RS (rainbowstevie) wrote,

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I felt a need to move on from that last debacle with all possible haste.

Although I would like to point out that I still really want a signed Jalapao pig and/or an awesome metal-chute-toy-thing (usage demonstrated here) from the Survivor eBay auction.  Are any of you secretly millionaires?  Who love me so much that you want to send a token of your appreciation worth a few hundred dollars?  ;)

CSI: Miami, 7x25, "Seeing Red" 
The finale, I have braved it. 

Real-time reactions, ladies and gentlemen. Mostly:

[EDIT: 01. stunt-muppet has a better post about the finale than I could ever articulate.  Scroll up a bit to read the paragraph before that, where it starts, and then be amazed/laugh your ass off at what a profoundly logical conclusion she and her family have come to.]

1. The HELL was that teaser, Miami?  Since when does Horatio go around kissing the foreheads of random dying officers in uniform, looking like he's about to cry?  I'm sorry, that squicked me out a little bit.  (retrospect edit: and dude, if you want to explore this strange new-old world of physical affection, why don't you start small?  Like hugging people you know well after they have a narrow escape.  People like Yelina.  But you're not going to do that, are you?  Of course not.)

2. I will never not adore the sight of Yelina, though.  (I very much enjoyed her role in this episode; she might have stepped out of season 3 for all she hadn't changed.  Just thinking about it makes me giddy.)

Brain, giddyup; we're gonna Go Places with Yelina kissing her fake boyfriend right in front of Horatio.  And also, hah!  Part of me thinks she didn't have to muster up that much fake animosity to throw a drink in Horatio's face.  It's probably something she's been holding back since at least Ray's second fake death.

3. WHOA!  Natalia is rocking a really cool Southwest style blouse, layers of turquoise/brown/yellow streaks like it was dipped in something and pulled out, color draining down as it dried.  (This description is terrible, but I guess I forgot to grab a picture.  Once again, Natalia's clothes put the entirety of wardrobe to shame)

4. *eye roll*  What is with guys on this show forming instant Deep Bonds of Trust with their biological fathers as soon as they meet them?  Thank God Calleigh is here to be the voice of reason against Eric's insanity.  "You don't know him!"  "Excuse me, do YOU know him?"

5. These arms dealers have really got to coordinate the pictures in their wallets and figure out they're all dating the same arm candy. 

6. All right, this director and I are officially not friends.  Joe Chappelle, is it?  He is completely drunk on his own power. You have to be watching it to understand what I mean, but trust me, the things he's doing nonstop with angles and focus are obnoxious.

7.  Oh, Eric.  You jackass of a moron.  In what universe could this possibly have sounded like a good idea to your brain? "Sure, I'll just get Daddy out of the mob.  By myself.  Without telling anyone.  In the middle of a gun heist.  During which there's a high possibility the cops will unexpectedly show up with their own guns a-blazin'.  No prob!"

8. Fortunately, thanks to the now-infamous promo monkeys, there was never even a mild fear of Yelina losing her life.  We still had to get to "do you have a God, Ivan?" bit, and that didn't happen until the last quarter, by which point Horatio was far too calm to have recently watched her die.

9. Which reminds me,lieuietak had some fantastic things to say about this episode too --

L : I mean, it's pretty bad when you can't tell if the season finale promo's promise that "two CSIs are going bad" was being intentionally misleading or unintentionally so, because the writers have lost all perspective on how their characters normally look.  Because... everyone in the finale appeared to be relatively human.  Horatio only killed like 3 people, for God's sake!

RS: That made me laugh my ass off, and now I have to go find it.  XD

L: It's true though! This was Horatio being all restrained. I think he only actually shot one person; the rest were more like "Oh, gee, you're bleeding, and you look like you need medical attention... so I'll just stand here and watch you bleed and look sad."

10. ...the hell, where's Eric?  What did you do now, you foolish man-child?

Oh, Calleigh.  Bless your little teary-eyed heart.  (At this point, I don't think the potential severity of the situation had quite sunk in yet.  I was waiting for them to find Eric a couple yards away, fine and dandy, calmly dialing their number as he sat covered in the blood of some random mobster he'd shot.  I'm still not ruling that out, but it's quite sobering to see Calleigh's legitimate fear and panic for his safety, compounded by the sickening feeling that she might be responsible. must be about asploded by now.  Maybe there's even a good fic in there!  I sort of feel like qualified unofficial writers will have a better ending to this story than the hired ones.)

12. I am not kidding; Calleigh is quite effectively breaking my heart - whoa, Horatio almost sounded compassionate there for a second, too! - and I love Emily Procter a whole bunch.  Sofia who?

13. *30 seconds later*  SCREW YOU, CLIFFHANGERS.  I somehow did not even know this one was coming, argh.  I will never break free of this show, never!  Really, I need it to start tanking in ratings so that CBS considers canceling it.  I promise you I will throw no last-minute pity parties for this one if I ever hear it's a candidate for euthanasia.  Not unless it's the last CSI standing (it probably will be) and I'm weeping for the end of an era.  And even then.

14. Also, the hell, is Tara really so unceremoniously gone, as in out of the credits and everything?  What??  No!  I...once again,

Harper's Island, #6 "Sploosh" (finally realized the titles are hilarious sound effects, and should be noted)Now filled with more acceptably gruesome murders, way less sex, and shippiness all over the place*.  TRIFECTA WIN.

* = hereby defined as a very weepy fiancee in need of constant comfort, that Henry/Abby hug I've been clamoring for since the pilot, and Cal/Chloe totally stealing the show, which explains why they had to be banished from sight last episode.  Because when they're on screen awesomely sniping her lost engagement ring back from a pair of redneck locals, you just don't care what the hell else is happening! 

Some other/more specific thoughts
-Wellington made for a very gruesome body.  I approve.  The only thing of which I approve more is Richard The Jackass biting it.  With a harpoon through his chest.  And then being yanked backwards on that same harpoon like a twisted version of the stage cane.  In front of his daughter, because she wasn't already messed up on top of seeing her grandfather's head get split open.  (But she was probably psychotic long before that, so it's all good)

-"And by the way?  It IS your baby."  Actress!Chloe is the best thing ever.  Do they have to die by the end?  I don't want them to die.  I want them to live even more than I want Henry and Abby to live.  I'm so glad they got the ring back.  And Cal is adorable for politely refusing to actually propose the same day the bride-to-be's father gets murdered. 

-Trish is infinitely more likable when all she can do is alternately sob on Henry's shoulder and cry silently/stare numbly with her head in his lap.  I felt like I could have watched multiple scenes of that.  Oh wait, I did!  *is content*

-That being said, I love how halfway through, Henry ditches her to run off on his own quest for answers with Abby, whereupon they are the most fantastic little rule-flaunting detective partnership ever, YOU SEE WHY I SHIP THEM.  And, well, JD tags along too.  Meh.  Prior to that, I get to watch her break the news of Uncle Marty's murder, and dole out comfort hugs as a result.  *is even more content*

-Speaking of which, I count the discovery of old bodies as equivalent to one half of a brand-new murder, upping the gruesomeness quota some more.

-We, by which I mean they, all realize that a skeleton is not proof of actually being John Wakefield's skeleton, right? 

-WAUGH CREEPY SCARRED GUY.  Is apparently friends with JD.  I refer you to the Elrond icon above.

Medium...I have fallen behind and as such am going to do tiny!  little!  bursts!  of reactions.  Or so I claim:

Week before last -- remember when I took one look at Jeffrey Tambor, went "ugh," and walked away from the show for what ended up being a really long time?  Turns out it actually was that bad, and probably, no definitely, the worst episode I've ever seen.  It was just so utterly creepy to try to wrap your head around Allison being in this gross guy's body that it very nearly killed my DuBois love dead.  And Patricia Arquette's husky voice to indicate him in her body?  Not that much better.

In the end, there were only two things to take away from it:
a) Marie being THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE PEA POD IN A SCHOOL PLAY EVER, particularly while having adorable little nightmares of anxiety about it, and

b) Allison finally, properly returning to her own body.  Palpable relief and hugging ensue.  Sweetest embrace on a hospital floor ever, and WHY DO I NOT HAVE CAPS AVAILABLE TO SHOW THIS FACT OFF.  *is grumpy*

c) And I must admit, it was nice not to have to hear Joe grumbling about $500 naps this year, and that he instead got to spend an appropriate amount of time looking keenly distressed and simultaneously trying/failing miserably not to worry the girls.  (Seriously, Joe.  Ariel is too old to be soothed with a brush-off; she knows when weird stuff is going on with her mom.  Talk to her like an adult.)

Last week --
* For the record, in a complete 180-degree turnaround, Cynthia Keener is the best guest star that has ever existed or will exist on this show, and it was great to see her back.  Rumer Willis also continues to shock me with her splendid acting ability.  Why this is a shock, I don't know, it just is.  Maybe because I was still trying to get over being squicked by her playing a prostitute.

*  Filed under "guest stars that suck" would be the guy playing San Diego boss, otherwise seen as the annoying P.I. on House who vanished without warning or explanation.  Is it too much to hope the same happens to his character on this show?  Speaking of which, show, if you could stop screwing with Joe's job for like two seconds, that would be great.  It's causing me an undue amount of stress, but this is somehow worse than last year's long streak of unemployment. 

Staying in San Diego 3 days a week, and constantly hopping on planes back and forth every Monday and Thursday?  I'm sorry, that sucks.  There is no way in which this situation doesn't suck, but that solution's not really a whole heck of a lot better than the plan where he stays 5 days a week, either.   THIS IS UPSETTING.  I'm sorry; they are not the type of family who is equipped to handle that much chaos and disruption!  They eat breakfast together every morning, for goodness' sake.  Usually something more substantial than cold cereal, too.  That is a ridiculous dedication to the family unit.

I have to say that Allison took it much better than I did, laying the best guilt trip ever (made better by the fact that I don't think she intended it as such): No, I understand. 3 days and 3 nights each and every week, you're not going to be here.  And it's not that I'm afraid my life is going to get that much harder.  I'm just sad about all the things you're going to miss.  The homework you're not going to be able to help with, the tucking in and kisses good-night you're not going to be able to give them...but I get it.  I get all the rest of it.  You've got a dream, we've got a mortgage to pay.  I get that. And even though I'm sad for them and I'm sad for me, I really am happy for you.


I just, I cannot allow myself to believe this stupid commuter job situation is permanent.  The writers will come up with some way to fix it, right?  Because I can.  Not.  Take.  It.  It makes me want to curl up in the same ball of angst and woe I was in when I heard Ghost Whisperer had decided to randomly kill off Jim to no point or purpose, and then saw the idiocy that reigned thereafter.  YES.  MY SHOW WILL BE THAT CRIPPLED. 

* This is not making me feel any better, show! 

It should, but it isn't!  I'm too angry for it to work!

* Between the sheets: twice in episode?  Oh show.  You were trying to butter me up, weren't you?  DIDN'T WORK.

* Although this almost worked -- HEE, Marie and her sassy "Bad Mommy" finger-wagging attitude!

* Nope.  Still annoyed at idiotic new job situation. 

Tags: csi: miami, harper's island, medium, muppet theories, screencap happy, survivor, tv commentary

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