Dear weather: you know what would be cool, is if you could quit randomly snowing overnight. Because, you see, we're not really set up for you anymore. The warm season has moved in. All you accomplish is melting throughout the day and ticking me off as you re-create all the puddles and mud that poor Mr. Sun has spent the better part of a week trying to finally dry up. Got it, weather? I trust we've come to an understanding.
Bones, 4x18, "The Doctor in the Den"
Zebras and elephants and tigers, oh my! I love how this show loves animals. Not quite as fervently as Pushing Daisies (R.I.P.), but considering how often they manage to work them in, I'm still impressed.
One thing detracting from this episode was that Cam spent way too much time whining and moping, and I just could not bring myself to care. I also didn't appreciate any Booth/Cam scenes because while I no longer hate Cam, part of why I don't is that I've tried very hard to scrub that ugly relationship out of my memory. Plus, here's me at the end --
"Yeah, I don't think Cam + Angry Teenager is the best combination, really."
"...but apparently it is schmaltzily perfect?"
OK, so they got to me a little bit when the girl ran upstairs to get her half of the interlocking piggy salt-and-pepper shakers, but I can't help feeling that's a pretty abrupt shift into something kinda huge. And that under normal circumstances, the girl would have stuck to her "screw you for abandoning me!" platform. But if it works...
However, thing #1 this episode has going for it is that the murder took place at a wildlife park, and the body was found half-eaten in a tiger pen. This allowed me to enjoy not only all kinds of awesome animal shots, but hear Booth rattling off facts, highly pleased with himself, from Parker's Big Book of Animals.
Thing #2 this thing has going for it is CLARK EDISON! Being delightfully snarky and glowering all over the place! *is in stitches* See, this is why he's technically my favorite. Wendell is perfect, but does not reduce me to howling laughter every single time he opens his mouth. Or even simply arches an eyebrow.
"Dr. Brennan assured me I could count on a strictly professional atmosphere." 5 seconds later, Angela is hitting on him and it turns out the victim is his boss's ex-fiance. Oh, Clark, how could you fall for their lies? Brennan can't guarantee something as demanding as professionalism in the workplace!
C: Animals shouldn't be confined for human entertainment.
Hodgins: Zoo hater?
C: And a vegan.
H: Ooh, someone's revealing their plant-based personal life!
Incidentally, I love how Clark just gets more perfect with every line. I mean, I don't hate zoos when they're designed to mimic natural habitats in eveyr way, but if that makes him an animal lover we're in business!
However, nothing, NOTHING was better than his parting shot, in which he waltzed in with his girlfriend to make a very specific point to Angela.
C: I would like you to meet my romantic partner, Dr. Nora Oldhouse.
A: Hello, romantic partner.
C: Yes, we're romantically involved. Together. She and I.
N: Clark, she heard you.
C: Nora? These are not like regular people. It is best to be very, very clear with them.
Oh, I can't stop there. *continues scene*
C: Nora's a tenured professor of women's studies at Georgetown. And a vegan.
A: Could you be any more politically correct? ...or cute?
C: See? You see what she just did there?! I mean, it's harassment, baby! (turns) Hey - we're in a monogamous relationship. I need you to back up off me, lady.
*howls with laughter*
And then..."oh, God!" It's like, as soon as Women's Studies Professor said "physiological repercussions," I knew where this conversation was going, but I couldn't stop it or look away from the train wreck. Hard to say who was more horrified at the words coming out of his girlfriend's mouth, me or Clark.
Dear Sam and Naomi on Private Practice: You see this, how Hodgins doesn't want to talk about who Angela finds sexy? And they weren't even married. This is how normal exes-turned-friends handle things. They are friends without having to share any (much less all of the) details of their sex lives. But that useful segment aside...
I still can't stand the sight of Angela and love it whenever she's dismissed off screen. In fact, I think they should go ahead and get rid of her entirely, then bring on both Wendell and Clark. That is my new dream. Make it happen.
And what, WHAT is this sudden insistence that Hodgins and Angela were about nothing but sex? (and you wonder why I don't want them to get back together) Do you remember how they met? Or that people generally don't propose if the only thing goes for them is sex?
Also, Angela needs to take remedial Sociology 101. Lesson the first on relationships, word for word: "sex is not the glue."
But you know what I do think? I think Angela should take a page from Belle du Jou's book and become a call girl. She could satisfy her demand for no-strings-attached relationships, and get paid to boot! Everybody wins!
However, I did really love her green dress + earrings in the one suspect's hypno-vision. I could break out Angela Martin's disapproving "green is whoreish" attitude, or I could just say that she gives Robin Scherbatzsky's St. Patrick's Day outfit a run for its money. She'd still lose because this neckline is too low and not spiffed up with a necklace, but still.
-"Questioning people isn't really my thing. Most of the time I just want to beat them until they tell me what I want to hear."
Hah! Cam and I think alike sometimes.
-Did NOT see the nurse as the murderer coming. No suspicions whatsoever in my head. Well played.
-Bones' hair was very bouncy and curly and pretty. I liked it. What I did not like was that...shirt-wrap-thing, that looked like two scraps of material tied together with belt buckles. Who thought that was a good idea?
Well, at least that started out being great, if you ignore how the red tribe lost twice in a row. Best challenges ever!!!
Reward: Build a barricade in your enemy's basic structure, and then form a chain to try and toss things through it until they can be stowed safely on a bench. But not just any things - breakable things! (it's sinful how much I love to watch stuff be wastefully shattered. It's so inexplicably satisfying!)
And not just any breakable things - CERAMIC PIGS. Solid, heavy ceramic statues in the shape of little piggies. It is the greatest thing ever. I want one as a souvenir for my mantle.
But mostly it is just fun to watch them toss pigs and then watch them shatter on the criss-cross barricades. Much more fun than watching them actually catch pigs, although it was nice to have Stephen at the end, carefully wrangling the piggies on the bench. And poor frustrated JT; I love how he beats himself up (sometimes literally!) when he messes up.
I couldn't watch the reward itself (a barbeque) because it just made my mouth water horribly for cheezburgers, which of course I never eat. Sometimes I think it is good that I lack both a car and the bravery to order things at fast-food restaurants. Otherwise I might wind up patronizing McDonald's a little too frequently.
Immunity: Further on my love of smashing ceramic things, they get to fire slingshots to break tiles! Which then spill forth sand! (Spilling stuff is almost as much fun as breaking it)
Alas, they had to introduce a stupid puzzle aspect to it, but we'll ignore that part. I do wish they'd let somebody other than JT take a turn at the slingshot, though. I mean, I'm sorry, but he wasn't really getting any better. At all. I understand that it might have wasted time getting the new person accustomed to the feel of firing, but I still think somebody should have demanded it.
And then my favorite tribe gets screwed over some MORE, and it's really quite terrible!
So all of a sudden, Tempura is outnumbering Jalapeno, and I'm not quite sure how that happened. My favorites are still safe, but it's getting worrisome. I mean, I love Taj, Stephen, and JT, with increasingly favorable feelings towards Erinn and possibly Debbie (I can't help it, something about her appeals to me). Coach amuses me enough to want him on the jury - I wonder if he'll try to forgive them for making a mistake in voting him out, because they sadly failed to realize how awesome he was? - but not to outlast any of my faves. Meanwhile, I cannot stand Joe, Tyson, or Sierra, and (not entirely based on next week's promos) I'm starting to distinctly find Brendan a bit of a jackass too.
I'm just upset that they voted out Sydney, who was actually really pretty and not in an airheaded bimbo way, over Joe, who is just UGLY AND LAME AND DULL. >.< I bet she was even better in challenges; she seems incredibly muscular, and certainly more graceful.
Up Next: Seriously, Brendan, if you screw over all my favorites at once, I will be...not happy in the slightest. If you ask me, we need to be voting out Tyson. He's dangerously calculating, and also, he's a jackass who doesn't deserve the money. But he's not a big enough jackass to be a safe bet in the final 3, like Coach. Nope, he's just a Richard Hatch brand.
In, er, "retrospect," I wish I'd forsaken Survivor and watched the retrospective for ER...I bounced over during commercials a few times, and the tantalizing glimpses I saw were really good. Maybe I can find it online somewhere. On second thought, it probably just would have depressed the hell out of me. I was already sufficiently breathless with anticipation and sick with nerves without any added emotional beating, so maybe it's good that I didn't
ER: The Series Finale
According to my unscientific calculations, I have determined that there were approximately 14 things right and 10 things wrong with this finale, which technically means it was a success. It's impossible to please everyone, and honestly if they'd just changed one thing I might have declared it perfect, but I'm grumpy and I hold a grudge. So I'll settle for "they did the series justice, and let it retire without committing any horrifying atrocities in the process."
-Things They Got Right
1. "No death, okay?" I pleaded at the very beginning. "Don't kill off any more doctors. BE LIKE EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!" And they delivered on that - no spectacular blowout at the end, but ending on an average day that reassures you this place will last forever. Or at least the foreseeable future. Even if they'd done everything else wrong, this ordinary ending would have been enough.
2. They reinstated the theme song! They did a special new version of the old credits with new characters/all former stars making a guest appearance incorporated in, and it was just amazing. I was really hoping they'd do that, but hardly thought they would.
3. Lots of patients. I can't even explain how refreshing it was to simply jump from case to case, rather than having to get bogged down in the Special Guest Star of the Week and learn all about their life story while they form an emotional and/or overinvolved bond with their doctor. We had some continuing patient storylines, and they tried to sucker us into the ironically-named Dr. Wise's patients, but mostly the patients were brand new and everything moved swiftly along. I think my favorite ones were the bride and new mother-in-law screaming at each other and playing verbal tug-of-war with the poor, bewildered groom.
4. HOORAY FOR THE RETURN OF FAMILIAR FACES. I loved every gorgeous detail about the opening of the Carter Center and all its amenities for the underprivileged, but none more so than the fact that old friends flew out to be there for the ceremony. Between Susan and Elizabeth, I was more than squealy enough to make up for the fact that Kerry came, or that Benton continues to plaster his unwelcome presence all over my show (dude, I can like and tolerate you in short bursts, but this is just way too much). Elizabeth and Susan! And just hearing Ella's name mentioned did my heart good.
5. RACHEL GREENE! (I love how she has hardly aged at all since we last saw her) I have always adored her, despite my incessant frustration with her stupid teenage rebellion, so it's nice to see that she's not only straightened up and sorted out her life in the most awesome manner possible (she went to freaking Duke?), but has even patched things up with her stepmother and apparently has a good relationship with her. This is even more exciting than her being a prospective med student! It was always so upsetting the way they were at each other's throats. Understandable, but upsetting, and I'm glad that's officially over.
Honestly, I'm pretty sure Rachel was my favorite part of the night, even beyond Susan or the fact that we got to see Reese all grown up into a (young) teenager. It probably helps that she's (around) my age, but...it was really cool to see her hanging around all the older doctors we've grown up with, almost an equal (despite them laughing at her prim and grown-up ordering of a drink). My eyes maybe even got a little misty at her delighted "You remember me!" when Carter went to find her. So much nicer than Carter's arrival at County. Everybody knows Rachel! Everybody adores Rachel!
Especially loved the nurses swooping in to steal her away and catch up on chatter and gossip with just the girls at the end of the night.
6. YIPPEE, one last Sarah scene! Kind of useless, just Tony demanding to know if she's ever played "I Never" (Sarah denies having done more than heard of other kids playing it; I'm no longer sure I believe her), and then giving her "if you ever feel like you're in trouble, call me to come get you no questions asked." The fact that she somewhat dubiously repeats "No questions asked?" makes me uneasy about her newfound tendencies to be a Stupid Teenage Statistic, but...you know what, what we're going to take away from this is Tony's reaction to the girl who drank herself into a coma, and his fierce parental love.
6. "Never could stand how he puts up with her. Tough as nails." I was all geared up for grumpiness, but then despite all the headdesky anvils, what Sam mostly took away from that scene was the impetus to call her mom. *snicker* I'm still so pleased that Tony/Sam got fobbed off with a mere Handhold O' Potential. I've been dreading their big reunion since January, and then it NEVER HAPPENED. WIN. (I mean, y'all can speculate, but I didn't have to see it. Best of both worlds!)
7. Which reminds me, also glorious: Ray & Neela never got their last kiss either. (BURN!) I was going to mention it 2 episodes ago, but I held off in case there was going to be follow-up in the penultimate. But there wasn't. Win #2!
8. When he wasn't making me whimper with envy for gooey-cheese pizza and doughtnuts, Morris was actually pretty amusing! Trying to end his shift for the third time, only to be sidelined yet again --
"No - no - get away from me or I'll hit you."
"I mean it, right in the face."
Also loved Banfield eyeballing him and telling him she'd schedule him for a coronary in about 3 years, if he kept eating like that. I wish this cute new Morris could have existed for more than four episodes. Maybe I'll like him better in reruns.
9. Speaking of which, I love that Banfield was very much confined to the background for this one - she might be in charge of the ER, but not for this night, and I'm glad we all respected that. And despite the lack of closure on her baby adoption, I guess we can and should assume it went through, so that's nice for her.
10. One more sight of Neela on webcam, getting to say hello to a few more faces, was worth it. :)
11. Got misty-eyed again as soon as the word "Joshua" passed Carter's lips. I will never tire of this. Never! In fact, as soon as this is over I'm headed to YouTube to see if I can round up clips from that amazing episode.
12. This is a random extra number for the little things that were probably good but I forgot, or which I unjustly combined into one number earlier.
13. The musical scoring in the last couple of minutes was really, really gorgeous.
14. "Multiple burn and blast victims" - darn, I would have liked to see how those stories turned out. But that's the best way to promise that these stories never end.
Even while the watery frog-eyed old man was crying over his dead wife of, what, 70+ years, I held off actually crying the whole darn two hours, and then I caved in the final five minutes and bawled like a baby because I so hate things being over. The shock just kind of hit and sank in all at once in a way that hasn't sucked since X-Files.
I mean, The O.C. was always my thing to mock and yell at, and most all of my other canceled shows have been shot out from under me in their youth; there was no time for anything but anger. This is a beloved show gently being carefully planned for and sent to greener pastures, which hasn't happened since X-Files and Ally McBeal retired together. (okay, I didn't *love* Ally, but I'd gotten attached to it in the last couple of years)
Anyway. In sum, yeah, I curled up and wept for an hour. Shut up, is allowed. Then I posted my angry rant of ranting and went to bed, emotionally drained.
Things They Got Wrong
1. Carter/Kem. Oh, Carter/Kem. That was mean and cruel and WRONG of you, show. *crawls into a corner and weeps*
I mean, I screamed with joy when she showed up. Even though I'd found out the day before that she was going to be there, I didn't believe it until I'd seen it. And then all I get is "It's hard for me to be here"? Oh, SHUT UP. And then she's flying away again in the morning. "The hell, are they one of those lame long-distance/constantly-traveling-separ
And it was not until the next day, reading reviews, that it dawned on me they were probably separated. And perhaps not so likely to reconcile. GOD, THAT IS LAME. Like, I know probably the only reason they got serious was because of surprise!pregnancy, and then they lost that baby and it sucked, but come on! WE HAD PARIS. THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF PARIS.
And I think what I hate the most is that his 6 AM phone call was probably supposed to be to her, and then at 4 AM he got distracted by a circus of incoming victims from a gas explosion, so...I'm guessing he didn't have time for that call. Which doesn't bode well.
*sulks in a corner* I don't want to talk about this any more.
2. Did not appreciate the whole awkward Elizabeth/Peter goodbye scene. Whatever semblance of a relationship they once had is something I have tried very hard to scrub out of my memory, as it was unpleasant and made no sense to me. They are just so...completely different. I avoided witnessing it whenever possible and I don't want to picture it any more. Why couldn't you just quietly ignore this storyline? Claim it was cut for time?
3. I love Alexis Bledel; she's absolutely gorgeous and enchanting, but I did not believe her as the new intern. It was just "Alexis Bledel in a special guest-starring role." I especially didn't like her coming to Simon for consoling and encouragement after she's not sure she can do this. Like, what? In what world is Simon qualified to give that sort of encouragement? He brought his original jackass side back at thev very beginning of this episode, sending Pratt's brother to give the student tour because he didn't feel like it. It's just who he is. A prick.
4. I also like the blonde woman whose name I have already forgotten - she's my second-favorite of the new interns I wish we'd had more time to get to know - but I'm still sad about the utter lack of Daria. :(
5. So, Carter, about how you spent 100% of the family fortune on your Center - it's nice, and I'm all for altruism & making your awesome grandmother proud, but there's also disrespecting your heritage. And I do not care how ill-gotten you think the family gains were, something in me rankles that a fortune once thought to last forever just...disappeared. I don't care how many people it helps, that bugs! It bugs!
6. HI, do we really need that much detail of a hemorrhage? Really? With the WATERFALL OF GUSHING BLOOD, flecked with I-don't-want-to-know, followed by a lengthy pan over the bloodsoaked floor? I mean, it's still less gross than needles, anything bad involving the eyes, throwing up and/or spitting blood and most of the other stuff on House, but it churned my stomach just a tad.
7. Speaking of horrible medical procedures, why would you show us Carter teaching Rachel how to put in an IV?? Most exquisite torture possible.
8. Tony-Alex bonding continues to be lame, and I resent the fact that he spent more time in the finale with that kid than his own adopted daughter. It's like, you know, I watched this when Tony was Luka and it was way more interesting.
9. Still no Jing-Mei. :(
10. Incidentally, I am highly aggravated that Benton and Carter managed to be about ten times cuddlier than Carter and Kem over the last few episodes. That is wrong on so many levels. Way to rub it in.
Final verdict: Farewell to old friends...let's raise a glass to the bitter end
Fine, it was good and it was worth it. I only wish I could endorse that statement whole-heartedly.
CSI: episode 200, "Mascara" (I still haven't quite figured out why they picked that title)
The 100th episode of this show, like most 100th episodes of shows, was terrible. What do we think will happen in the 200th?
"Mascara" opens with the credits inside a burning ring of fire, to a tribal drumbeat, and I already hate this director (this is saying something, as I am usually unaware of what distinguishes one director from another, or why in fact they're important at all).
Then I remember this episode is supposed to take place somewhere within the world of Mexican wrestling, which has got to be one of THE DUMBEST THINGS IN EXISTENCE. I mean, regular wrestling is bad enough. Regular pro wrestling is bad enough. Now imagine it with stupid-ass comic book masks on. And here once upon a time I thought "Los Luchadores" was just a bit of misguided tomfoolery on Fox Kids...
Besides, the teaser went on forever. I spent most of the first five minutes (five FULL minutes) fast-forwarding.
Those feelings of annoyance never really went away, partly since they insisted on constantly interspersing fight scenes with the main storyline. But for the most part, it was because the scoring drove me absolutely batty. I didn't know why at first; I could only tell that it was different from the usual fare and differed sounded wrong. But gradually the incessant drumming began to eat away at my brain until I was ready to scream. No wonder the Master went insane. I feel ready to take over the earth too.
I swear, the only thing that kept me watching the whole way through was because I wanted to find out what happened to Langston's student. The grainy flashbacks annoyed me at first, but they quickly became the only bearable part of the episode (I love how everyone else except Brass got, like, one scene apiece). It's quite nice to think of him as a professor.
(Although, it is not very professional to just ditch your job between semesters. Didn't he have classes lined up? Did they have someone able to cover those? Especially when another professor in the department apparently just "decided" to go on sabbatical with no more warning? These are the things I think about)
But I think it was worth it just to see him completely flip his lid at the end of the episode, which was all kinds of awesome. Unexpectedly destructive little Grissom-replacement, aren't you?
Which reminds me, the season finale of The Office is its 100th episode. Oh dear, I don't even want to know what evils they've got cooked up - for being such a nice little series, their finales are the scariest, cliff-hangiest things ever, never mind the Big 1-0-0 adding to the mayhem.
I'm suddenly feeling very calm and relieved about my decision to chuck it out the window after last week's debacle and not pick it up again until I'm good and ready...