NOW!  YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AT SURVIVAL UNLESS AND UNTIL YOU DO!"  While I have to admit that she almost swayed me by bringing up how much terrible pain you're in at the end even with treatment, mostly I would have rejected her too.

So what if almost my entire family had died of this disease?  LIFE: IT IS NOT THAT EXCELLENT.  "Staying alive" really isn't a convincing reason for me to pursue aggressive treatment that involves a 100% chance of me having my stomach cut out and forevermore being unable to eat sugar or otherwise have a normal life, with a high risk for nasty side effects on top of that.  Especially when you're not even sick yet and there's a 25% chance you could have a totally normal life.  I'd cling and cling hard to that 1 in 4 shot. 

Frankly, if I were that boy, I'd ditch my whiny sisters and strike out on my own, stick with my nice girlfriend and embrace her family instead.  Maybe hold off on having kids so that this deadly family tree stops right here.  I mean, this is not simple surgery here!  Lopping off your breasts if you had a high risk of breast cancer in your family - that's something I understand.  And I'd still have to thnk long and hard about whether or not it was worth it.  But your stomach!  Christ!

That's all I got for my medical soapbox this week.  At least until such time as I finish watching Private Practice and can comment on it.
One last mention - over on Law & Order: UK, everything continues to delight me to the highest degree (except for the poodle skins, especially on women, which I swear I will not mention again after today).  I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.  It is just so much more captivating than all my other crime dramas except Numb3rs, Medium and Bones.  I love the style, the tone, the direction, the characters.  Ronnie & Matt continue to be the greatest team ever (Ronnie cracks me up!), and Alesha could probably stand there reading the dictionary and I'd still be full of squee and delighted giggles. 

Perhaps it's my newfound determination not to talk specifics about episodes, which was an arbitrary suggestion I made that somehow implanted itself as Law in my head - cuing up an episode is just like renting a movie; nothing to do but sit back, relax and enjoy.  I'm always thirsty for more, more I say!  I almost want to try putting it on a shelf now so I can watch the whole season at once...except I'm pretty sure I can't wait that long.  Then again, it's already Friday and I haven't watched the most recent episode yet, so maybe it'll happen that way by accident.
I lied; two last mentions.  I also wanted to add that I got my first issue of the "Watch!" magazine from CBS today, and it is delightful!  And not just because there are approximately a frillion pictures of Roselyn Sanchez looking gorgeous.  Although that helps.
Tags: bones, csi: ny, grey's anatomy, law & order: uk, tv commentary

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