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This faint and shaky hour

All right.  I'm tackling it.  I've gotten all my ducks in a row, put the pieces together and finished beating this thing into place for public consumption.

Grey's Anatomy: 5x19, "Elevator Love Letter"


Even with the sad twist at the end, this is officially one of my favorite episodes ever.  I tend to have trouble recalling individual eps - the series blurs together in a long line of Suck, dotted with Cute Bits and Bailey being awesome - but I am going to remember this one.

And despite what the title says, that is not what I will be focusing on at all.

I mean, duh.  [EDIT: However, if you would like a comprehensive episode picspam, head here

Re: the first four minutes of indescribable emotional sledgehammering & ecstasy, a/k/a new favorite scene in show history

Every time in the past 4 days that I have tried to sit down and write about or even watch other TV, I just get hung up on the same three minute loop.  I was going to let screencaps do my talking, except than I wanted to take like 700 of them to capture every minor change in expression.  Uploading those would have been a pain in the butt.  So I'm forced to use my words, interspersed with an extremely controlled number of pictures.  Some of which are big and some of which are tiny.  Ignore that.

(Seriously, I even wrote this up in excruciating detail for my personal collection of novelized scene transcriptions.  That usually gets stuff out of my system.  Not this time.  I think I have literally seen it several dozen times at this point.)

OKAY.



Frankly, I would have been good with the first twenty seconds, so full of squealing am I that he's just hanging out in her room at night (fully clothed!  I feel it is important to keep mentioning how both of them are fully clothed!), snacking on popcorn and mocking her (albeit fondly) for watching surgery to relax.  And that Cristina, completely unconcerned, falls asleep.  Whereupon he pulls the blanket over her, settles in beside her, takes a minute to brush a lock of hair off her face and just *gaze* at her, and turns out the lights.



Cut to: RS FLAILING A LOT, COMPLETE WITH FLAPPING WRISTS.

Seriously.  Thanks to a last-minute Ausiello spoiler, I knew they were finally going to break the magic no-sex spell in this episode, but as of this point, figuring they'd get on with it in the morning, I WAS OKAY WITH IT.  This show is the sweetest suitor ever.  "If TPTB is going to make me witness sex scenes, I have to say I'm bowled over by their thoughtfulness in giving me an innocent-bed-sharing scene first."  I mean, usually people literally sleeping together is my consolation prize after I have to put up with naked time.  But no!  Not only have they already shown me it once or twice in some form, they're giving me a straight shot up front!  This is like an author getting an advance on a novel! 

AND THEN.  INSTEAD OF SEX, I GET STRANGLING.  (for the record, this is awesome)

I was beginning to fear that the promised strangulation would take place during rough sex, and I was already grimacing at the thought.  BUT NO.  IT IS JUST AMAZING.  The sense of mounting dread as the slowly turning fan blades get real menacing, real fast, and the music fades and disappears.  The sudden cut to Cristina gasping for air and flailing, but not in the good way.  And the completely blank, deadened look in his eyes - holy hell, that was legitimately terrifying.  He could have made a better serial killer than Eric Stolz.  And I guess for the first time ever, I have to be grateful that Callie stomped her unwelcome friendship/roommate-ness all over my favorite character, because otherwise the latter would probably be dead.





Owen's instant transformation from serial killer to dazed and confused, staring at his hands, was incredible.  Although not as much as Cristina's hysterical sobbing as she bolted for the bathroom.  I think I'm mostly mesmerized by the fact that it's such an outpouring of emotion from her, something we almost never see.  Even by the time Meredith gets there (also an incredible scene - I love that there's only one person she'll unlock the door for without hesitation, even as she instantly turns away), her face is back to a carefully controlled mask.

While I love that Meredith's reaction to Cristina's neck is "I will KILL him!", I am even more in love with the fact that Cristina promptly disabuses her of that notion, insistent that he simply had a nightmare. 

"Cristina?  Please.  Is she all right, Meredith? I just need to know that she's all right."  Well, I'm convinced. 

Er, that looks like sarcasm.  What I mean is that I am instantly placated bu the abject misery in his voice, and I may or may not have giggled inappropriately when Cristina breezes right past Meredith's attempt to stop her and opens the door for him.  I also may or may not have held my breath the first time I saw this, unable to read Cristina's expression, until she said exactly what I wanted to hear.  Which is what turned this scene into THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER.




"I am so sorry.  I don't know what happened.  I don't know, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry..."
"Look at me."


"I'm sorry...."
"LOOK AT ME."



"I'm fine.  See?  It's okay.  You were asleep.  It's okay, okay?  It's okay..."




This is why I keep turning into a melted puddle of goo instead of being coherent about TV shows.  Because I will never, never get tired of his muffled apologies into her shoulder, or her soothing reassurances, or the utter desperation in how tightly he's holding onto her. 

THIS HUG.  GOD.  IT DOES THINGS TO ME. (You remember that thing I mentioned in the 25 Random TV Facts meme, about my favorite shippy scenes containing tears?  ...yeah)

I'm sorry.  I have a thing for broken, damaged men (in fiction.  Logically, I get that they're less than ideal in real life.  But damn, in fiction...).  If those men happen to be damaged in such a way that leads to them accidentally hurting women they care about, looking sickened by it, and maybe break down crying while apologizing profusely?  And avoid looking wimpy by otherwise projecting an air of Rugged Manliness?  (I don't know where these words are coming from.  Let's pretend I'm sleep-deprived).  Possibly that's...somewhat way hot.

If there's one thing I don't like about this scene, it's the looks of disapproval all over Callie and Mer's faces, which made me want to wallop them with sticks, as they were clearly gearing up to spell trouble for the rest of the episode (true).  You know...butt out.  It's none of your business whom she chooses to love or why. 

I'd get more snarky and more detailed, except that Cristina spends the rest of the episode saying absolutely everything I need and want her to say: hiding the evidence under a turtleneck to avoid awkward questions (I HAVE A HICKEY LEAVE ME ALONE.  Well, she doesn't say this, but she could have if anyone asked.  Which mysteriously they didn't, even though Owen had very conspicuous scratches on his neck and arms), refusing to be bullied into Meredith's POV, firmly explaining that it's PTSD, a/k/a not the same thing as abuse, circumventing the guard dogs she didn't ask for to track him down on her own, and so on.

Seriously.  The steam vents room bit was awesome.
"I would never hurt you.  Ever.  But I did.  . . . I almost--"
"Almost WHAT?  I told you.  I know my limits.  Let me decide what I can handle." 
 

God, I love the fact that he always backs down when she challenges him.  Just like I am unhealthily in love with that expression of tortured longing between his attempt to break up with her (denied!) and his desire to kiss her (also denied, but more gently). 

And I do mean unhealthily, as I keep looking at these still shots and going "Damn, brain, in what universe is he classically attractive?  Like, at all?"  BUT I KEEP FALLING FOR HIM ANYWAY.  True story, for the past several days Jim & Pam have been booted out of their, like, 27-week run as my #1 daydream couple by Owen/Cristina.  I do not know how to feel about that.

"Can I...can I hold you?" 
 

Dude, I totally missed that the first time around in my squee.  Owen, would you please stop being so damned desirable?  I have absolutely no, none, zero defenses against continuing to reject them having sex.  They have officially earned it, even on Network RS.

(Once more with feeling!)


I do, however, have an inability to watch them.  I really tried - I was all over that sensual lead-up to the kiss, with the brushing of noses and such? - but I lasted about two seconds into the closeup of their makeout session before I got uncomfortable and skipped.  I didn't skip far enough, and landed on HOLY HELL WAY MORE NAKED SKIN THAN MY NETWORK ALLOWS.  So, no.  Maybe someday, when I am even more invested in them and need something extra, I will watch this.  But for now it gets skipped.

[Edit: DAMN.  DAMN MY CURIOSITY ALL TO HELL.  I made it through - grimacing and wincing all the way, half-shielding my eyes when I couldn't take the theatrical ballet any more, and finally had to mute the damned intrusive song - but it was worth it just to see how beautifully they managed to handle it after all.

(Seriously - I grant your ship a pass to have sex any way they please, and you choose to qualify for "making love"?  STOP BEING PERFECT)  You do the thing with the eye-locking and kissing her hand and everything delightful in my limited allowance of such scenes that I could hardly find anything to argue with.

And then I watched it again.  Twice.  So I could pick out four shots I felt appropriate enough to display without thoroughly squicking myself. 



(Note: Awesomely, after I'd muted the original song, I was listening to my playlist on shuffle while I capped it, and Alanis Morissette's "Not as We" came on.  Ignoring the actual premise of the song - although that will be relevant later - I couldn't help noticing how ridiculously fitting it was.  "Spat out on new terrain."  "Gun-shy and quivering."  "Day one, day one, start over again.  Step one, step one..."

ALKSJDFLKASJDFLKAJSDFLASDFK.  ASLKDFJASDF.  LKJ;LKASDF!]

Oh, and then there was the tragic ending of this story.  Which I sort of figured was going to happen, but which broke my heart anyway.  I was all set up to be cranky and rageful, but then she finished it up with "I'm lying here in your arms...and I'm afraid to fall asleep."

Which, damn it.  Even when they break up it's perfect, because I understand it.  For all my flailing and squealing, I'd be scared to fall asleep there too.

Of  course, I also came up with a variety of non-relationship-ending solutions to that problem (1. Sleeping handcuffs.  2. Separate boudoirs.  3. Plastic-partitioned spooning device, with thicker hand padding than Ned's for difficulty of squeezing whoa that sounds dirty.  4...), but as usual, the show has a better, and perhaps perfect solution to this too: it's the impetus Owen needs to seek out Derek's help for a proper PTSD treatment, instead of continuing to ignore it or withdrawing into himself.

So unless TPTB performs another faceplant in handling this relationship, which they have actually done more than once since the pig-stabbing incident, I'm going to go ahead and trust whatever direction they're heading in next.

(edit: oh yeah!  And then there was that gorgeous scene with Meredith crawling into bed to commiserate with her in silence.  I adore them so, so much.  How can a show famous for its screwed-up relationships manage to create such a gold standard of female best-friendship?)
 
Obviously nothing else happened in this episode. 

Hell!  Except for two other giant plots that EACH could have carried their own episode!  OK, so there is no way I'm devoting even half one quarter as much flailing to them as they each deserve. 

MER/DER
...yeah, at this point my thoughts are basically reduced to "He actually got down and searched for the ring in the grass until he found it!  Meredith was unusually awesome all episode!  The Chief cracks me up!  The elevator proposal was freaking delightful and kooky and I still couldn't finish watching them make out, but hey, at least I'm happy for them instead of burning with rage and jealousy that she isn't Addison!  Right now."

Also, Derek's first two "proposals" broke my heart a little bit, between the silly hangdog expression in the first one and the legitimately painful neediness in the second.  Hopefully he's as embarrassed to remember them as I am, and has moved that those incidents be stricken from the record. 

Izzie in General
...yeah, again, my thoughts are pretty much reduced to "Bailey is freaking awesome!  I don't hate the bitchy oncologist nearly as much as everyone else; she kinda cracks me up!  But I also don't hate Izzie right now; instead I find her knitting cute and I don't know what's wrong with me!  GEORGE, I LOVE YOU A LOT, ANGRILY SMASHING OLD CASTS TO  VENT YOUR FEELINGS (seriously, why aren't you still dating Izzie, how much cooler would this whole brain cancer thing be if you were the one cuddling up to her, mmm?)."

Alex/Izzie
DAMN IT, BOY.  STOP MAKING ME FEEL STUFF FOR YOU LIKE EMOTIONS AND CRAP.  Because he totally got to me in the beginning, and every other time he was staring moodily and heartbrokenly through Izzie's window.  And the end, when he held her hand and and crawled into bed with her and just gazed with vaguely teary eyes.  (this will always unravel me, always)!  We will now strike from the record any suggestion that he may have said words in this scene, because that ruins it.

Didn't so much love the whole clumsy talk beforehand about fertilizing embryos and how this wasn't how they were supposed to have kids and such.  Which, NO.  I CONTINUE TO REJECT THIS AS A LEGITIMATE RELATIONSHIP.  This is not a relationship where you think about future kids!  Not even under these circumstances! 

*has a sudden awful thought*
Crap, Izzie & Alex are  totally going to be the ones who get hitched in the finale, aren't they?  And I'm going to make cranky comments about her & engagements on hospital sickbeds.  You know what I think would be a real surprise twist?  GEORGE AND LEXIE SHOULD RUN OFF AND GET HITCHED IN VEGAS.

What.  It's not like Shonda doesn't repeat storylines.  Once a cheater Vegas husband, always a cheater Vegas husband, I say!

Other
Finally, I would like to note how wonderfully enjoyable it was that Mark and Lexie got, like, zero screen time, and even though I made them keep their muzzles on, I feel like if I'd had to listen to them, it wouldn't have been that annoying.

Arizona had to keep her muzzle on, since she did nothing case-related and I was not about to listen to her console Callie.  Callie, unfortunately, forced me to listen to her tonight.  Sneaky bitch!  She knows my weakness for George, and how even in my hatred of her I can't skip a meaty scene he's in!

Although, I am darkly amused by how the show was like, "Hey, RS, do you hate Arizona and Callie?  You're not going to watch them anyway?  You've put a muzzle on them, forbidding them from speech?  Well, then why don't just have them DANCE LIKE UNINHIBITED FOOLS!"

Closing Thoughts
I'm  glad there are a few weeks until the next new episode.  I need a long, long time to digest & recover from this.  *collapses in bliss*
 
==========
And then I watched Private Practice and it sucked.  Obviously.  Starting with the fact that the episode is called "Do The Right Thing," which just brings to my mind my most-hated movie of all time.

1. Apparently, one of the storylines involves a mother allowing her 12-year-old daughter to have sex.  What part of "12 years old" and "mother allowing to have sex" does not compute?  I, I, I am just going to let out a long string of censored obscenities and then chuck this plot out the window without comment.  !@#%^$!@#!@#$^%@#$@^#!$@#!@!@#!^@$#!^@$#!@#!@#!@#@#@#%$^!!!!!!!!!!

I lied, one comment --  "Well, with what passes  for kids' TV these days, and the internet, what can you do?"  Um,  A LOT.  THERE IS A LOT YOU CAN DO.  STARTING WITH NOT ROLLING OVER IN A DEFEATIST ATTITUDE.

I do appreciate that all the kids who have sex too young on this show end up pregnant, though.  So there's...kind of a disapproving message, if you squint. 

1.5. Also, Cooper keeps having reactions to storylines like this that remind me why I love him...only to turn around and discuss his issues with Charlotte and completely ruin the moment.  Sigh.  The only thing consoling me right now is the fact that even Cristina and Burke only made it to the end of season 3, so we must be at least at the halfway point of this hell ride by now?  Of course, how much of that breakup was organic and how much was Homophobic McStranglehands is up for debate...crap.)

2. WHY.  Why is everyone continuing to have no problems whatsoever with the feelings Addison has for a married man with a pregnant wife?  Is there a special twist to it that I'm just not seeing?  He's married!  His wife is pregnant!  She has lost MULTIPLE babies in utero!  She's upset because her jackass husband, whom she still loves and needs, can't even be bothered to show up half the time she's in the hospital!  THAT IS NOT A THING YOU PURSUE.  SHUT IT DOWN. 

And really, nobody even needs the details in order to be disapproving.  Pete shouldn't find Addison's attempt to resist cheating amusing.  Neither should Nae be grinning and throwing suggestive looks her way upon hearing that Addie is making "house calls."  Anyway, I don't care if we found out this week that the marriage was "on the rocks" pre-pregnancy.  We also found out they've "been through hell together," and that is enough for me to demand that they try and make it work!  God, Noah's a jackass.  What is it about Addison that attracts these men to her like flies?  I think it's God's punishment for cheating on McDreamy.  God can be kind of a jerk about excessive long-term punishment.

But seriously.  SHUT THIS NONSENSE DOWN.

Also, I found this one screenshot inordinately amusing and full of interesting things to look at, so I decided to embellish it a little bit with handy captions, using my crude Paint skills:

(on second thought, I couldn't see the statues very well on my other computer, and what I assumed were pugs are now just confusing.  Pigs?  Dogs, maybe Jack Russell Terriers?  SOmething else?)

3. I don't know how this is possible, but I think I like Charlotte-the-BFF-of-Violet even less than I like Charlotte-the-Slutty-Corrupter-of-Cooper.  I really just...need her dump Cooper, move a few thousand miles away and maybe marry some other guy to further discourage him.  (I know this still isn't foolproof, but it might help.  Figure it draws less sympathy to her than her dying would)

4. On bright side, enjoyed Sam yelling at Dell to shape up and straighten his punk ass out immediately (I paraphrase).  Really nice of him to be almost fatherly right there, considering that not too long ago Dell was trying to steal his wife.  I would have used the opportunity to fire him instantly.  Really not liking sulky!petulant!Dell.

5. Also, Idina Menzel!  *hearts*  Now if only she wasn't playing the role of a mother with a young son creepily determined to make his favorite doctor his new stepdaddy...

6. In related note, Violet still v.v. pretty.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
soulwhispers
Mar. 31st, 2009 06:02 pm (UTC)
GA-
On the Owen/Cristina front I'm gonna go with yes. Tho I don't find him attractive, he does have pretty awesome eyes and after this episode I will say he can def do facial acting. He had that breaking hearts look going on multiple times when he was just too ashamed of himself to vocalize. Should mention Cristina was great too. Loved her letting Mer in, hugging him, laying in bed with Mer. I believe Shonda may have found a storyline I can enjoy without wanting to stab my eyes out.

Alex... fail
Elevator... yes

I read a quote from Katherine somewhere that said she didn't know what was going on with Izzie and that if the show wants her to stay she will. Cue my freakin eyes bulging out screaming no. What?! I thought she wanted to leave, I'm prepared for her to die. Do not make her stay. Arrgh.

PP-
1- 12 year olds having sex, karma inevitably getting her prego, no
2- Charlottes existence, no
3- Violet being disgusted with her (c), yes
4- Dell self destructing, no
5- Sam in court, Nae dating, yawn

Addison: "I'm not a cheater Pete, I'm not. I mean maybe that one time I did." WIN
rainbowstevie
Apr. 1st, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
Dear Katherine: The show wants you to leave. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Mer/Cristina (as friends), clearly, is the storyline we should devote more screentime to. It's wonderful and non-offensive, with much less divisive power than pretty much anything else.

It was pretty much the greatest thing in the world when Violet flayed Charlotte in insult without batting an eyelash. Heh.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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