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Rantview

"A Season for Peaches"

I may have overused the phrase "way to [insert quality here]" in this rantview, but I felt it was warranted.  Overall, this ended up being one of my favorite episodes this season, despite the minimal Seth/Summer screentime.  I was hardly bored or angry at all, and the characters kept coming to the realizations I've been talking about for weeks on end, so...yeah.  Things are looking up.

1.          Taylor’s got The Perfect Present!  What, you mean even better than slutty lingerie?

2.          Oh, I see.  She made a scrapbook about their relationship.  Grudgingly, I admit that that is pretty incredible, and I wish I had a significant other who would make me presents like that.  She has an amazing amount of material considering how short a time they’ve been dating.  By the way, add that scrapbook to the list of TV show props that I want for my birthday.

3.          And for once, when Taylor wonders if it’s “too much” (saving the hospital ID bracelets), I have to agree with Ryan – no, it’s not, it is just plain awesome.  GREAT item for a scrapbook; they’re so much better when they’re multimedia!  I had this school project once where you had to present a biography of a historical figure by, yes, making a scrapbook about their life.  Multimedia was greatly encouraged.  The results were amazingly creative and great fun to share in class.

4.          A Season for Peaches. Again, this is a plot point I’ve known about for a while, but it never really shocked me.  Clearly Henri is a scuzzbag; it’s not like any UPSTANDING guy would marry a poor twitterpated American girl he’d just met. I simply want to know how the guy was able to write, edit and publish a novel, much less turn it into a bestseller and get it translated, in less than a year’s time.  I’m guessing the guy’s no Peter Mayle, so what gives?

5.          Way to announce that you’re the girl from the porno romance novel.  To a guy.  I don’t believe any guy wouldn’t do a double take if he heard that.  And possibly try to exploit this fact.

6.          You know how I’m always yelling at TV characters to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because LIES ARE HURTFUL?  Well, so is oversharing.  And I think it would have been better if Taylor had just kept her mouth shut and not even mentioned the book.  Ryan doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who reads books like that.  But now that she’s piqued his curiosity…

7.          Dear Josh Schwartz: You know, you could make a ridiculous killing if you got somebody to actually write that novel and published it.  Seriously.  Millions.  Even I’d buy it, out of sheer curiosity.  Also because I like it when shows create tie-in products.

8.          “It’s already been banned in Texas.” Does our country really still censor books?  I didn’t know entire states could ban books from being sold therein. 

9.          Bullet Gordon > Spencer.  By about a thousand times.  WHY are you still running the damn prostitution ring?!

10.      Kirsten is NOT coffee-girl.  She has a brain.  She knows how to use it.  Or maybe not, since she’s letting Julie push her around/walk all over her.

11.      Taylor: So living with me and the story of my divorce has taught you nothing.

Summer: No offense, but you married some French dude you knew for like 9 seconds.

I’m in shock.  I just had TWO characters finally not only realize, but voice the things I’ve been ranting about for weeks.  Are the people in this town actually getting smarter?

12.      Question: has Holly even been on the show since season 1?  Why all the sudden interest in this girl again?

13.      S: You know, I’m reading that [book].  This is dirty.

T (super indignant): Excuse me, this girl just has a healthy sex drive!

S: Yeah, for a hooker.

HAHAHAHA!!  I love Summer so much right now.

14.      Ryan, there are a lot of perverts in the world.  Who are getting off on this book.  It is probably not a good idea to blab that it’s based on a real person, or that you know her.  Perverts will track her down.  I promise.

15.      I bet this is the first time Kaitlin has ever actually studied.

16.      The TWoP recapper seems to have a real problem with Chris Brown’s speech patterns, but I’m just not hearing it.  She claims he mumbles and says things like “aksin’ me out?” but really, I keep thinking to myself how nice it is to see an intelligent and well-spoken black male teenager.  We didn’t have any of those in my high school classes. Other than Hmong, there wasn’t a lot of diversity in my school to begin with, but there wasn’t any in my honors classes.

17.      I choked on my salad when Clown Boy called Hot Smart Will a dork.  In my neck of the woods, you’re far more likely to be a dork if you DO play water polo.

18.      You know, while I’m sure it IS the ambition of many of these rich girls to get married and do nothing all day, I would have thought they’d want to party it up in their college years first.  Sleep in, hang out with friends, have no responsibilities, get well acquainted with alcohol and attend classes in their spare time.  Then again, seeing their high school experience…

19.      I do not understand this propensity for girls calling each other “bitch” as a term of affection anymore than I understand black people using “nigga.”  It’s really gross, and turns my stomach.

20.      I love Summer for gently but swiftly removing Holly’s hands from the poor bunny’s ears.

21.      Henri-Michel looks just as scuzzy and gross as I imagined. 

22.      TWoP RECAP HILARITY:

I'm surprised Ryan didn't mention . . . the overall impression he got from Henri-Michel that if a German guy challenged him to a fight, Henri-Michel would curl up in a fetal position and surrender. And then a British and an American guy would fight the German guy for him and win, but Henri-Michel would still think he was better than the British and the American guy and not be at all grateful for their help.

23.      You know what?  This is actually not how I wanted the Ryan/Taylor thing to blow up.  Sure, I wanted it to be destroyed, but…this is kind of cruel.

24.      Seattle: A hahahahaha…two of the extras in the background vaguely resemble George and Meredith.

25.      However, there is a big fat sign in the background clearly reading Washington Mercy Hospital.  So apparently Dr. Roberts works at some other Seattle hospital with a short sassy lady who bosses people around in her quirky place of business.

26.      Heeheeehee!  I love how Seth cringes like Dr. Roberts is going to strangle him rather than just answer the ringing phone.

27.      “A man has been impaled by what appears to be a unicorn.”  Now that would make for a cool Grey’s episode.

28.      Yay!  Kirsten grew a backbone!  Way to steal Julie’s phone.  :D

29.      Summer could never be a Newpsywed.  (who look suspiciously like the Stepford Wives) She sticks out too much, what with her dark hair and her *gasp* bunny instead of a small dog in the handbag!

30.      The way the Yorkie has been eyeing that rabbit, it’s only a matter of time before he busts out of the bag and sets on it with his teeth.  Never mind that the bunny is bigger.

31.      And having learned nothing from Marissa or Kirsten, Summer proceeds to ply her problems with alcohol.

32.      Kaitlin is watching Cops.  Oh dear.  I’m with Will on this one.  You know what I’d rather watch than Cops?  Anything, including Armed and Famous.  Way to be trailer trash, Kaitlin. 

33.      I am hurt on Will’s behalf when he asks, “Why did you say this wasn’t a date?” Be nice to the intellectual boy!

34.      …oh my God.  Kaitlin is 100% serious when she offers Will a joint.  Please!  The casual way she said it is the same way I’ve been laughing at since I went through the DARE program.  Laughing at the idea that anyone would actually take a person up on the offer, that is.  Way to reinforce your trailer trash image, Kaitlin.  Will deserves a medal for walking out! 

35.      Yeah, I know a lot of people think marijuana isn’t harmful and should be legalized and all that crap, but I’m not one of them.  Only idiots smoke weed.  If you are a smart person who smokes weed (and to my disappointment, I found out after the fact that many of my smart classmates did), my respect for you goes flying out the window.  I will not defend my reasons.  Adults said it was bad.  Ergo, bad.

36.      I’m touched that Will thought he might get a chance to know the real Kaitlin, though.  The boy has a lot of faith in people.

37.      Henri bemoans the lack of culture here, yet is apparently disgusted by the cleanliness of Californians.  Huh.

38.      Did I miss something?  How was Taylor on a French talk show?  Multiple times?  I thought she only lived in France for the summer.

39.      I don’t know Nin’s poetry either. And after that definition, I’m in no hurry to discover it.

40.      “Ryan, I thought you said you were okay with this!” He was, until you kept forcing him to spend time with your creepy ex-husband.  Although, once again, I don’t know why having her exploits catalogued in a book unnerves him so much.  Has he not been paying attention this whole series where Taylor was a big fat whore?

41.      French philosophy is not a good thing at 7 in the morning.  Or any other time.  *shudders*

42.      I jumped as far as Ryan did when Sandy did the Jerry Lewis impression.  I don’t know who Jerry Lewis is, but I was all, “AH!  Where is this disembodied voice coming fro – oh.” 

43.      Oh, it’s not the sex.  Ryan is worried about not being smart or refined enough.  Dude.  Test scores through the roof.  Life experience out the wazoo (some good, some bad), and saddled with a Knight in Shining Armor complex he frequently puts to use.  Course, he’s too much of a loser to go to college, but so are all the other kids he graduated with. 

44.      Why doesn’t Julie try CALLING her cell phone from a land line?  If it was in the house, she’d hear it.  That’s usually how I find my phone.

45.      You know, as much as I appreciate seeing Seth realize just how much he loves & cherishes Summer…this is not the time or the place.  Seth, shut up…shut up…SHUT UP OR YOU’RE GOING TO GET A BLESSING!  Isn’t he?

46.      *clears throat* Ahem: “HAAAAALELUJAH!”  Literally, I fell back on the bed, threw my arms wide and sang joyfully to the heavens at this: “You really want to spend the rest of your life with her?” Seth does.  Seriously. “Come talk to me after you finish college and you’ve got a chance at supporting her.”  THANK YOU DR. ROBERTS.  YOU ARE WONDERFUL.  With a good grasp of logic.

47.      But I have to go throw up now at the shimmery smiley face with which Holly discusses exterminating owls (endangered ones, no less) so she can have a fucking hot tub installed.  That’s disgusting.

48.      I am torn between wanting to decipher the French between Henri and Taylor, and wanting to block out the memories of being forced to watch the French news every week for my courses in the department.  Curiosity won out, until I heard “de Beauvoir,” and after writing a paper about said woman’s thoughts on existentialism, I never want to hear about her again.

49.      I kind of like Ryan’s proud grin at his smart and multi-lingual girlfriend, though.

50.      Strapless wedding gowns are gross.

51.      And stop hallucinating about Che. Why couldn’t we just leave the ugly moron at Brown?

52.      EEEEH!  SAVE PANCAKES!!  Considering the lack of brains among the Newpsyweds, they’d probably (unintentionally) dip him in some kind of toxic dye that poisoned him the first time he licked his fur.

53.      Oh, Tay-Tay, let me guess. Henri was talking trash about your boyfriend, and/or boasting about his various cultural accomplishments, and you couldn’t bear the smugness and just had to embellish Ryan’s talents to compete?  O piteous fool!

54.      Also, I’d rather kill myself than ever read another word of Hume again, let alone discuss him.  How DULL.

55.      See?  Kirsten’s clever.  And sneaky. Yay!

56.      What is with this school and clothing drives?

57.      How long have I been waiting for Kirsten to figure out the prostitution gig and/or kick Julie out of New Match?  WOOHOO!

58.      Get off the phone. Do not talk to Che.  Che screws things up.  EVERY.  TIME.

59.      Also, Summer’s high-collared, silk-and-flower-patterns shirt is either very pretty or very weird.  It also looks like the wearer ought to be Chinese.

60.      Hallelujah #2!  Seth: “I went up there knowing your dad would say no, and that I could get out of this.  But I realized…I don’t want that.  I want to be with you.  Forever.”

“So, I think we should stay engaged.  It doesn’t have to be today, but…someday.”  And his face!  Look at his face! There are none of the antics that have permeated the last few episodes; Immature Idiot Seth from ‘The Earth Girls Are Easy’ is gone.  He’s open and sincere and honest and wonderful and perfect.

61.      And Summer just kicked us both in the gut.

62.      Ryan is paging through the scrapbook (for the benefit of the viewing audience).  Props to anyone who can figure out what the black-and-white photos of a nun and a little girl in a Catholic school uniform are supposed to mean.

63.      Hey, a close-up on the hospital bracelets.  Ryan’s B-day is 9-5-86, which…um, means he should have graduated in 2005, unless he failed a year somewhere along the way.  I might believe that.  But didn’t they make a big deal of him turning 18 just last year?  Also, Taylor’s B-day is 7-9-85, so how could they possibly have both been members of the class of ’06?  If anything, I might have guessed Taylor would have skipped a grade, but the dates don’t match up for THAT, either.  Now I’m just angry.  The people in charge of continuity suck. 

64.      I think I’m supposed to be feeling a whooshy rush of romantic heroism as Ryan runs in slow-motion to sweep Taylor into his arms, but I’m not…

65.      HAHAHAHA!  Romantic hero was a fakeout!  Reminds me of A Rut Called Life. 

66.      Which in turns reminds me, damn, I wish I could come up with real literary allusions as easily as I do fanfic.

67.      Onward to another rantview!


 

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