In happier news, the weather this week is 100% perfect. 65-70 degrees, sunny, light breeze.
Also, this is really random, but I LOVE the guy in the Saturn commercial snarking about the competitors' promise to take your car back if you lose your job. "That sounds like the worst day ever! 'Honey, I'm home! Lost my job! Don't have a car! What's for dinner?" Oh, Saturn. No lie, your snark alone kinda makes me want to buy a car from you. If I were in a car-buying position.
As for the rest, apparently this is what I've been working on in that constantly-edited "TV LJ" Notepad document o' mine for the past few nights. I have got to pay more attention to how stuff piles up.
Cold Case: 6x20, "Stealing Home"
Part of me thinks I've seen all I need to know about wet foot/dry foot from CSI: Miami. The other part thinks BWA HAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SPORT EVER. *howls with laughter* Do they do this often, play cops vs. refugees in the surf, where the winners get asylum and the losers get arrested? Because that is a high-stakes game I would totally turn up for as a spectator on a regular basis.
Hey, if they're going to create a teaser that is utterly hilarious, intentionally or not, I'm going to laugh at it.
At least I got the killer right. Unless there was another family member I got confused, I pegged it as the relative from the moment he looked in awe and disbelief at how fully stocked the ball player's fridge was. Fact: homegrown jealousy about a peer rising from a poor situation where you did not is ALWAYS motive. (once in a great while, I learn from my crime shows)
I don't really know what was going on at the end there in Scotty's apartment, but I think there was supposed to be poignancy in him wearing a baseball uniform and also having an unopened bottle of champagne in the fridge? Mostly I was disappointed that we didn't get to witness this FD vs. PD softball match. Unless that's going to be continued later.
Speaking of which, welcome to subplot of the week! Otherwise known as the best part - Vera practicing some good old-fashioned sexism in his recruitment of softball team players, a move which I'm 89% sure was designed just to get a rise out of Kat. Totally worked.
V: You throw like a girl?
K: *glares daggers, doesn't miss a beat* You dance like a white guy?
Ahahaha! Oh, man. Much more of this old-married-couple snarking, and I am going to ship them for real. (no, not really.
V: OK, I'll put you down as an alternate. (to Lily) You throw like a girl?
L: Not so much.
V: Yu're the catcher..
K: *continues glaring @ Vera* You're riding bitch with me all the way to Union City.
AND! On Vera swiinging a baseball bat around, recklessly, indoors:
Jeffries: There he goes again, disrespecting the furnishings.
*drapes self over desk, laughing*
House, 5x21, "Saviors"
Protestors suck. It doesn't matter what or why they are protesting, including animal experimentation; they are always aggravating, full-of-themselves little twits I want to knock in the head with a hammer (4 years of being surrounded by whiny, protest-happy college students has firmly implanted this disdain). I do not take kindly to people being deliberately obnoxious and making a scene. True story, those commercials where people stand around and harass "Big Tobacco" tempt me to take up smoking out of spite.
This guy will be no exception, as he utters stupid things like demanding of his wife what makes their son matter more than any/every other child. Um, because HE'S YOURS. Screw your hippie planet-loving philosophies; when you become a parent, you get to be biased in their favor for irrational reasons! How come this patient couldn't die?
So, ignoring the rest of that nonsense...WHEE, the Magical Off-Screen Relationship of Chameron made it to the cameras this week! Mostly in aggravating ways, because that is all Cameron knows how to be and so I spent the whole time asking myself why and how the hell Chase puts up with her, but still. For whatever reason, he does, and it is pure joy to watch him admirably bite his tongue and grin and bear it while she jerks him around for a while, then finally puts his foot down and gives her a wake-up call of a breakup. This seems to cause him physical pain, which only makes him more endearing.
I certainly can't complain about the ending, because even though it was lame and stupid and her request for him to propose should not have worked...since it did, I find I can't really argue with him eventually getting down on one knee. (Me: *EXPLODES WITH JOY AND SQUEALING*)
Because even though this will obviously end in some horrible manner, not least because I can't get Jesse Spencer's mean words out of my head about how he'd walk if the characters ever got married...well, it made me squeal with joy and remember why actually, nowadays they're far more exciting than the notion of House/Cuddy.
(Actually, I am beginning to think I only ship H/C on principle. I make public declarations of support and occasional squee, but ultimately the spark in my heart just ain't there. So I don't even have words for her "Are you in love with House???" questioning, and am instead going to focus on how she reassured Chase that Cameron loved him.)
And finally, oh, joys of House/Wilson! Screwing with House to make him feel better (not like that); that's adorable. Especially if it affords us more of House + piano + harmonica.
Next week: Nooooooooo don't make me go back to Cutthroat Bitch! I hate CTB! You died, you DIED; GET OUT!!
How I Met Your Mother, 4x20, "Mosbius Designs"
Robin: "OK, first of all, nobody goes to libraries anymore..."
AND SHE IS DEAD TO ME. AGAIN.
Otherwise...how, how, how is it possible for one single show to proivde this much enjoyment?? Clearly, it can never end. I've almost never rewatched an episode past thvery time I see I new one it is sheer joy and delight! Nonstop laughter and little hearts shining in my eyes, etc etc!
Oh, Barney. My poor little heartstrings are under his control, and he twists them in his grasp with every internal and external display of agony over Robin. Even in the previews I perked right up over his reaction to Robin sleeping with Ted's assistant, but nothing prepared me for the glory of "Instead, you hire a cute assistant that ROBIN can sleep with, and of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted, look at her, she's the greatest woman on the PLANET I'm getting off topic; you're an IDIOT!" Even Robin isn't clueless enough to completely ignore this outburst - that gave her pause, right?
I don't even know how to express my delight with Marshall also knowing that he loves Robin (which makes me really love his whole "it hurts you how?" conversation at the bar), and being really supportive of it, and the reveal that he and Lily purposely sit on the same side of the table so that they'll have to sit next to each other! To quote Barney, "Awww, that's so sweet!"
And! "I don't LOVE her, okay. I just...miss her when she's not around, I think about her all the time, and I imagine us one day running towards in each other in slow motion and I'm wearing a brown suede vest."
Ohhhh, that's even sweeter. *treasures fondly* Although, much as I love that statement, the fact that it starts out so singsong as to resemble a Dr. Seuss book throws me off every time I play it. I keep expecting the rest of the sentence to end up turning into a lovesick poem with Green Eggs & Ham beat pattern (Iambic quatrameter, if you will).
Speaking of the bar counter scene, I burst out laughing every time I hear Barney's delivery of "I LOVE...Ted. Havin' ssssex with women!"
Furthermore, Marshall's attempt to be Sports Guy in imitation of all those other gimmicky guys at work (TOY GUY!! Toy Guy is freaking awesome; every office should clearly have one of those), having several minor meltdowns along the way but ultimately coming up with a solution that benefits everyone, was hysterical. Even the stuff I'm not strictly fond of, i.e. Ted and/or Robin (or lately, Marshall being over-the-top-stupid), is funny and makes me laugh in the moment. (Mosbius Designs! PJ being the Keeper of the Bathroom Key! Robin apparently having secret fetishes I don't want to know about!)
Finally, best maternity-leave exit ever: "And we didn't see Lily again for four weeks." (I love how after that they didn't even bother trying to hide Colbie's bump)
I'm a little bit afraid to google the peanut butter joke, because I'm desperately curious but I assume that if there is an answer, it will be horrifying. There definitely is a difference between boy-funny and girl-funny (although my definition of boy-funny can be described as EVERY SETH ROGAN/JUDD APATOW MOVIE EVER).
[*10 minutes after getting on the internet* I googled it, and...that's it? Really? That's weird, but it's not even vaguely amusing. As in, it is the most boring punchline ever - I can't even bring myself to be offended by it, it's so blah.
Medium, 5x09, "Then...And Again"
Um, so that was an episode to blow all the rest so far out of the water. Not exactly in need of a "to be continued" at the end of last episode - a simple "previously on" mentioning Ariel's ski trip would have sufficed - but nevertheless. Even though it was only part of Allison's dream, and the real trip involved stony silence, I still really liked the shouting match between Joe and Ariel on the way home. Besides Ariel seriously impressing me with her set of vocal chords, it further reminded me that I'm closest to her age - I guarantee you I'd have been screaming in outrage too, and I can even understand her theory that if she ran off on the trip, maybe her parents wouldn't know where to go and/or would just wait to hand her an epic punishment when she returned, but at least the trip would be worth it.
Not that this prevented me in any way from enjoying Joe's sarcastic shouting of how, I don't know, maybe he knows better because he's a little older, wiser, and more experienced. I'm just saying.
But on to the real fun of the story - Marie's birthday, dream-sequence-version (we're having dreams within dreams this week; it's highly amusing). Not only did we get all three kids at breakfast, including Marie being extra adorable, as usual, sweetly chirping "Who broke me?" when Bridget insists she's short because she got broken as a baby, but more importantly we had the first actual instance of this show causing my ovaries to explode. Because, um, Joe cuddling Marie in his lap while explaining that story is the most adorable thing I have ever seen.
"Nobody broke you! Mommy was in a car accident - and technically, you were too, because you were just a little baby in Mommy's belly. But nothing happened to you, nothing happened to anyone. . . .She was driving through an intersection and then a car ran through a red light - actually, it wasn't a car; it was a plumber's van, a Klog King van."
"And it broke me??"
"No, sweetie, you were fine! Of course we were worried about you, but you turned out fine. You weren't broken, you were a perfect little baby. And now you're a perfect little 5-year-old girl."
Oh my goodness, I am so enchanted by said little 5-year-old girl's giggling that I don't know what to do with myslef.
Then, in addition to the tantalizingly-offered scenario of "Without this dream, Allison would have been shot and killed this morning," we get to go back to that morning of the car accident 5 years ago and see for ourselves the utter terror written all over Joe's face when he comes rushing to the hospital in fear for her and/r the baby's safety. Plus his continued distress while driving her home. :D
In addition, TPTB makes excellent musical choices to subtly underscore the fact that it's 2004, having Dido's "White Flag" and Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved," which are only two of my favorite songs ever, playing on the radio in the car. *loves TPTB* (This almost makes for Viva la Vida) That was one of my favorite parts of the night.
Otherwise the flashback was a little blah; it's sad not having Joe believe in her abilities and just headdesky dealing with Devalos and Scanlon considering that they're skeptical of her accuracy even now - never mind when she's just a crazy lady.
Aaaand, back to present day, where Allison is giving the most annoyingly pedantic and frankly idiotic sermon to her still-angry teenager. It's all about time and how you can't get it back so you should be grateful for what you've got and not waste time you could be happy by being angry, and it was...super-irritating, under the circumstances. If I were Ariel, I might have still kept my mouth shut but my whole thought process would have been "Shut UP, Mother! God! I hate you; I don't want to sit here being happy! I AM PERFECTLY SATISFIED ENJOYING AND SAVORING MY ANGER AT YOU, THANKS VERY MUCH."
And finally, we get the disappointingly brief glimpse of Marie's real party, crammed into the last minute. Which was still adorable, but...you know. I could have shaved off a few seconds of her "what year is it?" conversation with Mr. Klog King and devoted it to the birthday celebrations. But, eh, I guess I can't complain too much since in addition to Marie being ADORABLE I got cute bits between Ariel and her dad slipped in there too.
CSI: Miami, 7x21, "Chip/Tuck"
I grant you that the promo-spoiled moment of Ron slowly pivoting in his chair to display one of the freakiest evil-clown smiles ever did its job, but still, this episode mostly felt like a tired mess of recycled plot devices. Look, there's Ron, the only person to ever survive one of Horatio's shooting - he''s back; still evil and twice and crazy. Oh, look, senstional plastic surgery gone horribly wrong! Look at our mess of Hey, It's That Guy guest stars! Here, remember how Kyle got a full-time job in the morgue despite being 17 and in high school? And hey, there's ole Julia, having an up cycle in her never ending successful/disaster roller coaster ride of a life.
And look, Horatio and Stetler are even pretending to jockey for position again when they clearly just want to make out. (although, back in the land of reality, I do like how Stetler just sighs when he sees him coming and puts his head down to deal with what he knows are going to be Horatio's childish and petty demands. Even though turning Ron into an informant is probably the dumbest idea anyone has ever had in the history of choosing informants, Horatio still comes across as irrational and vindictive)
Sigh. At least this is is a Miami I'm familiar with - sucking all the way.
I do have to admit that not being taken down by one of Horatio's bullets may be one of the greatest feats ever accomplished on this show. They really should have directed more applause, pomp and circumstance his way. I mean sure, he'll probably be dead again by the finale, but still.
I'm still weirded out by Tara training in Newbie Caine. I mean, obviously she has to be competent in her job or she wouldn't be here, but she's so young that when I see her teaching him it's like the blind leading the blind.
Dave The A/V Guy is my favorite lab tech ever, vanquishing Valera's long-term hold on the position.
Of course Julia "survived the attack"! That was like the wimpiest attack ever! I couldn't even tell what was supposed to be happening; she has two teensy little scratches on her hand and face. It didn't even blind or disfigure her, which was what I assumed was the intended purpose since it clearly wasn't violent enough to kill.
Did anyone else find it highly ironic when Eric claimed that Ryan had been "watching too many sci-fi movies" when he described that particular piece of plastic surgery technology? Dude, you have a Minority Report computer RIGHT THERE.
Without a Trace, 7x20, "Hard Landing"
Six basic things made this otherwise-mediocre episode about a missing pilot with a guest-star-father-I'm-still-not-sure-why-I-w
a) Samantha's return to work FTW. I cannot lie, it cracks me up that Elena steamrollers over this fact all giddy with her own news: "OMG YOU'RE BACK LOOKIT WHAT DANNY GAVE ME!" But, you know, I can't really blame her for being excited, and she did at least give her a hug first. Besides, this is what we call "shipper fanservice." Because of course Danny had his grandmother's ring. It wasn't sufficiently storybook-romance without that. ;)
I <3 THIS SHIP.
I don't love how buzzkill!Martin shuts down the girly chatter in, like, five seconds flat to redirect their efforts to the case. Dude, just because your girlfriend's a little felon...
b) Oh, SHOW. Martin/Kim will forever and ever hold a special place in my heart, and therefore I squee at your willingness to indulge in copious amounts of adorable at-home time with the couple, squeezing as much from the relationship as you possibly can from its deliberately short life. One more cute morning complete with kissy-face; one sweet, albeit wistful, flashback of a breakfast conversation about traveling and getting lost - or getting lost together. Eeeeh! You can't possibly tell me your heart isn't warmed by the little stars in his eyes.
c) Combining the above two, we have Danny's happy surprise at Elena catching him in the hall, which quickly turns to concern over the warning bells going off at her inability to find Martin, which sends him off in Best Friend Mode. Oh, I like this. Poor Martin, all alone in the Interrogation Room of Woe, contemplating the unhappy truths now staring him in the face.
d) And then of course things end up in a 3-way gun faceoff (poor, unhinged Marty-Boy! Although, hee on "This is getting to be a habit"), and of course she panics in a trigger-happy way and of course Martin is the one that shoots her before she can. But only in the shoulder, and then I don't know whether to flail or just weep when he's also the one that picks her up and carries her back to the car. "I'm not gonna leave you lying here on the floor." *weeps* Stupid inconvenient circumstances. They could have been very happy together, and I choose to preserve my illusions that it wasn't all a lie; she really did care about him.
And I wanted more to that scene, darn it. Just a few seconds more? Maybe we could have stolen the time from the boring-ass conversation between Jack and the MP's dad and whatever dull stories they had to share about fatherhood?
e) I am pretty sure that Jack wasn't even in the first half of the episode. Do you know how incredible that was? And everything was so smooth, too. It was like CSI is now, but imagine that Riley was someone cool and in a relationship instead of annoying. The team dynamics were that flawless.
f) Brian is going to be staying with Samantha while he recuperates. WIIIIIIN! And of course, Jack's response is pretty much to sit there like a lump and react with facial expressions and grunts that more or less seem to convey him passing judgment without actually saying he disapproves. It's emotionally manipulative crap and I dislike it intensely!
He sort of, barely, undoes this attitude with his last quippy sentence, but I'm choosing to ignore this. Besides, Jack should be worried and jealous, because I'm going to be loudly advocating that Samantha dump his ass for her baby daddy until the end of time.
Lost, 5x13, "Some Like it Hoth"
Punk!Miles' ultra-spiky hair and facial piercings made me bawl with laughter, a whole bunch. Also, writing the script for Empire Strikes Back and sending it to George Lucas IS the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Miles is right about that (although Hurley is right when he says that"You''re just jealous my powers are better than yours.") That's all I got for this storyline, because apparently Miles flashbacks suck more than Jack's, Sun's, and Hurley's combined.
P.S. Dear Miles, DON'T HOLD BABY YOU. Otherwise time will rip itself apart and black dragon/bug things will destroy everything in existence. You + baby you = bad stuff. Honestly, don't you watch Doctor Who?
As for the only things that were mildly interesting about this episode, I still feel sorry for Jack the Janitor (despite my weird moment of nostalgic 'oh, I miss my cleaning job!' feelings), and Juliet is the most impressive liar ever - the way she turns on sincerity still blows my mind; I'm watching her lie outright and I still feel sorry for her and believe she has no idea what happened to Ben. She should teach Kate how that works, because the latter is TERRIBLE at truth concealment. How did she ever avoid the law as long as she did?
I'm also pretty sure I'm not the only one who thought Sawyer punching out the squirrelly guy was just a little bit hot, eh Juliet?
CSI: NY, 5x21, "Past, Present, and Murder"
ALERT ALERT ALERT! Kristine Huntley wrote a review without mentioning Lindsay's name! (okay, one veiled snark about the baby, but still)
I started wandering away from this in the latter half, and by the last ten minutes I could barely be arsed to keep an ear on it while I surfed the internet instead. Look, I normally like Mac under all circumstances - or think I do - but even I get burned out and sick of his attitude when he spends the ENTIRE DAMN EPISODE being unnecessarily aggressive and hostile. It burns me up inside that things went even a little bit according to his gut feeling, because I had made up my mind to trust Dunbrook just to spite him.
Besides, when you put the two side by side, Dunbrook actually did come out looking far more credible, while Mac was just an unhinged master of the vendetta. Work on that image, Taylor. Because bad guy or not, I'm still convinced there is truth in the former's statement that "You just don't like anyone who has more power than you." Even if it's not because he's power-hungry, he does resent anyone who won't let him do exactly what he wants (or as he puts it, "what needs to be done," because only Mac knows the best way to do things).
And am I the only one who thinks Sinclair just looks kind of sad and tame nowadays without Gerard? It's like losing Siskel. If Siskel and Ebert were embodiments of bureaucratic evil. Sinclair's just so dull now that he's not in an incessant bulldogging contest with everyone's favorite Marine.
In short, *SNORE*. Although I was highly fond of the cute little trash bag art polar bear, and think it should become a nationwide Thing. And hey, at least now we know where the Secret Flash Drive of Hell and Damnation is - conveniently fallen through the grate and lost to the city's underbelly. I'm glad they let the audience in on that little secret, although it would have been more interesting if it had gone into the sewer instead of the subway station where some idiot/smart evil bad guy is obviously going to find it again.