The Dream Lover.
1. *sigh* Are the couples fighting again? Taylor and Ryan I don’t care about, but I’ve had enough of the Seth/Summer standoff.
2. I really love Summer’s dreamcatcher-style earrings, though.
3. But I do not love their ugly little cell phones. Who carries around a green cell phone in the shape of an iPod? Hey, is that the one being advertised in those commercials with the Christina Aguilera song? I don’t follow phone trends. They’re as bad as fashion.
4. …you know, Henri-Michel was really more of a 1-episode wonder. He doesn’t need to hang around Newport. Really.
5. Taylor, moving in with him is not the way to go about fulfilling your New Year’s resolutions…
6. Since when did Taylor have to be forced to fall in love with someone? I mean, just the fact that he’s offering her a free place to live ought to be enough to have her tearing her clothes off. Isn’t that usually how she thanks men who are nice to her?
7. You see what happens when the kids aren’t in school? Ryan has nowhere to be except at work. Constantly. I bet he pulls a hundred hours a week. Hold up a sec…
8. *flails* Summer is talking to Ryan! Ryan is talking to Summer! Alert the national guard! Hell has frozen over! On second thought, hush. I want to treasure this moment. They’re still on a last-name-only basis, apparently, but interaction is still worth treasuring.
9. I love Summer’s squinty-eyed stare. “Pink eye. Right.”
10. Hey, a date! Seth and Summer really haven’t been on one of those in a long time. But since it wasn’t in the previews, I don’t hold out much hope it’s happening now either.
11. Henri has a problem with closets, because they apparently represent secrecy and a need to hide things. You want to talk about hiding things, how about what I learned in French class, which was that it’s customary to keep all doors in the house closed at all times?
12. I don’t understand why Taylor is still hanging out with and helping this man considering that he wouldn’t divorce her without a fight, that he humiliated her by writing a porno romance novel based on their
relationship sex life, and he’s clearly still hoping to seduce her again. This is not healthy, Taylor, NOT HEALTHY.
13. OH LOOK. The show is going to inaccurately portray band members again. *stabs*
Un: People do not wear sweatshirts without hoods attached; sweatshirts without hoods are the epitome of “dork” and/or “five year old.”
Deux: …band uniforms? Only marching bands have uniforms. Is there a lot of marching band activity around the water polo pool? Because this school doesn’t seem to have football, which is the only reason a school would have a marching band.
Trois: Bake sales would not take place at night, at least not a Friday night. They would take place after school, or perhaps on a school night (especially if there was an event that night), or maybe on a nice sunny Saturday, but not on a weekend night.
14. Dear people responsible for the making the signage on this show: When the character says a bake sale is “Friday night,” and makes this a well-established fact, your flyers should not say “BAKE SALE: Saturday Night.”
15. *sigh* For a minute there, I was impressed that NewMatch might actually have a customer. But no, it’s just Julie calling. Does Kirsten not have caller ID?
16. Wow, today Ryan is all about talking to people he usually snubs, isn’t he? Now it’s a convo with Kaitlin. Back in the day, they had an almost brother-sister type relationship. I miss that. Still doesn’t mean I think Kaitlin is qualified to give relationship advice, but it was cool to see them chat.
17. Um. What the hell just happened? I thought Summer was up to something not nice – since when does she not only apologize in the middle of a standoff, but go to incredible lengths to make up to her boyfriend? I mean, it was sweet and amazing if it was all sincere, but there was something off about her tone of voice.
18. And yet…then it was SETH who ran out, making me think that Summer had indeed been sincere. So I don’t get why Seth suddenly has a problem. Damn you, Che.
19. Ooh! That’s a good idea. Ryan could just beat Henri up. That would solve things.
20. That is the ugliest teddy bear I have ever seen. Look, stuffed animals and candy are the fastest way to make a girl smile, but they’ve got to be quality stuffed animals and candy. Admittedly the bear motif was a cute touch, but you really should have gone for a Gund model versus “cheap carnival prize.”
21. Oh…I forgot. This school DOES have a marching band, though I still cannot fathom why. And yes, I will grant you that marching band uniforms are ridiculously ugly. They make about as much sense as dressing dogs up in stupid costumes. My school did not have a marching band, thankfully, else I should have been compelled to join it and suffer the indignity.
22. . . . you know, there are no words for the ridiculousness of the self-important little band girls’ threats of violence. What are they, 11? I hate to say I completely agree with Kaitlin, but…
23. Oh good, I was wondering when Henri was actually going to refer to her as Peches instead of “Peaches.” It sounds much better in French.
24. I’m having more trouble than usual wrapping my brain around Taylor’s stupidity. Ryan wants to get back together with her, but she’s determined to stick to the rationalization that they’re wrong for each other, or she’s not destined for happiness, or something. I don’t know and don’t care.
25. Julie, I have no sympathy for you. None whatsoever. You have no RIGHT to force Kirsten to fix YOUR mistakes using some kind of blackmail about how it’s “her” company and therefore she’s liable. You should be grateful that she didn’t have your ass thrown in jail. Besides, when has Kirsten NOT forgiven you? You tried to have her son sent to jail, and she still forgave you. Give her some time. In the meantime, this little stunt is not exactly doing wonders to repair your friendship.
26. And also, I still vaguely suspect that this whole STD thing is some cockamamie scheme cooked up by Julie.
27. *flails more* Summer is helping Ryan with his girlfriend problems! She’s being a friend!! EEEEEEHHH!
28. *falls over laughing* Summer throwing her hands around Ryan’s neck: “One thing: do! Not! Choke!” That was so cute. Especially with the followup:
S: “Hm. Kind of a wide neck.”
R: “Well, you have small hands.”
29. Seth, stop making faces. You’re the one who ran out on Summer, seeking Che. Um. Not like it sounds.
30. And where did Che get elk and buffalo hides? I thought he was a vegetarian. He seemed pained at the thought of eating things with faces, but he’s okay with skinning them? I don’t think modern environmentalism/animal activism and Native American/aborigine traditions match up on all counts.
31. Oh, for God’s sakes, Taylor. You have ridiculously high expectations. And I thought you just wanted Ryan to be himself. Ryan doesn’t do fancy words and love poems. All Ryan has are his actions, and they speak loudly enough for me. Oh. And he also has INTENSELY EXPRESSIVE BLUE EYES, which clearly you’re not paying attention to.
32. Seth is still trapped in the woods with a crazy loon. But it’s his fault, so I have no sympathy.
33. (as a woman threatens to call her lawyer and sic him/her on New Match Prostitution) Julie doesn’t seem particularly concerned about the fact that there is once again a serious risk she could end up in jail, and what’s more, now she’s made Kirsten collateral damage. I hate her.
34. Okay, maybe not, because really, I don’t see how that random woman could make a case without revealing she’d paid for sex, but…
35. Oh, get off your high horse, Taylor. Summer is not Brutus.
36. Still loving Summer. “Ryan looked like a poor sad koala bear!” Aww.
37. I don’t think you can start a non-profit all by your lonesome. You need supporters and partners in order to legitimize it. But I am glad she brought up that thing about elephants and PTSD, because I thought she was talking about circuses. I looked it up to be sure, and turns out I was completely off the mark. WHOA, I have never heard of this before but SCARY!
38. …the teddy bear was the nicest gift Ryan’s ever given? Are you kidding me? My memory is fuzzy and full of holes, but I’m sure he’s done better than that. Didn’t he buy Marissa several nice pieces of jewelry? Maybe Summer just never saw those.
39. You know, Taylor, frankly… ‘I love you’s’ are cheap. You should not be hung up on three damn words. Especially after only a matter of weeks. And also, considering that Henri fits the French stereotype in every other way, he’s probably really into that whole loose-commitments thing. No matter how many poems he writes, I just don’t believe the depth of this feelings equals Ryan’s. It pains me to say that, because Rylor needs to go down, but if Ryan’s this invested in it, I WILL back him up.
40. Since when does a bake sale look like a catering party? Every bake sale I've ever attended consisted of wandering up, buying a plate of cookies or similar dessert, and going home. This is more like a full-scale event complete with musical entertainment. They probably split the night with the art department and have student work hanging all over the walls. That's the only explanation I can think of for why the school is packed with people just sort of milling about.
Plus, there's no need to actually wear your uniforms to the event. If you have an instrument in hand, I am pretty sure we’ll know you’re in band. Unless this is a sales technique – “Look how hideous our outfits are! WE NEED MONEY FOR NEW ONES!”
41. Dear Kaitlin: “Girls like you,” in this case, refers to many things. Chief among them…burnouts, underachievers, sluts…
42. Okay, Will Tutt, it wasn’t nice to say Kaitlin was right, 'the hats look silly.' Poor Lucy was practically on the verge of tears. What you said was true, but you should know Kaitlin well enough to know that whatever she said was deliberately cruel, and you DEFINITELY should have noticed the distraught look on Lucy's face before she ran off. Insensitive clod.
43. Even though I suspect the girl was only faking her tears in order to draw Kaitlin after her, in order to seek revenge when she comes to apologize. Perhaps she plans to entrap her in the bathroom, where she and her punky 11 year old band friends can back Kaitlin into a corner and bash her skull in with trumpets and sousaphones and clarinets. Hey, my friend and I used to jokingly refer to flutes as “shiny silver bashing sticks…” If that plotline hasn’t been used in a Law & Order show yet, it should be.
44. Sweaty people are gross. Ew.
45. OH! AN OTTER! CUTE!
46. What the hell? That’s like the crappiest love poem I’ve ever heard. Where was the imagery, the sensory details? I wrote better poetry as a lovesick and angst-filled 7th grader.
47. Oh my God. Ryan, this isn’t a poetry slam. This is a special event for a famous/popular author. Not amateur teen night. Oh good, the bookstore owner spoke up for me. I like how characters have been listening to me lately.
48. Ryan’s poem is on approximately the same level as Henri’s, actually. Sucky.
49. Oh, I KNEW IT. The STD thing was a made-up ruse in order to get Kirsten to talk to Julie. Man, she’s worse at this than Frank Atwood.
50. Whoops, got that one wrong…Lucy really was upset. Now I sympathize with her even more. Having an unrequited crush, especially on someone with whom you have a lot in common and think you might actually have a chance with, really hurts. Especially when they fall for someone completely outside your circle with whom they have apparently nothing in common but sexual chemistry. And not on a very deep level, either.
51. Great excuse for your behavior, Kaitlin. “That’s just how [you are]”? Well, as long as you’re mean to and make fun of everybody equally, that’s fine and dandy.
52. Poor Lucy. Girls like Kaitlin can have anyone. Their interests are fleeting. However, I suspect that the poor band girl doesn’t flirt with every guy she comes across, and even I’m hurt that this girl is completely crazy about Will whereas Kaitlin’s like, “sweet, this random hot guy is into me. I’m awesome.”
53. All the same, Kaitlin, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be with Will. It just means you should be more…appreciative of him. Realize he’s a great guy and you’re lucky to have him. And WHY am I trying to make a case for high school relationships?!
54. I can’t decide if Willa’s a bad actress or Kaitlin’s just a bad liar (I suspect the latter), but it’s obvious that her heart’s not in the words. She’s doing one of those “you deserve better” speeches in her own particular language, but it’s not all that hard to see through...wait, Will, where are you going?
55. And…no one listens to me, because the season is ending and Chris Brown has to go work on music I’ll never listen to, so that’s the end of Will and Kaitlin, in a rather abrupt and dissatisfying manner. Pity, they were the best attempted new couple of the season.
56. EEH! *muted squeal as I attempt to avoid spitting out my muffin* (why do I eat while watching this show? Why?) THAT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER, Seth flopping down next to Summer on the bed, arm around her, giving her a big kiss!
57. Julie: “We’ve got to change the locks.” Wait, Summer’s house HAS locks?
58. Oh, puke. So Che’s the one coming out, huh? And he’s in love with Seth? That is just beyond gross. NOW do you believe me when I say Che ruins everything?
59. *promptly forgets Che upon returning to Summer’s room* O.M.G. Seth and Summer are so cute all cuddled up like tussling little kittens!
60. I want that for an avatar too. No text, just the picture of Seth with an arm around Summer.
61. HAH, I love how Ryan is totally unaffected by the breakup that’s clearly wrenching Taylor’s heart. I knew he wasn’t in love with her.
62. I thought I’d be more triumphant when Taylor and Ryan broke up, but instead I’m all a) Meh, b) problem is, there are a lot of episodes between now and finale which they could use to fix the rift.
63. Ewww, Che is gazing extra creepily at a picture of Seth…oh God, now a flood of Seth/Che slash stories are going to hit The Pit, aren't they?