Bones, 4x25, "The Critic in the Wine I Can't Pronounce/Spell To Save My Life"
(In which Brennan wants a baby, Bones quasi-crosses over with "Family Guy," and I batten down the hatches to prepare for the end of the world.)
We all know how I feel about Family Guy, right? It is the most appalling, disgusting, crass piece of completely humorless garbage ever produced on television, possibly out-grossing South Park, although I'm not sure since I've always been too afraid to watch the latter. And the only character on said show worse than its title patriarch is the creepy cross between a baby and an evil overlord otherwise known as Stewie.
So I'm glad, then, that his screen time was limited to a couple of minutes, he was relatively muzzled as far as inappropriate lines go/actually made me laugh, and most importantly, dove right to the heart of Booth's possible-fatherhood issues (*still laughing at "Make a direct deposit like a man!"*) and/or got him to blurt out awesome things like "I can't walk away; this is my KID! If I can't be involved, I don't want her to have the baby!"
Meanwhile, although Brennan's aggravating attitude made me want to strangle her the whole time - not even the other characters looking similarly gobsmacked with disbelief and skepticism helped - her decision to have a baby wasn't as ridiculously out of the blue as I feared. I mean, that's exactly what it was, but from a place of "this would be a logically good choice." She didn't see a baby and suddenly explode in gushy maternal feelings.
But the final five minutes make up for everything, including the fact that I had to put up with Fisher and the grossest body/most pointless case in a lo...at least two weeks.
Geeze. I've never loved Booth more than I do right here, looking like a scared little puppy dog at the vet's, passively accepting all the stuff going on around him and just waiting for his familiar face to appear. And when she does, oh my god, his smile absolutely kills me.
Um, here, HAVE AN AWESOME RECAP PICSPAM because my words fail me.
*shakes head* At this point, I think they're serious contenders against Mulder & Scully for the most heartwarming hospital scene ever. And Mulder & Scully have like 50 of them. But asking her to come in with him... "You're a genius. That's good enough for me." *is dead*
-WATERMELON EXPERIMENTS. HAHA! What is Hodgins, like, 0 for 3 on "successful experiments that work and/or do not piss Cam off"?
-No. I am not dealing with Hodgins/Angela, even now. No matter how endearing he looks.
-OOH! The return of "Phalanges! Daaancing phalaaanges!" True story, this suddenly amuses me so much that I now do it to my dog on a NEAR-CONSTANT BASIS. She seems less amused. It's hard to tell, since she just lies there and sighs while pretending to sleep until I go away. Hehehe.
-Um, Parker factored into some of this, right? Off-screen? Good.
-I still have not seen the finale. By which I mean I've seen the first 10 minutes, and then I accidentally sort of watched the last 20 seconds. Whoops?
NCIS, 6x24, "Semper Fidelis"
I'm really, really ready to put this show out to pasture for the summer. It's too complicated for my head to process anymore. Enough with the ANGST BOMBS and the Sekrit Mossad Krazy and Vance the Mysterious (Nemesis?)! I just want to watch Gibbs kiss Abby and headslap Tony and have Ziva and Tony trade witty, malice-free remarks over bodies all the time. Maybe have Tony ambush McGee with superglue every so often and then have a 5-minute scene of Abby awesomely bouncing around her lab. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting tired of the seemingly constant insinuations that Ziva, since she's just an untrustworthy "liason" officer and not a Real True U.S. Citizen, is probably bringing down the organization from the inside, or at the very least should be turned out of doors post-haste just because. We didn't have this crap when Jenny was still alive!
Otherwise, I didn't even try to follow what was going on with the case this week. Nothing ever gets explained enough anyway, and there are no recaps anywhere in existence to help me out. About all I registered was that I'd never heard of ICE and had to go look them up later, and that Ziva was adorable with her "I'm UP A TREE" phone conversation. Oh, and it just barely sank in that they mentioned the state of things out in L.A., with Callaghan being in "critical" condition, i.e. (disappointingly) totally not dead.
Finally, I was doing a pretty good job of ignoring/denying Michael's existence/significance all season (I still want to go with "he's her cousin. Totally her cousin. In conclusion, cousin."), so...eh. I might care about this storyline more if the monkeys who put together promos hadn't decided not ony to focus entirely on the fight at the end, but specify "AND ONE OF THEM WON'T SURVIVE." Like, really? Yeah, that makes me fear for Tony's life! Except not.
I'd ask you to do better for the finale, but at this point I'm just waiting to write you off so I can start my 4-month relaxation period and recharge my burned-out interest.
Without a Trace, 7x23, "True"
Good God, this was directed by Eric Close? That can't be right. It was interesting! Good things just don't happen when this show's leads direct!
And yet. Many of them did. So many that I can only give a poorly executed and rushed summary of them.
* One of the best cases ever, since it was an excuse to give Hannah Malone a starring role, and that is always okay. Especially when it doesn't involve her being any more of a sulky miscreant/black sheep child, or really out of control in any way. She's sympathetic the whole way through, and you know you awww'ed when she hugged her poor jail-bound boyfriend at the end, because I did.
* Samantha & Hannah interaction continues to please me far more than it should, considering I still blame the former for breaking up the latter's family (because I want to). And I don't want them to actually become family members at any point. But they're such fun to watch together! Can Samantha maybe just take on the role of a close-knit ex-stepmother, without the interim period of actually being related by marriage first?
* Interrogating shop owner (I love when these two team up) --
Martin: You said you were gonna, what was it, "dump his Chicago ass in the Hudson"?
Danny: That was it.
* LOL JACK: "I should check on my other daughter and make sure she's not dating another felon."
* DANNY. Why did you have to get a haircut right now? It's way too short, with extra spikiness, and extremely distressing. That being said, HOMG they are discussing actual wedding plans! Plans that involve reserving places and making deposits (only to have them fall through), and creating guest lists, and...they're discussing actual wedding plans!
Elena: OK, so how many do we have to cut?
Danny: 100, or 125?
Elena: That many?
Danny: Yeah, look, if we invite 200 people to our wedding, you better pray we win the lottery.
Elena: I've been playing the lottery, actually...
* They're even stressed enough to start fighting about them. I shouldn't find that as validating as I do, should I? *shrugs* It hammers in the reality for me a little bit. Haha, stupid wedding dances; I'd hate them too. "At least with the Hokey Pokey, the instructions are in the lyrics!"
* WENDY MAKKENA. Featuring her specialty role, a slack-jawed, none-too-bright bimbo. Now with Brooklyn accent! And antagonizing D/E, obnoxiously (awesomely) flirting with Danny until Elena orders him out of sight.
"You got dibs on that tall drink of water?"
"*sickly-sweet smile* I just use him for sex."
* And the last scene! Two minutes of seemingly endless joy on top of what we'd already gotten: office furniture shoved to the sides to create a makeshift dance floor for waltzing after everyone's gone home. And, well, snapping at each other all the way to excessive Spanish accents...but then the absolute ridiculousness of it hits Danny enough for him to turn it into a pouty-faced joke, and the short tempers are diffused. And...Future Self wants me to transcribe a whole bunch. So here goes.
E: I'm gonna have to say something. Don't get uncomfortable; I have to say it, and then we're gonna pretend that I never said it--
D: You want to cancel the wedding.
E: No, of course not! (but) I really wish we could have a small wedding. Just you and me, nobody else. I want to go to the Justice of the Peace, and, and just...that's it! Small!
D: Are you kidding me?
D: The only reason I've been going along with the big wedding is because I thought that's what you wanted. ...I was faking.
E: (laughs in disbelief) You were over the moon about the 1,000 balloons, and the confetti coming down; are you crazy?
D: I was lying. All lies. Not lying - acting.
E: (adorable itty bitty voice of hope) We're cool?
D: We're cool.
E: And you...you really want to get married, right?
D: You bet I do.
* I also like to think it's a personal gift from Eric Close that he just refuses to yell "cut" on the last scene, drawing it out forever and ever as the two of them sway in clumsy circles with Danny annoyingly humming the Hokey Pokey tune in her ear while she alternates between groaning and laughing with vain pleas for him to shut up.
* I am reasonably certain that I will never again be as happy as I was seeing Brian a) hold Finn in his lap while Samantha showered the top of said baby's head with kisses and b) kiss her before she could straighten up. Ideal domesticity ahoy!
* Real Time Reaction: "OMIGOD HE DID IT. Oh, Brian, why'd you have to ruin a good thing? She's so going to kick your ass out of the apartment now. But I love you for it. *giggles wildly with joy*" I love you for letting me stare at this picture for the rest of my life and use it as my Happy Place:
* God, I want this family to be real. I am so over Jack. Come on, show! Screw over your loyal shipper fanbase for me! Make it work! You know it kills your soul with cuteness the way the three of them look without that ugly menace hovering in the background.
Do I have to watch the finale? I just want to stay in this gorgeous place where my illusions aren't shattered yet, where Brian is in love with her enough to make a move despite knowing full well she has a serious boyfriend. (I AM IN NO WAY SEEING A JIM/PAM/ROY TRIANGLE HERE) And maybe where I can spin Samantha's refusal to let him explain the kiss away as a "reflex" as something more on her part too.
* P.S. Way to suddenly TAKE A NAP, Jack's Suspicion Radar!
Now I am going to go sigh to myself and wonder if one actually needs to live on more than 16k a year, since working full-time at a doggy day care sounds like a better job than most things I've applied to so far.