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Lost in Austen, part 4/4

 *giggles and claps delightedly*  Wow, that was a rough 39 minutes, but then they pulled it off at the end.  And I think...that I will just preserve my running commentary, for amusement purposes, because clearly it's been a week and I can't synthesize my feelings worth crap.


1. Darcy/Caroline makes my stomach churn [a/n: I'm glad that nonsense was dispensed with quickly.]

2. "How dare you sneer at my daughters when it is you, YOU who has infected them!"
ANGRY MRS. BENNET!  I like her this way.  I mean, she was sweet when she felt like a horrible mother and was weeping all over the place, but she's so much more awesome when she's ranting.  Preferably at Amanda.  The poor woman needs SOME power, after all.  She can't devote her entire life to primping and prepping Kitty, can she?

And there she goes, flailing about shoes and bonnets.  Hehe.

3. Darcy's sort of...impressively growly when he seethes "WHAT?!" in disbelief at Bingley's book-Wickham-like actions.

4. Wow, there really are worse Collins brothers.  Perhaps Charlotte dodged a bullet there...except, I feel kind of sad that they just wrote her off to Africa in part 2 and never revisited the subject.  Like, COME ON.  Why couldn't they have sent Charlotte through the London door to be with Elizabeth?  That would have been a perfect match!  She could finally have experienced true love, and it would have been all the more wondrous because she'd taught herself not to believe in or expect it!

5. Screw you, TPTB.  Screw you and your made-up perfect fantasy Wickham!  THIS IS A LIE.  You even have the brassy balls to MENTION that Jane Austen is spinning in her grave?  (I like to believe that Miss Austen is a Very Srs and Disapproving woman, or at the very least as protective of her characters as Jo "no explicit fanfic" Rowling)

6. "You brought my daughter here, alone.  To spend the night with you, alone. Tell me, sir, what species of EXPERIMENT is that?"
(This is the part where I take a time out to revel in all the joys of  what Bingley/Lydia might have been.  Imagine if his propriety went out the window with his sobriety after all!  (gasp!  This is my favorite, if only because her sobbing run towards Mrs. Bennet makes such a convenient visual aid)  Or if Lydia had insisted on solving her boredom the way traditional 21st century teenagers did!  Or if he did legitimately marry her in a fit of mad and impulsive decision-making!  I'm sorry, I'm still really fond of the idea of these two.)

Poor Mr. Bingley looks so alarmed at this insinuation, though, I can't help but feel sorry for him.


7. "Miss Lydia and I came yesterday, and have spent our hours philosophizing.  Although her father would have it we've been making the beast with two backs."  BINGLEY!  YOU UTTER SUCH VULGAR THINGS IN THE PRESENCE OF LADIES!



8. A duel, I say!  *clap-clap* -- WHOA, THAT IS A LOT OF BLOOD, NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

And, wait, Doctors don't do stitches in the 18th century?  Seriously?  Surely people had realized the value of closing gaping wounds in a permanent-type fashion by the 18th century.  Stitches just seem...logical. 

9. NOOOOOOO not the real world; I never want to see that place again!  BOO LONDON.

10.  HOW THE HELL DID DARCY GET HERE.  (also, wrong!  This looks very wrong!)

11. Awwwwww.  Poor man looks so small and scared and overwhelmed by Modern London.  He's no longer dark and scary at all.  *pats* 


12. "A fellow less pigheaded would have realized from the start that what I felt for you was -- what I felt for you was love.  I love you.  I have followed you to this -- infernal place because I would follow you anywhere.  I would harrow hell to be with you."
*squeals and makes flaily noises*  I repeat my previous statement: I don't care how Mary Sue Land this looks on paper; on film IT IS GLORIOUS.  Besides, this makes me adore them.  To ridiculous levels.  Eeeeeeeeeeeh! 


13. LOOK.  ELIZABETH IS LAME AND HAS BOY HAIR.  CLEARLY SHE DOES NOT DESERVE LIFE BACK HOME.

14. (And then, the more I watch Elizabeth bustle about in her ugly boy clothes and modern lifestyle, delighting in her new world, I just keep yelling) "LAME.  THIS IS SO LAME.  ELIZABETH IS STUPID AND IRRITATING AND I AM REWRITING THE BOOK IN MY HEAD WITH AMANDA RIGHT NOW."

15. "What is this curious person?  Is it some sort of village idiot?" BWAHAHA DARCY FTW.

16. Ohhhh.  *squeals quietly*  No matter what happens, she got her kiss and my broken heart is melting and running all over the place at the sweetness of this scene.  She's like Princess Charmante, except without a response. 
kissing

17. She thinks of it as her duty??  LIZZIE'S MARRIAGE WITH DARCY WILL CLEARLY BE JOYLESS, COME ON.  This isn't the book anymore!  She is altered!  By what she has seen!

18. Annual picking of a dogrose as their only reminder that they are in love?  MAN.  THIS IS LAME TOO.  SNEAK OUT AT MIDNIGHT AND HAVE ILLICIT TRYSTS IN THE  GARDEN NEXT TO THE DOGROSES OR SOMETHING.  (Seriously, I am like this freaking close to reading fanfic porn just to counteract the horrible levels of UST.)

19. Wahhhhhhhh, sad kiss!  They're too pretty to cry and be all miserable like this!  [Although, in general, I really really really love this scene because they freaking gorgeous together]


20. *faints dead away at joy over Mrs. Bennet's furious tirade towards Catherine de Bourgh + Jane snotting at Mr. Collins*

21. BOOYAH.  See, I know what I'm talking about sometimes!  Lack of consummation = possibilty for invalidated marriage!

22. Noooo, this is upsetting!  Amanda belongs here!  DON'T GO BACK, AMANDA!  RESIIIIIIIIST!  Elizabeth stands up to Catherine de Bourgh!  You're so much better than Elizabeth!

23. Minor squeal for Caroline/Wickham having a chance at happening anyway.

24. *EXPLODES WITH JOY*  Bingley, you are my favoritest character in this whole cracked-up adaptation!!!!!!!

"Oh, truly Miss Price, you understand nothing!  I could never be with Charles!"
"Why not?"



[That right there is the best line in the entire miniseries.  This is the best scene in the history of P&P adaptations.  I'm hypnotized by this hug - the full-size shot from father back is my new desktop picture, with all the pretty scenery in the background - and cannot stop flailing.  Except for the part where he plans to take her to America, which...really?  I AM NOT DOWN WITH THAT.  You can't just go splitting up the best foursome in Austen history and putting an ocean between them!!  Please tell me that this are just really elaborate metaphors from John Donne going over my head.]

25. LOOK.  Darcy is CLEARLY STILL IN LOVE WITH AMANDA and Elizabeth is a LAME, LAME, LOSER OF A MODERN WOMAN.  They are not one of the greatest love stories of all time right now, and do you know why?  Because they have NONE OF THE EXPERIENCES that give them an opportunity to fall in love with each other.  Amanda got them instead.  That is why this doesn't work!
 
26. *sings out* Laaaaaaaaaaame!  That is so lame!  This is your fanfic adapation, dudes!  END IT HOWEVER YOU WANT.  OR HOW I WANT.

27. *strangles self*  "I can learn to love him"!  This is so stupid!  This is the stupidest lamest thing ever, ever!  Woe is me!  I can never read this book again because I will just want to HIT LIZZIE IN THE FACE WITH IT AT EVERY TURN.  You stupid, useless, gender-role-pushing brat!  I don't care if that's why Darcy eventually loves you!  DARCY/ME AMANDA FOREVER!

28. *2 minutes later*
Never mind!!  Never mind, MR. BENNET WINS AT LIFE.  ALSO:

29. *evil laughter* MUA HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!  FANFIC WINS OUT.  Heeeeeeee!  Wahahahaha!  Oh, man, I am ridiculously vindicated by this character kissing as few such couples have ever inspired!! (insert flailing) I don't even know!  I can't look directly at it; it makes me a little cringey but THE SENTIMENTS, they're like fireworks and exploding and WHY DO BIRDS, SUDDENLY APPEAR?

*collapses in happy exhaustion*

30. And then I flipped through Pride and Prejudice for nostalgic purposes and was quite content with it after all, because Book Elizabeth is not a flouncy boy-haired ninny.
31. Er, I meant to write nanny, but then the mistake seemed suitable as-was.

===============
...I MAY ACTUALLY KILL LJ.  I had entire, wonderfully long review written up for Survivor, plus half of Bones, and then I accidentally hit one of the stupid "more ways to post!" links on the damn sidebar.  Tried to hit the back button to cancel the page direction, but was a split second too late and made things worse: the "restore from saved draft" option restored the same draft I'd opened before I started writing about Survivor.  The one I already had saved in Notepad anyway.  

*seethes and kicks post out before stomping away from the internet*

Edit: Although, while I'm here...I forgot that I'd already written something to say about The Office this week.  Is too late to edit the other post, so I think I'll just tack it on here, since it fits with the mood:

"I popped into The Office for about 30 seconds this week.  Despite my brief satisfaction with the state of Jim/Pam, I'm back to wanting to kill her.  Male angst would be a highly convenient purpose.  I have a whole plan worked out: Pam can pick up Ryan on the way to work, and they'll get into a horrible car accident, which kills him instantly and sends her to the hospital with fatal injuries.  Eventually, Jim and Kelly will find comfort in each other.  EVERYBODY WINS.  Namely me."

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